


Starry cheeks and moonlit smiles

by Helena1205



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depressed Yamaguchi Tadashi, Depression, Developing Relationship, Established Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, F/F, F/M, Flashbacks, Friendship, Loneliness, M/M, Multi, Protective Sugawara Koushi, Sad Yamaguchi Tadashi, Self-Esteem Issues, Tsukki struggles with feelings, Vomit, Yamaguchi Tadashi-centric, and he helps tadashi out though out the fic, just in some chapters, sugawara is the mom, yamaguchi struggles with his mental health, yamaguchis bullies
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2020-01-16 15:26:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 113,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18524299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Helena1205/pseuds/Helena1205
Summary: Yamaguchi Tadashi is all alone. He doesn't have friends, doesn't have a family; he has nothing. He is a student at Tokyo University and wants desperately to change his two bedroom apartment and make some friends. He doesn't know how, but when he enters his third year in veterinary school, he meets Tsukishima Kei and his friends; and Tadashi's life is sure about to change...and so is his apartment.





	1. Dead, potted plants.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, fellow readers. This is my first Haikyuu!! fic. I will apologise for any mistakes and miss-written words. This is my second language and I am trying. I hope you enjoy my writing and comments and kudos are always appreciated :)
> 
> In this fic, Yamaguchi struggles a lot with depression, loneliness and anxiety plus his self-esteem issues. This is an AU were Tsukishima and Yamaguchi never met in elements school. The fic is a mix between AU, but it will still hold a few details from the manga/series. I also like the though of genderfluid Yams. He isn't really genderfluid in this fic, but he wears nail polish, has six piercings, he buys some feminine clothes like scars from the women section and some sweaters. We follow Yamaguchi though his year and how he will gain, loose and cope through his changes. 
> 
> Just wait and see.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi Tadashi is all alone. He doesn’t have friends, doesn’t have a family; he has nothing. He is a student at Tokyo University and wants desperately to change his two bedroom apartment and make some friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED: 08.07.2019

No friends.

No family

_Nothing._

Yamaguchi stared up at the ceiling over his bed. He needed to get up, he knew that. Lately, these past few months, or maybe years, staying in bed was so much more inviting than everything else. It wasn't like he was needed somewhere or by someone.

The autumn sun shone brightly through his blinds and made striped shadows over his ckees. It was bothersome. Maybe he should change the blinds to curtains. At least the sun wouldn't be the reason why he always woke up before he need too. It didn't really matter, he supposed. Because Yamaguchi always needed to lie in bed for some time. He had always been a heavy sleeper in the morings.

He shouldn't be complaining. At least not too much. He had a great place at Tokyo University as a veterinary student. He just started his third year on his major. It was exciting. He always wanted to help animals in any way he could, but the last years had been hard, and Tadashi was starting to wonder if he would be able to pull through the rest of the course. He hoped. Yamaguchi knew he didn't have anything else waiting for him if he did quit.

He had food on the table, a roof over his head and clothes for each season. He worked part time at a bookstore. It was a nice little corner bookstore off-campus on his way to university grounds. Called Books and look's. Where the corny name came from, Tadashi didn't know. He never asked. It opened early and closed late because the majority of the customers were students and some professors. It earned him a few bucks and that was what was important.

He had a nice apartment. It was a two bedroom apartment. It was slightly cheaper than other he had looked at because he needed to pay electricity, water and such himself. He just paid rent. It was modern enough for him with a nice kitchen and a nice bathroom with a kind of big shower. Someone would probably kill for a place like this. It was a 20 minute walk to campus and there were a corner grocery store 15 minutes in the other direction. It was really a needle among a haystack, but Tadashi didn't like it. Not anymore at least.

Tadashi just didn't have anyone to share it with. He never had any friends, at least not for long. And the people that picked on him and bullied him were not friends. His family hated him. They started hating him the second he came out as bisexual in his second year of high school. He had needed to become an adult quickly and with that came an apartment he hated. For him, his own home had started to feel to big for him and too little for him. It was too light during daytime and too dark during late nights. He had a spare room that he said to himself he could use as an office or maybe get a roommate, but he never made the efforts to make it happen. His landlord had asked him if he wanted a roommate. Yamaguchi declined each time, but with a promise that his landlord would be the first to know if he ever changed his mind. In the end, it was his own fault that he was alone. 

He glanced at his clock on the bed side table. It read 09.07 a.m. He really needed to get up so he could make it to his first class that started 10.00 a.m. It was a twenty minute walk and he needed to change and take a quick shower.

Groaning loudly, he managed to get to a sitting position. He glanced at the clock again. It read 09.13.

Feeling heavy and tired, he finally managed to get out of bed and made is way towards his bathroom. It was clean. At least compared to pictures he had seen on facebook and instagram. The counter were lined with a few nail polishes in dark colours and some hair products he never used because they never worked on his hair and, of course, his toothbrush.

He brushed his teeth and tried to tame his bed hair. It never worked quite like he wanted too, but it had never really did that. He had given up on the cheap- and some expensive- hair products he tried out.

Looking at himself in the mirror, he decided two things. That his quick shower would have to wait after his shift at the bookstore. That way he could take a long, warm shower and forget the world for 30 minutes. Two, he really should try to get more sleep in.

He had dark rings- that he was sure was permanent- under his eyes. No matter how much he slept, he always looked and felt tired. His usually semi-tanned skin had lost some of it’s glow, but Tadashi knew that he lost his “glow” in high school somewhere. He was skinny and not in the good way. He had tried to bulk up by doing exercise videos he found on YouTube, but it never showed and he stopped. He tried to eat more, but he never gained any weight and he didn't have much of an appetite.

He looked at the clock, again. He only had a couple of minutes before he needed to go.

Tadashi gave his hair a last ruffle, hoping it would stop doing whatever it was doing. It didn't work. He packed his bag for the day and then left without eating.

“Ittekimasu.” Tadashi called out to an empty apartment and his dead, potted plants.

There were no awasers. No one had answered him since high school.

* * *

After six hours of university filled with two lectures in food safety for animals and basic biology, plus two free-hours he used to study; Yamaguchi made his way towards his bookstore. Students where milling around, minding their own business. Some were holding hands, some talking in small groups and some had seated themselves under the sakura trees that lined the courtyard of the campus.

Everyone had someone.

Tadashi shook his head. He didn't want to dig himself a deep hole.

The clock had just passed 04.00 p.m and he started his six hour shift at 05.00 He had yet to eat something. He did eat a energy bar from a vending machine and some iced tea, the usual. Yamaguchi started to feel hungry. He was usually better at keeping his stomach full enough, but he guessed he just forgot today.

The brown eyed boy made his way to his favourite coffee shop on campus. It was a small one, just by the entrance to the university ground, and it’s positions made the shop a little popular. He liked that it wasn't too many people here compared to those that actually were inside the campus walls. 

Yamaguchi made his way inside. It wasn't as packed as he thought it would be, but he was reminded again that it was dinner time for most people.

The coffee shop was a cute, urban, western themed cafe. The walls were made of bricks, some of those were painted in bright colours and scattered around the shop and one wall was lined with floor-to-roof windows. The walls were lined with framed posters of retro pictures in all sizes and over the counter were a huge blackboard were the menu were written down in nice, colorful calligraphy- at least the title were; _The Crows_. The rest was written in capital letters with the price right behind. It changes slightly every months. The tables where wooden and it gave some kind of cabin vibe to the place, especially since the different chairs and couches where cushioned with something that looked like a pick and choose of colours. The workers wore black aprons with orange around the neck and the ties. And they usually wore a denim shirt under. On the wall was also three different clocks. One told the time in Tokyo, the second in Los Angeles and the third in London. He really liked that touch.

It suited the coffee shop, since this was a university cafe. Mismatched colours and themes for a sea of students from all over the world.

“Hi, Yamaguchi-kun, off to work?”

“Hi, Suga-san” He looked up at a silver haired boy with a kind smile and Tadashi felt a smile tug at his lips. Sugawara just had that effect on him. “How did you know I have work?” He asked

The barista chuckled heartily at the boy. “You always order a coffee to go when you have a shift. “The usual?”

Yamaguchi smiled and nodded back. Sugawara was a medical student and were two years older than him. He had worked in this cafe since he moved to Tokyo, coincidently from Miyagi where Yamaguchi himself grew up, and was currently on his fifth year.

“Here you go, Yamaguchi-kun. How was your day? You look tired.” A concerned look crossed his face and Sugawara frowned slightly.

“It was okay, you know the usual. Another lecture after another. Nothing new,” Yamaguchi half heartly muttered back. He shouldn’t be like this towards Sugawara. The older by was one of the few that actually took a couple of minutes to talk to him whenever he came for a cup of joe. “and don’t worry about me, sides these dark rings makes my brown eyes pop.” He joked, and pointed lazily towards his dark, mocha tinted eyes.

Sugawara laughed along with him, but the worry reminded. The barista went over to the pastries and food as Yamaguchi paid and packed a to-go bag with three onigiris with tuna filling and gave it to the freckled boy. He himself looked confused back.

“I didn't ask for this.”

Sugawara shook his head, his kind smile back. “No you didn't, but I want you to eat something before your shift. You have six hours right?” Yamaguchi nodded back. Sometimes he wondered how Sugawara knew so much about him, but he always remembered that the med student had known him since he became a student two year ago. “Sides, we always end up with leftovers that no ones wants to buy even of we give them a big discount.”

Yamaguchi shrugged and took both the coffee and bag in his hand. “If you say so...I hope this don’t cause you any troubles.”

“Don’t worry, my manager likes me.” Koushi winked at him and chuckled. “Nice nail polish.”

“Well, thanks again, Suga-san.” Yamaguchi smiled back and looked down at his nails. He painted them a vivid navy blue in the weekend. Now it was chipped and worn down. He really should buy some nail polish remover and paint a new coat. “Thanks, I need to re-do them though.”

There where another customer that came to the counter and Yamaguchi knew his conversation with the barista was over. “I need to go now, see you later.”

Sugawara smiled and nodded back as he took the orders of the next guy in line as Yamaguchi made his way out. A cup of black coffee and onigris in hand.

Yamaguchi was lucky that his bookstore didn't carry any uniforms. He just had to be dressed nice and his overlarge sweaters and jeans were enough to satisfy his manager. Even when he worked here almost every day he still didn't get past small talk with his coworkers. They were a few years older and where all busy with masters degrees that needed to be done and some even worked two jobs and there was the things that Yamaguchi really sucked at making any talk in any way.

They passed their shift between calling each other to help with the counter or a customer.

As Yamaguchi was busy stacking a few books back on its shelf, he heard some footsteps coming up in his aisle. He didn't mind. Whoever the customer were, would probably find the book they were looking for and then just leave.

He was holding five different pocket sized books when he turned around and crashed with a stranger. He lost all of the five books and his balance as he landed on the floor with a tud.

Surprised and dumbfounded he looked up and saw a customer. He was tall, taller than Yamaguchi’s 181.6 cm. Short blond locks framed his face, quite nicely, and thin, black glasses made his light, honey coloured eyes stand out even more. He wore an annoyed expression as he raised an eyebrow at Yamaguchi.

“Do you have these three books?” The customer asked and held out a pale, yellow piece of paper.

He didn't even mutter an apology. Who stands right behind someone carrying five books? Yamaguchi briefly though as he stood up and took the small note from the boy. He read over the pale yellow paper quickly and made his way towards the right asile, the customer following timidly after and the five books forgotten for now.

As Yamaguchi searched for the three books in the right section, he noticed that the books were all about dinosaurs. Was this a paleontology student? But these were not books used for classes. They were an entirely different section of the store. These were just hobby books.

Yamaguchi held back a snort. How could a guy that was almost two meters tall be this into dinosaurs. They could be gifts he mused to himself. That would only be a mystery for him.

“Do you need anything else?” He asked the blond as he made his way to the register with the books in hand. The boy shook his head and Yamaguchi began to scan each of the books.

“That will be 5’200.36 yens. Do you need a bag?” Yamaguchi asked automatically. He was already clutching a plastic bag under the counter. They usually needed one.

“Yes.” The guy answered back and tapped his pin code and didn't even look at Tadashi.

Yamaguchi bagged the books and handed it to the boy. “Thanks and welcome again.”

The tall man didn't even smile back as he took the bag and made his way out. Yamaguchi puffed his cheeks out slightly, but soon found out that he shouldn't care. It wasn't like this was the first time he had been dealing with distant customer and it would certainly not be the last.

“What happened here?”

Yamaguchi turned his way toward his coworker, soon to be a nurse. The boy stood by the aisle and gestured to the five books that were scattered around it’s shelf.

“Customer.” Yamaguchi muttered and bent down to pick them up and continue his work.

His coworker shrugged and made his way to the back again and Yamaguchi wondered why he didn't help him and why that his coworker where in the back when there was nothing to do back there now. He was probably slacking. As much as Yamaguchi wanted to call him out, he didn’t. Maybe karma would do it’s sweet thing. Tadashi also didn't want any drama between him and his workers and the manager. Unlike them, he really needed this job and that meant just sucking it up sometimes.

He continued his work and took his 15 minute break when he hit the three hours mark on his shift. The lunch room were crammed, but he supposed it was because their manager didn't want too many people in here at once. He ate the onigiris Sugawara gave him earlier and drank the left sips of his cold coffee. The temperatured coffee didn't taste any good, it never did. But he paid for it, and he didn't want to waste his money

The rest of the shift was as uneventful as it usually was. He stacked books, he helped customers. His coworker ended his shift an hour before him and he had to close the store.

He stopped at a corner kiosk and bought some noodle-wok with chicken plus some soda, nail polish remover and, lastly, some groceries that was needed and made his _merry_ way towards his apartment. The clock was 11.40 p.m when he stepped inside. He put his backpack and bags down as he sat down on the small step to kick his shoes off.

“Tadaima” He called.

He really should stop doing that.

“Okaeri” He talked back to himself as he carried the bags to the kitchen counter.

He reheated his take out and ate it on the couch while he watched tv. He knew he had some homework, but luckily he didn't have a lecture before 02.00 p.m tomorrow. So if he stood up before eight tomorrow he could get a few hours of studying before he needed to go to the university.

With his dinner half eaten and soda drunken up, he lied down on his rug beside the coach. He had to push the table slightly. The tv was still on, but the sound turned into white noise in his ears.

Another day just went buy and another one had already started. Yamaguchi sighed and briefly though he should buy some cactuses to replace his dead plants. At least they would live longer even he he end up killing them too. He should also buy some some frames so he could frame the few pictures he had hung all over the apartment. It was all by dogs, cats and a few birds he had taken  in the park and such with his five year old camera. He used the library's printers to make copies of them and hung them up around his apartment using clear tape. He didn't have anyone else to take photos of, so why not the cutest animals in the world.

Change his apartment up a little bit.

_Change._

That is what he needed. Just change. Yamaguchi needed to change. He needed friends, new curtains for his bedroom and he needed new potted plants. The latter was easier to deal with than the former.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated :D
> 
> EDITED: 08.07.2019


	2. A cat's black tail and an owl's sight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguhci's firstmeeting with a certain cat and a certain owl.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDITED: 08.07.2019

Yamaguchi stood by the cashier and washed the counter. He had the closing shift again and had been alone in the store for the last 47 minutes.Yes, he was counting. It was soon eleven and at this hour, the store was normally dead. Once in a while, a student would burst in and buy a ruler or a calculator.

Tadashi though that the store could afford to close at 10 p.m at least, but an extra hour meant extra money.

Just when he was about to take in the sign that stood outside, a duo came in. He sighed on the inside and plastered on a fake smile, nodding towards the two customers.

“I am telling you, Bo, Kenma is the worst. I have to prey him to come to bed.” A loud voice cut through the quiet bookstore. Yamaguchi looked at the two of them.

The one who talked were tall. A few centimeters taller than him. He had jet black hair that stood in every directions, Tadashi couldn't really tell if it were intentional or not. He wore a red adidas pants and worn-out nike sneakers with a black loose tee. His eyes were slim hazel ones. They held a sly look. Like a cat, Yamaguchi briefly though.

“I know he will just play on that damn PSP if I don’t make him sleep.”

There was a loud laugh that Yamaguchi flinched slightly at.

The other boy, ‘Bo’ apparently,  was a little shorter, but still taller than Yamaguchi. He was hulk. He was clearly athletic and so were his friend, when Yamaguchi thought about it. His hair was black with silver stripes and it looked like the boy needed a good combination of brushing and hair gel to keep it up and away from his face. An owl, he looked like a damn horned owl. Yamaguchi would know. He loved all kinds of animals and he had his owl-phase when he was in junior high. His eyes were dark champagne coloured and round that made him look both slightly intimidating and childish at the same time. He wore a grey loose fitted tee and baggy black jeans.

“Kenma-kun don’t pass me like the guy that would actually put an effort to stay up late.” The golden eyed boy said, loud. Too loud for a bookstore. “Come on and buy whatever you where going to buy.”

The boy in the red adidas pants gave a light wave with his hands as he searched around in the school supplies section. Yamaguchi watched as Bo opened a notebook and closed it again, clearly trying to keep himself company as his friend searched for whatever he was looking for.

Tadashi looked briefly up and remembered that he was taught to ask each customers if they needed any help. The sooner they got help, the sooner they would be out of the store. The sooner he would be able to get home. 

“Hello, excuse me. Need any help?”

The two boys spun around. Yamaguchi jumped and they soon smiled towards him.

“Hello, and yes, I need some help.” The raven hair boy said. “I need a calculator that can hold matrices and such. Those fancy and too expensive ones.” The last sentence was muttered.

Yamauchi knew what he talked about. There were multiply of math, physics and astronomy students that asked for more complicated calculators that could almost carry a whole office-package. They were expensive.

He looked over to the place where the calculators usually hung. It was empty. The semester had just started and new students had rushed in a snacthed one after the ohter. Maybe they had something in the back, if not the boy would have to wait until the next order came in or go to another bookstore that carried the supplies he needed.

“I will look in the back.” Yamaguchi told them easily. It was around ten minutes until closing time and he really didn't feel like being kept overtime.

“Thank you.”

Yamaguchi knew the storage room like it was his own pocket. He easily made his way towards the boxes they kept the calculators. Looking through some of them, he found the type the student in the store probably needed. It was the last one.

When he came out, the two friends were looking through birthdays card and post cards. Even as they did something as boring as looking at cheap photos of the Tokyo Tower printed on a piece of paper, it looked like they were enjoying themselves and each others company. They were laughing and smiling and Yamaguchi knew he would never feel something like that in his life.

He was 22 years old and life was heading nowhere.

When they saw him, they looked expectantly at him. Yamaguchi made his way towards the counter and tried to not mind the two pairs of eyes.

“Lucky you, the last one.” Yamaguchi told him and the boys shoulder relaxed. “Anything else?”

“You’re a lifesaver...uh...um,” The boy squinted at his name tag that were on his chest. “um, Yamaguchi-san. Thank you.”

“No problem, do you need a bag?”

The boy shook his head and fished out his credit card.

“That will be 15’300 yen.”

“Wow, that is expensive!”

Yamaguchi looked up at the silver haired man. The bulky boy wore an expression of pure surprise. It was a little animated, but he could tell it was genuine.

The boy who was about to pay however, quickly got distracted. “I know, The last one I used was dads really old one. It just died on me yesterday.”

“Um...” Yamaguchi tried. Two minutes until closing time and he still needed to take the sign in and tidy up the place before he closed. The manager would be on his neck if he didn’t. The two boys didn't hear him.

“School books are cheaper than that, Kuroo.”

Oh, so Kuroo was his name. Bo and Kuroo, Yamaguchi thought absently as he listened to the boys complain about the prices of each of the books their needed from the classes. Yamaguchi understood that Bo was taking some short of bachelor in Personal training. That explained his athletic body.

“Well, that is what happens when you want to study physics and math, Kuroo.” Bo patted his friend, rather hard, on the shoulders. It sounded like it, but the taller one was unaffected as he laughed.

“Yeah, it is. After this major, I better become a millionaire to pay off my loans.”

The two boys continued laughing loudly and Yamaguchi's shoulder slumped as he looked at the clock. He was already a minute after closing time.

After a minute of laughing and making jokes with his friend, Kuroo did turn around, ready to pay. He put his new, expensive calculator in his bag and the two friends bet him a good night and made their way out.

Yamaguchi smiled, because finally he could go home and sleep. It was wednesday and the next day would be filled with one morning lecture, a two hour lunch break and a lab session at last. He didn't have work tomorrow and he needed to pick up grocery and actually eat a healthy dinner.

The next day, Yamaguchi had to admit that he felt ok. He felt somewhat lighter. He showered before his first class and made his way towards campus while eating a banana.

His first lecture where a course about taking care of sick pets. They learned about proper care for wounds, scratches and infections. It was fairly easy, Yamaguchi had to say himself. It was a small class, and the lecture was actually kept in classroom rather than a big auditorium. He liked these once better, it was smaller and not that suffocating. He sat alone, but he didn't entirely mind. He was here to learn and not make goofy notes like high school girls, like the people around him.

Once they were done he went to the cafeteria that was on his side of campus. It belonged to the biology students.

He found an empty table and sat down with his bento. Today he had bought tamagoyaki, two onigiris and a sausage that looked like an octopus. He was lucky that the small store he went inside before his lecture carried bentos for children. Food that resemble animals were his favorite kind of food, right after floppy and soggy french fries.

“Hey, can we sit here?”

Yamaguchi looked up at the familiar voice.

It was the duo from the night before accompanied by another dark haired man and a blond with glasses.

_Blond with glasses._

Yamaguchi took a double take at the tallest one. Yeah, it was definitely the guy that he crashed into last week. He almost made a grimace.

However, he nodded anyways.

“Thanks, Yama-chan.” That was Bo speaking. Yamaguchi flinched and his cheeks suddenly felt very hot. He remembered his name. The boy took a seat right in front of while the unknown dark haired man made his way beside him again. Kurro walked around and sat right beside him and mean-and-rude-blond-with-glasses-guy made his way beside Kurroo.

Yamaguchi tried to continue his eating. The cafeteria was packed with students, and his table where probably the only one available for the group of friends. He usually didn't mind other people asking him if they could share his table. When things like that happend, they took the other side of the table and left Tadashi alone.

This was rare. Super rare. This had never happened before.

“So, Yamaguchi-san, what do you do? Beside working at Book and Looks.”

Yamauchi redden even more. He really hated that name.

“I study here.”

Mean-glasses-guy snorted at him and Yamaguchi had a three-quarters mind to just leave his lunch and bag here and just get the heck out of this situation.

“Tsukki, don’t be mean.” Kurro chided the the boy on his left and looked back at Yamaguchi. “What do you study?”

Yamaguchi would have answered right away, but that name was so funny. How would a guy like him have a name that was ' _Tsukki_ '. It sounded so cute and innocent. It didn't suit him at all. Tsukki's expression turned even more sour as Kuroo called him out on his reaction at Yamaguchi's bad social skills.

When Tsukki gave him the sour expression, Yamaguchi knew he had spaced out and was staring at the boy. He quickly looked away and muttered that he took a major in veterinary to become a vet.

“Wait, you are in my biology class.”

Yamaguchi looked up towards the guy opposite of him. The black haired boy. He was so calm and composed.

Yamaguchi looked stupidly at the boy. His biology class was huge.

“I noticed you,” The boy continued. Yamaguchi also wondered why none of them had probably presented himself to each other. “I am Akaashi Keiji. Med student, third year. Nice to meet you.”

“Ah, oh. I don’t recognise you at all.” Yamaguchi said.

That made Bo and Kuroo laugh and he caught the amused look of Tsukki. Looking over the table, he saw Akashi shake his head with a small smile.

“I-I didn't meant it like that. The classes are big and-and I usually-” Yamaguchi almost slapped himself. How could he be so inconsiderate and so stupid. They probably thought he was an ass.

Why didn't they just leave him.

“It’s fine. It’s a big class and I just recognized you because you usually sit right in front of me.” Akaashi told him, easily and calm. Like he was unaffected.

“R-right.” Yamaguchi still fumbled over his words. “Nice to meet you too, I am Yamaguchi Tadashi.”

The blue eyed boy nodded back and continued to eat his bento like Yamaguchi never made fool out of himself .

“I am Bokuto Kotarou. Nice to meet you.” Bokuto pointed at himself with his right thumb. He wore a boyish smile as he talked with his mouth full off food. It looked like pork curry.

“Kuroo Testurō, I am a math and physics student.”

“I know.”

The four other looked at him and Yamaguchi probably had stated some kind of streak. His social skills was at level 0.

Kuroo tilted his head and looked confused. "Huh...?"

“I mean, you told Bo-Bokuto-san yesterday when you were paying for the calculator.” Yamaguchi explained, remembering their conversation. Maybe they would be angry with him. He did eavesdrop. Or maybe not, it was kind of hard to ignore a conversation when it happens right in front of his eyes. It was still rude of him.

“Yes, I did mention it.” Kuroo told him, his smile returning. “Bo, here is studying P.T.”

Yamaguchi nodded and looked at Tsukki, who were bored with his bento. He didn't even glance back at him. And yes, Yamaguchi still expected the apology.

“That is Tsukishima Kei. You can call him Tsukki if you like.” Kuroo started, but Tsukishima cut him off.

“Don’t call me ‘Tsukki’ and that applies to you too, Kuroo-san”

“So mean, Tsu-kki.” Kuroo said and really stretched out the nickname. It made Yamaguchi snort and Tsukki sigh in frustration. “He wants to become a lawyer.”

Yamaguchi hummed in affirmation back. That suited him a lot better than paleontology.

Kuroo leaned over the table with his back towards Tsukishima. He resten on one elbow and looked kind of creepily at Yamaguchi.

“So tell me, Yamaguchi-san. How old are you?”

“I am turning 23 in November.”

Bokuto suddenly erupted. “That means that Tsukki isn't the baby anymore.” Bokuto stood up and leaned over the table to get the attention of his friend. Tsukishima looked at him with a bored expression.As Bokuto sat down again he continued. “You see, Yama-chan, Tsukki here is two years younger than Kuroo and I, so that makes him the baby. But now you are the baby since you have birthday after him.” He laughed again and told Akaashi the exact same thing as he just told all of them.

“I know , Bokuto-san. You just told us.” Akaashi answered back. "I was there." Bokuto laughed again.

Yamaguchi looked at the clock. He still had 15 minutes until he needed to go to his lab.

They ate for a few minutes in complete silence. Kuroo was tapping away at his phone. Akaashi and Bokuto were caught in their own conversation, something about a grocery list. Perhaps they lived together. Tsukishima was not doing anything except eating.

Bokuto suddenly perked up and bumped into the table with his whole body, making their bentos shake. “Yama-chan, you should join us on saturday.”

“What?” Yamaguchi looked surprised. Jeez, he just learned their names. Or maybe this was how people made friends in their 20s. Not that he would know.

“We are going to play Volleyball, and if you join us; we would have equal teams.”

_Volleyball…?_

“We were all volleyball players throughout school,” Akaashi spoke up. He looked at Yamaguchi and the freckled boy couldn’t read his emotions. Maybe it was just neutral. “We were planning to go the nearby park and get a few sets in. You can come if you want.”

“I-huh.”

“Have you played before?” That was Kuroo. His phone forgotten on the table.

“I have. I stopped playing in junior high.”

“Perfect. It’s set then.” Kuroo clapped his shoulder. Hard. Or maybe it wasn't so hard. Yamaguchi just had a scrawny build.

“Relax, Kuroo. Maybe he doesn’t even want to play with us.” That was Tsukishima. And to be honestly, Yamaguchi suddenly didn't feel very welcome. It was okay, he was used to it. He didn't wasn't to impose.

“I don't think I can.” Yamaguchi told them slowly as he started to pack his bento box in his bag. He needed to go anyway. “And sides, if I’ll join, we are going to be an odd number.”

“Wait, you don’t understand, my-” Kuroo stressed. He reached out an arm to grab at Yamaguchi's elbow, but he moved away. 

Yamaguchi didn't really want any sympathy of them. Maybe they just asked him to play with them because he offered his tabled to them and they felt obligated to it. He rather be alone than force people to hang out with him.

“It’s okay, I need to be going now. It was nice eating lunch with you.” Yamaguchi gave a tiny bow to the table and turned around. Nobody said anything. “See you around.” Yamaguchi quickly slung his bag over his shoulder and made his way towards his lab.

He had his head in a fuzz the rest of day. The only thing on his mind where the four guys that had sat and eaten lunch with him. His lab hours went by just ok. He was in a group of three and they all shared they studies with each other. They were soon to take some practice work at a shelter and every preparation needed to be on-point. If they did a great job, they could be offered intern ships. He did manage to go to the grocery store and buy a fridge full of food. It actually looked like someone was living in his apartment.

He made a half heartedly bowl of ramen and even ate a small chocolate bar during his home study hours before bed.

He didn't have time for friends, he didn't want to feel like people only hung out with him out of obligations. He just wanted to be left alone and not hurt.

Friday were his day off. He got the whole day to studying. Usually he went to the library so he wouldn't be caught up in his apartment all day long, but he didn't feel like going out. He ended up sitting at his small dining table with a blanket around his shoulder as he worked on a assignment that was supposed to be handed in before monday.

He studied.

He ate a small lunch at 01.0 p.m and took an hour nap at 02.00 p.m.

And studied for another four hours and made dinner.

He made pork curry.

And watched tv until he fell asleep on the couch.

When he woke up just past midnight, he dragged his body towards his bed. Sometimes Yamaguchi really hated himself. He hated that he never couldn’t conversate with his coworkers. He hated that he’d never made any friends his first year. He hated that he never made any friends his second year. And he hated himself that he didn't know what to do when four people asked him to join in on volleyball.

Funny, he taught. He was certain he would bend over backwards for the first person who wanted to spend time with him. Yet; he turned them down.

Yeah, sometimes; Yamaguchi Tadashi really hated himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated :D
> 
> Kuroo actually means black tail and Bokuto means horned owl. I linked my tumblr bellow, since it is my fave platform and if you have any questions or something about the fic, you can easily contact me through an ask or DM. It takes a little while for me to get to AO3 messages and comments. 
> 
> This is a slow-burn, so the next chapters will be filled with more interaction between the boys. Remember we are following Yamaguchi through a year, and we are just at the beginning.
> 
> Here is my tumblr: https://haikyuu-and-more-haikyuu.tumblr.com.
> 
> Ps. I am trying to edit out any misspelling, which is hard. English is my second language and I don't have a beta-reader. But i am trying my best :)
> 
> EDITED: 08.07.2019


	3. A misunderstanding between strangers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo and Bokuto push Yamaguchi and he ends up snapping at them, and that would be the start of their friendship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. In the next chapters there will be more on the new friend group dynamic. I also am going to write more about Tsukki and Yama interaction, but it's all going to fall into place once the story really have started. I already have a few chapters pre-written and some planned out, so for now; I think I will be able to keep my schedule to post on every Friday.

On saturday Yamaguchi woke before noon, surprisingly. He did sleep a lot on friday, so he shouldn't be too surprised. After an hour in bed, he went in the shower and made some tea for breakfast.

It was a beautiful autumn day. It was a little windy but he could tell it wasn't too cold. The sun still shone brightly despite the few clouds that were floating over his neighbourhood.

He could go to the park and take some pictures of the dogs.

If Yamaguchi would have been better at social interaction, he would ask the owner dog if he could pet those little furballs. But he never got the guts. Sometimes a dog would run up to him and start jumping and exploring him out and the owner would be right behind with an embarrassed look. Yamaguchi would laugh awkwardly as he untangled himself from the excited dog and the owner would excuse themselves as they made they moved out of the day.

Maybe if he would have been outgoing and extroverted, he would make friends with all those owners. And those owners would have had more friends. They would become a group of friends and do friends-stuff together and Tadashi would have someone.

Yamaguchi almost laughed at himself of how his daydream played out. He really was a lost cause, wasn't he.

Well, he could still be a lost cause with some new, cute pictures of dogs and squirrels.

* * *

Yamaguchi smiled down at the pictures he had already taken. He really loved when he captured the playful and kind natured of the dogs. When they chased a ball or rolled around on the ground or when they dozed off in the grass. It wasn't like those picture he found on Facebook or Instagram. They were often forced and the dog looked ready to flee or something. Animals were supposed to look happy.

He sat down under a tree and looked through his pictures again. He was getting good at it too. Youtube was really the place to learn stuff. He was getting better at changing the focus and background clearnesses. He loved it when the animals was the clearest and the background and foreground was blurred out.

Around him people was having picnics in fluffy scarves and thin mittens as they talked and laughed. People were playing with their children. They shireked in joy as their parents hefted them up on their shoulders and ran around with them. People were playing frisbee and football with each other. It all fell into the familiar noise as the as people came and went throughout the day.

_Volleyball._

He briefly thought about how there were four friends who played together in the park somewhere.

Maybe he could just go and check. He was never the curious type and he knew if he just let them be; he wouldn't be too caught up in their actions. They just ate lunch with him and Yamaguchi needed to be over it.

He still walked down in the direction he knew the small sports section of the park where.

There they were. They were occupying one of the two sand volleyball fields that were in the park.

There was another one there too. He was shorter than the other guys. He had dyed his hair blonde but the roots were showing. He looked bored, but he still communicated with his friends.

 _Oh_ , so that was what Bokuto meant when he told them they would be even; Yamaguchi perked up as he realised they were playing a three Vs two game. Kuroo, the new guy and Tsukishima was against Bokuto and Akaashi.

He watched them play for a few minutes. Bokuto always got excited as he scored a point and would even sometimes hug Akaashi. But when he missed or his spike got blocked, he clearly got pouty.

On the other side, Kuroo was the most verbal one. He was a great receiver and stood mostly in the back. While Tsukishima often used faints to get through Akaashi and Bokuto's block.

It looked like they were having so much fun and nothing stood between them and Yamaguchi. He could just walk over and ask if he could join.

They could get lunch afterwards and Yamaguchi would not have to spend the rest of the day alone.

He could just walk over and say 'hi'.

He walked the other way.

* * *

Hours later, Yamaguchi found himself in a japanese take out restaurant. It was fairly popular among the student since it was cheap and the food was decent enough. He had ordered because he didn't feel like making dinner and was currently tapping away at his phone.

“Well, well, well, Isn’t is Yamaguchi-san.”

Yamaguchi looked up and saw Kuroo with the rest of the guys plus the short blond with black roots.

“Kuroo...san,” Yamaguchi said and out his phone in his jacket and adjusted his bag. “Hello.”

Kuroo nodded back, with Akaashi and Bokuto following his greetings. Tsukishima didn't seem to mind and the new stranger was tapping away on his phone.

“Though you were busy today?” Kuroko's voice was not has happy sounding as it did when they had lunch together. His eyes held that sly look in them and his smile was more accusing than it should be.

“I was...just picking up some dinner.”

“Saw you in the park today. You didn't seems so busy.”

“You saw me?”

Kuroo nodded back. Bokuto looked lost and looked between the brunet and the black haired boy. The tension wasn't really so big, but Yamaguchi felt his chest tighten.

“Kuroo-san, let it go.” Akaashi warned. He put a hand on a confused Bokuto.

“Hey, I’m just wondering why he lied to us. Keiji-kun.” Kuroo put his hands up in defence. He could tell that Kuroo didn’t use Akaashi’s given name normally. This was some guy. It did sound like he was genuinely curious, but Yamaguchi felt that there was a little fire between the words.

“I couldn't.” Yamaguchi answers timidly and chided himself for not standing in front of them with a backbone. He could at least try to look confident.

“Yeah, you said that, and yet I noticed you staring at us.”

Tsukishima clicked with his tongue.

Yamaguchi didn't want to be mean, because he wasn't a mean person. He was just tired of his so called former friends that either slowly began growing distant or they became the people that picked and bullied him. He didn't want that to happen him again. Better to be alone than to be hurt and alone. Again.

Yamaguchi breathed deeply and turned around so he facing Kuroo. “I don't want to hang out with you because,” He looked at the group of people in front of him and wished life would just swallow him whole and maybe just stop punishing him. “Because, I didn't really want to hang out with you guys.”

Bokuto gaped at him and Akashi's eyes winded for a brief moment before he settled to a neutral expression. Tsukishima looked away and the person on his tablet looked between him and Kuroo.

“What did we do?” Kuroo asked.

Yamagcu really just wanted to get home and eat dinner. That was all he wanted.

“Because, I don't know you guys..and yet you guys, especially you, are too overbearing. You are loud and you talk a lot and I don't know any of guys.” Yamaguchi knew he repeated himself. And he caught the shared expression between the guys. “You suddenly just show up and want to eat lunch after I helped you find a damn calculator and it feels like you only asked me because you feel obligated to it. Not because the four of you actually wanted to get to know me.”

Yamaguchi breathed heavily after he had finished his rant. He looked around him and then at the group. Kurro stood with wide eyes, still crossed arms. Tsukishima did look surprised at him, but it also looked like he could snap his neck because he just yelled at his friends. Bokuto looked hurt and seemed to look at Akaashi for an solution. The blue eyed boy himself stepped forward and yanked Kuroo back and told him to leave Yamaguchi alone.

“Order 27, Order 27. ”

Yamaguchi looked up at the counter. That was his order.

“Excuse me, I need to go.” He got his food and quickly made his way past the people he just yelled at.

Back home, Yamaguchi sat alone at his kitchen table and kept staring at his food. He wasn't hungry  anymore. His appetite went nonexistent when he yelled at Kuroo for figuring out he lied.

He knew he had to eat. And shower and make a living for himself. His parents would win if he didn’t. Everyone would win against him if he just stopped living.

_Why did you have to turn out this way. My only son, too?_

He remembered his mother words as he came out to them. Yamaguchi also wondered how he turned out this way.

Not feeling hungry. Yamaguchi packed his food and put it in the fridge for tomorrow. He took a long shower and painted his nails. Black this time and he used a new matte topcoat he was excited to use. He just bought it and he liked the effect it gave off. It didn't make him feel any better

He went to bed and watched netflix until 02.00 a.m in the morning and tried not to think of the hundreds of students that were out, getting hammered and partying.

Sunday went by with a lot of sleeping and he read three chapters of his current book he had bought with his discount at the bookstore he worked at. He even managed to hand in his assignment.

On Monday, he went to the library early. He didn't have lecture until 12 p.m and wanted to get some homework done.

He was deep in his studying when he heard someone approach him.

“Can I sit here?”

Yamaguchi looked up and saw Kuroo Testurō. The older boy had a gym bag over his shoulder. His hair looked more wild than usual and Yamaguchi understood that Kuroo most likely came from the campus gym because he was eating a banana and carried a sports drink with him. The brown eyed boy shrugged and turned back to his book and tried to not mind the person in front of him.

“Look,” Kuroo started and Tadashi looked up. “I am sorry.  I talked to Akaashi and Kenma and they told me I was being too overbearing. Looking back, I know where I stepped wrong. Kenma is the same. He doesn't like too many people at once and likes to keep to himself.”

“It’s fine...I guess.” It was, truly. Kuroo had apologized and they would move into two directions and probably never speak again, but Kuroo would walk away better than he felt when he gotten at Yamaguchi’s table.

Kuroo breathed deeply. “Again, I am sorry, but you were wrong.” Yamaguchi raised an eyebrow. He looked over his notes in biology and wondered of he would ever get back is old, boring, lonely life. “I meant it- we all did- when we asked you to join us.” He ran a hand through his unkempt hair and signed. “We thought you wanted to be friends with us, if you don't; I guess that's fine, but I think you should give us a chance. We are not weird or anything.”

Yamaguchi nodded. Speechless. He did sound genuine, and Yamaguchi liked to see the best in every person.

“I am not a shitty person,” Yamaguchi started, feeling small. “I just- It was just unexpected. I don’t have many people that wants to spend time with me.” He actually didn't have anyone and he didn't know why he told Kuroo of this. “And sides, it really does look like you and Bokuto-san are the only ones that wants to actually get to know me.”

Kuroo chuckled lightly, a smile crossing his face. “I know it looks like Tsukishima wants to die, but that is just his face. He have been like that since I met him. Trust me when I say you're not a bother for him. He is just bad at social interaction.”

“Akaashi was actually looking forward to get to know you. He have always just been so calm and don't really get too fired up like Bokuto. Kenma never even got to meet you, properly anyway.”

“Who’s Kenma?” Yamaguchi knew he should have responded better to what Kuroo said, but it kind of irked him that he didn't knew who this ‘Kenma’ guy was. All he did know now, was that Kenma like playing PSP so much he didn't get t enough sleep and Kurro had to handle that. And he was more on the introverted side.

A fond smile crossed Kuroo’s face as he spoke softly of the boy. “Kenam is my boyfriend. He seriously likes to keep at home or in his programming lab with his other friends. He is a setter too, a good one.”

“Oh, okay.”

“So what do you say?” Kuroo stood up and looked at him. He did look a little restless, nervous even. “Want to give us a shot?”

A small, rare smile crossed Yamaguchis face. “Okay, we can try.”

He didn't have anything to lose anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it, and happy may! Comments and kudos are always appreciated :D


	4. Not all heroes wear capes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi is taken in by his new group of friends and he is still waiting for his apology from a certain blond. What he gets it’s a little better.
> 
> Ps. I did get my inspiration from the manga at one certain part in this fic. You will be able to tell which part... ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it's officially the one month anniversary for this fic. Which isn't so long, really. But I want to thank you all for reading this fic. It was received so much betrer than I though it would and the response have been great. Even if you don't leave a kudo or a comment, I appreciate you reading my work. So thank you <3

Slowly and carefully, five became six. Yamaguchi suddenly found out that being friends with them meant that he no longer ate lunch alone. They had yet to exchange phone numbers, but somehow the group of friends always found him. It was weird at first, because Yamaguchi never seemed to know what to do when they were eating. 

Sometimes their break would be filled with conversions, senseless bickering and light arguments. There would constantly be someone that held a conversation, normally Kuroo and Bokuto. Other times they would be quiet. Kuroo would talk quietly to Kenma. Tsukishima would wear his headphones. Akaashi would eat his bento silently and Bokuto would text or do the last set of homework. 

Yamaguchi opened up slowly. He knew he had to give something of himself to get something back. He learned that Bokuto just lived a few apartment complexes down the road, and the two of them would share their walk to campus on some days. Kuroo, Kenma and Tsukishima lived  together in an on-campus apartment and Akaashi lived with two other med students on campus. 

One day, they planned on playing volleyball and Yamaguchi had agreed to come. They planned to meet up at 12.00 p.m in the park. 

When the day had come, Yamaguchi woke early. 

He was jittery and excited. He was also super nervous. He didn't want to screw it up. Because they could always turn his back on them. 

He decided to wear his worn out gym shoes and some old track pants. He was reminded that he hadn't wore these in a couple of years. When he first moved to Tokyo, he did try to go to the gym, regularly. He obviously didn't keep it up, but he kept the clothes. It was beginning to be chilly outside and he didn't want to get a cold or the flu in the beginning of the semester. He wore a simple white t-shirt under a big loose hodde. In case if he got too hot, he could always take the hoodie off. 

He made his way towards the park, feeling ticklish in his stomach. He hadn't played in a long time, and he was never that good at volleyball. Yamaguchi really wanted to make a good impression, but he knew his physical skills came in short. He did have his height, but so did everyone else except Kenma. _What are the odds of getting friends that are all above the average height?_ Yamaguchi mused to himself as he walked towards their meeting spot. 

He was the last one to get there. Bokuto and Kuroo where joking around. Kuroo had him in a headlock with Bokuto laughed lively. Kenma sat on a bench, drowned in his phone, not that bothered by the two guys that were rough-housing with each other. Akaashi and Tsukishima stood nearby Kenma and seemed to be caught up in a small conversation. 

Tadashi quietly made his way towards the bench and put down his bag. “He-hello.” 

Kuroo and Bokuto both stopped whatever they were doing and turned towards him. Bokuto beamed at him and Kuroo got his sly smile again. 

“Hey, hey, hey, let's get this started.” Bokuto threw his hands up in the air as he padded over towards to the freckled boy. He slapped him on the shoulders. “You are going to be on my team, Yama-chan.”

“Okay.” Yamaguchi breathed out as he straightened up after the force. Bokuto really didn't know his own strength. 

Kuroo took a sip of his water bottle. “It’s me, Kenma and Tsukki against you, Akaashi-san and Bo.” 

Yamaguchi nodded. 

They quickly started their warm up round. Yamaguchi was reminded that he was in really bad shape. He felt his light breakfast roll around in his stomach has he jumped and dived for the ball. He got breathless easily and was sure he would have multiple bruises after they were done. 

Tadashi breathed heavily as he took a big gulp from his water bottle. 

“It’s a long time since you have played, right?” 

Yamaguchi looked down and met Kenams light hazel eyes. He hadn't really gotten any real conversation with the guy. 

Yamauchi just nodded back and sat down on the bench beside him. “Yes. I stopped in junior high.”

“Why?”

Yamaguchi looked at him. He stopped because, in the start he really though that playing a sport would help him get stronger and make some friends. His parents had helped him get the courage he needed to join the team at first. It worked at first, he got along well with his teammates, since his bullies were in the football and basketball team. But Yamaguchi had always felt awkward in his own body. His legs and arms never worked the way he wanted and he was more of a burden to the team than he was any help. 

He stopped when his own team started to give him the cold shoulder. When they stopped waiting for him after practice and he had to go home alone. He stopped when they started bulling him to just stop playing because he would never even make it to the bench even. It was better that way. 

“I just didn't feel like playing anymore.” He lied and he felt childish. “I guess I was just done with it.”

Kenma nodded back. “I thought of quitting many times, but Kuroo always dragged me back. It was better when he became the captain of our team my second year of high school. It really got fun when we came to national that year.”

Yamaguchi nodded back, again. He knew he missed out on a lot with quitting volleyball. But when Tadashi entered high school, he was wary of getting to know others. He had decided that he was deemed to be alone and a victim for the stronger guys. 

“I’m glad to hear that. You know, that it worked out for you.” Yamaguchi told him. He looked at Kuroo who were bandaging Akaashi’s middle and ring finger after a block. “It’s is fun, though. Playing like this again. Not so intense.”

Kenma twisted his bottle around in his hands. “I like it too. I thought it would be tiring getting out and play like this, but is nice that we can do this instead of going to more crowded areas like the mall or out on the town.” 

Yamaguchi smiled at him and at his new group of aquatnices. He really liked it too. 

They played for a few hours. Yamaguchi was feeling tired in a way he hadn't in a long time. He did realized that is was physical tiredness. It felt good. He was tired and his legs and arms ached after the diving and jumping, he already saw the appearances of bruises on body. He felt himself beam when he managed to score a few points with his spiking.. He wasn't as strong as Kuroo or Bokuto, but he did have some control of the ball. It was a lot easier to play a three VS three game than a regular one. Even though they didn't cover so much of the court. 

They did win a few sets, but Kuroo’s team won the most. They didn't keep track, but it wasn't needed.

“I am sorry I cost us so many sets,” Yamaguchi fiddled with this shirt. He was sweaty and kind of clammy. He could feel his t-shirt stick to his back and the hair on the back of his head plastered to his neck. “I just really haven't been that active these last years.” Yamaguchi mumbled to Akaashi that turned around. 

The older boy wore a small smile. He brushed some sweat off his brow and breathed a little heavily too. They might have been the team with the tallest players in general, but they did need to move a lot after Kuroo’s spikes and Tsukishima's feints. “Ah, don’t worry. When we play like this, we never do it too seriously.” 

Tadashi smiled.

“Man, I am ready for lunch. I could eat a whole horse about now.” Kuroo sighed as he draped an arm around Kenma. He patted his stomach. Kenma didn't react to the touch, but he did lean into Kuroo’s side. 

“Me too, Kuroo.” Bokuto said as he fell onto the bench beside his best friend. Tsukishima clicked with his tongue again. Yamaguchi had already decided that it was a habit he had.

“Then let's get something.” Akaashi said as he walked over to the group. 

Yamaguchi stood and watched as Akaashi started to pack his bag and discussing where they would eat their lunch. Yamaguchi wondered if he was invited too. Maybe he wasn't. The plan was to play volleyball. They were done and Yamaguchi could go home.

“Yamaguchi!”

Yamaguchi snapped back into reality. Tsukishima was standing in front of him with his normal, kind of annoyed expression. “I called you like three times. Why are you spacing out?”

“Gomen, Tsuki-Tsukishima-san.” Yamaguchi stuttered. 

Tsukishima seemed indifferent, both at Yamaguchi's stutter and the fact that he used the nickname Kuroo always teased him with. 

“Well, we are going to the Crows. Are you coming or not. If you are. You should pack up your things.” 

Yamaguchi nodded and quickly walked around the tall man to get to his things. He didn't trust his voice. He had developed the nervous stutter somewhere early in his elementary school years and he never came over it. 

As they walked towards the coffee shop, they seemed to fall into groups. Kuroo and Kenma were walking quietly in the front, with Kuroos arm thrown over his boyfriend. Akaashi and Bokuto next. They seemed caught up in a conversation about university and what to have for dinner. 

That left Tsukishima and Yamaguchi beside each other. Yamaguchi felt awkward. He didn't know anything about him. Tsukishima Kei didn't open up easily and Yamaguchi himself didn't offer much either. He was quiet, but Yamaguchi had heard his snippy comments and honestly, they were funny. A little too mean for his taste, but he couldn't help laugh and snort at them as Tsukishima made comments about Kuroo and Bokuto antics or the world in general. 

“So, Tsukishima-san,” Yamaguchi started, feeling his cheeks get rosy. “So, you like dinosaurs, huh.”

Tsukishima halted slightly in his tracks. To anyone else, they probably wouldn't have caught it, but Yamaguchi did. Before Tsukishima could answer, Yamaguchi spoke. 

“I just know beauce you bought those books. I mean, you could have been buying them for another person as a gift or something.” Yamaguchi flushed, hard. “I am sorry, I didn't mean to assume.”

“It’s okay, ” Tsukishima said, still not that bothered. “and I do like reading about them. They are cool.”

Tadashi tried not to stare at him. Tsukishima was staring straight ahead, watching his friends walk a few meters in front of them. He had white headphones resting around his neck and had his jacket half open despite the light, cold, breeze. His golden curls shifted slightly by the winds and their previous workout had given him a pink blush that covered his cheeks, neck and ears. He looked quite handsome. 

Yamaguchi quickly looked away, down at his shoes. 

“What do you like?” Tsukishima asked after a while. Not looking at him. Yamaguchi glanced his way, his breath caught in his throat. 

“Well, I do like to take photos.”

“Photos of what?” 

“Of dogs, and other kind of animals.” Yamaguchi’s sentenced died out. He had never shared his interest with anyone. Not that there where anyone to share it with. He started his hobby after he came out to his family and was practically disowned on the spot. It was a way for him to spend less time in the suffocation house he stopped calling home. Tadashi found out he actually liked taking pictures for himself. It did make him feel less alone and it soon grew to a passion.

A passion he was kind of mediocre at, but a passion nonetheless. 

Yamaguchi answered and hoped no one else heard him. He felt suddenly very self conscious. “I am not very good at it.”

“Figures, you were studying to become a vet.” Tsukishima glanced down at him and Yamaguchi nodded back. Kei clicked with his tongue back. 

“Hey, Tsukki, Yama-chan, why are you walking so slowly?” 

The both of them looked up to see that they had already reached The Crows. Kuroo and Kenma where walking inside when Bokuto had called at them to hurry up. Akaashi held the door up for them as they made their way inside.

“Next time Tsukki, we are going to beat you.” Bokuto said as he fell into step with Tsukishima. “Right Yama-chan?”

Yamaguchi looked up at the two. Tsukishima had a small smile, it was actually more of a smirk and Bokuto was waiting expectantly at Tsukishima's answer. 

“I am swaying with worry.” Tsukishima told him flatly, but Yamaguchi caught is little triumph smirk as he walked up to Akaashi. Yamaguchi had to chuckle at the pout that crossed Bokuto’s face. 

“Right, Yama-chan?! Next time we will all the sets.” He threw an arm around the smaller boy. 

“I do think next time we have to find a gymnasium or something. It’s getting colder and darker.” Yamaguchi mused, not being to sure of himself that he could get so much better in such a short time. 

“Yeah, maybe. But I am sure we are going to get it. And when we do, Kuroo is going to eat my sneakers.” 

Kuroo turned around at the mention of his name, and him and Bokuto was quickly caught up in one of their thousand arguments that would turn out into an entirely different conversation. Kenma had already found a table by the windows and both Akaashi and Tsukishima was walking towards him.

This was the first time Yamaguchi had been here with someone. That though made a dorky smile across his face. He put his bag down by the end of the table and watched over his shoulder as Bokuto and Kuroo seemed to buy for all of them. 

“Don’t worry. We usually just buy coffee and some sandwiches and split the bill between us.” Kenma said and Yamaguchi took a seat. 

Eating with them was, great. They talked and joked around and talked about their lifes. Yamaguchi almost had to pinch himself . He thought he was dreaming. He had friends, he had people that wanted to hang out with him. They were only a month into the semester, in the middle of september, and Yamaguchi had more friends he ever had growing up. 

He smiled widely and honestly as he dug into his sandwich.

* * *

 

Later that day, Yamaguchi was unfortunate to have the Saturday closing shift. At daytime, the shop was bussy, but at night time it was dead. People barely came in, and those who did never needed more than today's newspaper or magazines. 

Yamaguchi didn't mind that he did have to spend his saturday night at the store. There were few things that could ruin his mood. After they had eaten lunch, they still stayed at the coffee shop for another two hours talking and joking. Kenma had left before them. Saying that he had enough social human interaction for the weekend. After that, that talked for some time, until they knew that they should either buy something or get going from the shop. 

They parted on good terms. Tsukishima, Akaashi, Kuroo and Bokuto walking in one direction and Yamaguchi walking in the other. 

He didn't mind staying at the bookstore on a saturday night because he didn't miss the feeling of watching the clock tick by as he spent another saturday at his apartment. Being in the bookstore at least gave him one excuse to not make an effort at doing anything. 

It was great, until he watched the sky darkeding. It was supposed to rain and Yamaguchi decided to take in the sign so it didn't get too soaked. It was water resistant, but if he took it inside before the rain started, he saved himself the work of drying it out.

He was just about to fold it together when a group of familiar boys rounded him. It had just passed nine in the late evening and Yamaguchi really hoped he didn't have to deal with them. 

“Hi, Muddy. Spending another night with your precious book club.”  

The owner of the voice was a guy named Watanabe Shino. Yamaguchi liked to think that he didn't have any enemies, which was a lie. But if it was one person, it would be him and his friends. They were the ones that picked on him during his elementary school year, they were the ones that bullied him into quitting Volleyball in junior high-even when they weren’t on the team, and lastly, they still managed to harass him through his high school year. It didn't help that they unfourtaley managed to get into Tokyo University too. It never stopped. Now the harassment consisted of a little pushing Yamaguchi to the ground and calling him names. It never got worse, but it never got better. 

Yamaguchi did try to not get affected by him. He tried to keep a straight face and tried to remember that nothing could ruin his great day. Not even Shino. 

“Hey, he talked to you, mud-face.” 

Shino’s right hand man, Takahashi Yori, jabbed him in the shoulder and made Tadashi stumble back a step. Hopefully he would not be pushed into the dirty pavement. That had happened before and it took two weeks for his bruised cheek to heal. 

Hopefully. 

Yamaguchi turned to a stuttering mess. He didn't know what to say back, but he knew if he didn't answer them; they would get angry. If he answered them wrong, they would get bad. Yori was around the same height as him, but was much stronger built. He had always been bigger in a way. Shino was bigger in both ways. He was tall and muscular, and knew how to use his intimidating build. 

“Yori, you are going to make him cry.” Shino laughed at him and Yamaguchi stepped back. His backside hitting the windows of the store. 

Yamaguchi cursed himself, he cursed his damned manager that decided to keep this damn store open at this time of the weekend. He cursed the two boys that stood in front of him, blocking him in his spot. It wouldn't help going inside, they could still make a havoc for him. They had done that a few times already. 

“Say, faggot, would you care to help me with a literature essay.” Shino smiled at him. Pure hatred. “It needs to be done by tomorrow.”

Yamaguchi had done his homework before, hoping they would leave him alone. Yamaguchi also knew the two boys had him wrapped around their fingers. He was in the college prep class through high school after all and but he hated doing his homework. Yet he still did them...on occasion. 

Just when Yamaguchi was about to agree, he heard someone click his tongue. 

_ “Pathetic.”  _

His two bullies turned around and Yamaguchi looked agape at Tsukishima. 

Said boy stood in front of them. Headphones pulled down to his neck, expression confident and posture sturdy as ever. 

“What’s it to you, glasses.” Takahashi said, a sour tone growing on him. 

“Yeah, get a life, weirdo.” Shino turned back to Yamaguchi. 

Tsukishima laughed back. “Oh, so I am the one that needs a life. Because, apparently, I am not picking on someone 09.10 p.m on a saturday night when everyone else is out with their friends.” Tsukishima laughed again and shook his head, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“Whatever.” Shino flipped him off with the finger and was cursing colourful words at Tsukishima and Yamaguchi as he walked away, with Yori trailing behind. 

Yamaguchi breathed in relief, but quickly grew embarrassed. He really hope he could keep ‘the harassing Shino and company’  away from his new group of aquantiones. Yet, here he was. 

He quickly picked up the sign and walked inside, hoping  dearly that Tsukishima would just walk away and never mention it again. He felt his eyes sting. 

“What was that?”

Like Tsushima would just ignore this. 

Yamaguchi turned around, tired and crushed. Tsukishima looked at him with an intense gaze, or maybe that was just his light brown eyes that almost looked yellow. His mouth was turned into a flat line and it looked like he really wanted to know what the heck just happened. 

“It’s nothing, they have been like that for some time.” Yamaguchi tried to give a nonchalant wave with his hand. Even to him, he didn't sound convincing. His voice was already getting shaky. “It’s better if you just leave them alone.” 

Yamaguchi really hoped that this incident didn't make them angrier at him. 

“They pushed you and called you faggot.” Tsukishima mention like it was nothing, but Yamaguchi could hear the anger in his voice. “And they tried to force their homework on you.” 

Yamaguchi flinched. Mostly, when people caught him being bullied and picked on, they never cared. They pretended that everything else was more important than helping the guy who got punched to the ground and called awful names at times.They tried not to be a part of the mess that Yamaguchi was in. He didn't blame them, but a helping hand wouldn't hurt.

“They have just picked on me for a few years. And it’s really better of you just leave them alone. Trust me, I have tried to stand up to them and that earned me a bruised eye and soaked clothes.” Yamaguchi told him and touched his left eyes. Remembering how swollen it had gotten in his last year of elementary school. “Thanks anyway, Tsukishima-san.”

Tsukishima fidgeted for some time and looked around in the empty bookstore. Yamaguchi watched him carefully and tried not to mind the recent incident, but he knew the rest of the group would know and maybe they decided that he wasn't worth the trouble. 

“How often do they do that? ” Kei eventually asked and locked eyes with Yamaguchi's brown ones. 

Yamaguchi shook his head. “A few times a week. Something like that.” He looked away, not being able to be in the spotlight. “I am used to it anyway.”

“Well, that is depressing.” Tsukishima said. 

Yamaguchi laughed at that. “It sure is.”

“Why are you laughing?” 

“I don't know. I just didn't think you would have said that.” Most of the time, people just gave him pitying looks as he picked himself up. They just pitied him for not having anyone to lean on, for not being able to fight back. So it was kind of funny to get an honest reply to his situation. Even though it sucked. 

Tsukishima flashed him a small smile. “When do you close up?”

“At ten. We close one hour earlier on saturdays.” Yamaguchi told him. “So, it's just around 40 minutes until closing time.”

Tsukishima nodded and leaned down at the counter. 

Yamaguchi decided to sit down beside him. It wasn't like any customer would come in and being caught by his manager was slim. 

“Can I ask what you are doing out… on a saturday night.” Yamaguchi asked and fiddled with the hem of his shirt. 

Tsukishima had been busy with folding his headphones in his bag. “Kuroo is having a small party with his math friends. The apartment is packed.”

“You don't like his friends?” 

Tsukishima sighed and shook shook his head. “They’re fine. It’s just loud and cramped. They will be out by eleven or something. I just didn't want to spend my saturday cooped up in my room, so I went for a walk.”

Yamaguchi nodded and fell quiet. 

“If you want to. I can stay,” Tsukishima said after a few minutes. “Until you close. So you won't be alone.”

Yamaguchi grew red and suddenly had the urge to open a button on his shirt. This was the guy that bumped into him and made him miss five books on the floor. This was the guy that made a mean comment about everything and nothing and he asked to just sit around and wait for Yamaguchi to close up. He offered to stay and wait for him. 

“If you don't mind.”

“Wouldn't have asked if I did.”  Was the replay he got, but Yamaguchi could hear the smile in his voice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :D In the next chapter, there will be more Tsukki and Yama interaction, actually, the whole chapter is about them!


	5. Is this what butterflies feels like?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukishima has his first visit at Yamaguchi's place and Yamaguchi is experiencing a feeling he hasn't felt in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, sorry that this came out later than usual. Today, may 17th, is actually the Constitution Day in Norway. So I have been out celebrating the day with family and friends and didn't manage to get to the uploading until afternoon.

After Yamaguchi had closed up, he and Tsukishima stood outside the store for a few minutes, not knowing what to do. 

The last hour had been passed with light conversations as Yamaguchi tidied the place up before closing. Tsukishima had grabbed a book and seated himself on the counter while Yamaguchi worked around the place. He brought out cups of tea for the both of them that his manager provided his workers. They didn't talk about important things, mostly university, volleyball and the weather. It was calm and even Yamaguchi didn't feel forced or uncomfortable with Tsukishima's presence. 

Yamaguchi fidgeted with the key to the store, looking around at the few tipsy students that were walking on the streets. It was still early, so there wasn't a lot of people out. 

“So, thank you for staying.” Yamaguchi said as he met Tsukishima's eyes.

“It was nothing.” 

“Thanks for helping me against Shino and Yori.”

That sour expression crossed Tsukishima's face for a brief second, but he quickly washed it off. “It was nothing.” He repeated himself . 

Yamaguchi continued his fidgeting and played with his hands. “So, where are you off to now?”

Tsukishima looked up  and then back at Yamaguchi. “Kuroo was supposed to text me when they were leaving. He hasn’t, and I am not feeling like going home to seven, different, drunk physics students.” 

Yamaguchi nodded back and felt sorry for him. He guessed he wouldn't like it if his roommate got drunk with a lot of strangers in his living room. Not that he knew anything about partying and getting drunk. He had never been invited to a real teenage party and the thought of drinking alone made him sad. So he had yet to go to a party that was beyond those in first grade of elementary school and he had yet to get drunk. 

“I think I am just going to wander around for some time, actually.” Tsukishima continued on and zipped his jacket close, as of making him ready for his late night walk. 

“You can,” Yamaguchi started, feeling himself blush and getting flustered. He had never done this before, and he didn't know the outcome. If this didn't turn out the way he wanted, he could just forget eating lunch with them. “You can come to my place? If-if you want, that is.”

Yamaguchi looked away as he waited for a reply. He couldn't muster up the guts to look Tsukishima right in the eyes. He might have looked weak and childish, but that was a loaded question. Yamaguchi never had people over. The last time he did, was in like, fifth grade or something. 

“Okay, lead the way.”

Yamaguchi startled at the answer and looked up at the boy in front of him. 

“Why are you looking like that!” Tsukishima asked, not really bothered by Yamaguchi reaction. “You asked me, you shouldn’t be surprised.”

“Gomen!” Yamaguchi blurted out, not really knowing what he was apologizing for.

Tsukishima clicked with his tongue and started to walk towards Yamaguchi’s apartment. Yamaguchi stood dumbfounded longer than he was proud of and quickly followed the other boy down the street. When he caught up with him, he turned to a nervous mess again. Or maybe that was just his normal state. 

“How do you know where I live?” 

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow at him and shook his head. “Bokuto said you lived near him. He lives in this direction.”

Yamaguchi continued to walk a few steps after him, it was weird because Yamaguchi though he was the one that should really have the lead. They walked in silence, in the rain. 

“Um, this is my block.” Yamaguchi stopped outside his complex and motioned to the front door. “I live at the third floor.” He explained as he tapped in the code to the door and opened it for his visitour. 

As Yamaguchi guided Tsukishima up the stairs, he felt ridiculously conscious of everything. He listened to their footsteps, the way the rain was hitting the windows and the normal rumbling sounds his apartment building gave off. 

When they had made his way up the stairs and suddenly stood outside a door that had a whooden, handmade sign that said  _ Yamaguchi, _ the freckled boy felt stupid. He had made that sign when he first moved in, in hope that he would get visitors and to make the place feel more homey. He never did and he never took that sign down. 

“Welcome in.” Yamaguchi murmured as he twisted his key to his home. “Tadaima.”

“Pardon the intrusion.” 

They sat down on his hallway step, and started taking of their shoes. The rain was dripping down Yamaguchi's bangs, making small droplets of water between his feet. He looked briefly at Tsukishima. His hair was also soaked and Yamaguchi though he should offer a towel.

Yamaguchi ran a hand through his hair, trying to shake some of the water out. It didn't do much difference other than make his hand wet. Once he had taken of his shoes and hung his jacket on the rack, he stood up. Tsukishima stood up with him and rubbed his sleeve against this wet forehead.

“Just follow me.” 

Yamaguchi went into the kitchen and bent down to dig some towels out for them both. He threw one at the boy and Tsukishima said his quiet thanks as he dried himself out. 

“Are you hungry?” Yamaguchi asked, already starting to look in the fridge. “I can make us something. I haven't eaten dinner yet, so?”

“The clock is almost 11.00 p.m and you have yet to eat dinner?” Tsukishima asked. He didn't sound any different, yet Yamaguchi felt like he was scolded by his mother. “You had to go to your work at four in the afternoon. Was the last thing you ate half a club sandwich at the Crows?”

Yamaguchi consciously continued to pull out vegetables and not meet Tsukishima eyes. His eating habits were shit, even on days he felt hungry. “I know, I know. But I have never had much of an appetite anyway.”

He was met with quietness. Yamaguchi cursed at himself. He was maybe lacking a few pointers at social cues, but he knew that rambling on and about his eating habits wasn't the way to go. 

“I am so sorry, I don’t know why I said that.” Yamaguchi whirled around, with a pack of noodles in his hands. 

Tsuksimas expression was unreadable. It was some mix of understanding and worriedness. Yamaguchi could be wrong, he had only known him for a month. 

“It’s okay, I know what it feels like.” Tsukishima said, and Yamaguchi had to look twice at him. However, Tsukishima quickly changed the topic. “I would like some food. What are you planning on making.”

Yamaguchi smiled, relieved to drop the topic. He could finally start making his dinner. Both their dinners. 

“Just noodle wok. I usually make it.” 

“Need any help?”

Yamaguchi felt a smile tug at his lips. He nodded, because he was sure no sound would have came out if he were to answer. 

“You can start chopping up the spring onions and bell peppers.” Yamaguchi said after he finally laid out every ingredient that was needed. “Do you want an egg with it?”

Tsukishima hummed his positive response. Yamaguchi pulled out his egg-cooker and made the water ready. It just took 8 minutes for the soft boiled eggs to be done, and Yamaguchi wanted them to be ready just when they were ready to be eaten with the rest of them meal. 

As he started to chop the sweet peas and carrots, he felt his gaze shift to Tsukishima's hands. He was neatly chopping the vegetables. His hands were long and lean, they looked strong and steady. Yamaguchi did notice small scars between his fingers. He wondered where they came from.

“I set the noodles to boil and the eggs too.” Yamaguchi said out loud. He didn’t think it was necessarily, because he could just do that, but they hadn’t talked in a few minutes; and Tadashi was getting twitchy. 

Tsukishima nodded and looked at Yamaguchi. His golden eyes met Yamaguchi's mocha coloured, and Yamaguchi's breath was caught in his throat. Tsukishima looked rather nice in his too yellow lit kitchen, hair still damp from the rain. He had a nice pink hue around his cheeks, that suited his pale skin nicely. The rain had made his curls even curlier and wilder despite how short they were. His glasses were slim and rectangular and looked like they cost a lot more than Yamaguchi's jacket. He had heard that glasses could be expensive. 

“The vegetables are ready,” Tsukishima said, and looked down on the nice chopped ingredients on his cutting board. 

“Thank you.” Yamaguchi quickly moved to get his wok pan out of the cupboards. He splashed some oil down in the pan and remembered that he had some firm tofu in the fridge he could use since he hadn't taken any meat out from the freezer. He easily cut the tofu in his hand and made an easy marinade using  ingredients he always just had around in his kitchen. A recipe he learned years ago from his aunt. 

“Do you cook a lot?”

Yamaguchi shrugged. He started because he needed too, not because he had a passion for it. “No, not really, but you gotta eat; you know.”

The wok was done rather quickly, and he just had to let it shimmer for a couple of minutes before the noddles and eggs were done. He set the table, and almost forgot to take out an extra plate and chopsticks for his guest. They sat over each other as they started eating. 

Yamaguchi had made this thousands of times. It was his go-to dinner. Yet, today, it did taste better than the familiar bland taste he had gotten so accustomed to over the last couple of years. 

“Those plants are dead.” Tsukishima said and pointed with his chopsticks at his plants by the window still. Yeah, they were dead.. They had been dead for a few months now. Yamaguchi couldn't pinpoint the second they died. He just woke one morning  and noticed that they were not doing so well and stubbornly continued to water them. 

Yamaguchi shook his head. “I know, clearly I am lacking green fingers.” He said and chuckled at Tsukishmas snort. “I been meaning to replace those, but I never take the time.”

Tsukishima buzzled back. “We only have plastic plants. I don't even think Kenma and Kuroo tried real plants before I moved in with them.”

“Well, Kenma do not seem like the person that would like to worry about a potted plant,” Tadashi said back. He felt kind of bad of being a little sassy against Kenma and his boyfriend “And I guess Kuroo is too energetic to even remember that they sometimes need water and a bit of daylight” He laughed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that, please don’t tell him.”

Tsukishima chuckled. “No they are, and I don't want to take care of one either. It is  too much of a hassle.” Tsukishima took a bite of his food and then continued. “You know, before I moved in with them, Bokuto actually lived his first semester with Kuroo and Kenma. Kuroo actually tricked Bokuto to water them for him throughout the year or so before he moved out.” Yamaguchi saw the small smile that tuggen on Tsukishima's lips. He did have a rather nice smile. “Bokuto-san got angry, and Kuroo still laughs at that.”

Yamaguchi started laughing. It wasn't that Bokuto was stupid or anything, he was just a little caught up in his own mind to see the whole picture. “He really did that?!”

Tsukishima nodded and chuckled with him. 

Yamaguchi felt… relaxed. He had never quite felt relaxed amongst his peers. He was always the one left out. Always the one that people were whispering about, which made it awkward those times he sat and ate lunch with others or during a group project. He always felt tense and out of place. 

This did not feel out of place. This didn't feel out of place at all. He had misjudged Tsukishima Kei. He really was a blunt person and a mean one that is. However, Yamaguchi liked him that way. The rest of his personality wouldn't have suited him if he were something else. He really like being friends with Tsukishima. 

They chatted, easily. Yamaguchi learned that Tsukishima met Kuroo, Bokuto, Akaashi at a training camp during his first year in high school and they just never let go of him. When he got into Tokyo University, Kuroo offered the apartment’s spare room- that once was Bokuto’s. He had only planned to stay there the first half of th semester or the whole semester if he had to, until he settled into the capital, but Kei found out that he liked the normal chatter and loudness his two roommates gave off. Plus, living in Tokyo was expensive. 

“Still, don’t know how you managed to afford such a big apartment all by yourself?” Tsukishima mused, as Yamaguchi gave him a little house tour after they had eaten. He was planning on leaving soon. 

“Well,” Yamaguchi said as he closed the bathroom door. He was happy he had cleaned the whole place two days before. “Most of the furniture were already here and I pay for electricity and such alone, so I really only pay for rent. And since it only is me, I don’t use a lot of electricity and water.”

“What is this room?” Tsukishima motioned to the spare bedroom. Yamaguchi should really stop referring to it like that. It was a storage room. It had never been a spare bedroom. He had a few boxes he managed to take before he moved from Miyagi. They had seasonal clothes, some nicer ones and such. Some old school books and things like that. There were a bed that were already there when he moved in, but he had never even made it. It was really a dust collector. 

“Just a storage room.”  Yamaguchi opened the room enough to reveal  some of the opened, rundown card boxes. “I been meaning to get a roommate to pay for half of the bill, but I never seem to make the arrangement for an apartment tour and since I am managing on my own, I don't see the point.” Yamaguchi over shared. At least he though so. What was interesting in hearing about his planned that he never seemed to follow though anyway. Tsushima looked at the empty bed that had a box that said winter clothes on it. 

The golden hair boy nodded and walked further down the hallway. 

Yamaguchi yawned behind his hand. 

“My birthday,” Tsukishima said, and Yamaguchi looked at him. The taller one was looking at some of his unframed pictures on the wall. “It’s next week, you can come if you like. It’s the 27th, but I am celebrating on saturday one week from now.”

“Oh, I…” Yamaguchi didn't know what to say. The last time he had been in a birthday party, that was not his cousins, were when he was a second grader and you had to invite everyone in the class. So it wasn't that personal. 

“If you don’t want to, it’s fine.” Tsushima suddenly said, and Yamaguchi could hear that he was offended. He didn't want to make Tsukishima  upset. “I just thought you wanted to come.”

“Gomen, I just spaced out.” Yamaguchi suddenly erupted. “I mean- I want to come. Thank you for the invite.” Yamaguchi bowed to him and hoped the action would make Tsukishima less upset with him. 

“Shut up.”

“Gomen, Tsukishima-san.” Yamaguchi said and followed him to the door. 

Tsukishima sat down and started pulling on his shoes and jacket. He didn't say anything. 

“Thank you for coming.” Yamaguchi said, and felt helpless. Was this how you said your goodbyes during your early 20s. “It was really nice.”

“You dont have peoel over often?” Tsusksim asked, and raised his eyebrow. 

Yamaguchi felt himself caught off guard, but there were no point in lying. “I..um...no. Between working and studying, I usually just want to relax when I am home. I don't have much time for visitors.” The brown eyed boy chuckled and rubbed his hand against his suddenly clammy neck. He thought if he was introverted like Kenma, he could just say that social interaction tired him out.  He wasn’t. He wasn't that extroverted too, maybe something in between, but his alone time was fairly by choice. The only person up until now that had wanted to talk to him, was Sugawara. 

“I figured that out by hearing how you were about to say your farewells to me.”

“So mean, Tsukki.”

Yamaguchi stumbled over his own feet as he mentioned the nickname for Tsukishima. The one he didn't like. He expected to get an annoyed grunt and be told off. 

What he got was a soft snort as Tsukishima shook his head. 

“So, so, sorry.” Yamaguchi said as Tsukishima pulled on his jacket. “I’m just used to hearing Bokuto and Kuroo call you that.”

“It’s fine.

Yamaguchi stopped and looked at him. He thought he would be beheaded about now. Tsukishima wore an easy and tired smile as he stood by the door. He didn't seem annoyed  at all. And most importantly, Yamaguchi would keep his head. 

“Oh, okay. Are Kuroo and his friends done with the party?”

Tsukishima nodded and glanced briefly at his phone. He didn't tell Yamaguchi but he got the message that the apartment was clear when he and Yamaguchi walked to his place after he closed the bookstore up for the night. He though the information wasn't that dire. 

“Yeah, they left some time ago. Kenma is the only one home right now.” 

Yamaguchi nodded. It still rained. “Hey, do you need to borrow an umbrella?” He asked. Not wanting Tsukishima to get soaked and sick. It was the time fo the yearly autumn-flu and every action that could prevent them from getting sick was worth taking. 

Tsukishima seemed to think about it for a few seconds all the while Yamaguchi managed to dig through his closet and pull out his umbrella. It was a purple one that could easily be folded into his backpack if it was needed. 

“Thank you, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima smiled at him. A real smile that wasn't filled with triumph. Like the ones he often got when he purposely got on Bokuto and Kuroo nerves. For all his stoic personality, Tsukishima sure liked to get a rise out of others. It was quite funny, Yamaguchi had to shyly admit. 

“I see you around, right?” 

“Yes, good night.” Tsukishima said and Yamaguchi watched as he walked down the stairs. His farewell lost on his lips. 

When Yamaguchi closed the door, he leaned heavily on it. Feeling drained. It was a good kind of energy-less state he was in. He was tired and exhausted, but he smiled. He smiled big and happy as he made his way towards the kitchen and started washing the wok pan and put the dishes in the washing machine. 

He just had a friend over. For the first time he had a friend over. And it went well, too! It went really well. 

It was nearing 01.30 a.m in the morning and Yamaguchi knew he should sleep and rest. 

He lied down on his bed, still fully clothed and looked up at his white ceiling. He felt giddy and fuzzy and his stomach felt funny. Not like the usual squeeziness he got when he had to interact with people he wasn't so familiar with. This was something else. This made his brain go blank and legs turn wobbly. It wasn't anxiety. He knew that. It was the good kind of ticklish feeling. One he hadn’t felt in years. He had almost forgot how it felt. 

_Is this what butterflies feels like?_

Tadashi covered his face with his hands and let out a squeak. A girly squeak. One of those he had heard when he watched american tv. He needed to get his legs on the ground and go to bed. 

All he wanted to do was to just kind of lie here, on his bed, in happiness for a while. It wasn't often he felt exhausted in all the right ways. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments are always appreciated ;)


	6. You have one friend request from…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi's newfound friendship moves to the next level of friendship: Facebook friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry this is late. I had a chapter pre written, but I didn't like it. I wrote it a couple of weeks ago and still back then I didn't like it. I really did struggle with this chapter. I felt like it was necessary for the development of friendship between the group to have this chapter here. So this is more of a filler-chapter, but it is longer than the others. Around 5700 words. 
> 
> So I hope that makes it up to you guys. I do appreciate you coming here to read my fic, it means a lot. I can't promise that every chapter will be this long. i do have a minimum at 2000-ish. But this was fun to write and I do finally like chapter six of the story.

Yamaguchi made his way through the early morning streets on his way towards campus. It wasn't even 08.00 a.m and he even had time to stop at the Crows to grab a coffee and some breakfast. He had wrapped himself in a thin, light purple, scarf that went well against his mild grey coat. It was chilly today and Yamaguchi did not want to get sick before the weekend. _There was a certain birthday he wanted to celebrate._

He was still jittery from his late night visit from Tsukishima. Every time he thought about their little dinner, a dorky smile grew on his face. He tried not to think too much about it when he was out. Not wanting unwanted attention.

He made his way into the coffee shop. It was half packed, despite how early it was. Most of the visitors were students that were on their way to a lecture or something like that. They all were tired and almost all of them still had their half-dead zombie look going on. They were all sleepy youths that needed their caffeine fix dearly and quickly. Yamaguchi snickered when he saw that one particular student had already passed out over the table. Arms folded under him and his friend didn’t seem to care much either.

When he came up to the counter, he was met with a wide smile and brown eyes.

“Hello, Yamaguchi-kun.” Sugawara greeted him cheerily, despite it being so early. “Had a nice weekend?”

Yamaguchi smiled back. “Yes, I did, it was packed though.” He answered his favorite barista.

Sugawara smiled back and was already on the way to make his regular joe to-go. “You do seem in a merry mood, though.” He chirped easily, while filling the cup, his back turned to Yamaguchi.

“I guess I am. We are going to apply for our clinic this week.” Yamaguchi said.

“Ah,” Sugawara “That sounds exciting. Where do you want to go.”

Yamaguchi brushed a hand through his hair. “I-I’m not sure yet. There are so many options.” Sugawara urged him to continue. “We won’t have our practice time until February, but I do want to work at a place were I can actually work and such on dogs and cats, since those are the only one we will be allowed to work on. We can’t operate yet, since you have to be licensed, but we can be like nurses and help with giving the doctors tools and watching them and taking notes.”

Sugawara nodded long as he spoke. That was what he liked most about Sugawara, Yamaguchi could literally just said he wanted to watch a movie, and Sugawara would ask questions about it. Everything to start their regular conversation over the counter.

“When we had out first practice weeks, I worked at the children's hospital with children from age two to five years old.” Sugawara straighten his aporn and chucked. “I swear, some of those children were like animals. One of their parents joked about taking them to the vets.”

Yamaguchi chuckled. He had seen children jumping from wall to wall in their high-energy like state and had seen them throwing a full tangent about nothing. It was quite frightening to see such a small child reaching 120 decibel in their fit.

Hopefully dogs and birds where a little more cooperating at the vet.

“Hey, Suga-san, can I also get the to-go tamagoyaki with rice lunch and a club sandwich.”

Sugawara didn't turn but he nodded an made his way towards the display table and pulled out the lunchables Yamaguchi asked for. He put them in a plastic bag that had the custom crows printed on them.

“Thanks, Suga-san.” Yamaguchi said and tapped his code into the register as he was handed the bag.

Sugawara smiled knowingly at him. “I put a little treat for you in the bag.” He winked back at Yamaguchi and smiled slyly at the younger youth.

“Sugawara-san, I can pay for it.” Yamaguchi started to fish out his wallet again. Sugawara was too kind to him, without any reason too.

“It’s nothing, sides you are one of my favorite customer.”

Sugawara then went into the back before Yamaguchi could reply back towards him. Although, feeling a little frustrated towards Sugawara's kindness. He didn't hate it, but he didn't like that his senpai went out of his way for him when he was at work. Yamaguchi did wonder briefly if Sugawara was like that towards all his regulars, but he decided that he shouldn't care about that. Sugawara was clearly a person that knew what they were doing. He was studying medicine!

Sugawara was no doubt his favorite barista.

He had basic biology class, first. The same one he shared with Akaashi. They never sat together, since Akaashi always seemed to get there before him and when Yamaguchi made his way into the big auditorium, Akaashi was always seated amongst his usual group of friends.

It didn't really bother Yamaguchi. They were aquanteses. He leave the friend label for Akaashi  and the others to use. So there wasn't any obligation to sit with him and, anyway, Yamaguchi was used to sitting alone.

As he pulled out his notepad, Akaashi did sit with him. That was a first.

“Hello, Akaashi-san.” Yamaguchi greeted. “Did you need anything?”

Akaashi wore a small smile, he looked a little tired, but it was 08.00 a.m in the morning. Everyone looked tired.

“No, I just thought I could sit here.” He sat down and pulled out his notebook too, among some fancy coloured sticky notes. “Is that alright?”

“Y-yeah,” Yamaguchi said, surprised. Akaashi Keiji was cool and collected and somehow managed to put up with both Kuroo and, especially, Bokuto's antics. Yamaguchi just didn't think someone like him would choose to sit with him. But then again, Tsukishima had just been over, so maybe the tides were turning. “You can. I just thought you sat with the other med-students.”

Akaashi was writing something on the top of his new page. It was the date. Without looking at Yamaguchi, he answered. “Yeah, I usually do, but I thought you might use some company.”

Yamaguchi smiled back and started to get his pencil case from his bag. The auditorium was filling up more and more by the second.

“So, I hear you are going to Tsukishima's party?” Akaashi asked and looked at him.

“Yeah, I am. He asked me on Saturday.” Yamaguchi said, a little unsure. Maybe Akaashi didn't want him there. Or maybe Tsukishima wanted to take back the invite. “How did you know?”

“I was at their place yesterday. He told me then.”

Yamaguchi deflated a little. Not because Tsukishima told the others, but because he kind of felt left out. Which he shouldn't feel. He should at least not sulk about it. They still were their little group of friends regardless of Yamaguchi being there or not. He shouldn't expect more of them when he didn't offer his place either. But the thought of having the five of them at a place without him, talking about him...well, it he just didn't like it.

“You know. You can just ask us if you want to meet up.” Akaashi got Yamaguchi out of his stupor. He looked up at his senpai and wondered briefly if he could read minds. He didn't ask though, but he wanted to. He didn't know if Akaashi asked him a question or stated a fact. Maybe something in between. “I know we just happened to meet during lunch and make plans form there, but you can just message us if you want to meet up. Most of us are free after dinner.”

Yamaguchi was lost for words and he was pretty sure Akaashi had a sixth sense or something. Before he managed to breathe even, Akaashi continued.

“I know you have work most days, but, hey, it’s nice hanging out with you and if you want to meet us; just send a message.”

Tadashi's first reaction was to look stunned. He looked stunned, because he should answer or do something. Especially because the lecture would start soon and they would be silenced for 45 minutes until the first break. It must have been socially unacceptable to react so slowly to a conversation, but he smiled wide and a little stupid at Akaashi.

“Yeah, I’ll do that next time.” Yamaguchi answered easily. Akaashi smiled back and turned back to his book.

Yamaguchi thought about it, contacting them and inviting them over or something when the professor started to call them to calm down. He could just send a message and they would take 20 minutes before they would stand outside his little apartment. They could play some of Yamaguchi's board games he still had packed down in his moving boxes or watch a movie. Play cards and do stuff like that. Maybe have a pizza night.

He also noted, that he didn't have their contacts. He didn't have their numbers and he never checked them out on Facebook. The last month went by quickly and he was busy learning to be a friend and to have friends.

* * *

Yamaguchi had parted way with Akaashi in the end of the lecture. Akaashi had another lab session and Yamaguchi had a couple of hours of self study. He still thought about what Akaashi said about just calling them to see if they were able to meet.

Calling them seemed as an entirely new level of being friends. Suddenly they weren’t just study buddies that occasionally played volleyball together. They were friends outside of campus too. _They were friends._

He walked over to the library and decided to eat an early lunch. He choose his normal table at the window and dug through the bag Sugawara had given him a few hours before. The little gift were a mochi bun, flavoured with sweet bean filling.

He felt moved. He remembered his first year when he was still not used to the new stress of being a broke first year student without his parents support and how he felt so alone. The only thing he could stomach back then were mochis with different fillings. He always bought one or two of them at the Crows throughout his first year and Sugawara easily caught up with his habits. He used to call him the mochi-guy, which wasn't that creative, in retrospect. But it was kind of funny. It was one of the only things that managed to make Yamaguchi resemble a smile back then.

And to think that Sugawara still remembered their little rutine back then made Yamaguchi incredible happy. Because those small visit to the urban cafe was his only highlight back then. Visiting the Crows was still one of this daily highlights.

He decided to wait with the mochi bun and eat is sandwich instead. He pulled out his laptop and biology book and started to read over his notes from the lecture.

He got a little notification on his Facebook page. Yamaguchi had never been too into Facebook. He had one just because it was easier to fill out membership and new accounts with one. And the small snippets of video was entertaining in his rather grey-scale life.

But now he had a notification, a little mark on the friend request button.

He clicked on it.

‘You have one friend request from Akaashi Keiji.’

Wow. Yamaguchi stared at his phone for a few seconds. He did receive a couple of request throughout the years. Usually from people that he had a group project with and they needed to stay in touch or whatever. It was never someone that Yamaguchi considered a friend.

He clicked on ‘accept’. And just like that, they were facebook-friends. He wondered if that meant they were friends-friends. Like real world friends. Since he had heard that a relationship didn't get ‘real’ until it was published on Facebook. Maybe it was the same thing with facebook statuses about friendships.

He felt curious and knew in the back of his head that he shouldn’t stalk his facebook page. Yamaguchi briefly wondered what counted as stalking. Hopefully this was just some good natured curiosity.

Akaashi Keiji’s profile was… normal. He had a few pictures, mostly from volleyball tournaments. A lot of them with him and Bokuto. He also had a few pictures of him, and what looked like his family on vacations and birthdays. His profile looked like it was taken somewhere in his third year of high school. He had yet to update it. He didn't have much on his feed except for birthday congratulations he both had received and given. He didn't know what he expected of his profile, but somehow this was it.

He chuckled to himself as he packed away his phone.

He started his research on which clinic he was going  to have his practice weeks in. There was six weeks in total and he didn't want to choose the wrong. They had gotten a list of different clinic that were available for them to apply for. They could also choose one that were closer to their hometown, but that was out of the question for Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi wanted one nearby, even if he ended up taking the train to it, He didn't want a too long  commute. He also need it to be regular hours. He didn't know if he could take some times off Books and Looks. They would be paid minimum salary for their work at the clinic since they didn't have any studies at the time.

He did eventually choose three different clinics he might apply for. He had to talk to his professor and let him help him with the final decision.

He breathed deeply as he took a small five minute break for his research. He took a bite of his small mochi, finishing it off.  Yamaguchi looked at the clock, an hour and a half had already went by. He had lab in a few hours, still some time to kill.

Today he had work and for once he didn't have to closing shift. The extra hour he had home made such a big difference. He also had some time after his lab session to eat his tamagoyaki lunch. It wasn't often he had time to eat a full meal before his shifts.

He continued to work until his lab-session and made his way towards it. It took three minutes to walk from the library to the lab.

Yamaguchi made his way to his table were his group were. They were setting up their research. The two of them were nice. There were a girl and an boy that were four years older than Tadashi. The three of them managed to work just fine together, but their conversation didn't expand any further than the lab and their study.

He muttered a quiet hello to his group as he pulled out his part of the work and sat down with them. The two of them gave him a small smile as they greeted him and they were ready to work . They exchanged their progress and talked about the clinic and how to do an easy task as giving an IV to a dehydrated dog or a shot. Such things their professors had said they would be tasked with once they worked in February. Both of his two workmates had chosen a location further away, nearer their hometown.

He guessed it was fine. It would have been reassuring to have a familiar face with him, but if he had to do it alone, he could.

After they had packed up their stuff, he made his way towards the cafeteria, hoping that his group of friends- and one facebook friend- would be there. They usually were. Since they somehow managed to find and scoop him up on the way, or they would already be there when he walked in.

“Oi, Yamaguchi-kun,” He looked up and saw Kuroo waving after him. He smiled back and made his way over.

“Hello, where is Tsukishima-san and Bokuto-san?” He looked around at Kuroo, Akaashi and Kenma. There were two missing.

“Kei still has his class, and Bokuto went to the gym. But they are on their way when they are done.” Kuroo said around the meat bun he chewed on. Yamaguchi nodded and took out his tamagoyaki and rice. “Hey, Yama, there was one thing I wanted to ask you about?”

Yamaguchi stiffend slightly, but nodded nonetheless. He felt like a deer in headlights. He must have looked like one too.

“Why haven’t you asked us to hang outside of campus?”

Yamaguchi jerked in reaction. Honestly, he wanted to. He wanted to get a visit from Tsukishima again. He wanted to hang out on Sunday, like Akaashi had told him. He wanted to play volleyball with them, even though he sucked. He wanted to do all the friend stuff. In the end, all he managed to answer back; was a rather strange sound from the back of his throat and a confused ‘huh’.

Akaashi smiled slightly beside him and Yamaguchi knew if Tsukishima was here, he would snort at him or click his tongue.

Kenma looked up at him. Kozume Kenma always had this look in his eyes. They were always calculating and somewhat tired. They were fierce, despite him not wanting any attention. The blond looked between him and his boyfriend before sighing tiredly.

“What Kuroo mean, is that Tsukishima came home 02.00 a.m on Sunday and said he had visited you and Kuroo got jealous.” He turned back to his phone.

“I am not jealous, Kenma.” Kuroo said, with a lot of drama in his voice. Yamaguchi chuckled as Akaashi and Kenma rolled their eyes.

“I-I just...um...I just,” Yamaguchi cringed at the way he messed up the words, not being able to form a coherent sentence. Kuroo watched him in question. “I have just been shy…” Yamaguchi finally managed to make a good enough sentence. It was lame. He was lame. But they deserved it and answer and it was the truth anyway.

Kuroo nodded. “I just thought it was because you secretly didn't like us.” He laughed, which meant that he joked. Yamaguchi wouldn't have understood it if he didn't. He chuckled with him, only to be polite. “Akaashi just said you accepted his friend request. Any reason you haven't asked for mine?”

“I don’t know…”

Kuroo shook his head. “You are unbelievable, Yama-chan.” He chuckled as he used the nickname Bokuto had given him. “I like that about you, tho.”  Kuroo fished his phone out of his pocket. He tapped for some moments before he smiled at Yamaguchi. He had that damn, sly cat smile on his face and Yamaguchi was about to ask what he was doing, but he felt his phone vibrate.

‘You have one friend request from Kuroo Tetsurō.’

He click accept and smiled back at Kuroo.

Yamaguchi clucked and shook his head. Even though Kuroo had proven to be like some type of a carer that put Tsukishima in place when he was being too mean and took care of his introverted and shy boyfriend, he was still a child at heart.

“What are we laughing at?” Bokuto said as he slumped down beside Akaashi. His gym bag making a ‘thump’ as it landed at his feet.

“Yamaguchi have been too shy to ask for a friend request and asking us to meet up outside of campus despite inviting Tsukki over to him on a Saturday night,” Kuroo started before Yamaguchi could answer back. He raised his eyebrows at the cat and looked down at his half eaten rice “I have just gotten an 'accepted'.”

“Oh, oh, oh, accept me too, please Yama-chan.” Bokuto threw his arms around Yamaguchi in a tight embrace. The trainer in practice laughed lively while Yamaguchi choked the air out from his lungs. Bokuto was really strong and he was really weak.

“I will, I will.” Yamaguchi breathed out as Bokuto released him. He tried to go back to eating while Bokuto excused himself for the cafeteria line.

“Sorry about that, Yamaguchi.” Akaashi said. “Maybe I should have been more..careful when I mention we didn't have your number or anything like that.”

Yamaguchi smile back. “Ah, it’s nothing you know.” Yamaguchi grabbed his chopstick again and took another bite of the eggs. “I am glad you asked.”

His phone vibrated two times on the table. Yamaguchi didn't bother to check. He figured it was Bokuto.

“So, what are you doing tonight, Yamaguchi-kun?” Kuroo asked, he didn't turn to look at him, his eyes set on Kenma's PSP.

“Working, the usual.”

Kuroo nodded back and as soon as Bokuto returned, he was caught up in a conversation that Yamaguchi didn't really know what was about.

Tsukishima came halfway into Yamaguchi lunch.  He collapsed into the chair and didn't move to unpack his bento box or do anything.

“Tsukki, how was class?” Akaashi asked, concerned by the state of his friend.

“Not that hard, actually, just tired.” Tsukishima said and removed his glasses and got a wipe to clean them. This was the first time Yamaguchi had seen him without glasses. Honestly, he looked better with them on. It just suited him better, but maybe that was just because Yamaguchi was used to see him with his spectacles. He put them on and sighed again and grabbed his water bottled from his bag. He took two great sips from it, his adam's apple bobbing. “We just have three assignment until the end of the weekend. I guess it’s fine, I just hoped this would be a clam week.”

“That sucks, we just have one assignment until next Wednesday, but it’s a big one.” Akaashi said.

“Lucky you.” Tsukishima groaned in frustration.

“Hi, Tsukki.” Bokuto said and took his seat again. Tsukki nodded back and got his bento out. It was wrapped in a cute dinosaur napkin. It was this pale pink with pastel green dinos on them. They were so cute.

“Tsukki!”

“What, Bokuto-san?”

“You have to send a friend request to Yamaguchi, since none of us have been friend with him until this day.”

Yamaguchi choked on his bite of rice. Bokuto grew worried, and patted him on the back. He clearly didn't put two and two together. Tsukishima glanced his way and raised an eyebrow and Yamaguchi felt his finger tremble.

“Bokuto-san, you know I don’t use facebook a lot.” Tsukishima stated. He was annoyed. Yamaguchi's had become better at reading all of them. And Tsukishima was annoyed. He didn't know if Tsukishima was annoyed of Bokuto, him or maybe the both of them. But he was clearly bothered. “And sides, we met him only a couple of days into this semester.”

“You-you don’t have too. It was just that we figured out we didn't have each other phone numbers after you visited on saturday.” Yamaguchi rambled. He feared that Tsukishima might regret coming over on saturday. Maybe he would draw back his invitation right now on the spot .

“But you have too, Tsukki.” Bokuto wailed. He showed a mouthful of rice in his mouth. “If you don’t, Yamaguchi won’t be invited to our group chat” Bokuto said it like that group chat was the most important thing in the world. Like the world revolved around their group chat settings. Quite funny, actually. Yamaguchi thought, because it sounded so stupid.

“I’ll think about it, Bokuto-san.” Tsukishima muttered, _quite_ annoyed now. He put his headphones on and took out a book Yamaguchi guessed he used for his studies and didn't say anything for the rest of the lunch.  

Yamaguchi chatted with the others and tried not to laugh when Bokuto stretched himself over the table and snatched Tsukishima's octopus shaped sausage. What was amusing, was that Tsukishima didn't even flinch. As much as Tsukishima claimed to be annoyed, he did let Bokuto get away with a lot. What was more amusing, was that Kuroo didn't even look up from Kenma's phone and gently put another sausage on Tsukishima's plate just to make up for the one Bokuto stole.

They moved like clockwork, Yamaguchi figured out. Filling each other out and helping each other move the way they should. Kenma’s shyness was outweighed by Kuroo’s outgoing nature. Bokuto’s extrovertness was tamed by Akaashi’s calm personality, but still fired up by Tsukishima snarkiness. All the while Kuroo kept him in place.

Yamaguchi's had heard that a group of friends gained different roles, like the mom-friend and such. In this group, he though they all were a little of the mom-friend, but he wondered where he fit in amongst the strong personalities.

“Well, I need to go,” Yamaguchi said and started to pack his bag. “The books in the store are waiting.” Kuroo chuckled at this and so did Bokuto. Akaashi gave a sympathetic smile while both Kenma and Tsukishima didn't seem to bother.

He gave a small wave and bid everyone goodbye.

He made his way inside and greeted both his coworker and manager, that was about to leave for the evening.

“Ah, Yamaguchi-kun, you are a little early” His manager, Ito-san, said as he wrapped a scarf around himself. Ito Hayato was a beefy man, but kind nonetheless. He kept his personal life for himself, but did occasionally talk about the vacations he took his wife and children on. He was nice, but a little stern at the same time.

Yamaguchi made a nonchalant wave with his hand. “Ohayō, Ito-san. I was done early at uni anyway. And sides, there is only 15 minutes until my shift start.”

His manager nodded and bid him a good shift. Yamaguchi made his way back and got dressed for work. His coworker dipped into the store when he came in. He tried to smile back, so it wouldn't be so awkward.

He sat down at the table and was about to plug in his phone to his charger. Because the battery sucked. His phone was old and maybe as tired as Yamaguchi felt most days. He had it since he started high school, and since he had his fallout with his parents, the money or the thought to buy a new one never presented itself. So Yamaguchi was stuck with a rundown phone with a shitty battery. It lost its energy fast, Yamaguchi could barely have it in the cold. It was a really shitty phone, but it was the one he got.

What he noted was two notification on his facebook app.

‘You have one friend request from Bokuto Kotarou.’

‘You have one friend request from Kozume Kenma.’

He wondered when Kenma sent the request. He also wondered if it was Kuroo who sent it for him. Yamaguchi found out that he didn't really care. Now they could communicate easier and maybe they would meet up more often. He could invite them over to his apartment since he had a lot of space.

He accepted both with a small smile.

It was a rather busy night. More students came in to buy notepads and writing utensils and the periodic system. The semester had finally stated and he could feel it in the air. The students walked faster, like they were always late to something. The library was filled with people that wanted a good start on their semester.

The shift went smoothly. His co worker stayed in the back because he had a big assignment as an intern and that needed to be done. Yamaguchi let him do it, just because they didn't need them both to work at a time like this.

He felt rather energized when he left. Maybe it was because he finished one hour earlier than usual. Or that he actually didn't have to rush to the convenient store to buy some vegetables for his dinner.

“Tadaima.” Yamaguchi said, and tried not to squish his avocados as he put the bag down. His phone vibrated.

_‘You have one friend request from Tsukishima Kei.’_

Yamaguchi couldn't help the smile that crossed his face. So Tsukishima was just stubborn when Bokuto told him to request a friendship on facebook. Or maybe he second though. Yamaguchi didn't know, but he clicked accept and almost skipped into the kitchen. Ready to make dinner.

His phone beeped and Yamaguchi almost jumped out of his skin. Honestly, it was so long ago since he had heard that sound. Sadly, he never exchanged phone numbers with his classmates, and his lab partners used mail to communicate with him.

He walked over to the table were his phone was. Yamaguchi was surprised to see a message from Tsukishima Kei himself .

 **Tsukishima Kei, sent 10:07 p.m.** **  
** _Hi, are you home after your shift?_

Considerate was the first world that got to Yamaguchi's mind. Tsukishima was a lot more caring that he let on. He didn't know why Tsukishima wasn't so openly nice towards everyone, but perhaps he had his reasons.  

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi, sent 10:08 p.m.** **  
** _Yes, thank you for checking. Just came home :)_

He added the smiley face, hoping it would cheer Tsukishima up. It was considerate of him to check up on him so late, but why did he do it. Yamaguchi though he must have a motive behind. There were no one that just wondered of he was okay. Sugawara was the closest to that price.

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi, sent 10:08 p.m.** **  
** _Did you need anything??_

He put his phone down and tried not to think too much about it. It was just a phone conversation over facebook. Countless of people the world had conversation over the phone each day. It was nothing usually.

_Calm down Yamaguchi._

He almost cut off his finger when his message alarm went off again. He stepped over to the table and sat down. Dinner could wait.

 **Tsukishima Kei, sent 10.17 p.m.**  
_How was your shift, did anything exciting happen?_

Yamaguchi wondered if this were Tsukishima checking up on him after Saturdays encounter, he knew Tsukishima wouldn't forget that. Maybe he had even told the others bout it.

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi, sent 10:18 p.m.**  
_No, fortunately not :D  But there was a person who spilled their coffee beside the counter. I had to clean it up…_

 **Tsukishima Kei, sent 10:19 p.m.**  
_Good to hear._

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi, sent 10:21 p.m.** **  
**_Hey, there was something I wanted to ask you about._

Yamaguchi tried to slow down his heart beating with breathing deeply. Tsukishima was nice. He checked up on him and didn't even need too. Maybe that was all he wanted to do, nothing more and nothing less.

 **Tsukishima Kei, sent 10:21 p.m.** ****  
_?_ _  
_ _What is it?_

His fingers did the little finger-dance over the screen as he tried to type in his question. He decided to write it grammatical correct too, it didn't make a difference. But he thought it was needed.

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi, sent 10:23 p.m.** **  
** _I was wondering if you wanted to go to a cafe downtown together sometime?_

Yamaguchi swallowed hard and sat the phone down. He almost slammed his head down on the table. A sick feeling was growing in his stomach. This was not the butterflies-kind of sick- he had gotten right after Tsukishima left on Sunday morning. This was the anxiety- sick feeling he was too familiar with.  He tried to imagine all the different scenarios this could result in. Tsukishima could just say no, and that would be that. he could specify say that he didn't want to hang out with Yamaguchi and that would be it. He could just ignore him. Yamaguchi didn't know what was worse. He quickly sent a new message when he didn't get an answer right away.

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi, sent 10:24 p.m.**  
_If you can’t, that is perfectly fine._

Three periods-sings popped up and moved like a wave for a few second before Yamaguchi got his answer.

 **Tsukishima Kei, sent 10:27 p.m.**  
_I am packed this week. I have the assignments I told you guys about earlier. Sides, you are still coming to my party, right? We can do it next week or something. When we both have time._

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi, sent 10:28 p.m.** ****  
_Yes, that works for me too!! There is a corner cafe I want to try out, so we can go there._  
_And i definitely want to still go to your party._  
_Can't wait!_

Yamaguchi quickly lied his phone screen-down on the table and put on his radio. He realized he sent three different messages in a span of only a few seconds. He needed to do something entirely different, like making his dinner. His phone buzzed again, and it was probably just Tsukishima answering him. Yamaguchi told himself that he would look at it before he went to bed. He needed his head out of the clouds for the time being. At least until he had eaten dinner.

Yamaguchi ate his dinner in front of his television while watching a crime show he really didn't care about.

He kept re reading his text message he got from Tsukishima. He thought it was funny how he was grammatical correct in each and didn't even use emojis. Yamaguchi though it was kind of cute. It was kind of like listening to his rather monotone emotions he displayed out in the public. It would have just been weird if he was lively in a chat in facebook.

He blushed, hard. His cheeks quickly getting hot and Yamaguchi went into the bathroom to splash some cold water onto his face.  He needed to get ready for bed. Pack his bag so it was ready until tomorrow morning. Not be head over heels for a coffee date and a birthday. He still had a chapter from his veterinary class he needed to read.

Just when he was about to pick up his book, he got another message. He unlocked his phone and if it wasn't almost 11:30 p.m. on a Monday night, he would have danced around in the living room with too loud music.

 **Tsukishima Kei, sent 11:26 p.m.** **  
** _Looking forward to it too._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be another chapter and THEN the birthday-chapter will come. So stay tuned.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated :D


	7. Like an adult-adult.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi goes to the mall with Bokuto and Kuroo to buy a certain boy a gift.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if this should be a warning or not. But the boys are buying alcohol for the party and are just discussing which drink they should buy. Note; I am an adult in my early 20s, and here in Norway, where I come from; you can start drinking from the age of 18, so I have three years experience. I also based the alcoholic beverages of those we have here. Hope it isn't too confusing. 
> 
> Sorry if this comes as a spoiler, but if someone of you have issues with alcohol or doesn't like reading about it, I wanted to give a small heads up. I will do it trough the story when I think a small warning might be needed for the chapter.

“Hey, Bokuto-san, wait!”

Yamaguchi called out to the other man as he picked up his pace to run up to Bokuto. The other male smiled widely at him and greeted him happily.

“Yama-chan, I didn’t know you would be at the campus today?” Bokuto asked, still smiling and continued his walk with Yamaguchi beside him. “You usually have the Friday off, right?”

Yamaguchi nodded, still breathing a little heavy from his small run. He loosened the scarf he had around his neck to get some fresh air. It was colder outside, but he was worried the short run might make him break out in a small sweat, and he did not want that. He couldn't believe how out of shape he was. He should start to exercise more regularly, especially since he started playing volleyball with the others.  

“You are right.” Yamaguchi answered back. “I am going into town. Need to do some shopping.”

“Oh, are you gonna buy something special?” Bokuto asked, probably hinting towards something entirely different than Yamaguchi had in mind. “Kuroo and I are going into the city after we both are done with our classes. We can meet up, maybe?”

Yamaguchi nodded back “That was why I wanted to talk to you.” Yamaguchi started and measured Bokuto's reaction. He looked excited and curious. It wasn't that big of a deal, really. However, this was an important occasion.

“I am going to pick a gift for Tsukishima-san and some nicer clothes I can use at the party. The problem is, I don’t know what to get him.”

He had thought of getting him a gift card at his bookstore, but it seemed too easy. He wanted Tsukishima to have a gift he would appreciate. And he was willingly to spend a little more than normal, as a thank you for the night he heroically saved Yamaguchi from his enemies.

Bokuto seems deep in thought. He had a wrinkled forehead and looked down at his feet as they walked.

“Hmm, Tsukki isn’t an easy nut.” Yamaguchi almost had to laugh at Bokuto's comparison, but he held himself back and let the older boy think. “I am going to buy him some sweets and a new shirt I know he have been eyeing at the store.”

“He likes sweets?” Yamaguchi asked. Because never have he remotely though that Tsukishima Kei flavoured sweet instead of something else.

“Loves them.” Bokuto stated and started laughing a second after. “You wouldn't believe the amount of cakes and candy that Tsukishima eats his way through. If it weren't for Kuroo actually making him eat other stuff, I doubt he would.”

“That is not healthy.” Yamaguchi said and couldn't help snicker. It felt like he was let in on a secret that shouldn't been shared. All he had seen up until now was Tsukishima's bentos, that he knew were leftovers from the dinners he shared with Kenma and Kuroo since they always ate the same stuff.

Bokuto laughed alongside him. “No, but he is to stubborn to admit otherwise.”

“What kind of cake does he like,” Yamaguchi asked. “Maybe I could bake something for him.”

“He likes strawberry shortcake.” Bokuto said, with less enthusiasm. “You can bake for him, but I know Kuroo and Kenma are going to bake the birthday cake. You can definitely give him sweets”

Yamaguchi nodded, still unsure what he should buy, but he was a little more certain on what he should avoid. “That helps a lot, anything else.?”

“He likes to read manga. Anything really. I do think it's the reading part he likes, not actually the story itself.”

Yamaguchi hummed back. Sweets and manga. Two things that was fairly easy to get in the town center. “Thanks, Bokuto-san.”

Bokuto answered with patting him on across the shoulders. “No problem, Yama-chan.”

They stopped at the intersection. One way would lead to the campus and the other one would lead to the train station. Yamaguchi smiled back at Bokuto, used to his way of affection. The only one he didn't clap on the shoulders were Kenma. Kenma was introverted and shy, but he had a killer stare, and Yamaguchi had no doubt that at least one time; Bokuto had been on the other end of that look.

“I send you a message when Kuroo and I are on our way.” Bokuto said easily as he stopped clapping Yamaguchi on the shoulders. He nodded to the owl and smiled.

He easily made his way to the platform and thought about all the things he could buy his friend. Luckily, the rush hours were over and he actually got a seat when he entered the subway. It only took 15 minutes until he was at the mall. It was a big mall and the first time Yamaguchi was here in his first year; he got lost for two hours inside of it, trying to find the right exit.

He first made his way towards the clothing store.

He had been eyeing a nice shirt at the girl section of the store. He hoped no one he knew were here. He didn't feel like he needed their nasty comments and snickers behind his back. The employers were usually nice. Sometimes a guy would look at him strangely when he went into the changing rooms and some of the girls usually though he bought clothes for his girlfriend. Yamaguchi never felt the need to correct them, but he always grew scarlet whenever he tried to answer them that it wasn't that important.

After some searching, he did find the button up shirt he had been looking at for some time. It had a nice floral pattern that was made with neat embroidery that went along the sleeves and over the shoulders. There were even some on the back, near the collar. The rest was a vivid blue, made of denim. It was truly a beauty among the clothes.

Yamaguchi went to the changing rooms and tried to avoid the glances he got from the workers. He quickly changed his t-shirt for the long sleeved one and used a few minutes to tuck it in his pants and tug at the arms to make it sit the way he wanted.

The sleeves were a little shorter for his long arms, but he could roll them up to his elbows and no one would know.

Tadashi breathed deeply. He didn't hate his body all the time, and this day; life decided to give him a break. He did feel like he looked rather nice like this. He could throw on his one and only, worn-to-death cardigan and he would be ready for the party. And maybe, he also could paint his nail an exciting colour. Maybe burgundy, since it was autumn. Or maybe a bright yellow to match the beads of the flowers.

Yeah, that sounded like a good idea. The others had never commented on his nails. Yamaguchi though that they genuinely didn't care; or they cared, but didn't say anything.

He changed and folded his new shirt nicely as he went on a tour around the store. He picked up a dark purple beanie he could use for winter. Yamaguchi also went to the guys section, that was currently filed with nice collared shirts that was either a shade of denim or a flannel printed one. There were also a lot of graphic tees, but he didn't like those too much. He did go back to the nail polish and make up section and picked up some nail polish remover, a burgundy coloured polish and some new hair ties. His hair was long enough to braid it.

He did get a quizzical look from the worker, but he didn't say anything back. Yamaguchi thanked them out of politeness and made his way out of the store with a new shirt in hand.

He bought a smoothie at a small smoothie bar and sat down. Despite it being around noon, the mall was filled with people. He saw a group of friends in uniforms, and suspected they were skipping class to be here. There was a girl that sat a few tables away from him and talked loudly in the phone, something  about a her best friend. The mall gave off clatters and steps in all directions. Sometime an alarm would go off from a store. There were a small baby crying non stop in a clothing store and it looked like the parent didn't even try to calm them down. Yamaguchi tried to drown all of this out. He needed to concentrate about his mission.

He wanted to give Tsukishima a nice gift. One he could use, maybe. Or maybe he could just buy him some sweets, chocolates or caramels to him. But if he didn't like them, that would be embarrassing. Yamaguchi thought of just buying the weekly manga they had at his book store, but that was something Tsukishima could pick that up if he wanted too himself. They did have manga books, but was it worth buying if there were a chance of him returning it for something else?

He liked dinosaurs, so maybe a new book, or some figures. Yamaguchi thought of the little dinosaur set he got when he was still in kindergarten. It was a wooden dinosaur he needed  puzzle together to make it 3D. He could buy that, but he didn't know where he would get one of those. Maybe Tsukishima wasn't even a collector.

Yamaguchi realized he didn't know a whole lot about Tsukishima. He realized he didn't know a lot about his friend.

His facebook message went off and Yamaguchi quickly pulled up his phone. It was Bokuto.

 **Bokuto, sent 01.17 p.m.** **  
** _Haya, me and Kuroo are on our way. Where are you :D_

Yamaguchi quickly tapped in his location. They could probably help, because he had started to feel a little cramped in here.

 **Yamaguchi, sent 01.18 p.m.** **  
** _Hi, I am at the mall, second story with the Smoothie bar._

 **Bokuto, sent 01.22 p.m.** _  
__Alright, be there in 20 min ;)_

Yamaguchi decided to just wait. He bought an apple and nibbled on it as he waited. True to his words, both Bokuto and Kuroo came after 20 minutes.

“Ohayo.” Yamaguchi greeted them and stood up to dispose of his lunch.

“Hi, Yamaguchi-kun,” Kuroo said, smiling at him. “See you already have done some shopping.” He said, and gestured to the bag Yamaguchi was carrying.

“Ah, yes. I just bought a shirt I can use to at the party.”

“Can I see?” Bokuto asked eagerly. He stepped forward and had a curious look on his face.

“I-I, um,” Yamaguchi stuttered nervously. He didn't want them to think his clothes were girly, which they were- since he just bought them at the girl section. It was also a ridiculous though. He could just show it to them, since they were going to see it on the party anyway. “I guess.”

He slowly opened the bag and picked up his denim shirt. Cringing at the way his nail polish clanked against the tailed floor when he put the bag down. He gave it to Bokuto, still folded and tried not to look at his reaction.

Bokuto quickly straighten out the shirt. His mouth formed a animated ‘O’ as he looked over the fine embroidery work. He made a sound of astonishment. “This is so pretty. I like it.”

Yamaguchi looked back at them. He smiled nervously tugging at his jacket. “Thanks.”

Kuroo hummed in response. He had a more confused look at the shirt. “A girl in my class have one that looks similar.”

That was it. Yamaguchi just had to get away from them. He might as well jump over the railing and make a quick to the first floor. He knew he wouldn't die from the fall, but maybe just pass out. He started stuttering, without actually making coherent words or sentences.

The two other boys noticed his state of panic. Bokuto quickly folded the shirt and looked up at Kuroo, who looked confused and worried.

“Yamaguchi, breathe.” Kuroo walked over to him and shook him lightly by his shoulders. The freckled boy snapped out of his almost-panicking and looked slowly up at Kuroo. He feared whatever face Kuroo must be showing. “It’s okay if you bought it at a girls store.”

“It-it is?” Yamaguchi's voice trembled.

Bokuto came up to him and looped an arm around him. “Why wouldn't it be?”

“It is a girl shirt.” Yamaguchi stated, like they didn't know that.

“Well, it is.” Bokuto started and shook a hand though his bangs. “But you know; if girls can wear boys clothes. Boys can wear girl clothes.” He smiled kindly down at the younger boy in distress.

Yamaguchi jaw might have hit the floor and made a dent in it. He didn't know, but he knew that he gaped at the both of them. The math student gently put two fingers under his jaw and closes his mouth. Yamaguchi shook his head and took the shirt back and placed it in the bag.

“And sides,” Bokuto continued as he turned around. Yamaguchi clothes almost forgotten. “I think you just fit perfectly with the rest of the group”

The two of them started to walk and Yamaguchi followed after, still not completely present. He felt hot in his cheeks and his fingertips kind of tingled.

“And Yamaguchi-kun?”

Kuroo looked back at him as he caught up to them. Yamaguchi swallowed and tried to smile back. He knew it must have looked more like a grimace.

“Please stop thinking that we are going to kill you.”

“Hai, senpai.” Yamaguchi choked out as Bokuto threw an arm around his shoulders.

* * *

They walked around for some time. The conversation flowed easily between the three of them and Yamaguchi felt more relaxed though each store they went in.

Bokuto went into the town center only to by some everyday products like shampoo, hair gel and such. Yamaguchi had asked why he just didn't buy that at the local drug store, which Bokuto answered that the mall had the kinds he wanted. Kuroo only tagged along Bokuto because they usually just went together.

“We also need to pick up some beer and the wine bottle Akaashi asked for.” Bokuto said. They had left the mall some time ago and were walking around in the shopping district.

Yamaguchi stiffened at the thought of buying alcohol. He had never done it and he knew he would look clueless of they went into a drugstore to buy something. He also wondered what he would like. Was he wine person, a beer person or maybe just cider. Or maybe he was vodka person. He had heard those were strong.

“Yeah, I have bought mine,” Kuroo said, and looked through his phone. “but I said I would buy Tsukki's.”

“Oi,” Bokuto started and looked over at Yamaguchi. “What are you going to buy?”

Yamaguchi looked down at his shoelaces. One were coming loose and he needed to tie it again before he stumbled over because of them. “I-I don't drink.”

Kuroo lowered his phone and looked down at him, surprised. “Don’t you drink?” Yamaguchi shrugged back. It was kind of true. He didn't drink, he never had. He wanted to try it at least. Before he managed to answer, Kuroo continued. “If you don’t that is fine. Kenma doesn't plan on drinking either.” Yamaguchi wondered if Kuroo suspected if he never had been at a bar, or a party or in some situation that acquired people in their twenties to get drunk.

Yamaguchi breathed heavily and hoped he didn't sound stupid. “I just never had the chance to drink before.”  He said quietly.

“Why?” Was Bokuto's curios response.

“I was usually alone before I met you guys,” Might as well just tell the whole truth. “and drinking alone sound too depressing.”

The two others shared a looked that could have meant anything to Yamaguchi. They were best friends, like brothers and Yamaguchi felt like he was being kept out of something. Yamaguchi also felt utterly judged by the two of them. Maybe they thought he was a prude or something. Or like the complete loner he actually was without them.

A feeling of bewilderment filled him up as Kuroo locked him in a headlock and laughed. A few other people glanced their ways and Yamaguchi felt his neck grow hot in a small embarrassment for the attention. Bokuto ruffled his hair.

“Don't worry, Yama-chan.” Kuroo let him go and Bokuto threw his hand in the air as he raised his voice. “As long as you stay with us, you will never be alone. Even if you want to.” Bokuto laughed again and ruffled his hair again. Yamaguchi couldn't help but feel happy.

Kuroo laugh too at Bokuto, Yamaguchi was released. “Tsukki is the living embodiment that nobody escapes us.”

The two of them started laughing more widely at the mention of their friend. Yamaguchi felt himself snort too. Because it really looked like Tsukishima couldn't stand them at times and he was still getting teased for it.

“Thanks guys.” He said, hoping the two of them would hear him over their own voices. But he meant it, _truly_.

They walked over to the drugstore and went to the alcohol section. Bokuto quickly picked up the wine for Akaashi and some drinks for himself  and a vodka bottle that was red. Yamaguchi looked at those vodka bottles too. Maybe he just buy them too. It couldn't hurt. Just as he was about to grab one for himself, Kuroo caught his wrist.

“If this is the first time you're drinking, you are not going to drink a whole bottle of that.” Kuroo did sound like a dad or an uncle scolding him and Yamaguchi sunk under his gaze.

“Yes, sir.” He muttered as Kuroo led him a few steps away from the vodka and to something that looked like soda cans. Yamaguchi did understand that this was the beer and cider section. “Kuroo-san, I don't know what I like.”

Kuroo looked at him and then away. “Bo, get over here. Yamaguchi-kun needs help.”

Bokuto quickly made his way over to them, his cart clicking with the bottles he already had picked up. “Whats going on?” He smiled.

“Yamaguchi doesn’t know what he likes.” Kuroo told him and pushed Yamaguchi slightly with his scheduler.

Bokuto made a sound of affirmation. He looked over the aisle and then back at Yamaguchi. “Ah, I know!” He called, excited. “What kind of sodas do you like?”

Yamaguchi looked at the, at least, 30 different bottles and cans of alcohol displayed in front of him. They came in all kinds of colours and flavours and he really didn't know what he was expecting  off them.

“Apple and pear cider are a safe bet, but it can get kind of too sweet if you only drink that. It’s a lot of sugar in those, so it can get nauseating.” Kuroo started with a hand stroking his own chin. He looked thoughtful he listed up the different kinds of beverages. “Beer can work too, but it’s either you like it or you don't. The same is for wine.”

“I do like,” Yamaguchi started and looked at the cans again and then at Bokuto's cart. “Lemon flavoured stuff. Kind of acidic. I don't really like too sweet things.”

“Then you should choose the lemon flavored ciders. Those are 2 or 4%.”

Yamaguchi found four different kinds of lemon flavored ciders and choose the cans because they were easier to carry than the glass bottles. Bokuto offered his cart and Kuroo found the drinks he needed too and they made their way to the registers to pay.

Yamaguchi though it was exciting to pay for the alcohol. He showed his ID to the uncaring cashier and shared his bag with Kuroo. He felt like an adult. Which he was, because he was turning 23. But he felt like he had become more of an adult than he was five minutes ago. He had become and adult-adult!

They made their way to the subway. Kuroo quickly got in a conversation with Kenma, he thought so at least. Because Kuroo called the receiver of the phone call ‘pudding’. He never though Kuroo and Kenma were the nicknames type.

“Hey, Bokuto?” Yamaguchi asked after a couple minutes in quiet. “Are you planning on celebrating your birthday? I noticed that it just passed.”

Bokuto glanced his way “I have already celebrated mine. I went home to my parents and spent two nights at theirs. They took me out for dinner at a fancy restaurant. Caught up with some of my old high school friends.”

“Okay. I was just wondering.”  

“Don’t worry. I was planning on doing something. But since I am out almost each weekend, it is fine.” Bokuto smiled widely at him.

Yamaguchi smiled back and thought of Tsukishima’s birthday party and how excited he was for it.

“Damn it!” He almost yelled out. Bokuto looked concerned at him and Kuroo abandoned his phone conversation and looked at him worriedly.

“What’s wrong Yama-chan?”

“I forgot to buy Tsukishima-san a gift.” Yamaguchi fingered both his hands through his hair in expiration. That was the only reason he went into town. To get that gift for his friend and he forgot that and only bough things for himself.

“I forgot that too, sorry, Yama-chan.” Bokuto said. He did sound sorry for him.

“It’s okay. I don’t think it would matter. I don't know what to get him anyway.” Yamaguchi shook himself out of his mood. There was nothing he could do about it.

“I don’t know if this is any help,” Kuroo said, he still had his phone in his hand, but it was pressed against his chest. “I don't think Tsukki is expecting you to buy him anything. He isn’t like that.”

“Thanks, that helps; but I still feel like I should buy or make something.”

Kuroo picked up his phone conversation.

“Maybe you could buy him some candy, I told you he likes it.” Bokuto said, trying to help him. “Or, or, or maybe you could go to the corner store and buy him some wine. He likes the fruity ones... and he just likes red wine.”

Bokuto's inputs were helpful, but he did want to buy him something he would actually like. To show that he cared.As a friend. he cared as a friend and would like to buy his friend a gift he was going to like.

“Thanks, Bokuto-san.” Yamaguchi said, honestly. He gave the other a smile. He had helped him plenty through the day. “I thinks I am only going to find something at my bookstore, since I get a discount there.”

Bokuto nodded back. “I am sure you will find something. And Tsukki is a lot less judgmental than you might think.”

_He hoped so._

They parted way when they came to the subway stop. Kuroo offered to take his drinks over to his place, since Tadashi was already heading there tomorrow and it wasn't worth it to carry those home; only to carry them to the party. he thanked him plenty. Yamaguchi walked over to Books and Looks, hoping to find a suitable gift. He didn't have any shift today, so it was a little weird  walking around in his store. His coworker nodded to him without saying anything and so did his manager, both busy with work.

He went to the section were he picked the dinosaurs books for Tsukishima over a month ago. He tired to remember the books Tsukishima bought, but couldn't. There were more than a handful to pick from.

Eventually he did decide on two books he was almost sure Tsukishima didn't pick. He could still have them since he obviously had been at the store before. He walked over to the small displays of key chains they had of different animals and creatures. They did have a few of dinosaurs. He choose the stegosaurus without any other reason than that he thought that the tyrannosaurus and pterodactyl was the the popular ones.

“Ah, Yamaguchi-kun,” It was his manager. “How are you.”

Yamaguchi smiled to his managers. “Hi, Ito-san. I am good, thank you.” Yamaguchi paid for his items  as his manager packed his bags for him.

“Here you go, Yamaguchi-kun.”

He bowed back to his manager before he went home.

Back home, he unpacked his bag. He had two books and one key chain to wrap up. Maybe he should write a small card too.

He searched for some time for wrapping papers. Yamaguchi wasn't that surprised when he didn't find anything. But he did found some satin band that belonged to a perfume he bought many months ago and he just had to use old news paper as his wrapping.

Yamaguchi found out that he sucked at wrapping gifts. When he lived back with his parents, his mother always wrapped the gifts. He had never seen his dad wrap a gift in his life. He seemed to get that gene from his dad.

Frustrated over his lack of skills, Yamaguchi decided that some dinner would do him some good. If he continued messing up his gift wrapping, he might have to walk over to the store and actually buy some wrapping paper. And Yamaguchi was planning to spend the rest of the Friday home in his PJ’s.

He found some leftovers from the wok he made the day before and heated it up. Yamaguchi thanked for the uptenth time that this place had a microwave when he moved in.

He sat down on the floor beside the gift that was causing his hair to become grey and ate his dinner on the floor.

He did eventually managed to wrap the gift with enough newspapers and a lot of tape. It looked awful. It looked really awful. Even when he wrapped the band around it and accessorized with the home-made card; it was still really ugly.

Yamaguchi signed and debated if he just should dress up again and run to the convenience store and buy some wrapping paper and a birthday card. It might be easier. He still felt like his skills would still make it ugly, so it wasn't even worth it.

In the end, he decided that the ugly newspaper wrapped gift would would suffice.

His dinner was forgotten when he had come halfway and when he remembered it, it was cold and mushy. It wasn't even worth saving it, since he had already heated it up two times now. He threw the rest of his dinner in the garbage and took an iced tea out.

He painted his nails a deep burgundy colour and tried not to mess it. It looked nice, and it would look nice to his new shirt too. He gave a small smile to his fingers as he looked over his work.

Yamaguchi lied down at the carpet beside the couch after he had dimmed the lights in his apartment. Tomorrow would be good, maybe even great. He had work from 10:00 a.m to 04:00 p.m. The party started around seven. He needed to go home, eat dinner and shower. Then he could work over to Tsukishima's place.

It was going to be great.

This was the first birthday party he was going to attend since elementary school. Since he was around eight or nine. That was the last time he got an invitation, and every birthday since then; belonged to his family. Somewhere in his mind, Yamaguchi knew he was over excited for a birthday. He was 23 years old and the last birthday he truly celebrated was his dads before their fallout.

Yamaguchi didn't know why he teared up at the thought. But he did. Silent tears were sliding down his cheeks and into the carpet. He tried to rub them away with his sleeves, but it just kept coming. Tadashi didn't know why he was crying. He was looking so much forward to tomorrow. He felt happy, at least Yamaguchi though he felt happy. _He should feel happy._

Yamaguchi Tadashi lied on his carpet, crying for reasons he wasn’t sure of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, thanks for reading :D Hope you liked it. 
> 
> Just, if you didn't understand why Tadashi got sad in the ending, is because he is still struggling with depression and loneliness. Even though his friends are making it better, they can't wish his troubles away. That is for Tadashi to work his way through. 
> 
> Ps: If someone is wondering what the hell that dinosaur puzzle is, search dinosaur puzzle 3D on amazon or ebay and you will find out. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated :D


	8. A drunken heart tells a lot of stories.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi goes to Tsukishima's party and learns a little bit about everyone, but they also learn something about him too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: They get drunk in this chapter. Not like really drunk, but they drink alcohol. 
> 
> Warning: There is some (minor) cursing through the fic. For those of you who don't like it, I will apologise. 
> 
> Hope you all can still enjoy the chapter regardless of the warnings.

Yamaguchi tugged on his ponytail. He had braided it and hoped that it had stayed intact from his walk. He pushed a part of his bangs behind his ear and straightened out his clothes. Not wanting them to be too wrinkly when he knocked.

He had yet to knock on Tsukishima’s door. He wondered if he was the first to arrive or maybe the last. It wasn't that important. People were always late to things. To class, to meetings, to the bus. The clock had just passed 07:10 p.m and Yamaguchi still stood outside in the hallway. He had arrived a few minutes ago, but had yet to knock on their door. 

He glanced at the gift between his hands and breathed deeply. He was ready, so ready for this.

Raising his hand to the doorbell, he lightly pushed it down. Even from the hallway, he could hear the sound the bell gave off and heard a lot of steps before the lock twisted open.

Yamaguchi breathed deeply again and straighten up.

The door opened and Yamaguchi was met with the small smile that belonged to Tsukishima.

“Ohayo.” Tsukishima said and stepped away from the door. Indicating that Yamaguchi could step in.

Yamaguchi shook his head and stepped inside and let Tsukishima lock the door again.

“Sorry for the intrusion.” Yamaguchi said out loud to the host and sat down to work his shoes off.

“It’s no trouble, I am glad you could make it.” Tsukishima told him and leaned against the wall. “How was your day?”

“Thank you,” Yamaguchi stood up and hung his jacket. “I had work today, but nothing happened at the bookstore.. We got a butt load of new articles that needed to be registered and put out. So I mostly did that.”

Tsukishima nodded back. “Have you eaten? We still have some leftovers from today's dinners.”

“Ah, thank you, but I ate before I came here.” Yamaguchi smiled.

He followed Tsukishima through a small hallway and into the living room. There were four doors, one with a small WC sign, but the others looked the same. He wondered which door belonged to Tsukishima. What did it looked like inside? Was he a neat freak or on the messy side? Yamaguchi suspected he was more of a neat freak. However, Tsukishima seemed to have a sweet tooth and that had baffled Yamaguchi when Bokuto had told him.  

When he entered the living room, he saw the kitchen and a small dining table was separated by a bar-counter. There were two bar stools, coloured beige. It looked nice with the small, grey counter. They had wall clock that was a deep blue colour and a picture beside it that looked like something Picasso could have made. Yamaguchi knew that wasn't one of his works. There was a a small desk beside the coach that had a printer on it and a stack of papers. It kind of looked like how he had imagine a student apartment would look like.

He also saw that the other guest members had already arrived. Maybe there were someone that was missing, but Akaashi and Kenma were seated at the couch and Bokuto and Kuroo where joking around in the kitchen. They all had dressed up. Akaashi wore a nice deep blue shirt, that made his eye stand out. They looked extra fierce in that shirt. Kenma was for once not in a big hoodie. He had a green striped polo shirt with a cardigan over.

Tsukishima was also dressed nicely. Pretty nice. He had chosen a washed-out denim shirt with brown buttons. It went nicely to his blond hair and golden eyes. It didn't look like he did anything with his hair, but the hair did look good too. Maybe he just showered, because it did look extra curly. He wore black jeans with it, that was ripped on one knee. It looked cool that way. Kind of bad ass. Like the ones Yamaguchi had seen on tv. It just didn't look so forced on Tsukishima. He really suited the style. And even with his glasses, he looked cool. It just made him look cooler.

“Hello.” Yamaguchi said to the others. Both Kenma and Akaashi looked at him.

“Hi, Yamaguchi, are you alright.”

Yamaguchi nodded and smiled back. He took sat down on the couch opposite of them. A two-persons couch. The one that Kenma and Akaashi sat on were a three-mans couch. There was also a big chair beside the table, and Yamaguchi absently wondered which one of them would choose that one.  

“Tsukishima-san, I have this...for you.” Yamaguchi trusted the gift forward. Tsukishima seemed surprised for a split of a second before a warm smile crossed his lips. It made Yamaguchi blush, only a little.

“Thanks.” He took the gift and placed it and the end of the table among the others.

“Bokuto, be careful!”

Yamaguchi snapped his head towards the ruckus in the kitchen. He couldn't see what Bokuto and Kuroo were hovering over, but by the loud voices, it seems importance.

“20th, 21st…”

“What are they doing?” Yamaguchi asked.

Tsukishima sighed and shook his head as he got seated beside Yamaguchi.

“They are putting 23 candles on the cake.” Kenma answered.

“Wouldn’t it be better to just buy the number 2 and 3 for the cake and make 23 out of that?”

“No, it wouldn't!” Bokuto yelled from the kitchen, clearly eavesdropping on the conversation. Yamaguchi chuckled back. “Anyway...Hi, Yama-chan.” Bokuto yelled back again.

“This is tradition, Yamaguchi-kun.” Kuroo fired out right after Bokuto, stretching out the sentence. “How was your day?”

“Hi, Bokuto-san.” Yamaguchi called back. They were standing with their backs towards the group in the living room. Hiding the cake from Yamaguchi's view. “What did he mean with tradition?” He turned towards Tsukishima, but Kenma was the one to answer.

Kenma looked up to him and he was even smiling. He didn't sit with a device in his hand, like he usually did. Even when he was walking he played on his phone or PSP. It was weird to see him without a game console in his hands, Yamaguchi thought. But a birthday was enough reason to drop the phone at least.

“Since Tsukishima moved, in, we have a tradition that Kuroo and I bake him his favorite cake. Bokuto and Kuroo decorate the cake, mostly with candles because they take up all the space, but there is also a lot of cream and strawberries involved.”

Tsukishima snorted beside him, but he was wearing a smile. A genuine smile.  

They talked for awhile about their day as Kuroo and Bokuto stressed over the cake. There were a lot of plates clinking together and utensils being thrown around. Yamaguchi didn't know how they managed to make so much sound only by decorating a cake.

“Here it is!” Kuroo hollered, proudly as he came up to the couch, cake in hand. There were 23 different coloured candles lit on the cake. The cake itself was rather nice. Bokuto stood beside him, carrying plates and cutlery for them to use plus a bowl of strawberries. There were already a chips bowl and a candy bowl on the table and some soda cans too.

Yamaguchi would be lying if he said this was what he had imagine. He had imagine balloons and decoration and party hats. Lots of music and people already being drunk. He also understood that he should stop imagine how his life would be by watching corny romcom and soap dramas from Asia and USA. He almost chided himself for that. This was a lot nicer. Not that intense and overbearing. A good first step to a stranger world.

Kuroo sat the cake down and moved over to a speaker and put on some pop music.

“Okay, now we gotta sing the Birthday Song to the birthday bo- Tsukki! Stop!”

All eyes shifted to Tsukishima, who had already taken a plate and was ready to blow out the candles before they had even started to sing to him. Tsukishima stopped in his tracks and pouted up at Kuroo, who did look like a disappointed mother.

“We can just skip the song, you know, and eat right away.” Tsukishima muttered as he sat up again. “We don't have to do it.”

Tsukishima acted annoyed, but it honestly looked like he just wanted some cake. And that fast.

“No we can’t, Tsukki.” Kuroo said and he took a seat beside Kenma.

“Yes we can. Nothing is stopping us.”

“No we can’t.”

“Yes, we can!”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“No, Kei-chan.”

Tsukishima sighed at Kuroo mocking smile. He slumped down, finally giving up.

They started singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to him, only for Tsukishima to actually bend over the cake and blow it out in one breath mid song. It didn't seem like he regretted that decision as he cut the first slice of the cake.

“Tsukki!”

“What, you used so long, Kuroo-san” Tsukishima gave him a teasingly smirk. A smirk that said that he just won this round. Kuroo shook his head and started to cut a slice for himself. Leaving the candles on the cake plate.

“I can’t believe you sometimes.” Kuroo cut a slice for Kenma too, he gave him some extra strawberries. Kuroo gave the knife to Akaashi. Bokuto had his arm thrown around  him and they sat close. Just as close as Kenma and Kuroo were usually sitting.

_They were sitting really close._

“Wait!” Yamaguchi blurted out as Akaashi was slicing the cake. They all looked at him in question.

“Is there something wrong, Yamaguchi?” Akaashi asked.

“Are you lactose intolerant?” Kuroo asked, eyeing the cake. “It has milk in it...sorry.”

“We didn't know.” Kenma offered too. They both looked really apologetic.

“No, the cake is fine.” Yamaguchi said. It came out a little squeaky. Curse him for being a little high pitched when he got excited. “It’s just...um...Akaashi-san and Bokuto-san, are you dating?”

They all looked at him like he just grew a second head. The gaze shifted to the Akaashi and Bokuto, who looked at each other and then back at him.

“You didn't know?” Bokuto asked, tilting his head to the side. He didn't sound so offended. He had never seen Bokuto anything, but happy.

Yamaguchi nodded back looking down at his lap. His fingers were shaking a little. They had become a little sweaty.

A moment went and they all started laughing at him.

He put his head in his hands and groaned loudly.

“You really didn't know?” Akaashi asked.

He looked up at the couple, lost. Akaashi looked more surprised than Bokuto

“We eat dinner all the time together.” Bokuto chimed in. “And you have sometimes walked with both of us to campus, from my place.”

“I can’t believe I didn't understand it before.” Yamaguchi drew a hand through his bangs, not caring if he messed his braid up.

“Haha, that is funny.” Bokuto laughed and slapped his own thigh.

“You can’t judge me. You use last names when we are together.” Yamaguchi almost yelled out. His face was hot and he knew he looked as red as the strawberries.

“Ah, that is true.” Akaashi said and took a bite from his cake. “We do tend to use last names when we are with others…” He looked at Bokuto.

Yamaguchi slumped back in the sofa. Tsukishima wore an expression astonishment.

“We do use first names, Yama-chan.” Bokuto said, smiling. “Mostly when we are alone.” He winked at Yamaguchi. Oh, when they were _alone._ Now Yamaguchi grew red out of an entirely different reason. It didn't last long, because Akaashi gave him a light lap in the back of his head as Bokuto laughed. The trainer in practice gave an apologetic smile towards his boyfriend.

Yamaguchi breathed out and decided that some cake would do him some good.

The cake was really good. It was a little too sweet for him, especially since he liked chocolate better than vanilla. But it was good. The strawberries helped with the sweetness since they seemed fresh and were cut into pieces. “Wow, this is really good. You two made this?” he looked at Kenma and Kuroo.

Kenma nodded, smiling to him and Kuroo wore a triumph smile.

“What are the odds of getting in a group were the majority are gay...I assume.” Yamaguchi caught himself. He was the last person that should say stuff like that. “I just thought....”

“I am not gay.” Kenma said. He didn’t sound offended, but Yamaguchi felt like he did offend them all. “I am not gay, but Kuroo is the person I want to be with.”

“Aww, thanks, Pudding.” Kuroo said and gave a peck on Kenmas head. “I am gay though.”

Yamaguchi nodded and took some chips. He had always flavoured chip instead of candies.

They talked about their day, their week. That they needed to probably go to their local gym on campus to play volleyball again. Which they were planning on doing soon. Bokuto apparently needed new winter shoes because his mother got upset with him when he chose to wear his sneakers in the snow. Akaashi told him that the reason Bokuto and him didn't live together was because Akaashi just wanted to live with his friends for a while. They didn't stress planning on moving together. Kenma and Kuroo were neighbours and had been so since Kuroo was seven years old. Yamaguchi was amazed that they stayed friends for that long and even became partners.

Tsukishima had already eaten two slices of cake and was working on his plate which was filled with candies, when Kuroo and Bokuto got the drinks from the fridge. Yamaguchi had almost forgotten that he had his own ciders here.

“This is a special day for Yama-chan.” Bokuto said as they started. “This is the first time he is drinking.”

Tsukishima actually looked surprised. So Kuroo or Bokuto didn't tell him he had never consumed alcohol before. “This is your first time drinking?”

Tsukishima had already poured the red wine into a glass. Yamaguchi nodded back. “Yeah, I have never, but I want to.Which is why I bought something yesterday.” He said it rather proudly.

Tsukishima nodded and Kuroo gave him his ciders. He opened it easily and noticed they all were staring at him when he was about to taste it.

“What?” He asked and lowered his can.

“This is a special moment. This is the first time you are tasting alcohol.” Bokuto said.

“We want to capture the moment.” Kuroo added.

Yamaguchi took a deep breath. Drinking from a can shouldn't be so hard. It was normal. He had had drunk plenty of soda cans before. This was no different.

“Guys, don't stare at him.” Kenma said, coming to his rescue. “He might not like it.”

Both Bokuto and Kuroo looked away. Bokuto even crossed his legs. It was something out of a movie.. He laughed at them. They were ridiculous sometimes.

“It’s honestly not that big of a deal.” Tsukishima said. “It tastes almost like soda, just a little bit different. Don’t care about them.” Tsukishima nodded his head towards the cat and the owl.  

He took a small sip. It was true. It did taste like lemon flavoured fanta. Just a little less acidic. It was a _taste_ to it too. Yamaguchi couldn't place it. That was probably the alcohol.

“Taste good.” He said, only to break the suspension.

Akaashi smiled and nodded. Maybe he too was curious. Although a lot better at hiding it. Bokuto hooted and took a bid sip of his drink. It was the red bottled vodka blended out with some soda. Tsukishima still seemed more interested in the candy and cake than his wine.

“Hey,” Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima. “Are you going to open the gifts?”

Tsukishima finished chewing and than gathered the gifts. “I almost forgot about them.”

He opened Bokuto’s first. It was a shirt with some cool dinosaur prints on it. And a bag of, what looked like, expensive chocolate.

“How did you know I wanted this.” Tsukishima asked as he searched for the tag. It seems like it was the right size because he nodded to himself and then folded it back.

“Kuroo told me.” Bokuto smiled. “Do you like it?”

Tsukishima nodded. “I like it, thank you, Bokuto-san.”

“No problem.” He smiled brightly and widely at the birthday boy.

“Open the one from Kenma and me.” Kuroo said. “It’s the card.”

It was a pink card with a cupcake sticker on it. When Tsukishima opened it, it was a gift card on a bakery. Damn, this kid had some sweet tooth.

“It’s his favourite bakery.” Kenma filled in.

“He says it has the best strawberry shortcake he can get in Tokyo.” Kuroo added.

“It has the best short cake in Tokyo! It took me awhile to find it.” Tsukishima said. Oddly serious about the topic of his favorite cake.

“Who has the best, Tsukishima-san.” Yamaguchi asked.

“My mother.” Tsukishima didn't miss a beat in answering that. “She always makes it for me when I came home, and the way she makes it it’s the best.”

“That is nice to hear.” Yamaguchi said back and forced a smile. He remembered each of his birthday back home. He would wake up to his two parents singing happy birthday to him, eat  a big breakfast that his mother had clearly spent time making in advance. And then he would go to school if it was a week day. Through the day he would get congratulation on his phone from different family members and some classmates. When he returned home, dinner would be ready. Sloppy and soggy french fries with hamburger. It was french fries with hamburger and not the other way around. Because french fries were the best thing in the world. And he would receive his gift while they ate chocolate cake.  

And that would be it.

“Thanks, Akaashi.”  

Yamaguchi looked back at Tsukishima. He had already opened the gift from Akaashi. It was some money. Something a student never could get enough of.

“I am sorry that I didn’t get you anything else. But the week has been packed with uni and lab sessions.” Akaashi explained.

“It’s okay.” Tsukishima smiled back. “You know you didn't have to get me anything.”

“Yeah, but the birthdays gifts kind of loses it’s point then.” Kuroo laughed.

“Next one is mine, or you already knew that..since its the last gift.” Yamaguchi sentence finished out lamely. Tsukishima clicked his tongue and the others smiled.

The birthday boy took the gift and placed it on his lap. “It’s kind of heavy.” Tsukishima said and Yamaguchi nodded. It felt like everyones eyes were on him. They probably didn't even care, but he just hope Tsukishima liked the gift.

He opened the card, made from a piece of paper. Yamaguchi had drawn flowers and an attempt on a dinosaur. But it looked more like a moomin. It was kind of cute. Tsukishima read it over and then nodded towards the giver, as his thanks and smiled. Yamaguchi blushed instantly.

“Well,” Bokuto yelled out, making Yamaguchi jump in his seat. For a moment, he forgot that they were here too. “What does it say?”

“It says, ‘To Tsukishima. Happy birthday. Hope you have a nice celebration with us. From Yamaguchi’ and he added a smiley face.”

Yamaguchi fought the urge to cringe. It was cheesy. And if Yamaguchi was lactose intolerant, he would’ve get a stomach ache from his own words.

“That is sweet.” Kenma said and smiled towards Yamaguchi. He nodded too. And Yamaguchi felt himself relax. If Kenma though it was okay, then it probably was.

The first thing he pulled out was the key chain. Tsukishima inspected in closely, turning it over in his hand.

“What kind is it?” Kenma asked.

“It’s a stegosaurus.” Tsukishima said, a smile crossing his face once more. He had smiled a lot the last few hours. Yamaguchi actually felt joy for him.

“I don’t know what that looks like.” Bokuto said. He looked at Akaashi for answers.

“It’s a four foot dinosaur with bone plates along its spine.” Akaashi answered.

“Are you also interested in dinosaurs?” Yamaguchi asked with a tilt of his head.

“Nope,” Akaashi said with a shook of his head. “But I had a dinosaur poster when I was little. Learned from that.”

“Thanks I like it.” Tsukishima said, still expecting it. “I’m gonna hang it on my school bag.”

“That is good to hear.” Yamaguchi smiled back. “Why-why don’t you open the rest?”

Tsukishima ripped the rest of the newspaper wrapping off and revealed the two books. He read over the titles and then flipped both books to read the backside. Yamaguchi sat on the couch beside him, tapping his foot.

“I don’t think I have these ones yet.” Tsukishima said and looked at him. “This must have cost you a lot of money.”

Yamaguchi smiled and gave a nonchalant wave with his hands. “No, no. I get a discount at the bookstore, so it wasn't really that pricy.”

”Thank you.”

Yamaguchi gave a goofy smile back and dared to blame the one-third of his lemon cider he had already sipped away.

* * *

Being drunk was weird. It was a good kind of weird. A fantastic kind of weird.

Yamaguchi felt tingly all over, especially on his lips and fingers. He had eaten more chips than he could count of and a second slice of cake. Bokuto and Kuroo had given him a shot. It burned. Bad. The strong liquid burned his esophagus and made him pull a grimace which the other laughed off. They had taken pictures. Lots of them. Yamaguchi felt happy and he hadn't laughed so much in a long time. He didn't care if he looked stupid. He spoke more, laughed more and felt fucking fantastic.

Being drunk was awesome.

Somehow they had all moved to the floor in a circle.

“Oh, I have drunk all of my ciders.” Yamaguchi said and he shook his latest. He only bought four, and the clock was nearing midnight.

“Let me make you something, Yama-chan.” Bokuto said and walked over to the kitchen. He blended some vodka and soda together. When Yamaguchi got it, it was still red. It states good. More of that kind of weird alcoholic taste too it, but still good. Kind of lemony and sweet at the same time.

“This is good.” Yamaguchi said and Bokuto did a mock salute before he sat down again. “Hey, are we going out to a club somewhere or are we going to stay here.” Yamaguchi concentrated and hope his words didn't slur that much. He was the drunkest out of all of them.

“Nah,” Kuroo said. Kenma had moved to sit on his lap. “We were just planning on staying in this time. Since university and stuff.” Kuroo gave him that sly smile. The one that said he was up to something. “I believe it’s _time_ anyway.”

“Time for what?” Yamaguchi asked innocently.

Tsukishima grounded loudly beside him and Yamaguchi looked at him.

He had worked out a nice beer glow that stretched over his cheekbones, nose and ears. His words were slightly slurred too, but he still spoke clearly. He was smiling and wasn't that prone to riling Bokuto up so much now.  He had taken the two bowls of snacks down beside him and was harmonically eating the candy. His hair looked more curlier than usual and shirt shirt was already crumpled. Yamaguchi suspected that his shirt didn't look any better. Actually, the last time he went to the bathroom, he skipped the part where he tucked the shirt back in his pants. He didn't have time for that now.

“We are not going to do that.” Tsukishima said. “My birthday, I choose.”

“It’s kind of not that fun. Kuroo.” Kenma said.

“No, we have to.” Bokuto said. “We have a new friend, and we need to know more about him.”

“Huh, more about me?” Yamaguchi looked dumbfounded at all of them. Akaashi and Tsukishima looked annoyed while Kenma didn't look that different, but he looked more bothered than he did three seconds ago. “If you have any questions, just ask.”

“We need to play the game.”

Yamaguchi looked lost. However, Kuroo and Bokuto both ‘whooped’. He looked at Akaashi. The med student shook his head. “It’s truth or dare, but I forbid the dare part.”

“And you have to drink every time you refuse to answer a question.” Bokuto added.

“Why did you forbid it?”

“Kuroo, why don’t you tell why I forbid it?” Akaashi sounded really upset. He didn't want that. Akaashi had never been sarcastic. At least not what Yamaguchi knew of. He tended to show when he had no interests in stuff, but other than that; he was not like this.

Kuroo laughed, he sounded nervous. Bokuto also grew more worried. At least he looked worried. Bokuto looked like a kid whose mother just scolded him. Kenma only signed muttering something that the both of them was so stupid sometimes.  

“A year before Tsukki moved in, we played truth or dare with a few classmates.” Kuroo drew a hand through his bangs. He took another sip of his beer and swallowed, hard. He had grown a light blush and the tip of his ears too. “Bokuto dared me to jump out of the apartment and land on my feet. I did that.”

“Wow, you did that! That is so many meters.” Yamaguchi looked astonished at the two boys. They were smiling proudly.

“Kuroo!” Akaashi chided. He glared at the two of them and Bokuto shrunk under his boyfriend glare.

“Well, it was winter outside, but I ended up breaking my left ankle.” Kuroo continued. “We had to go to the ER and all that. Luckily, I didn't need operation.”

Yamaguchi looked with wide eyes at both of them. So Bokuto and Kuroo were the ride or die kind of people. It suited them, but this was a new level.

“And that is why the two of them are not allowed to play truth or dare.” Tsukishima said.

“That...is understandable.” Yamaguchi said. “I can’t believe you actually did that.” He looked at Kuroo.

“Now that the story is told, we can move over to the drinking game.”

“It’s okay for me.” Yamaguchi hiccuped.

“Yeah!” Bokuto threw his hands in the air with a big smile on his face. “I can start...so, Yama-chan?

“Hmm?”

“Where did you live before you moved here?”

“Miyagi.” The others got big eyes and looked at Tsukishima.

“Where?” Tsukishima asked. He had raised both of his eye brows.

Yamaguchi swallowed and took another sip of his drink. “In the north. Right outside of Tome. Is there something wrong?”

“I am from Sendai.” Tsukishima said. He seemed to be in thought for a while. “You said you played volleyball until junior High?” Yamaguchi nodded. “Where you at any tournaments?”

“Ah, no.” Yamaguchi said and looked down at his class. It was beside his knee. The water around it had condensed and had made a small ring of water under it. “I never made it to the bench, even.” He laughed, self conscious, and drunk some more. He hoped it looked normal.

“That is nothing to be embarrassed of.” Kuroo said. “I didn’t make the roosters until the end of Junior High too. And that was only since the best ones quit before the tournaments.”

“Kuroo is right, Yamaguchi.” Akaashi said. “Being one of the players isn’t everything. As long as you enjoy the game- that is all that matters.”

“Yeah, thanks guys.” Yamaguchi took the last bit of his drink and looked down at his empty glass.

“Yamaguchi-kun, do you want to taste a beer?” Kuroo asked. Kenma was already moving from his lap to allow him to stand up. Bokuto moved too and went to the kitchen. He got a can of beer and handed it to Yamaguchi.

Yamaguchi rolled the metallic can in his hands. It was a brand he had never heard of. He opened it and put his nose down to smell it. It was a weird. He took a small taste test and screwed up his face.

“That taste awful.” Yamaguchi couldn’t hold back his disgust with the drink. Kuroo laughed.

“Ah, I remember when I had my first beer.” Kuroo said as he calmed down. “I was so young back then.”

“You are only two years older than us.” Tsukishima said. He filled his glass with some wine.

Kuroo was about the reply, but Bokuto came into the room. “Okay, it’s shots time.”

He had some small shot glasses in his hands and another bottle Yamaguchi hadn’t seen yet. Bokuto filled each glass almost to the rim. He handed them to each one of them, except Kenma. They counted to three and swallowed it. Yamaguchi made the grimace again. But this was still better than the beer. When he managed to get some grounding from the shot, he saw from his perpetual vision  that Tsukishima took his beer and tasted it for him.

It did took a while for Yamaguchi to understand that Tsukishima actually helped him out from drinking that beer. It didn't even look like he enjoyed it so much. But Tsukishima smiled back.

“Okay, Yamaguchi-kun, now it is your turn to ask a question.” Kuroo said. Kenma had already climbed onto his lap and snuggled into his chest. “You can ask whoever you want.”

Yamaguchi looked at all of them. There were so many things he wanted to know.

“Tsukishima-san, what are your favorite animal?” Yamaguchi asked. He thought he should’ve asked a more serious question, but that was everything he came up with.

“I think it must be...maybe a Coelophysis. It’s one of the fastest dinosaurs. Really slender and light in build. They were also short in height.” It looked like Tsukishima could go on for hours, but he stopped himself. To be honest, Yamaguchi didn’t know a whole lot about dinosaurs. Just as much as anyone else.

“That is not an animal, Tsukki.” Bokuto roared.

“Yes it is.”

“No, because those are dead.” Kuroo called loudly.

“Ah, please don’t remind me.” Tsukishima said dramatically. It sounded like he was in pain. Yamaguchi laughed. Who knew that Tsukishima had a sense of humour. 

“You have to choose an animal.” Kuroo said.

Tsukishima clicked his tongue out to him. “No, I do not. It’s Yamaguchi’s question anyway.”

They looked at him and waited for an answer.

“I guess I was wondering if you liked any living animal, but if dinosaurs is your answer; I will accept it.” Yamaguchi scratched his neck.

Tsukishima smiled towards him, and maybe it were the alcohol, but he was so nice when he smiled like that.

“Then it must be birds...in general. Since they are one of the closest species to dinosaurs.”

Yamaguchi smiled back. His dinosaur trivia was kind of cute. “Now-now it’s your turn, Tsukishima-san.”

“Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima started. “What did you do before you met us?”

Yamaguchi looked at him and then at the others. He wondered if he heard it right. Yamaguchi made a confused face at Tsukishima.

“I didn't really do anything special…” Yamaguchi started. “Before I met you guys, I was kind of alone all of the time.”

The other ones quieted down. Maybe he overshared again. He was just honest.

“I didn't mean to say that.” Yamaguchi said. He didn't dare look them in the eyes. “I am so sorry.”

They all were quiet for some time, none of them saying anything. Yamaguchi didn't look at any of them. Maybe it was appropriate to just walk home now. It was early in the morning and Yamaguchi didn't feel like walking those 20 minutes home. Especially not now, but he wanted out of this situation.

“We kind of figured that out.” Akaashi said. Yamaguchi snapped his head towards the raven haired boy. He sat beside him and leaned on Bokuto's side. He wore a careful smile. “I mean- the second time I met you; you snapped at Kuroo.”

“Damn it.” Yamaguchi grounded and let his bangs fall in front of his eyes. “I almost forgot about that, sorry.”

Kuroo chuckled. “It’s okay.”

They all quilted down for some time again, until Tsukishima spoke.

He sighed first, but it didn't sound so exasperated. More like he was balancing his words. “Look, okay, we were your first group of friends you have had, but does that matter?” He looked at him and Yamaguchi slouched his back under his eyes. They weren’t judging. They just dared Yamaguchi to disagree. Luckily for Tsukishima and the others, he was rather weak willed.

“Well, no, I suppose not.”

“You don’t think we are really your friends.” Kenma said. It looked like Bokuto and Kuroo didn't want to believe Kenmas words. They were partly true. He like having them as friends. And even by the six weeks they had known each other; Yamaguchi considered they his friends. It was just that no one stayed in his life.

Yamaguchi breathed deeply. He didn’t want to say this to them, but he owed it to them.

“I-it’s not that. I-I just...I have never had any long term friends. Mostly, people just get tired of me.”

“Now, that is not true.” Akaashi said. Maybe he didn't believe him. Or he tried to cheer him up.

“Yes, it is.” Yamaguchi said plainly. “Most people don't like me. And I think it’s only a matter of time until you realize that I am a pretty pathetic human being.” Yamaguchi was surprised he managed to speak clearly. He still slurred with his words, but he didn't cry. And that was a win.

“You are not pathetic.” Tsukishima said. It was fierce and collected. Like all the alcohol he had consumed these last hours, just went out of his system. “Why the heck would you think that?” He clicked with his tongue. Yamaguchi just realised that Tsukishima wasn't annoyed at him, but there was so much they didn't know. 

“Me and my parents aren’t exactly on talking terms. And I think the only people that I have contact with from my home town are Shino and Yori.” He made a grimace and so did Tsukishima.

“Who are Shino and Yori?” Akaashi asked. Akaashi was smart, and Yamaguchi knew that he already caught in that the older boy must have sensed that there was something wrong. And through his intoxicated state, Yamaguchi understood that Tsukishima didn't tell them about the night he saved him from his childhood bullies. He still needed confirmation.

“Tsukishima-san, didn’t tell you guys?” Yamaguchi looked at all of them. His eyes landed lastly on Tsukishima.

“I didn't tell them because it wasn't my place to tell them.” Tsukishima told them all. Easily and steady. Like always.

“Yori and Shino,” Yamaguchi started. “They are two people that I used to go to school with, all through my childhood and until High School. They used to bully me a lot. Like picking fights and teasing me. I thought I was getting rid of them when I moved here, to Tokyo. But they also got in.” Yamaguchi said. He tried not to get affected by their concerned and worried eyes. “I don’t get friends easily, but they didn't make it any easier to do so. Tsukishima-san helped me out when they came to the store a week ago. They started to threaten me again, but he got them away.”

“I was actually afraid you guys might not like that- not like the trouble and leave me.” Yamaguchi finished.

“Aww, Yama-chan.” Bokuto said. He crawled over the floor towards them, almost knocking over his own glass if it weren't for Akaashi actually grabbing it and putting it away. Bokuto pulled Yamaguchi in a tight hug. Yamaguchi didn't expect it. He expected some kind and encouraging words and a few slaps on his back. But he hugged him. It was the first hug he had gotten in a few years. He almost teared up. “We won't leave you just because some jack-asses are bullying you. We will fight them with all we got. Right, Kuroo?”

“Heck yeah.”  Kuroo cheered and raised his can of beer.

“Neither of you guys have ever been in a fight.” Kenma said. That actually made Yamaguchi chuckle a little. he didn't want to be sad anymore.

“Minor details.” Akaashi playfully said with a wave of his hand.

Bokuto hugged him tighter before he released him. “Just say when they are bothering you, and we will come to your aid.” He sat himself between Yamaguchi and Tsukishima. He actually had to push Tsukishima a little to make room for himself. The blond cursed under his breath as he was shoved to the side to make room for his senpai. “Right, Tsukki.”

Tsukishima nodded. “Of course.”

“Awww, Tsukki cares.” Bokuto threw his arms around them both and hugged the two to his side. Both of them got squished into his chest. Yamaguchi laughed and Tsukishima snorted. He could see that Tsukishima struggled to get himself free from the grasp, but he soon gave up and slumped in the hug.

“I guess we are stuck now.” Yamaguchi whispered under Bokuto and Kuroo’s laughter.

“Yeah, guess we are. Looks like he forgot he is actually pinning us down.”  Tsukishima said. His glasses had been knocked askew. Yamaguchi laughed again. “It’s true, I’ll help you next time too if I have to.”

“Thanks, Tsukishima-san.” Yamaguchi smiled.

Being drunk and being friends with them was _fucking_ fantastic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated :D
> 
> Kenma is actually in the demi-sexual spectrum...somewhere. I choose to leave it really open since a lot of people still haven't figured out what they are yet and some people don't even care about labels and stuff like that. So I wanted to include a character that don't identify as anything specific in the queer-spectrum, but on the outside it looks like that. People often stress the importance of labels and names etc. But sometimes; Love is love, and that's all there is to it. Hope you like that detail about him. It is also a little contribution to pride moth since it started last week. 
> 
> Happy Pride \\(-3-)/
> 
> NOTE: I think I have to take next week off. The thing is that I don't have time. I have two exams next week; that are two days a part. I need to concentrate on them until Thursday. And right after the last exam, on the same day, I am traveling on a small vacation over the weekend with my best friend. And I simply don't have the time to write the next chapter. I was debating on posting two chapters next time, but for me- skipping one week and posting regularly from then on makes more sense to me. I am sorry. But life sometimes gets in the way and there is nothing we can do about that...Just wanted to give you all a head up. 
> 
> Next update will be 21.06.19.


	9. A walk under umbrellas.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi experience a hungover and Tsukishima walks him home. The weekend have resulting in Yamaguchi expiring new feelings, feeling he is grateful to feel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Firstly, thank you for giving me last friday off. I couldn't have posted a chapter if I had tried to, but it was nice to have a rest week and not write at all :D 
> 
> From now on, uploads will be every Friday. I tell you guys if I need to reschedule my posting days.
> 
> EDITED: 02.07.19

Yamaguchi woke up feeling awful. He was lying on a couch with a blanket over him. He felt a banging headache that sat behind his forehead and behind his eyes. The lights were bright against his squinting eyes. His mouth was dry and tasted horrible. Yamaguchi suppressed the urge to gag. He was vaguely aware that this was probably the infamous hungover he had heard so much about.

“You're awake?” Yamaguchi looked to his side and saw Akaashi getting up from the other couch. Bokuto was snoring up a storm and Yamaguchi was surprised he hadn't woken up by that. “I’ll get you some water.”

Yamaguchi nodded his thanks and sat up. He smelled kind of weird and he was sweating, or, at least he felt clammy. Well, that was gross.  His clothes were crumbly and wrinkly all over from last night's party. It looked like he had spilled something on his pants, but that was a worry for later.

Akaashi came back with a glass of water. “How are you feeling, sick or anything?” He sat down beside Yamaguchi and handed him the water.

“Kind of squeezy…I guess.” His voice was rough and scratchy. He tried to clear his throat, but he doubted that it would help his situation. He took a small sip of his water and it was both heaven and hell. The water was great against his dry, awful tasting mouth, but the cold liquid burned too. He swallowed hard and coughed a few times. “Are you supposed to feel this awful?” He looked miserably at Akaashi.

Akaashi had an expression of concern, but gave a small chuckle back. “Sometimes, yes.” Akaashi said back. “Bokuto and Kuroo kept giving everyone shots. I had to cut you off sometime in the night, but I guess it was too late. You fell asleep after that on the couch.”

Yamaguchi groaned. So he was the drunkest and the first one to fall asleep. That was some prize to win. But it was his first time drinking, so what did he expect? “Kuroo said I wasn't allowed to drink vodka when we went shopping.” He chuckled despite his body feeling heavy and he drunk some more water.

Akaashi sighed. “Those two are dangerous together, and we all kind of forgot it was your first time drinking.” Yamaguchi smiled towards him. It wasn't their fault he got so drunk he fell asleep.

“Well, I apparently forgot it too”

It made Akaashi snicker with him. The concerned eyes reminded, but he didn't look so guilty anymore.

“What is the time?” Yamaguchi asked. He stretched and his left elbow popped.

“13:25 p.m.”

“Wow, I slept in today.” Yamaguchi said and looked at the wall-clock. When he looked over, he saw that Kuroo and Kenma were already awake, sitting at the small dining table. They looked oddly domestic where they sat. Kenma was sitting with his tablet in hand and it looked like he was reading something on it. He held hands with Kuroo over the table, who rubbed his thumb gently over Kenma's palm, and Kuroo himself was sitting with the news paper in hand and a coffee cup by his side. The two of them looked unbothered by the three sleepover guests.

“You should get some food, Yamaguchi.” Kenma said, looking at him, smiling. He did look a little tired too. 

Yamaguchi smiled back. His head still hurt, but the water helped a little. He really needed to pee, though. He tugged the hair tie out of his braid. Yamaguchi felt lucky. If he hadn't had braided it, he knew it would be a mess full of knots.

“Thanks, but I don’t need to.” Yamagciu said and stood up. He wasn't dizzy, but he had to squint his eyes against the bright lights. It was just now that he heard the raindrops outside. It was pouring down.

He excused himself to go to the bathroom while Kuroo said he would fix them all something to eat. In the bathroom, after he had done his business, Yamaguchi tried to make his appearance more presentable. He splashed some water in his face and brushed his hair with his fingers. He made a half bun with his hair and was glad it didn't look too greasy and dirty. He did note that he needed a shower when he came home. He smiled when he saw his nail polish actually held through the night. It made him feel a little better, but he wished he could brush his teeth before breakfast, He still had that weird taste in his mouth.

When he got himself ready to face the others once again, he heard Kuroo call for Tsukishima. He drunk some more water from the tap and worked it around in his mouth before spitting it out. All in all, he did feel a little better.

“I’ll make you all Tamago Kake Gohan.” Kuroo said from the kitchen when he came out again. Bokuto had woken up, but was now using Akaashis lap as a pillow. Both of them were on the phone.

“Good morning.” Yamaguchi said. He felt weird saying it now, since he woke up, about 20 minutes since.  

“Good moring, hope you are not feeling too unwell to eat. Eating makes it better.” Kuroo said as he pulled out the rice and some seasoning.

“I am fine, thank you.” Yamaguchi said and took a seat beside Kenma. “When did you guys wake up?”

Kenma closed his tablet. “Around 30 minutes ago. Or Kuroo did so, I woke a few hours earlier since I went to bed before him.”

Tsukishima came out of the room. He did a small greeting before he slipped into the bathroom. It was odd to see him in PJ’s, shorts and a baggy t-shirt with a moon on the back of the neck.

“Kenma, have you ever drunk before?” Yamaguchi asked. He didn't think of Kenma as the party animal.

“I have.” Kenma nodded to him. “I just don’t want to do it most of the time. I just drink sometimes.”

“I was just wondering. It was fun, though.” He didn't even remember the last few hours, but he knew he had really fun yesterday. Much more fun than being coped up in his dark apartment.

“That is nice to hear.” Kenma said. He wordlessly got up and started to chop some nori to have in their food. “We wanted you to have a good time.” Kenma turned around and gave him a nod as he helped his boyfriend make their breakfast.

“Good morning, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima said and he entered the room. Yamaguchi jumped in his seat. He blamed the hangover.

“Ah, good morning.” He choked out and started coughing a little. His throat was killing him. 

Tsukishima sat opposite of him. He did look a little tired. There were some hinting towards darks rings under his eyes and he did look a tad bit paler than normal, but anything from that; he looked great.

“So, um, did y-you,” Yamaguchi started and tried to come up with a conversion. That was what people did when they were together. He had gotten so used to Kuroo and Bokuto always talking that he honestly had trouble starting one conversation himself. Even when he was so great at doing so yesterday. “Did you have a nice party?”

He sincere smile grew on Tsukishima face, but it was cut off when he yawned. “Yes, I did, thank you for coming.”

“Well, you invited me so, and I thought it was really nice. The party.” Yamaguchi said. “I would do it again-um, drinking with you guys.” Yamaguchi felt a blush grow on his face. He liked being with them. Both on campus and off campus.

“Bo, Akaashi, breakfast.” Kuroo said as he sat a few bowls of rice down on the table. Kenma got the soy sauce and the eggs on the table and sat down beside Yamaguchi again. Bokuto and Akaashi came into the kitchen too. Bokuto patted his hair two times before sitting beside him. Yamaguchi thought nothing of it, since Bokuto was fairly touchy with showing his affection.

“Thanks for the food.” Yamaguchi said as the others started to dig in. Honestly, he wasn't particularly hungry. But if it was true that his hungover would be better if he ate, he might give it a try. And he did like Tamago Kake Gohan just ok. He cracked an egg on the side of the bowl and let it fall into the rice. Soysauce was added and Yamaguchi stirred the rice and egg well before he started to eat.

They talked about last night's shenanigans. Bokuto and Kuroo had tried to start a drinking contest, but Kenma had shut them up with one word before he went to bed. When mentioned, Kenma wore a small smirk. Something Yamaguchi never had seen on him, but it suited him. Akaashi had gotten the role as the 'mother-hen' and took care of Yamaguchi when it was clear that Kuroo was too into the party to do so himself. They sung a second birthday song to Tsukishima since he cut them all off when they first tried to do it. And a third one after Yamaguchi had fallen asleep. They tried to start a karaoke game, but Akaashi and Tsukishima had called it a night then and went to bed. And Yamaguchi learned that it was Tsukishima that covered him in the blanket after he had passed out on the couch.

When Bokuto and Kuroo had reached the end of their meal, Yamaguchi hadn’t even eaten half of it yet. It did help to eat something, but he was starting to feel full. He would eat all of the food, since Kuroo and Kenma took the time to make them all food and that was the polite thing to do.

He swallowed hard, feeling the small rice grains slide down into his bloated stomach. He stifled a small burp behind his hand and hoped no one though he had bad manners.

“You don’t have to eat it all.” Tsukishima chimed in. Yamaguchi looked up, startled. The others pretend not to notice his discomfort.

Yamaguchi swallowed hard once more and took some more water. Hoping it would help. “It’s fine. It would be a waste to just throw it out since you guys went through the trouble of making us all breakfast."

“It’s really is fine if you can’t eat anymore.” Kuroo said.

“I can use some extras.” Bokuto said and before Yamaguchi knew it; Bokuto had snatched his bowl and started eating from it. Yamaguchi didn't say anything back, but was grateful that his problem solved itself.

Kuroo excused himself and plopped down on the couch with his phone in hand. It did look like he was going to take a nap. Bokuto and Akaashi excused themselves too, and Bokuto borrowed their shower and some clothes from Kuroo. Yamaguchi wondered if this was normal between them. Kenma stayed at the table and pulled out his tablet again. Yamaguchi was right, he was reading something on it.

“What are you reading?”

“It’s reviews on a game I want to buy.” Kenma started to explain. “I just want to know that it’s worth the hours playing the game.”

Yamaguchi nodded. He had never been much of a gamer. His parents wasn't too fond of the gaming consoles either and through his childhood, the only time Yamaguchi got close to a video game was when they were visiting his older cousins. Mario kart and pokemon were his favourite. 

“What kind of game is it?”

Kenma offered a small smile, still not taking his eyes off the tablet. “It’s the normal protagonist has to beat the antagonist, but needs to do multiple side quest before to do so. But the graphics in this game is really good. It looks so realistic.” He paused and tapped some more. “Or as realistic it can get when you will be fighting dragons and mythical creatures.”

Yamaguchi gave a light chuckle back and Tsukishima hummed in response. “What game haven’t you played?” Tsukishima said as he gathered the bowls and just threw them into the sink. He took out the cake from yesterday and took a slice. He did offer some to both boys left at the table, but none of them wanted. It did look like he enjoyed his breakfast dessert more than he liked his actual breakfast.

By the time Yamaguchi was ready to go home, it was still pouring outside. It didn't look like it would let up any time soon. He found his cardigan on the floor by the living room table. Yamaguchi threw it on and hoped nothing was spilled on it. He didn't want to wash that too.

Kuroo had fallen asleep on the couch and Kenma had occupied the space beside his feet. Bokuto had also fallen asleep on the couch, on Akaashis lap, but the med student had picked up one of the dinosaur books Yamaguchi gave Tsukishima the night before and was flipping through it.

“Thank you for having me.” Yamaguchi said in front of the couch and gave a small bow.

“You don’t have to be so formal with us, you know?” Kenma said, and Yamaguchi snapped up in a straight position.

“Okay, sorry.” Yamaguchi felt his cheeks redden. For him, there wasn't much to need to get him flustered and nervous. “Um, but I need to leave now, so- bye.” Yamaguchi said.

Akaashi smiled towards him, book still in hand. “Goodbye, it was fun that you could make it.”

Yamaguchi nodded back, but a warm feeling grew in his chest. He smiled towards them before he made his way towards the entrance. Just when he sat down to take his shoes on, Tsukishima came up behind him.

“I walk you home.”

Yamaguchi startled and turned his torso around to look at him. Tsukishima had changed from his PJ’s and was now just wearing baggy jeans with a hoodie on top.

“You-you don’t have to. I am perfectly fine walking on my own.” Yamaguchi said in reply.

Tsukishima shook his head. “It’s fine, I want to.” He sat down beside Yamaguchi without any discussion whatsoever. “I still have your umbrella and it’s still raining.”

“But if I take my umbrella back, you won't have any on the way home.” Yamaguchi said, and nodded his thanks to Tsukishima when he handed him his jacket.

“I have my own.” Tsukishima stood up and opened a closeth door. There were lots of jackets and outside wear like scarfs and mittens. Yamaguchi saw his small purple umbrella hanging on a hook. There were two other ones too, one black and one grey one. Tsukishima grabbed the grey one and gave Yamaguchi's own umbrella to him.

“Thank you.”

Tsukishima smiled to him. “Ready to go?” Yamaguchi nodded back without much hesitation.

* * *

Even with the umbrellas, his shoes were soaked and his socks were soaking up a pool inside of  his shoes. Yamaguchi didn't know what he expected, converses had never been water resistant; the umbrella only protected his head and shoulders, everything else was a victim to the rain.

“So, did you really enjoy yourself yesterday?”

Yamaguchi looked up from his shoes and couldn't help but grin back. Because he did have a great time with all of them. “Yes, I did. It was so much fun. I don’t usually get invited to parties, but this was really nice.”

“That is good to hear. I- we all were worried you might not like it.”

Yamaguchi felt his stomach doing small flip flops. They were worried, they wanted him to fit in. They wanted him to feel welcome. “Well, I do like hanging out with you guys, so I wasn't too worried about that. I was more worried about drinking and all that stuff.”

Tsukishima clicked his tongue in response. “Yeah, I almost forgot that was your first time drinking. So, was it how you imagine it?” There was a more playful tone in his voice.

“Kind of, my head hurts though. But the drinking part was great.”

Tsukishima laughed back. They walked for some time. Slowly and carefully thought the campus and onto the streets outside. There was practically none out in this weather. There were barely any cars driving. It was calm walking like this. Walking like this with his new friend. Only the two of them in the streets, plus the rain.

They reached his apartment building and both stopped outside. Yamaguchi sent a thankful smile towards Tsukishima, grateful that he got company on the way home.

“Thanks for following me. That was really nice of you.” Yamaguchi said, kind of quiet.

“Again, I wanted to do so.” Tsukishima's glasses had somehow gotten some rain drops on them despite being under cover. Yamaguchi briefly wondered if it bother him. He wondered if his wet socks was worth the walk. Yamaguchi found that he didn't bother at all with his own wet socks and shoes. He was soaked through and began to feel cold, and if it hadn't been for his throbbing head, he knew he could have enjoyed to just walk around in the rain for some hours.

“This is my home- as you know, since you have been here before.”  

“Yes, I have.” Tsukishima said and raised an eyebrow at him. He smirked back, Yamaguchi hoped his friend wasn't bothered by his lack of skills when it came to parting ways. “I should go in. Shower and change and all of that.” Yamaguchi wiggled his toes in his shoes.”

“Yeah, you look tired.” Tsukishima told him. Yamaguchi huffed, merrily. Not offended by his comment. It was the truth and Yamaguchi wondered how his racoon eyes were doing. “Remember to eat something, it helps with the hungover. Salty stuff, you need to eat salty food.”

Yamaguchi nodded. He had actually planned to just skip dinner and go straight to bed. However, he might be able to eat something like Tsukishima told him to do.

“Well, good bye, Tsukishima-san.” Yamaguchi started to turn around but stopped once Tsukishima started to speak again.

“Hey, we still plan to go to that cafe, right?”

“Yes, of course. If you still want, I mean?” Yamaguchi beamed. He hadn't forgot about their plan, but it was nice to know that Tsukishima hadn't forgotten about it either.  

Tsukishima nodded back, a smile growing. “Yes, I do.” They stood in silence for a few second. “I need to go home now, I’ve still have one more paper to edit before midnight.” He ran a hand through his hair and adjusted his glasses.

“Oh, that is right. You had your week packed with assignments.” Yamaguchi asked, and Tsushima affirmed back and sighed. “Are you done with most of them?”

“Yeah, I only have to edit the last paper, the other two is done and handed in.”

“That is good to hear.” Yamaguchi told to him. Glad that he got through his hectic week, especially since it was his birthday-week.

Yamaguchi tried to stifle a yawn with his hand, but he couldn't help himself.

“I should let you go now.” Tsukishima said. “We’ll talk more through the week, I don’t know exactly when I am free to go the town centre, but I’ll text you.”

Yamaguchi nodded in agreement. “I’ll text you too. I think I only have work on wednesday, thursday, friday and sunday; but I have to check to make sure. So just text me when you can.”

“I will, now, goodbye. Remember to eat and drink, Yamaguchi.”

“Goodbye, Tsukishima-san.” Yamaguchi replied and promised he would eat and drink something before he went to bed. 

They parted ways and Yamaguchi worked his way up to his floor. The apartment was dark and slightly chilly when he entered.

“Tadaima” He said to the dark hallway and sat down heavily, finally feeling the whole weight of last night and this morning squeeziness on his shoulders. “Okaeri.” He sighed loudly and tired, and just stayed at the halfway step for a couple of minutes before he got the energy to take off his jacket and shoes.

He hung his umbrella by the door, so it could dry off and left his wet socks by the shoes in the entrance, and he let them be for now. Yamaguchi walked over to the fridge and just put his head into it. It was cool and it helped plenty with his headache.

It helped, but maybe actually eating and drinking something would help more. He closed the fridge and looked at his dead cactus by the window. It kind of felt like they were judging  him for leaving them alone for one night. He had never spent a night away from this apartment since he moved in two years ago.

It took him two years to go out of his apartment to spend the night with his other peers. But he did it, and he was proud of himself. He didn't plan to spend the night at Tsukishima’s apartment, but it happened.

He got up again and pulled out a bag of french fries from his small freezer. He didn't eat it too often, despite it being his favorite food. It was tedious to make it, since they needed to be in the oven for so long. Wok was so much easier and faster to make. Fresh fries were salty and although they might not be the healthiest things to eat, food was food. It filled Tsukishima’s criterias just fine.

He sat them in the oven after he seasoned them with some salt and pepper. While he waited for the food, he managed to drink a small glass of iced tea. It didn't do much difference on his headache or tummy, but Yamaguchi wanted to pretend that he noticed a difference. Maybe just the placebo effect alone would cure his troubles now.

He sat down on the couch and waited for the fries to be done.

After 30 minutes, his alarm went off and Yamaguchi had fallen asleep. He obviously needed the nap if he just fell asleep like that on the couch. He took the french fries out and his apartment suddenly smelled like take out food from McDonalds.

Yamaguchi left them on the counter and let them cool down. He took a shower and it was so nice to wash out last night sweat and smell. He had a couple of blue marks on his legs that he didn't know were was from. They were not painful, he only felt it when he touched them. He brushed his teeth and that was literally the most amazing thing he had done this day. It felt great having that weird taste out of his mouth.

When he came out, he had changed to his PJ’s and he felt refreshed. His clothes was crumpled into a mess by the bathroom corner, but he didn't feel like being bothered by that now. His head still hurt and he was still tired. The french fires had cooled down and Yamaguchi put them on a plate and they went into the microwave so they could be soggy and floppy like he wanted them to be.

Yamaguchi ate them on his couch, as usual. He draped an old blanket around him and got some more iced tea. He ate half of the fries, but managed to drink all of his tea. He had turned on the tv and was half watching some 80s movie, half dozing off.

He thought about his wet socks by his wet shoes and dirty clothes on the floor. He thought about Tsukishima, who must have gotten home. Maybe he already were done with his homework. He wondered if Bokuto and Kuroo still slept on the coach. Probably not, since a few hours had already passed by. He wondered if Kenma had decided if he should buy the new game or not. He wondered if Akaashi was still at their apartment, or if he had went home to himself.

It was weird thinking of other like this. Others that he cared about. He still thinks a lot about his parents and often wonder about what they are up to. If they ever think about him. It's hard, thinking about a family that don't want to have nothing to do with you, but Yamaguchi himself wanted to be a part of their lives again. However, thinking about others like this was a complete new feeling. He never had any friends to think about before. It was nice having someone else to occupy his mind instead of his own troubling mind.

It was nice thinking of other like this. It was just nice having others like this in his life. People that he cared about and made him happy. People that he wanted to make happy. If this was how he was going to feel, Yamaguchi had no problem jumping into it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated (^ 3 ^)
> 
> EDITED: 02.07.19


	10. Being young is hard on an empty stomach.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi is experiencing other side effect of his new life with Tsukishima and his friends. This day particularly, started with him bursting into his biology lecture with a small headache and an empty stomach. Luckily for him, his friends help him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is late. So sorry. But summer vacation means a little bit of free time, but if you are a student or a young adult; summer means summer work. So Friday came and I literary hadn't even started writing. So, a day late, sorry. But here it is!
> 
> EDITED: 01.07.19

Yamaguchi ran through the streets. He was late, so late! Saturday’s party and Sunday’s hungover had practically sent him into a coma and he had overslept. He still had a lingering headache, but side from that, everything was okay. Except for that he woke up five minutes after the morning lecture had started. 

He almost crashed into the ground when he stumbled onto the sidewalk. That hurt his toes, converse didn't protect his toes that much. He breathed heavily as he got his balance again, holding his bag tightly. A few people gave him some concerned looks as he got his footing when he reached the campus area. 

He burst into the auditorium and every biology student plus the professor started at him, surprised. Yamaguchi grew flustered and his cheeks grew hot and clammy. He knew that he looked like he woke up ten minutes ago, because he literally did it. He had to quickly brushed his teeth, put his messy hair in a bun and he even managed to change into jeans and a t-shirt. He felt like a mess and he probably looked like one too. He viewed the room, scanning all the startled students and his eyes landed on Akaashi; who sat at his usual place with his other med students. He gave Yamaguchi a worried look when their eyes met. 

Yamaguchi quickly bowed to his professor, muttering a quick apology for the interruption, before he walked towards his usual seat. Row three, the seat right under Akaashi and his friends. He made sure he didn't look at anyone, but he felt the stares at his neck. Tadashi promptly took out his notepad and pencil case. He dug after his bottle and when he finally got it out of his bag; it was empty. He sighed, frustrated and thirsty.  

His professor swiftly continued his lecture, and Yamaguchi hoped everyone forgot about him. He started to write down notes, still breathing a little too heavy for his liking. Yamaguchi was clammy and sweat from his morning run and prayed that he didn't get cold afterwards.

A water bottle sloshed fully at his ear and he almost jumped out of his skin when it was placed beside him. The freckled boy turned his back and saw Akaashi giving him an encouraging nod and thumbs up. His friends wore more confused faces, but two of them gave him a smile. Yamaguchi turned back and downed the water in one go.  

 _Actually_ , being a youth that partying, having friends and get hungovers, was hard work. How did people do this every weekend, Yamaguchi didn't know. 

When the fist break came, Yamaguchi slumped in his chair. He had managed to scribble down decent remarks of the lecture, but he could do better than this. 

Students were shuffling out, talking about everything and nothing. Most of them went to the cafeteria to get their fix of joe and some stayed in the auditorium to talk to the professor. The sound became background noice for Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi wished he could continue to sleep this day away. The thought of just lying down over four chairs crossed his mind, but he feared that he might actually keep sleeping. 

“Hi, are you okay?” 

Yamaguchi turned towards Akaashi. He gave a tired smile to the blue eyed boy. 

“Ohayou, Akaashi-san.” Yamaguchi said. Akaashi took a seat beside him and Yamaguchi looked back to see that his group of friends had all walked out of the room. “ I am just tired.”

“You do look a little under the weather. Are you sure you’re okay?” 

Yamaguchi sighed. He was okay, physically speaking, expect for his toes. “It feels like my head doesn't work.”

Akaashi gave a small cuckle. “I sent you a text when I noticed you were running late. Asking if you were alright since you normally get here at the same time as I do.” 

Yamaguchi raised his eyebrows. _A text!_  He hadn't gotten a text. He patted his coat pockets and noticed two things; He had forgotten his phone and he had forgotten his wallet.

“Damn it.” Yamaguchi muttered and slumped further into his hard chair. “I forgot my phone and wallet at home.” He groaned. It was nothing he could do about that now. Yamaguchi absently thought of lunch, which he had no money to buy. “I practically jumped into my clothes when I woke up and the clock showed that the lecture had already begun.” 

Akaashi gave him a sympathetic smile. “I am sorry. Are you still feeling unwell?” 

It took a moment to figure out that Akaashi asked about his hungover. Yamaguchi shook his head. “No, it’s just a small headache.”

They continued to talk a bit and Akaashi was so kind that he refilled his own bottle again and gave it to Yamaguchi. Tadashi thanked him and told him he would make it up to him somehow. The rest of the lecture went as it always did. He scribbled down notes as the professor wrote on the blackboard. Yamaguchi was able to take better notes, the water really did make a difference. Akaashi stayed beside him, as moral support. 

After the lecture, the two of them made their way towards the library, were they would meet the rest. 

When they found the table Kuroo, Tsukishima and Bokuto vacated, Yamaguchi crashed down in his chair and rested his forehead on the table. There were a few second of silence and some ruffling from Akaashi, who sat down beside Bokuto. 

“Yamaguchi, what’s wrong?”

Yamaguchi tilted his head towards Tsukishima, head still on the table. “You know when you get static tv, that is my head today.” Yamaguchi muttered into the wood. “I am surprised I actually managed to change out of my PJ’s this morning.”

“I see.” Tsukishima’s eyes grew wide and worried for him. Quite amused too. 

“He overslept and practically burst into this morning lecture.” Akaashi filled in. Yamaguchi groanded. 

“Ouch, that sucks, Yama-chan.” Bokuto said. He patted his shoulders and pressed a cool water bottle onto his neck. It felt surprisingly relaxing, he didn't notice he was that tense. 

“Thansk, Bokuto.” 

He did manage to raise his head and look at the others. They looked fine. Kenma was missing, so he was probably at the labs or something. Tsukishima had buried his nose in a big red book, his glasses had slid down in his nose; and he had yet to correct them. Kuroo had some form of calculus book out and was tapping away at his calculator like his life depended on it. Bokuto and Akaashi was chatting between them, with Bokuto’s arm over Akaashi’s shoulders. Yamaguchi couldn't believe how he didn't understand that they were more than just friends.

He did get the energy to sit up properly. Consciously, he started to brush his hair with his fingers, it was knotted after a night sleep and the bun didn't help. He was lucky he managed to shower yesterday, it could have been worse. 

He pulled out his laptop and books and started to go over his jottings and the ones his professor provided them. Akaashi did give him his own, the ones Yamaguchi missed. 

They worked for some hours, until Kuroo slapped his book close and declared that he was done and hungry. So they all packed their things and went to the cafeteria. 

Yamaguchi yawed and fell into a slow step behind Kuroo and Bokuto. They were talking about something or the other. Just when they walked out of the library, Tsukishima brushed his shoulder and Yamaguchi looked up at him. 

“Hey, Tsukishima-san, how are you?” Yamaguchi asked and gave him a small smile. 

“Hi, thanks for asking.” Tsukishima gave him an amused smile and chuckled. “But are you really okay, sounds like you had a rough morning?” 

Yamaguchi nodded back. “After I fell asleep yesterday, I think that is the closest I have ever gotten to a coma.” He chuckled at himself . 

“You probably needed the extra sleep if you overslept that much.” Tsukishima said and Yamaguchi agreed. 

“Did you managed to sleep better than me?” 

Tsukishima held the cafeteria door open for him and Yamagcuhi ducked inside. He saw that Kuroo had already walked over to the table Kenma had gotten them. He had his laptop pulled out, balancing on his lap; tapping away as usual.

“Yes, I was tired.” Tsukishima said, honestly. “I finished my papers, and then I ate another slice of cake before I went to bed.” Tsukishima looked at him, more intensely. Yamaguchi felt himself shrink under his gaze. Why did he have to have such strong expressions. “Did you eat well, like I told you to do?”

“Hai, I ate french fries.” Yamaguchi’s told him, prodly. He gave him a wide smile and Tsukishima nodded his approval back. “I still have to pick up my clothes,” Yamaguchi continued, with a sudden realization. “They are still wet from yesterday. Damn it; I forgot about that too.” 

“Perks of living alone.” Tsukishima said. They had sat down at the table. Bokuto and Akaashi had excused himself to the line and Kuroo was making comments at Kenma’s laptop, which the receiving male didn't seem too happy about. He kept his annoyance to a minimum, only showing it through his scowl. “Kenma is always on my neck when I don't put my dishes in the sink.” 

“Because,” Kenma started, not looking at Tsukishima at all. “You have this thing where you eat everywhere, but the dinner table and then you just leave the plates wherever you are. Like, at your night stand or at the living room table and you leave them for so long it starts to collect.” Yamaguchi chuckled at Tsukishima. So maybe Tsukishima wasn't an entirely neat freak, like Yamaguchi had thought.

“I have other things to do, and I will eventually take them to the dishwasher.” Tsukishima defend himself and pulled out his bento. 

“This morning there were _three_ plates at the living room table, all used to eat shortcake.” Kenma fired back. 

“Three plates to eat cake. They baked it at Saturday and you have already eaten so much?” Yamaguchi laughed. 

“He ate a slice of cake for breakfast this morning.” Kuroo said. 

“That is not healthy, Tsukishima-san.” 

Tsukishima huff back. “It was good, and when it’s good food; I don't care how healthy it is.” Tsukishima defend himself. “You two sounds like my mother when you scold me like that.”

“Well, someone has to take care of you.” Kuroo said and Tsukishima stuck his tongue out, very matruley. 

“A cake slice a day, keeps the doctor away.” Tsukishima sang as he dug into his bento. It looked like pork curry and rice leftovers. Kuroo laughed at Tsukishima's comeback and even Kenma broke into a smile. Yamaguchi couldn't help but laugh too. Tsukishima was actually a funny guy. 

Yamaguchi's laughter was cut short when his stomach growled in protest. That's right, he hadn’t eaten since yesterday. He even forgot to grab a granola bar for breakfast as he rushed out. 

They all looked at him. _Oh, so they all heard that?_  

“Oi, you hungry, Yama-chan?” Bokuto asked. He was eaten a tamagoyaki and held a piece between his chopsticks.

Yamaguchi flushed red. “Ah, yes-yes, I skipped breakfast. Didn't have time.” Bokuto still looked at him, his smile lessened ever so slightly. “It’s  okay. I mean...me not having lunch.” 

Tsukishima clicked with his tongue. 

“You don’t have lunch?” Kuroo asked, shifting his gaze from the laptop towards Yamaguchi. The brunet shyly nodded, keeping his eyes at his lap. He twiddled with his fingers, cold from the small walk to the cafeteria. “Come on, kiddo.” Kuroo said as he stood up. 

“Huh?” Yamaguchi tilted his head in a puzzled expression. 

“Food. You are hungry right?” Kuroo said and let his phone rest on the table, but grabbed his wallet. 

“Um-um, yes; yes I am. But you don’t have to.” 

“Come on, don’t be shy. I buy you some; on me!” Kuroo said and clapped his hands. “So chop, chop and stand up.”

Yamaguchi stood up, his chair almost tipping over. Akaashi caught it and placed it back, behind Yamaguchi. “You really don't have too, I paypal you it back.” Yamaguchi stressed. 

“Ah, don’t worry about it. Sides, you kids in diapers needs to be taken care of.” Kuroo said. He winked and laughed before he started to walk away from the table. 

“Diapers…?” Yamaguchi asked and followed the cat. Bokuto laughed with Kuroo, while Tsukishima made an annoyed grunt in response. It didn't take him many steps before he had caught up with him. “You know that I am only two years younger than you, Kuroo-san.” He didn't know why he decided to be formal with him now. He hadn’t addressed him formally since they met. 

Kuroo chuckled beside him and threw an arm around Yamaguchi’s slender shoulders. He gave him a small noggie. Yamaguchi giggled as he freed himself. The line was short and they quickly made their way to the front. Kuroo bought coffee and a fried rice bento. 

“Pick whatever you want.” Kuroo said. 

“I can just get some iced tea and a chicken sandwich.”

They made their way back to the table and sat down. 

Yamaguchi happily munched down his lunch. Being able to finally eat something was great. They talked about their week and what they were going to do. Volleyball was easily the topic they landed on and it was decided that they would have a small ‘game’ sometime in the week, using the university gym. 

Yamaguchi had talked with his lab mates and the three of them decided that there was nothing due in this week or next week that required them to meet up. So, unusually Yamaguchi was free rest of the day and he didn't even have work. 

Akaashi, Kuroo and Kenma had other lectures they needed to attend to after lunch and Bokuto was meeting up with some of his friends from class to study, so that left Tsukishima and Yamaguchi alone. 

“So, Tsukishima-san,” Yamaguchi cleared his throat. The others had just left them be. “What are you going to do now?” He packed the rest of his sandwich in his bag and zipped it close. 

Tsukishima was busy tying his cloth around his bento. This time it was a pale yellow one with colourful flowers. “I was going back to the library and read a little bit more. We are going to start case training soon and I need to be prepared.” He stood up and Yamaguchi followed him. “Are you going to the library too?”

“Yeah, I was thinking to get some readings down, if you don’t mind.”

Tsukishima gave him a small smile. “No, I don’t.” 

The library wasn't packed, but there were students scattered all over the place. They used a few minutes searching for a table and found the perfect one beside the windows. 

Reading and working on his classes was much easier now that he had woken up and had gotten some food in his system. Veterinary study was funny and all, but it was hard. Yamaguchi knew what he chewed on when he applied for the program, but sometime he doubted himself. 

Tsukishima sat over him, chewing on a pen. He had left his headset on the table and Yamaguchi felt weirdly thankful for him not putting them on. He switched between two different books, the big red one he used before lunch, and another one Yamaguchi hadn’t seen before. 

“Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima broke the silence and Yamaguchi looked up from his own books. “When are we going to go out?”

“Out?” Yamaguchi looked out the window. The sun was out, for once. The last week's rain had dominated their weather and it was nice to see the autumn sun light up the campus. It was still chilly, but the sunlight helped. He still had some pages he needed to cover, but if Tsukishima wanted to leave now, so could he. 

Tsukishima clicked his tongue and sighed. “Out, out on the cafe?” 

Yamaguchi chuckled, awkwardly and rubbed his neck bashfully. His head was still like static tv. 

Tsukishima snorted at him and gave an easy laugh back. “So, when are you ready? Did you check your work shifts?” He raised an eyebrow expectedly at Yamaguchi.

“I checked,” Yamaguchi replied. “I only have work Wednesday, Tuesday, Friday and Sunday. I- I can after my shift on Friday and before my shift on Sunday, too.” 

“Hmmm,” Tsukishima though. “I think I am actually free the whole week. So, just say when it suits you.” 

“Well, I don’t have any assignment for this week, so I think Sunday would work best for me.”

“Sunday.” Tsukishima smiled towards him. “Then it’s set.” 

Yamaguchi beamed back. His fingers started to tingle and his stomach did small flip flops. Yamaguchi shook his head and tried to calm down, hopefully before his cheeks took colour.

* * *

“Um, why are you going this way?” Yamaguchi asked. They had packed up their stuff and left the library. The study hours were good and now Yamaguchi was done with today's work. All he wanted to do was now was to lie down at his couch and relax.  

Tsukishima had surprisingly started to walk beside him, instead of the direction to his own apartment. “I’m going to meet some of my classmates and we are going to prepare for the case training together. They live in this direction too.” 

“Oh, that’s nice.” Yamaguchi hummed. 

They walked towards Yamaguchi’s block. There were still some puddles in the streets, too big for the sun to get rid of. Monday’s were usually the busiest day of the week. The student tried to get a good start of the week, but their enthusiasm lessened quickly and before Friday came; they all were tired. Not that Yamaguchi could say too much about how busy Friday was at the campus, because he hadn’t spent a Friday at the library since the semester started. And even the semester before, they only had one class. 

“You know, I actually thought this day would be hell.” Yamaguchi siad, quietly. He hope Tsukishima didn’t hear it. But also, he kind of hoped he did hear it too. 

“Why’s that?” 

“Um, I just thought that it would be a bad day since I overslept and didn't have money to buy food and stuff like that.” Yamaguchi started and flushed. He kept his eyes in his shoes. One of the laces were coming loose and he hoped it would hold until he arrive at his apartment. “But then Akaashi was so nice to me, and Kuroo too.”

Tsukishima nodded back, a kind smile crossing his lips. 

“I should pay him back, but I don’t know how much it cost. He didn't tell me.” Yamauchi said. 

“I don’t think you have to. I don’t even think Kuroo will accept your money if you give it to him.” Tsukishima said and looked down at him. He gave an assuring nod to Yamaguchi. “This is what friends do, they help each other out.” 

Yamaguchi smiled down at his shoes. He still hoped he could pay them all back for their kindness sometime, somehow. “And-and, I would often study by myself, but now you were there too. I liked studying with you.”

“Hmm,” Tsukishima looked to the other side, and Yamaguchi pretended he didn't notice how is ears turned rosy. It could have been the chilly weather. “It’s was nice studying with just you too.” 

“Thanks, I like studying with you too.” Yamaguchi said and smiled back. 

“I know,” Tsukishima said, his smile showing in his voice. “You just told me.”

“Oh, yeah that is right. Gomen, Tsukishima-san.” 

Tsukishima clicked with his tongue back and gave a teasing chuckle back. 

Yamaguchi gave a small sigh as they stopped outside of his apartment. He looked up at the third floor window and though all the cleaning that awaited him inside closed doors. Being an adult was hard and having an apartment was hard too. But he supposed, if it was easy; then everyone would do it. At least his dad said so. 

“See you later, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima gave him a small smile as he continued to walk down the street. He put his headset on and his hands quickly found his pockets, leaving Yamaguchi at his staircase. 

Yamaguchi smiled when he saw a small stegosaurus key chain that hung on his bag. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated :D
> 
> EDITED: 01.07.19


	11. The name changes, but the streets stays the same.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi meets old friends of the krew and they play volleyball together, but the day is quickly becoming sour when Yamaguchi encounters his old enemies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is late. I actually had a chapter ready for Friday night, but I decided that I wanted to change some things right before upload time. I don't regret it, but I needed to change some parts I had already written down and I got a minor writing block. Normally the conversations I write comes so easily to me, but this time it didn't. On Saturday I said to myself that I would post the new chapter before I went to bed, but I literally fell asleep when I wrote the chapter in bed, haha. And Sunday was spent with family. So in conclusion: my life is a mess :P Thank you for being patient with me <3
> 
> BUT, in this chapter I just tease you a little bit. I've introduced the sunshine and the lion to the group, plus the nervous blonde. They will become more important throughout the fic, but they will not have any major role. Also, in this fic, Kageyama is a professional volleyball player. 
> 
> WARNING:  
> There are some colourful words in this chapter and slurs in the bullies part.  
> There are some hinted towards physical abuse, like hitting and beating people up.
> 
> Hope you can still enjoy the story.

“I don’t want to play anymore!” Bokuto yelled and turned his back towards his team. 

Yamaguchi jumped lightly in his place. A sour mood had come over Bokuto and now he was pouty and uncooperative towards his own teammates. Beside him, Akaashi sighed and made a small grimace. 

“Come on, Bo.” Kuroo called on the other side of the net. He too, looked more annoyed than worried. Bokuto only huffed back and stared at the volleyball-pole that held up the net. Kuroo gave a defeated look back to Akaashi and the setter nodded back. “Let’s take a break.”

Kenma and Tsukishima were already shuffling over to their bags by the far wall. Akaashi went over to Bokuto and crouched down beside him and Kuroo stayed hovering over them. Yamaguchi walked over to the blonds, a questioning look on his face. 

“Is something wrong with Bokuto?” Yamaguchi asked and dug after his own bottle. 

“No, except that he is a 3 year old child throwing a tantrum.” Tsukishima said not missing a beat. 

Their game had went fine up until now. Clearly, Bokuto hadn’t had the best day. He had missed a few spikes and even two serves. He sent them straight into the net. Yamaguchi honestly didn't think too much about it, everyone had bad days. He was still worried about Bokuto, even when the others didn't bat an eye. 

“Don’t worry, Yamaguchi,” Kenma started. He tugged some hair behind his ear and looked at the pouty 25 year old on the court. Akaashi and Kuroo was walking towards them, talking between them. “Bokuto is always like this.” 

Yamaguchi looked up at Akaashi when he approached them. The older boy leaned against the wall. Bokuto was still crouched by the net and was playing with his shoe laces. Yamaguchi wanted to go over to him and cheer him up. Bokuto was always so happy and energetic. Yamaguchi had never seen him in a _mood_ before. He felt like he needed a guide to deal with this kind of Bokuto.

“Bokuto is just a little bit of a drama queen.” Akaashi spoke up. “He gets out of it just as fast as he gets in it.” Yamaguchi nodded. It still felt weird. Nobody of them did anything to help.

“But, shouldn’t we do anything to help him?” Yamaguchi asked, innocently.

“I don’t think it’s possible to give him a new brain.” Tsukishima muttered. Kuroo bumped his shoulder with his own, mummering a small ‘shut up’. However, he was chuckling along with Tsukishima. 

“Let’s start again.” Surprisingly, that was Kenma. Yamaguchi figured he only wanted to go home, since they started right after they were done with their studies. 

The others nodded and went back to the court. Yamaguchi was about to walk over to Bokuto, who had at least stood up now; but Akaashi stopped him with a hand on his shoulders. 

“Just spike the ball when I set it to you.” He smiled easily down at Yamaguchi. Not worried about the game and not worried about his boyfriend. 

“Okay.” Yamaguchi breathed out.

The game continued as normal, except that their spiker was out. Bokuto kept in the back and looked so lost as he followed the ball with his eyes. Yamaguchi did spike every ball that was given to him and even managed to get in a handful of points for them. He even set the ball for Akaashi.

“How was that, Akaashi?” Yamaguchi asked after a rally. Akaashi scored, barely. They were lucky Kenma backed out at the last moment. Kuroo was currently scolding his own room mate for it. 

“A little lower and closer to the net.” Akaashi simply told him. Not judging him buy the lack of his setter skills. 

Bokuto was getting more and more fidgety and antsy for each rally that went by. Kuroo and Tsukishima had no problem teasing him for it too. They were losing, not much. But the last rounds, the points had gotten to the opposite team. Akaashi was obviously noticing Bokuto’s fret on the court, but it seemed like he only kept him in the corner of his eyes.

There was one rally that went perfectly. Yamaguchi received the ball flawlessly after Kuroo had spiked it. It hurt his arms, and he would definitely get small brushes along his forearms after this game. Kuroo’s spikes were never anything, but forceful. He got the ball in the air in a perfect arch to Akaashi. 

The setter looked straight at the ace of their three-man-team and Bokuto snapped into reality again. It was like they just communicated with their eyes. Yamaguchi didn't know what they said, but Bokuto suddenly decided to approach the net. Not even hesitating in his steps. 

He spiked the ball, excellently. It was like Akaashi and Bokuto became one and everything else didn't matter. Yamaguchi watched in awe at Bokuto. He jumped up and spiked the ball past Kuroo and Tsukishima’s fingertips.

“Yeah!” Bokuto roared as he touched the ground. “Hey, hey, hey.” Bokuto yelled, throwing both of his arms up in triumph. “Aren’t I the best?! Akaashi, Yama-chan, did you see that?! Did you see me?!”

First, Yamaguchi though Bokuto had asked a rhetorical question. However, he turned around and looked at both of them expectedly. 

“Just follow my lead, Yamaguchi.” Akaashi said with a monotone voice, too low for the silver head to hear. He walked a up to Bokuto. “Yes, Bokuto, I saw that. It was cool.” 

“Aren’t I awesome, Akaashi?” Bokuto asked, stars in his eyes. One the other side of the net, Kenma yawned. 

“Yes, you are, Bokuto.” 

Bokuto beamed back at his partner and planted a big kiss on Akaashi’s cheek. Even though Akaashi did look uncaring about boosting Bokuto’s ego, he did blush when was kissed. 

“Yama-chan, what did you think about my spike? Was it awesome?” 

Yamaguchi looked quickly at Akaashi, who nodded back. “Yes-yes, Bokuto. It was really cool.” He nodded towards the ace, he cheered once again. 

“Bokuto,” Tsukishima called over the court. “are you done celebrating, can we continue?” 

“Kenma!” Yamaguchi snapped towards the entrance door when someone yelled after the programming student. A tall guy with grey hair was sprinting towards the setter, waving his hand excitedly. He was actually really tall. Taller than Tsukishima. 

Kenma on the other hand, didn't seem so excited. He just seemed to get even more tired. Yamaguchi might have laughed if he wasn't so puzzled. 

“Lev.” Kenma said quilty and turned around to meet the coming boy. 

“Bokuto-san.” It was another cheery voice. A little squeaker than the last. A short boy with bright, curly, orange hair ran up to Bokuto. He jumped on his back and Bokuto himself laughed with him.   

“Shō-kun, what are you doing here?” Bokuto put him down. He had taken a 180 degree turn in hso mood.

“We wanted to practice.” The shorty said, brightly, and nodded towards his friend. Speaking of the beanstalk, he was talking excidelty to Kenma and Kuroo. Kuroo was wearing his smug smile, but didn't look so miffed anymore. He had a small smile as he spoke to the taller boy.

“Where is Kageyama-kun?” Bokuto asked. “Out traveling again.”

 _Shō-kun_ somewhat deflated _._ Yamaguchi though he had heard the spoken name somewhere, but he couldn’t pinpoint exactly where. 

“Yes, they are traveling to Sydney this week on a training camp.” 

“Who are those two?” Yamaguchi asked Tsukishima. 

“They used to play volleyball in high school.” Tsukishima told him. He looked more indifferent to the two boys. “Hinata,” Tsukishima nodded to the red-head. “played volleyball in high school too, same with Lev. They both are the same age as the two of us.”

“Ah, so you used to play together then?” Yamaguchi asked. 

“Hinata went to the same school as me, but Lev went to Nekoma. The one Kenma and Kuroo went to.” 

At the mention on his name, Hinata Shō-kun turned around. He had an intense look in his chestnut coloured eyes. A smile quickly replaced his fierce look. He bowed politely down. “My name is Hinata Shōyō, nice to meet you.”

Yamaguchi bowed back. “Yamaguchi Tadashi, nice to meet you.” 

“Do you know Tsukishima?” Hinata asked as pointed a finger at Tsukishima. The receiving boy raised an eyebrow at Hinata. 

“I met Tsukishima-san through Kuroo and Bokuto.” Yamaguchi explained with a smile. 

Before any of them could replay, Akaashi spoke up. “You two should join us. We have around 45 minutes until we are done.” Hinata affirmed his answer back with jumping up in the air. Yamaguchi couldn’t help, but think that the short boy looked kind of like Bokuto with his childlike energy. 

Haiba Lev would join Kuroo’s side. It was almost unfair. They had two players in the 190’s and Kuroo were almost there too. Kenma dragged down their mean with his 170 cm. Yamaguchi's team was in the low 180’s, but Hinata had proudly exclaimed that he was 164.2 cm tall. 

The game continued, a four-vs-four. Despite his height, Hinata could fight. He had amazing stamina and agility. What was perhaps worse, was that Bokuto and Hinata were like monkeys on the court together. They cheered each other up with maybe too much enthusiasm for a game between friends and classmates. Yamaguchi didn't say anything, he let them be. They were obviously happy and he didn't want Bokuto fall back into his bad mood. 

The other side of the net was something else. Lev didn't share Hinata’s abilities, but he was a good player. And what he lacked in speed and agility was made up for with his eight and long limbs. He had a bluntness that made both Kenma and Tsukishima annoyed. Kuroo was teasing him, but Lev was kind of too oblivious to understand it and Kuroo would often get this look on his face. That look that told everyone that he was so done. It made Yamaguchi snicker a few times. Tsukishima laughed openly, but that was more because Tsukishima fed off his suffering. 

The rest of the game went smoothly. Bokuto was out of his mood and they ended up scoring a lot more points. He and Hinata scored most of their points, each one with more enthusiasm than the last. The opposite team worked well and it was almost impossible to break down their blocks. They all seemed to enjoy themselves. Even Kenma wore a small smile when they were done. 

They parted after the sets and Yamaguchi made his way towards the Crows. He needed to pick up something to eat before his friday shift. 

The citified cafe was packed with students that were ready for the weekend. Most of them would likely travel home and relax, party and hang out for their friends. For once, Yamaguchi didn't feel envy towards them. He had a certain cafe date on sunday and the last couple of hours were filled with playing volleyball with his friends. He didn't even feel sad that he had the closing shift.

Yamaguchi stood in line for a few minutes. Since it was dinnertime for most of them, the orders took a little bit longer. Tadashi didn't mind. He had an hour before his shift.

There was another person standing in behind the counter this time. Yamaguchi told himself that he didn't care, but he secretly wished Sugawara could be here and they could to their normal ritual whenever Yamaguchi came into the coffee shop. Still, he thought that Sugawara deserved some free time, since it always looked like he was working. 

Yamaguchi bought his usual, a cup of coffee and a plain tamagoyaki bento. The cashier was a petite lady with blonde hair. One part of her bang clipped to the side with a cute strawberry pin. Her eyes were a vivid brow colour- like milk chocolate. Cute, Yamaguchi though. She was cute. 

“Here is your order, have-have a nice day.” She had a slight stutter. It was only now that Yamaguchi saw that she had the ‘in training’ tag. So that was why she had never seen the girl. Just when he was about to grab his coffee to go, it had cream on it. 

“Um, excuse me, I bought a regular black coffee.”

Yamaguchi instantly regretted saying that, because the poor girl looked fearfully at him. Yamaguchi looked panicked back and then they both had it going. 

“Gomenasai!” The girl yelled out and bowed so low that her head was under the table. She grabbed the table with white knuckles. “I am new here and I mixed up the order because I was thinking about the last order too!” She went on a tangent about how sorry she was and how she should just quit now. 

“No, no! Don’t do that. I can just drink it with the sweetner.” Yamaguchi called hastily back. The two of them were keeping up the line and others looked at them both in surprise, concern and some gave them sour looks. “It’s no worry at all. Sorry I called you out on your mistake!” Tadashi felt his heart pumping in his chest. He was becoming sweaty and his fingers were starting to tremble. Would the reason he got creamer in his coffee, be the reason he was thrown into an anxiety attack?

“Yachi-chan, what’s going on here?” 

Yamaguchi looked up at Sugawara. So he was at work, he was only in the back. The blonde girl whipped around and looked like a deer caught in headlights. “I am so sorry, Sugawara-senpai, I messed up his order. Just take my tag.” She took off her apron, her tag and handed them to her senpai. The others in line, plus Yamaguchi looked baffled at the poor girl. 

“No-no, It’s okay, Suga-san, " Yamaguchi said and reached for the cup. "I can just, um, drink this.”  

“I'll make you a new one, Yamaguchi-kun.” Sugawara easily told him and went to crab another cardboard cup and filled it plain, black coffee. “Yachi-chan, put on your tag and your aporn again. When you mess up an order, you just make a new one without any trouble. Sometimes the customer even wants the messed up order and we give it to them but offer a new one for free.” Sugawara turned around and set the fresh cup of joe down on the counter. “Simple as that, right, Yachi-chan?”

The girl, Yachi, nodded and wringed her apron at the hem in nervousness. Yamaguchi breathed out, glad that none of them got a heart attack. A man behind Yamaguchi cleared his throat, reminding them that Yamaguchi was still holding up the line. He quickly grabbed his bento and coffee and bowed his thanks to the two employers. He didn't take the moment to put his bento in his bag, Yamaguchi felt like he would just upset the other customers further. 

With his tamagoyaki bento and coffee in hand, he went for the door.

Just when he was out of the shop, he felt someone push him and someone trip him. 

Yamaguchi crashed into the hard concrete. His coffee spilled beside him and onto his fingers. It burned. His lunch opened and eggs were thrown around him. Bewildered, Yamaguchi looked up when he heard someone laugh at him. 

He wasn't even a tad bit surprised when he saw Shino, Yori and the third musketeer, Sato Noboru. Yamaguchi shivered. What did they want now? 

Yamaguchi grounded and sat up. Without any help. The ground was wet under him and his front was already covered in sand and rocks. His pinky fingers were already covered in small scrapes, but none of them were bleeding. Yet. 

“Hello, Tadashi.” 

Yamaguchi shivered when Noboru spoke to him. His amber eyes pierced through Yamaguchi's cappuccino coloured ones. 

The thing was, each on their own; Yamaguchi’s enemies were a nightmare. Together they could be hell. 

“Sorry about your lunch. Didn't mean to spill it.” The other snickered at him. Yamaguchi gave a weak laugh back. Not wanting to upset them. He never knew what could get him in more trouble. 

“It-it is no trouble. I, um-um, I can just buy another one-one.” Yamaguchi sputtered. He glanced to the side, and two customers walked out. They gave him weird looks, but didn't bother to do anything to help him. 

He reached up and rubbed some dirt off his chin. Great, it was also scratched. He hope he was presentable for work. Shino crouched down to his level. Yamaguchi muscles froze up. He couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. 

“You know, Tadashi,” Shino spoke up. An ominous smile had crossed his face. “You will never get a pretty face as long as you are covered in those spots.” Spots, freckles, discolouration of the skin. Call it whatever, it was the same to Yamaguchi. But he hated it them. He hated how much trouble in because of them. Shino patted his cheek, not hard. However, it was nothing gentle about it. 

Yamaguchi kemp his mouth in a thinght line. His hand formes painful fits by his sides. 

“So, where is your precious lifeguard.”

“Lifeguard?” Noboru asked. 

Yori laughed. “Tadashi has gotten a lifeguard, another fag.” The other laughed with him and Yamaguchi felt an intense feeling in his stomach. They couldn’t call him that. 

“Hmm, figured he would choose another guy.” Noboru snickered. 

“Didn't know you were capable of making friends.”

“Don-don’t,” Yamaguchi started. They all looked at him, quiet now. Waiting for what he would say. “say things like that about him.” He wished his voice didn't waver and he didn't stutter like that. Tadashi felt small as he sat on the ground with three boys hovering over him. 

“What did you say?” Shino asked, ire in his voice. Yamaguchi had stopped trying to stand up to them many years ago. Somewhere in Junior high. 

“Tsukishima-san is my friend.” Yamaguchi told them. “You- Don’t call him that.” His sentence died out in the end. He trembled in his place. 

“You know, Tadashi.” Yori spoke and crouched down at his level too. “mutts like you can’t have friends.”

Yamaguchi swallowed the lump in his throat. He felt more upset when they made fun of Tsukishima, than he got when they bullied him. He sniffed wetly and tried not to break down in front of them. 

“You were always such a cry baby, Tadashi.” Yori said. “Your so called friend aren’t here to help your sorry ass.”  Yamaguchi flinched. He didn't want to get the others mixed up in his mess. They needed to stay out of it. This chaos Yamaguchi had been in for too long, was too big and complicated for others to grasp and help. It was only up to him to bear it through. 

He didn’t say anything back. Maybe they would just do their thing and leave him. He hope he got off easy. There was no one around to help. 

Something snapped in Shino. He grabbed Yamaguchi’s collar and pushed him into the coffee shop’s wall. “Hey, say something, mud-face.” Shino roared right into his face. “Don’t just sit there like a retard.” 

Shino clenched his fist over his head and Yamaguchi shut his eyes hard. 

This was it. Shino, Yori and Noboru obviously had a bad day and decided to take it out on Yamaguchi. Would he hit his nose, cheek, jaw. Yamaguchi hoped that he at least could managed to go to work after. His boss liked at least a few hours notice if they couldn't make it. Not half an hour before his shift. 

Just when Yamaguchi braced himself for the hit. 

“Get away from him.” 

All four of them looked up at them and saw Sugawara standing strong and tall. He held the door open and behind his back, was Yachi. Wrinigling her aporn again. “Get away from him, before I call the campus police.”

Shino realised him after a moment's and straighten up. He huffed and smoothed out his jacket. “Come on, he is not worth it.” The two other walked after him and Noboru flipped them all off. 

Yamaguchi breathed out in relief. His heart was still pumping like he ran a marathon. He put a hand on his heart, and Yamaguchi was certain he could feel it beating through his ribcage. 

“Are you okay?” Sugawara was beside him in a second. “Yachi-chan, get a damp washcloth and some water for him.”

“No, no, I’m fine.” Yamaguchi stressed. He didn't want them to worry. It was enough that Tsukishima has already seen him. Now Sugawara had seen it too and Yamaguchi wanted him to just think that Yamaguchi Tadashi was just a normal student. Now that picture was ruined. 

“I didn't see it at first, but customers kept glancing back at the door.” Sugawara explained. “I got worried and checked.” Yamaguchi nodded. Yachi came back with a cloth and gave it with trembling fingers to Yamaguchi. He dried his fingers, face and noticed that the trouser fabric was ripped at his left knee. It was bleeding a little. “I can call the campus police if you want to.” Sugawara said when Yamaguchi didn't verbally reply. 

“Were not on campus ground.” Yamaguchi mumbled, balancing the cup of water between his fingers. 

“Well, but I am sure they would help you out. We are only- like- 100 meters from the campus.” Sugawara said. He put a hand over in his right knee. “It’s worth a shot.”

Yamaguchi shuddered. “No, no. Just forget about this.” He picked up the spilled coffee cup and plastic bento box and threw it in a nearby trash can. “I’m fine. It was nothing.” He didn't look at any of them. “Just drop it, please.”

Sugawara took a step forward and reached out his hand towards Yamaguchi. It stayed in the air, hovering. It looked like the barista didn't knew what to say or do. 

Yamaguchi looked down at his shoes. The laces had come undone and he didn't really care. He just wanted to go home. He was too worked up to work a closing shift right now, not that he had the choice because he needed the money. 

He plastered on a fake smile. It was tight and it hurt to lie to Sugawara. “I am fine.” He smiled. He lied. “It’s no worry, Sugawara-san, Yachi-san. Sorry to be so much trouble for both of you.” 

He bowed quickly to them and then turned around. He walked as fast as he could and ignored Sugawara’s calls for him.  

Sugawara let out a breath when he Yamaguchi ignored him. Obviously, something was wrong for three guys to almost hit him. Abuse him like that. He clenched his fist. 

“Senpai?” Yachi spoke up. Voice trembling. She shook beside him and when Sugawara looked down, he unclenched his fists. “Um...who was that? Is this normal, for fights to break out like that?”

“Yamaguchi-kun.” Sugawara looked up and stepped aside for a customer. “He always smiles to me and talks so happily to me whenever we meet,” He told her, ignoring Yachi’s second question. “but it never shows in his eyes.”

“His eyes never smiles.” Sugawara said and walked inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated :D
> 
> PS  
> If any of you have read some of my last chapters, you may have seen that I have edited some of the chapters. I have written 'EDITED' and the date in the notes at the end and begging on each chapter. I am slowly working my way through the fic and editing out any mistakes or rewrite sentences I feel like needs it. It's not major differences, more to just make the chapter flow a little better. At least I think so :)


	12. The mean-and-rude-blond-with-glasses-guy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi and Tsukishima goes to the coffee shop together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is pure TsukiYama chapter. I wanted some fluff in here. Last week was depressing, but that will be addressed later ;D
> 
> Also! The bun Yamaguchi is eating is something that is called 'skolebrød' or 'skolebolle' in Norwegian. I tried to find the english name for it, but it seems like the pastry is from Norway. But it's heavenly, especially if they are fresh <3 I ate one when I wrote this chapter :P

Yamaguchi walked quietly into the small coffee shop. He had looked so much forward to it. A few weeks ago, he found a flyer on campus about the new coffee shop; plus Tsukishima gave him a reason to visit the place. He was too nervous to do so himself. 

_ ‘Beans, cream & a cup of joe’,  _ was a combination of rustic and urban interior. The seats, benches and tables were wooden with white faux fur lined on them. There were some kind of slow jazz music playing over the speakers, but it wasn't loud. Just enough for the small shop. The counter was filled with bakeries and sweets, they even had a macaroon rack! Looking at the other customers, it seemed like he coffee came in jars and they were given metallic straws. Except for the tea, that came in small turquoise, ceramic cups with matching plates and gold spoons. There were black lamps that hung over the tables, a nice contrast to the white walls and grey timber floor. 

What stood out the most, was that the walls was covered in plants. There was a built in shelf behind the counter that just had catusses in all shapes and forms. In between the plants, was small figures of animals. Just the head of each animal they displayed. There was a tiger, panter, some lions and even some birds.  It was clearly handmade and Yamaguchi got the vibes that he was in the jungle out with all of them. The other wall had shelves that held other plants. The tables was decorated with fresh tulips. Honestly, the plants was the reason Yamaguchi wanted to try the coffee shop out so much. He had seen pictures on their facebook page and he fell in love with the aesthetic. He liked that they changed out pictures for flowers and green plants. It was nice to see someone being able to care for them, than just the dead one at his apartment. Plus the touch of each hand painted animal statue was cool too. 

He chose a table beside the windows and sat down on a bench. A tall, green palm three stood beside it and Yamaguchi idly touched one of the leaves. It was smooth. Yamaguchi didn't really expect it to be anything else, but it looked healthy. It was almost as tall as him. 

Tsukishima had sent him a message that he was running a bit late. Tadashi thought nothing of it and decided to just look through his phone while he waited. He didn't have earphone sto listen to his music, since he ruined them many months ago and never bought new ones. 

Despite being a Sunday, were everyone was usually out of school and work, the shop was pretty empty. Maybe it was too early for their regular customers. It was just 01.00 p.m and most students liked to relax at home. 

“Sorry I'm late.” Tsukishima said and he sat down beside Yamaguchi on the bench. He was wearing a nice nature green bomber jacket and a denim shirt under with the collars sticking out of the jacket. 

“It’s no trouble, I arrived 15 minutes ago.” Yamaguchi told him easily with a smile. “I am happy we could find the time. What were you doing?”

Tsukishima sighed and took off his jacket. “Kuroo kept bugging me. Kenma has his 24th birthday on the 16th and Kuroo is stressed out about birthday gift; like every year. He wanted me to help him look through every website that exists for a gift.” Tsukishima told him and gave him an apologetic look. “I forgot about the time, and it made me miss the train I wanted to take. Sorry.”

Yamaguchi tilted his head to the side. “Is Kenma going to celebrate it?” He wouldn't say no to another party. The last one was nice. 

“No, Kuroo usually takes Kenma out and they eat a fancy dinner and then they just go home to watch a movie or something; Kenam likes it easy and often just him and Kuroo” Tsukishima explained. “We sometimes play his favorite game on multiplayer if he is upto it while we eat some cake.” 

“That sound nice.” Yamaguchi replied. “Kenma looks like the person that doesn't want a big party.”

Tsukishima nodded back. “Do you want to order.” 

Yamaguchi affirmed back and they both went upto the counter. He was already set on a cup of hot chocolate with whipped cream. The autumn weather allowed him to drink as much hot chocolate as he wanted. As they approached the displays, he saw numerous of, what he thought, were local pastries. Buns, cakes and cookies in all it’s glory were lined out for them. 

He was not surprised when Tsukishima reached for a gateau with strawberry decoration. The only cake the shop didn't have was strawberry shortcake, but it didn't look like it affected his friend much. He also reached for two pink macaroons. Yamaguchi didn't know of they were raspberry or strawberry, but it didn't matter for him; because he himself choose the chocolate flavoured and one lemon flavoured. He also picked a vanilla custard filled bun, dusted with coconut flakes. 

“Hello,” The small clerk at the desk said. “anything else?”

Tsukishima asked for a creamy mocha. It came in those fancy jars the store had, with a bit whipped cream and chocolate flakes on top. The straw was bronze coloured and they even put some chocolate mocha beans on his plate. Fancy, Yamaguchi though and it was so extra. 

Tsukishima paid and even waited for him to pay. From his perpetual vision, he saw Tsukishima grab some napkins. The cacao didn't look as fancy as the creamy mocha Tsukishima got, but the cream was covered in rainbow sprinkles. It gave a childish vibe to it. He got a tall golden spoon to stir.

They sat down at their table and Yamaguchi took a grateful sip at his drink. It was sweet, but had a rich chocolate flavour to it despite the cream that was added. He hummed as his shoulder relaxed. This was just what he needed. 

“So,” Tsukishima started, he sounded a little restless. Perhaps he was a tad bit nervous too. “What did you do yesterday?”

Yamaguchi looked at him and then down at his bun. 

After fridays encounter, he made it to work just in time. He braley had the time to feel upset over what Shino, Yori and Noboru did to him, but he did have an awful big lump in his throat and stomach the whole shift and choose his break at the bathroom trying to keep it together. What he didn't want, was to let his coworker see him cry. Saturday was spent in bed. The energy or will to do anything was drained out to him and his Saturday was spent sleeping away his dreadful thoughts or watching netflix series he had already seen. Starting a new one required too much energy. He even forgot to eat. The last two days had been awful to him and Yamaguchi hoped this Sunday would be a break for him. He felt like he earned it. 

Still, he didn't want Tsukishima to know. Yamaguchi didn't want him to know that they could be worse and didn't want Tsukshiam to pity him. It was enough that Sugawara already knew what happened. 

“I didn't do anything,” Yamaguchi said, a slightly tremble to his voice. It didn't look like Tsukishima noticed, or at least he dropped commenting on it. “I was home, relaxing.” 

A smile grew on Tsukishima. “That’s nice to hear. It sounds like you work much.” 

Yamaguchi nodded. He could take more shifts, but as long as he didn't struggle too much with his finances; he didn’t need to. “What did you do?” 

“My brother was in town- is still in town- he treated me to dinner.” 

“You have bother?”

Tsukishima nodded and took a bite of his cake. “Yeah, seven years older and he lives in Sendai with his wife. He had some meeting in Tokyo and decided to spend the weekend catching up with friends.” It did seem like he was in thought for a few moments. “He is a sap.”

“A sap?” Yamaguchi chuckled.

“You’ll understand if you ever meet him, but he is as annoying as Kuroo.”

“It must be nice having a brother.” Yamaguchi hummed. 

“You’re an only child?” Tsukishima asked. 

Yamaguchi took a bite of his bun and used a napkin to rub the coconut flakes off his chin. “Yeah, I do have an older cousin, but we’re not that close anymore.” He did miss his older cousin because it was the closest he had ever gotten to an older brother. When they were younger, they used to play pirates with stick they found outside and run around in the yard while the grown ups were inside. He’ll do anything to get that back, but neither of them had tried to contact the other one. 

Tsukishima dropped the topic and Yamaguchi suspected he had pulled a face or something. He was grateful for it. 

Yamaguchi felt he needed to say something, anything to keep the conversation going. “What made you want to become a lawyer?”

“My dad is one.” Tsushima said. “I honestly didn't know what I wanted to do after high school, I just knew that anything with math was out of the question. I did think of go into medicine, like my mom did. She’s a child nurse, but I didn't really want an education in that field. So, I had a long talk with my dad in my third year of High School and we talked about what university I was going to reply for and he told me I could always change if I ever found out law school wasn't for me. Through my first year, I figured that I actually like studying it.” He gave a small smile back and took a long sip of his drink. “I also think my mother and father had a bet on who would go into the education field they chose. My dad won, because my brother is an architect.” Tsushima snickered. Yamaguchi laughed with him and wondered how the  Mean-glasses-guy he helped weeks ago was this nice boy sitting beside him. 

“So, what made you want to go into veterinary?” Tsukishima asked after he had calmed down. 

“Hmm, I always wanted to be with animals, even since I was little. My neighbourhood had a playful dalmatian and I used to be allowed to walk her around the block throughout the years before she passed.” Yamaguchi actually never knew why being a vet was so important to him. It had just always been in his plans to become one. “I just want them to be healthy and happy, but vetrianty is hard. I talked to some of the older students, those who are working taking their doctorate and they say that it’s hard when you can’t help the sick ones, but worth it when you do manage to do so.” He gave a small sigh back. “I also want to work with animals because they are so much easier to deal with than people. I know I have to talk to their owners and stuff like that. But the less I have to deal with people, the better.” 

Yamaguchi was worried he talked to much, but Tsukishima smiled and nodded in response. They stat in quiet for a few minutes, none of them saying anything. Beside him, Tsukishima picked up all the strawberries from the cream and ate them separately. Yamaguchi always ate the cutarad center at last and ate around the bun. It could get a little messy, but it was a price he was willing to pay. 

“So, um, uh” Yamaguchi started, fumbling over his words as usual. Sometimes, he wondered of those three words where the only ones in his vocabulary. He took a another sip of his drink, getting a small cacao-stach. He cleaned it away with a napkin. “so, you know Hinata Sōyō from school, were you guys good friends?”

Tsukishima made a face. “Ah, no. I don’t really know.” He twiddled with his fingers. It was quite cute, actually. “He is kind of like a younger version of Bokuto, but Hinata doesn't get pouty. He just gets annoyingly more fired up. Throughout school, he used me as his personal teacher because he couldn't study to save his ass or his grades.” Yamaguchi gave an amused look to him and Tsukishima sighed. “But I guess you can consider us friends, since we do still catch up regularly and since almost everyone on our old High School team either live in Tokyo or visit the city regularly, we are kind of forced to stay together.” He grunted the last words, wich made Yamaguchi laugh.

“You’re awfully social, even when you say most people annoy you.” Yamaguchi chuckled. 

“Shut up, Yamaguchi.”

“Gomen, Tsukishima-san.” He smiled towards the blond. Tsukishima breathed deeply and sighed once more. His small ire forgotten. 

“Hey, you said you were from Miyagi, do you visit often?” Tsushima asked.  

Yamaguchi looked down at his half eaten custard bun. “No, I haven't been there since I moved here.” Tsukishima’s eyes winded. He told them briefly about that he don’t have contact with his parents at his party, but maybe he didn't remember it. “Family issues.” He explained quickly, wanting to avert a situation were he needed to explain the whole story. 

“I’m sorry.” Tsukishima told him. And something in his eyes told Yamaguchi that it was genuine. 

They fell into a silence again, more awkward this time. 

“You know, I do miss Tome. Even though I haven't been there in a couple of years.” Yamaguchi mused. He thought of their clam neighbourhood, the local store he got a job at during junior High and kept until he moved. He missed the small park he used to take lots of picture of animals in. The park he and his cousin would play in all day. He did miss his home and his parents, but Yamaguchi knew that it would never work out between them. Even if they did decide to take him back, they would never be the same again. 

“I think I miss the stars the most.” Yamaguchi said. He captured Tsukishima’s gaze. The other male looked with surprised eyes at the brunet. Yamaguchi started into his cup of cocoa. “Tokyo is too bright to even get a good look at the night sky,” He breathed deeply and met Tsukishima dark honey colored eyes. “it gets a little cramped.” He smiled sadly at his friend, but hope it came off as nostalgic. He did miss his hometown, but the problem was that it was no longer a home to him. It was just a town filled with memories. 

“I know what you mean.” Tsukishima said after a moment. “I miss Sendai too. It’s calm, you know. I used to think Sendai was boring since nothing never happened, but after I moved here; I found out that Tokyo never give it a rest and I miss Sendai’s boringness.” 

Yamaguchi hummed back. He agreed. Tokyo was great, but the city never slept. 

They easily kept the conversation going. They talked about what they could buy to Kenma. The setter obvillsy wished for a new game,  but Tsukishima told him to not get him anything game related. Kuroo said that Kenma needed sunlight even if the didn't want it and a new game wouldn't help.

They talked a little about volleyball. Yamaguchi learned that Tsuhiksiham didn't start liking the sport until the fall of his first year in High school and it was actually Bokuto and Kuroo had helped him realize it. Kind of, the energetic ace and the sly middle blocker had a more indirect role in it, but they helped. Tsukishima told him to never say that to either Bokuto or Kuroo; he would never hear the need of it. That had made Yamaguchi laugh loudly in the small coffee shop, but he promised. They talked about their studies and that they should study together more often, even after university. Yamaguchi said that there was always room in his apartment and they could use the living room if  he was free from work. Tsukishima agreed and told him it would be nice to change it up a little. 

They talked and it was relaxing. After the awful Friday and the depressing Saturday; Yamaguchi needed something to lift him up and Tsukishima did a great job doing so. 

Yamaguchi glanced at the clock. It was an hour until he needed to be at his four o'clock shift. He still had some time since it only took fifteen minutes to get back to his neighbourhood. 

“You had work today,” Tsukishima said when he noticed Yamaguchi checking the time. “When do you start?”

“At four.” Yamaguchi looked at him. They had eaten their food. Yamaguchi had a little bit of hot chocolate left, it was lukewarm and he didn't want it anymore. 

Tsukishima hummed in response and took the last sip of his drink, finishing the creamy mocha off. “We could take a detour to the train station thought the park.” 

They got dressed and was on their way out of the store. 

“Was the coffee shop with your money?” Tsukishima asked as they entered the park. It was bustling of families and students that wanted to enjoy the sunday outside. 

“Yes,” Yamaguchi smile dup at him. “I liked that it had flowers and plants, and the bun was pretty good too.” Yamaguchi tightened the scarf around his neck. A cold breeze had taken over Tokyo. Yamaguchi wondered if it would start snowing soon. 

“I wished they had short cake.” Tsukishima said. Yamaguchi gave him a look. “I ate up my own birthday cake on wednesday.”

“I didn't think it would last as long since you were eating it everyday.” Yamaguchi laughed. 

Tsukishima clicked his tongue at him while rolling his eyes. “They should have baked two cakes.”

Yamaguchi laughed. The park was small and it didn't take too long for them to reach the subway station at the other side. Talking with him was like easy and effortless. His tense shoulders had yet get lose, but it was easier to walk with high shoulders when he had Tsukishima with him and he didn't even fear of running into his bullies. 

When they got on the train, their ears and the tips of their noses had gotten a pink hue to them. Tsukishima sniffed and rubbed a finger under his nose. 

“Are you getting a cold?” Yamaguchi asked, concerned for his health. 

“No,” Tsukishima stubbornly denied it. “I don’t. It’s just itchy.” 

Yamaguchi gave a small snicker in return. “You should start wearing scarfs when you’re out.”

Tsukishima nodded. “You know you do sound like my mother, she said the exact same thing when I spoke to her on the phone earlier today.” 

Yamaguchi made a grimace and that made Tsukishima laugh. Loudly too. A few people glanced their way. Yamaguchi blushed and looked down his pants. 

They walked off and Yamaguchi didn't dread going to work, but Sundays were so slow. And there were usually now new books that needed to be put to its rightful place or anything to clean up. it was just a slow day. He also worked the shift alone since the store didn't need more than one worker on. 

Tsukishima followed him to the bookstore, even when it was a detour for his own apartment. 

“So, thanks for today, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima smiled down at him. 

“It was no problem, Tsukishima-san.” Yamaguchi said and got rosy. “I wanted to go with you.” 

_ You made it all better. _

Yamaguchi wished he got the courage to tell him so, but maybe that was for another time. 

Tsukishima looked surprised for a brief moment. But a kind smile crossed his face. “Yeah,” He muttered and checked his wrist watch under his jacket. “you know, Yamaguchi?”

“What?”

“My money was worth it too.”

Yamaguchi beamed back at him, sincerely. It wasn't often he truly smiled genuinely. What was more surprising, was that Tsukishima smiled widely back at him. What a perfect way to spend their Sunday. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, comment and kudos are always appreciated :D
> 
> Also! The bun Yamaguchi is eating is something that is called 'skolebrød' or 'skolebolle' in Norwegian. I tried to find the english name for it, but it seems like the pastry is from Norway. But it's heavenly, especially if they are fresh <3 I ate one when I wrote this chapter :P


	13. Press down B for special move!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi get's invited to Tsukishima's place to dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, ok, ok, please don't hate me. This is so late. Usually when I am late, I at least manage to get it up through the weekend. But I don't even know what happened. I was walking a dog I watched and literally just though; damn, I have a chapter I need to write -_- My routines are messed up since summer and all. it's like that time between christmas and new year's eve when you don't know what kind of year, day or planet you are on- That is my life, haha. But again, I am sorry. I appreciate all of you that reads, comment and sends kudos on this fic ;3 And I know I owe you better, but bear with me. I am going to get into normal routines, which will result in regular updates. \\(-3-)/
> 
> There will be an update this Friday (or weekend)! I actually plan some fun throwback chapters. Three part, each for a different time in Yamaguchi's life. I have had them planned for so long, but could't figure out were they should fit in the fic. But! It's time for them now :)
> 
> Guess what my favourite game is ;) But also, the title on the chapter is a move you can do in SSBM and the special attack its different for each character- for you guys that have never played the game.

**Tsukishima Kei, sent 03:17 p.m.**   
_Hey, do you want to come over later. Kuroo and Kenma are out eating dinner. I have the apartment to myself._

 Yamaguchi noticed the text when he went into the breakroom to drink some water. He had the Saturday shift again, but at least he had the opening and not the closing. He smile down at his phone and guessed he could use a couple of minutes to write him back. 

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi, sent 03:58 p.m.**   
_Hi, I am at work now and my shift end at 05.00 p.m. I can come over :D thank you._ _  
_ _I’ll text you when I am off :)_

He left his phone on the counter and decided to not check it until he actually were off. Yamaguchi smiled while he stacked books into the shelves. Before, he never got distracted from work. Because he never got any texts. Now, he got texts from the others, asking were they should eat for lunch, when they all should play volleyball. Bokuto had added him in a group chat and it mostly consisted of Kuroo and Bokuto sending memes to each other, but even those managed to spread a smile smile on Yamaguchi’s face when he got to them. 

Now, Tsukishima was texting him a private message and suddenly the last hour didn't seem so dreadful. He worked a lot better, he noticed. When he was in a good mood, his body felt lighter and easier to move around. Getting a new load of articles wasn't so arduous anymore. Even his co-worker commented that he looked more energized during the last part of his shift.

Once he was done, he went back into the break room and checked his phone. 

 **Tsukishima Kei, sent 04:05 p.m.**   
_Ok, but you can just come over when you are done._

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi, sent 05:02 p.m.** **  
** _Hi, I am done now. I am just going to the store and buy dinner and then I’ll come over_

He, surprisingly, got a message right back. 

 **Tsukishima Kei, sent 05:03 p.m.** **  
** _You can just eat here, I haven’t eaten yet either._

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi, sent 05:03 p.m.** **  
** _Okay, I’ll come over :)_

Yamaguchi smiled down at the screen. He should maybe pick up some snacks. It felt like the right thing to do. 

He walked into a nearby kiosk and bought some paprika flavored chips and a chocolate bar they could share. He hoped Tsukishima liked paprika flavoured. That was at least, his favourite. 

When he walked into campus, he saw a few students dressed for parties and some eating take-away on the go. He never knew that the campus was so alive when it was the weekend, but then again; he never had a reason to be on campus besides lectures before he got to know Tsukishima and the others.

He walked up the stairs and knocked. Tsukishima opened a few moments later, dressed in worn out pants and a t-shirt. 

“Sorry the intrusion.” Yamaguchi said and he made his way inside. 

“No problem, I invited you.” Tsukishima answered. He leaned against the wall, putting his hands in his pockets. “How was your shift?” 

“Ah, same old, same old.” Yamaguchi said as he stood up and Tsukishima begun leading the way into the kitchen. “I managed to spill a kettle of coffee on the counter and the floor in the break room. So I had to scrub the small kitchen during my break.”  He made grimace. His co-worker had called for him and it was like he forgot that he was holding the coffee kettle in his hand and it spilled everywhere. Luckily, he didn't burn himself or get anything on his clothes. “What did you do today?”

“That sucks. How does dumplings sound.” Tsukishima asked. He pulled out some already made dumplings and set them in the pan. 

“Have you guys made all of those?” Yamaguchi asked. In awe too. Although he liked dumpling, they took so long time to make and he never got the folding method right. They always came out ugly. Kuroo and Kenma had already proved that they were great in the kitchen when they made the cake for Tsukishima’s birthday party so Yamaguchi suspected it could be them. 

Tsukishima shook his head. “Kenmas parents visited and brought a rack full of frozen dumplings. They know it’s one of Kuroo’s favourite foods.”

“Oh, if they made it for him, I don’t want to eat it.” Yamaguchi said

“Don’t worry. I am sure there is plenty for him to eat. I only took out some of them so they would defrost until you came.”

“That's nice of you- to invite me over for dinner.” 

A small blush stretched over Tsukishima's cheeks. “Shut up, and get the soy sauce out of the fridge.” 

Yamaguchi snickered and went to get the sauce. Tsukishima always got so easily flustered, even when he managed to hide it; Tadashi could tell. Yamaguchi made the table while Tsukishima made sure none of the dumplings got burned. He also pulled out a boil-in-bag of rice.

Once the rice and the dumplings were done, both of them sat down. Yamaguchi even felt his stomach rumble. He thanked for the food and picked up his chops sticks and took a bite. He didn't notice Tsukishima looking at him, expectantly. 

“Hmmmm, these are fantastic!” Yamaguchi said. Tsukishima smiled towards him and was already working on his own plate. “So what did you do today, Tsukishima-san?”

Tsukishima chewed and swallowed. “Um, I met with some of the others students and we had a study group at 10:00 a.m.” He growled the last words. 

Yamaguchi chucked back. “Not a morning person?” He teased. 

“I don’t have any problem in waking up early, I just don’t see the point of doing so when we have the whole day to study. We didn't have to meet up at 10, we could have set plans for meeting up at 12 or something.” Tsukishima was clearly passionate about his rant. Yamaguchi thought it was kind of surprising how Tsukishima could seem so indifferent with a lot of thing, but went on a tangent about waking up early on a Saturday. He chucked as Tsukishima sighed and relaxed.  

“I wish I could wake up with ease in the mornings,” Yamaguchi's muttered. Sprits, he did have problems in the morning. Even from when he was little, he prefered sleeping in. And when adolescence came, it just became worse. How many times did he just managed to get to school _just_ on time because of that damned snooze button. “I need to have ten different alarms on in the morning.”

Tsukishima snorted at him and shook his head. “I think you are only making it worse when you put on so many alarms.” 

“But if I don’t, I oversleep. I been this way since childhood.” Yamaguchi smiled back. “My mother had to drag me out of bed when I started school; I  literally used to fall asleep at the breakfast table.” 

Tsukishima laughed at him. Yamaguchi took a sip out of his coke. He could honestly eat a whole rack of these dumplings. When was the last time he had homemade food and not the bland wok he used to make everyday. 

Yamaguchi ended up eating around 8 dumplings before he were done and a bowl of rice. He patted his stomach. “Ah, thank you so much for dinner!” 

“You seem happy,” Tsukishima smiled as he grabbed both of their plates and put them into the sink. “what were you going to eat  if you had been home?”

Yamaguchi decided to be useful and took the pan to the sink. It was full, he noticed. Filled with a few bowls and plates and cutlery. A result of three adult men living under one roof. “Just wok, I always make wok.”

“Don’t you get tired of it?”

Yamaguchi nodded. “Yes, I do, but my will to make something else is less than my will to just continue my routine.” Tsukishima nodded back. “Hey, should we wash the dishes?” He could do it without problem. he was the guest and he should show that he was grateful for the dinner. 

“No, you don’t need to.” Tsukishima stopped him. “We always do the dishes right before bedtime.”

Yamaguchi's nodded and followed the other male to the couch. He sat down and noticed a few birthday cards, probably for Kenma. Just when Tsukishima was about to sit down, he stopped in his tracks. 

“Oh, we have apple pie.” Tsukishima said. “Do you want some, Kuroo made it.?” 

“Is Kuroo a hobby-baker or something?” Yamaguchi tilted his head. Kuroo seemed like the person who enjoyed eating the food more than making it. Yamaguchi had seen both him and Bokuto kill the menu at McDonald’s and other fast food joints while the rest of them settle for something smaller. 

“No,” Tsukishima said, still standing beside the sofa. “I just think he likes to eats sweets, and he uses our birthdays as an excuse. But the pie is pretty good.”

He did feel quite full from dinner, but he didn't have a heart to say now when he was offered. Yamaguchi nodded towards the blond and Tsukishima went to cut them a slice each. Yamaguchi remembered that he brought snack too. He stood up and walked over to the front door, were he left his bag and took out the chocolate bar and chips. 

“I bought some snacks we also could eat if you want to have some.”

Tsukishima had just put down the pies. It was apple pie. “Thank you, just put them on the table.”

They ended up talking for hours and eating the snacks and pie. Tsukishima told him about his hometown and his High School years and how he pretty much got so annoyed because everyone was morons. Yamaguchi had to laugh at his ramblings. 

Yamaguchi accidlethy managed to spill his soda, but Tsukishima didn't bat an eye at that and just went to refill his glass while he cleaned up what he could. Yamaguchi felt sorry, because he spilled it all over their rug. Kuroo had apparently managed to get fresh oatmeal over the coach and the rug earlier this week and Kenma had knocked over his energy drink on the rug too. At least, that was what Tsukishima told him with a smile as he rubbed the rug free for cola.

Yamaguchi guessed he would be tired after his seven hour shift, but he wasn't. Tsukishima was surprisingly not as draining. He felt like the blond gave him energy. He just had that effect on him. Yamaguchi smiled widely at Tsukishima and laughed loudly at each of his joke. Tsukishima had a healthy blend of sarcasm and socially incorrect jokes that just got Yamaguchi to clutch his stomach in joyment. 

Just before 11, Kuroo and Kenma came home. Both of them looked slightly surprised to see him there, but they smiled warmly at him.

“Konnichiwa,” Kenma said. he joined them on the couch. “When did you come?”

“Hi, Kenma, I came right before 06:00 p.m.” Yamaguchi smiled. “Tsukishima-san said you two were on a date, did it go well.” 

“It went well, we went to an american place.” Kenma wore an easy smile. He had a small blush, maybe from the cold or maybe Kuroo managed to make it across his cheek. His hair was sill it loose, blond with black roots that just covered his eyes. They didn't look more dressed up than normal, but perhaps they weren't the kind of coupe that decided to doll up for dates. 

“Oh,” Yamaguchi perked up, remembering something important. “Happy birthday, Kenma. I didn't get you anything.” 

“Thank you, and you didn't have to.” Kenma said, “I didn't even know you knew when my birthday was.”

Yamaguchi chuckled. “Tsukishima said last weekend that Kuroo forced him to look through potential birthday gifts for you.” He explained. “What did he get you?”

Speaking of the sun, Kuroo slumped on the couch beside Tsukishima. he had dressed up a tad bit. Or, he wore a collared denim shirt and had even tucked it into his pants with a belt. But the belt could be because he need to keep his pants up and not for accessorizing. 

“Well,” Kenma said and looked over to his boyfriend. “He bought me dinner and he got me gift card on my favourite game shop plus new headset since my last one broke. They were over five years old.” 

“That sounds nice.” Yamaguchi told him, glad on his behalf. 

“So, Tsukki, Yamaguchi-kun, what have you two done while you had the whole apartment to yourself,” Kuro said, and he he smiled towards them. “not anything too risky, I hope?” The cat wiggled his eyebrows at Yamaguchi and the youngest turned into a spluttering, red rosy mess. He tied to explain what they were just chilling and not doing anything they shouldn’t do. A rosy coloured covered Yamaguchi's face and he got so hot. 

On the other side of the sofa, it looked like Tsukishima was ready to throw Kuroo out of the window. His boyfriend didn't seem so happy about the comment either. Kuroo, however, thought is joke might be the funniest thing he had said all day; because he was thrown into a laughing fit. Good thing bokuto weren't here, because, the silver haired male would be just as expected of the joke as his best friend. 

“I am going to get another slice of cake.” Tsukishima said and stood up. “Yamaguchi, Kenma do you want one.”

Yamaguchi shook his head and reached for the chips bowl instead. 

“I would like some some, Tsukishima.” Kenma answered. “Thank you.”

“Hey, are you not going to ask me, Tsukki?” Kuroo whined to him and both Kenma and Yamaguchi had to laugh at him. So dramatic. He was smumplet over the armrest and looked like he would die if Tsukishima didn't ask him for  a pie slice. 

“No,” Tsukishima said, He turned halfway around and glared daggers at Kuroo. “not after that awful joke you made. You have to suffer for it.” With that, Tsukishima turned away and went into the kitchen. 

Yamaguchi looked at him and then at Kuroo. it both looked like Kuroo wanted to give it to the golden haired boy, but also kind of just morph into the sofa. 

“You look tired Kuroo?” Yamaguchi asked. Because he did miss some of his ‘glow’ or vibrancy. Tadashi knew he wasn't the best at reading people, but it was worth a shot.

Kuroo perked up at him and smiled small one. “Just uni stuff,” He hefted himself up from the cushions with a grunt. “Nothing you kids need to worry about.” He ruffled Yamaguchi's hair, kissed the top of Kenma’s head and went into the kitchen. Most likely to get some pie and tease Tsukishima. So maybe all was well, anyway. Or at least, it would be so. 

“Hey, Kenma,” Yamaguchi asked. The programmed had already buried himself in his phone. Yamaguchi hope he didn't ruin Kuroo’s and Kenma’s plans by being here. “Tsukishima said you liked to play games on your birthdays, do you want to play?”

Kenma perked up and Yamaguchi was sure that was the biggest smile he had ever seen on the boy. “Ok, you can choose which game since you are the guest. Jus pick some game console and the game from under the tv.”

“Are you sure? I mean- you’re the one that is celebrating, so maybe you should choose?” 

Kenam gave a nonchalant wave and shook his head. “Those games are mostly multiplayer. I do like to play online games and the new ones at my computer, but we have these out here because I have already rounded them.”

Yamaguchi nodded and crouched down by the tv. There were a lot of games and consoles. Yamaguchi didn’t know how much money that was packed into the cabinet, but it must have been a lot. he even had a Nintendo 64 and a Gamecube. 

Yamaguchi remembered them. Him and his cousins could be glued to Super Mario 64 and Mario Party 6 when they were little. Through the stacks of games he found Super Smash Bros Melee. Probably the best game made in history. 

He easily picked the super smash bros game. “Um, can we play Super Smash Bros?” Yamaguchi smiled when Kenma nodded. “I haven't played this game since I was a kid, it’s so good.”

Kenma agreed and Tsukishima and Kuroo came into the common room. Tsukishima set the pie down for himself and Kenma, the the two blonds dug into each of theri slices.

“Are we playing?” Kuroo asked around the apple slices. 

Kenam nodded and when up to help Yamaguchi assemble the game console since none of them were connected to the tv. It was perfect that they were just four people, so none of them had to wait for turns. 

When the game was put on, Yamaguchi noted that kenma had unlocked all of the characters and the different battles fields. They switched between playing against each other and teo vs two games. Changing up the teams once in awhile.

It was no surprise that Kenma was the best at the game. Every time they played he or his team won. Even when the three of them played against just Kenma, he won. Tsukishima was also really good. He played Super Mario most of the time, but chose Link when Kenma wasn't playing as him. When the two of them were on the same team, neither Kuroo or Yamaguchi had a chance. Kuroo switched characters for each time, even when he knew he couldn't control all of the characters, but Ice Climbers were the ones he used the most. 

Yamaguchi chose pikachu, with a small wizard hat. He sucked, big time. How many times had he accidently thrown himself off  the edge into his own death and so on. He felt sorry for whichever teammate he got. They had to do twice the job and they still lost. He was having fun, so he never cared about what place he got. He notice too, that everytime a pokemon ball or some food landed on the field, everyone just ignored it and let him take it. It did make a small difference, but not enough to make him win. Yamaguchi's lack of skills were the reason he lost so many times. 

They all seemed to have a great time. And all of them were laughing loudly and joking around. Even Tsukishima and Kuroo seemed to have gotten over their earlier arguing and were friends again.

None of them seemed to keep track of time, but when Kenma finally announced that he would turn in for the night, Yamaguchi noted that the clock was nearing two in the morning. 

“Wow, I better get home.” Yamaguchi said. He placed his conolse on the table and stretched his back. “I have work tomorrow morning.” 

“When do you need to be there.” Kuroo asked and checked himself out of the game and excited it with the consol Kenma used. Turning off the Gamecube and all. 

“At 10, need to wake up at 9” Yamaguchi sighed. “I am going to be so tired tomorrow.”

“You should have said you started so early,” Tsukishima said, sending him a look. It took a moment for Yamaguchi to realized that it wasn’t annoyance, but it was concerned mixed with expiration. For him

Yamaguchi smiled sheepishly back and rubbed the back of his neck. “Gomen, Tsukishima-san, but I had fun much fun, so I forgot.”

Tsukishima gave hima smile back, after another sigh, but he stood up too and followed him to the front door. 

Yamauchi yawned when he put his jacket on. 

“Will you get home safely?” Tsukishima asked , yawning too. Maybe he also pushed himself. He was up early too. Yamaguchi smiled back at him and nodded. 

“Yes, it’s just a little over 20 minutes walk.”

He wrapped his scarf around him. The nights were chilly and it were just nights before their campus would be covered a duvet of snow.  “I’ll see you on monday, Tsukki.” Yamaguchi said sleepily, not realizing he used his nickname. 

Tsukishima nodded back, his lips curling up, it was warm and welcoming, but also tired and redy for bed. He leaned heavily on the wall. “Yeah, see you.” 

Just when Yamaguchi was about to close the door. “And, Yamaguchi, and text me when you get home so I know.”

Yamaguchi gave him a boy's shine back, “Roger” and made a lazy mock salute. 

With that yamachi was on his way home. Remarkably, the campus was till filled with a lot of students. Dressed up and some eating take out. Funny he thought, even when the clock was nearing 02.30 a.m, the campus looked much of the same like ti did in five in the afternoon. People was coming home from parties, probably more ready for bed than yamaguchi was. The only difference, was the campus was dark and only the streets lights lit up the place. 

He did get home, late. Actually, too late. He would usually been in bed a couple of hours ago or more so. Yamaguchi didn't care. The hours spent wirth Tsukishima’s was worth it. He could get through tomorrow's shift and then just go to bed early for monday morning lecture. 

Right before he was about to shut the light off for the day, he picked up his phone. 

 **Yamaguchi Tadashi, sent 02.59 a.m.** **  
** _Just got home, good night :)_

 **Tsushima Kei, sent 03:06 a.m.** **  
** _Good to hear, sleep well, Yamaguchi._

Tadashi was fast asleep before he got the reply, but it would be the first thing he would see next morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, comments and Kudos are always appreciated :D
> 
> There will be an update this Friday (or weekend)! I actually plan some fun throwback chapters. Three part, each for a different time in Yamaguchi's life. I have had them planned for so long, but could't figure out were they should fit in the fic. But! It's time for them now :)
> 
> Guess what my favourite game is ;) But also, the title on the chapter is a move you can do in SSBM and the special attack its different for each character- for you guys that have never played the game.


	14. In the future, where would I be?  Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi's elementary school years is filled with bloody noses, tears for himself, and smiles for his older cousin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Technically, this exactly a week later after last weeks update...this throwback chapters are longer and I can already just admit that the next one wont be uploaded on Friday. This chapter came with over 7000 words :O I didn't think it would be so long, but I am happy with it. 
> 
> Warning: Bullying, emotional and physical. There is blood, not graphic.  
> Warning: Vomiting, not graphic  
> Warning: Panic attack, not graphic
> 
> Hope you all can still enjoy the chapter regardless of the warnings.
> 
> Also, Haku means older brother :)
> 
> Please tell me if I need to adjust the warnings, I don't think they are too graphic, but please tell me and I will correct them for you guys :)
> 
> NB! We just reached 200 kudos, so thanks to all of you that have supported me through these...15 weeks!
> 
> EDITED: 03.07.2019

Yamaguchi stumbled onto the ground. He hit his forehead on the asphalt, it hurt. A small ringing sound drowned the laughing boys above him and he struggled to get up. He felt small rocks and dirt coat his hands and cheeks. He was bleeding on both knees. His mother would be upset now. 

He managed to sit up, in the shadow of his bullies. Yamaguchi choked down some tears, but it didn't go unnoticed. 

“Tadashi, why are you so dirty!” Was the harsh words of Shino. He hovered over him, big and strong in all the ways Yamaguchi was not. Yamaguchi hastily brushed away the dirt from his cheeks. They laughed at him and he looked down, away from their eyes. “You are so spotty and ugly. I wonder why your parents kept you?”

“Th-they love me.” Yamaguchi let out a sob and swallowed hard. 

“They probably found him in a pile of dirt.” Yori roared and the other laughed loudly with him. 

Tadashi looked briefly up at them, tears running down his cheeks. A few other students from his class walked past them, but all he got was a glance as they hurried away. 

“Your on backpack duty, Tadashi.” Noboru said and threw his bag at him. It hit him in the face and his nose hurt. He hadn't begun bleeding like last time; so he guessed he was lucky. The others dumped their backpacks down and started walking away from him.

He got up and tried to brush off his clothes as fast as possible. It didn't help. His knees were bleeding a little and he felt a bump on his forehead. Yamaguchi choked down another sob as he picked up all of their bags. They were heavy, each of them were heavy. And added, they were like a ton. He also had his own he had to carry. 

He would be late home and his mother and father would be upset and worried for him. However, he needed to do this, so they wouldn't get any worse.

Walking to Yori’s house was a fifteen minute walk in the other direction from his home. When he finally dropped all of their bags at the entrance door of the house, he literally got pushed out. Yamaguchi stumbled, but managed to keep his balance. The door was shut with a _bang_ and the freckled boy was by himself. 

He got home almost an hour later than he should've. His mother was in in the kitchen, probably making dinner. His father's car wasn't parked outside, so he was still at work. 

“Tadaima.” He said as he sat heavily down, his backpack falling to the floor with a thud. 

“Tadashi, where have you bee-” His mother started, stepping into the hallway. “Dashi-chan, what happened?” Came the call from Yamaguchi Sumi as she crouched down to his level and looked over her son.  

Yamaguchi started hiccuping the second he met his mother eyes. He had tried to not let his parents know, but it was getting impossible. “Shino, Yori and Noboru pushed me to the ground and threw their backpacks on me.” He sniffed and tried to rub some of his snot away with his sleeve. “I had to carry their backpack home to Yori’s house.” He lunged forward and hugged around his mother small middle.

He cried for a while and Sumi kept rubbing his back.

After he calmed down, his mother got him cleaned up, bandged and gave him a set of fresh new clohtes. It did make him a bit more happy; but not really. His father came home and while Tadashi was in the living room watching TV, he heard them discuss something or the other in the kitchen. 

After a while, they opened the door and his mother told him it was dinner time. His father, Yamaguchi Hiro, kissed the top of his head, but didn't say much and Tadashi knew that his mother had told him what happened earlier. 

“Dashi, we have talked,” Sumi started, looking at him. “tomorrow we are going to talk with the school.” 

Tadashi actually perked up. The bullying had happened for a couple of months now. Second grade was getting heard. They didn't bully him like that in first grade, but something had shifted over the change of new classes. 

“Your mother is going to go with you to the principal and you can tell him what the boys did to you.” His father told him. He looked tired, but he was working a lot. Tadashi felt kind of bad about dumping the new information on them, when his father would most likely just use the evening to rest. 

Tadashi nodded, a small smile growing on his face as he dug into his dinner. 

The next day, the two of them walked into the principal office. His mother had called the school right before five in the afternoon and had just managed to catch their headmaster before he went home for the day. Sumi and Tadashi got the first meeting with him in the morning. 

Yamaguchi kicked his feet absently in the air, swinging them back and forth. His mother sat beside him and was reading a book she always kept in her purse. They had to wait, even when first period started, Tadashi had to sit and wait for the principal to get to them. 

After another few more minutes, he called them in. 

“Ohayo, Oda-sensei.” His mother bowed politely down for him and Yamaguchi followed in his mother tracks and did the same. “Thank you for taking time out of your day.”

“Good morning, Yamaguchi-san and Tadashi-kun, it’s no problem.” Oda started, he stood up and did a small bow towards them too. “Please take a seat, do you want something to drink?”

Sumi politely declined and they were settled. 

“So, Tadashi-kun, I hear some boys are mean to you- is that true?” Oda said, looking at Tadashi in the big chair. 

Yamaguchi couldn’t do anything, but nod. He felt small in the big office. His mother were waiting for him to tell his principal what she told her the evening before. 

“Can you tell me their names and what class?”

“Um...eh, it’s Shino and Noboru from class three, and there is also- there is also Yori from class 1.” Yamaguchi said, looking at his mother. Sumi nodded back to him. 

“And what did they do to you, Tadashi-kun?” He wrote something down in a notebook and searched through some forms he had in a drawer by his desk. 

“They push me to the ground sometimes, sometimes they hit me and kick me...and they make me carry all their bags because they say I am weak and I need to toughen up. They say so.” Tadashi started, staring at his fingers that trembled nervously in his lap. “They also call me names. Says that I was found in the dirt because of my freckles.” He swallowed and from his perpetual vision, he saw his mother tense up and get an angry look over her. 

Oda looks surprised and worried. Like he can’t believe some of his students could behave like that towards another pupil. He starts saying that he will most surely contact their parents and teachers. That they can arrange a meeting for all parents and students to talk it through and make amends and more. Yamaguchi saw this kind of thing in TV shows. Where everything just worked itself out and the person who suffered were freed from the chains that kept him down. He was almost getting hopeful. 

“But, Tadashi, where was this.” 

“After school.” 

“Okay, but were you guys in the playground,” Oda says. It’s like something shifted inside him. Like he suddenly wasn't so sure he would follow through with what he just said second ago. Sitting in the chair, his stomach rolled uncomfortably. Tadashi pressed the urge to curl into a small ball. “by the shoe lockers or, where were you guys?”

“We were by the park I have to go through when I have to go home after school, ” Tadashi siad looking up at him. “but sometimes they trip me in the hallway or knock my books out of my hands while I am in class or walking to class. They push me sometimes too. ” 

The principal looks at his paper again and then at his mother. His brows have scrunched up in a pinch. 

“Well, since it happened outside of the school’s area, I can’t do anything about that.” He tells them slowly. Yamaguchi can sense the thick air growing in the room, like fog. It’s getting hard to communicate and everything just stops. “I can talk to the boys about the picking inside of the school.”

“But their harassing him outside of school too.” Sumi raises her voice when she speak. Her hands form tight fits, she is twisting the thin fabric of her skirt. Tadashi sinks down in the chair. His mother being angry is not good. He just hopes, she isn't upset with him too. “They’re hurting him.”

“Well, I wouldn't call it harassment,” Oda starts, looking away from the fuming mother opposite of him. “that is a serious word. This are just boys being boys, you know.”

Tadashi looked up at her mother, she stiffened and then relaxed. Breathing deeply. “Well, I don’t want my son to be _harassed_ by his classmates.” She spoke with clear words to the principal, not stuttering over the slightles of syllable. “They are hurting him and I won't stand for it. If you won't do anything, please give me the parents phone numbers. I can deal with this myself, if I have to.”

Oda sat up and shifted his gaze from Tadashi and to Sumi. “I am sorry, but I can’t give it to you. It’s the school policy. I am sorry we can’t do anything.”

They started arguing back and forth about policy and harassment and bigger words Tadashi didn't understand a milligram of. He felt entirely out of place and just wanted to go home and play with his action figures. 

They ended the meeting. His principal promised to give a note to the boys they had to show at home about their behaviour at school. Yamaguchi Sumi was anything, but happy. The principal wouldn't budge and their hour was up. She had bowed quickly to the principal and grabbed Tadashi by the wrist, dragging him out. 

She pulled him to the front doors and bent down to his level. “ I am sorry, Tadashi.” 

“It’s okay, you tried, Ka-chan.” Tadashi said and looked up at her. 

She hugged him tightly and kissed his head. “I need to get back to work, but come straight home after school, okay, Sweetie?” 

Tadashi nodded into her shoulder and hugged back. Honelsty, he wanted to go with her, but Tadashi knew that an eight year old couldn't be with her while she worked at her clinic. 

Tadashi went back to his class, gave the note to his homeroom teacher and sat down. 

The school days went by day by day. Some days he would be lucky and get away from the bullies before they got to him. He knew they had football and basketball practice on some of the days; and _honestly-_ he was lucky they did. Tadashi was still alone the majority of the school year. Not making friends because Shino, Yori and Noboru had made him to the guy that got bullied, and no one wanted to be with him. 

He was at school, went home, did his homework and played with his toys, alone. Sometimes his aunt and uncle would come over for a visit and his cousin that were five years older would play with  him. He was the closest Tadashi ever got an older brother and a friend. They played splendidly together, despite their age difference. They played games together, played in the park, there was nothing that was boring when the two of them were with each other. 

Haku, his older cousin,  were strong and fierce. He played baseball and could hit home run after home run. Tadashi had been at his games a few times and was amazed each time. Turning thirteen, he was so cool. Haku always waited for Tadashi to keep up, never giving him a hard time when he lost the game they were playing, couldn't chase after him at the playground. For a while, Haku was the only one Tadashi wanted to be with. If he had Haku, everything would be fine. 

The year went by fast, but not much had changed. Shino, Yori and Nuburo beat him up a few times a week and he went home. Tadashi liked to keep at home. It was safe and he had plenty of toys he could play with by himself. He sometimes even went to the park beside their neighbourhood and played on the swingset, wishing often that Haru was there with him. 

One day, when he was changing his inside shoes to his outside ones, Yori came up to him. 

Yamaguchi tried not to care about the other person beside him. Yori also changed his shoes. The school day had just finished and Yamaguchi wanted to go home. It was raining heavily and he had been so stupid and taken his sneakers instead of his boots. His feets were going to be soaked when he arrived at home. 

“Hey, what is this?” Yori picked up a piece of paper. 

Yamaguchi siffend. His muscles tensing up one by one. That was his english test. They just got it back today and he actually got full score. That never happened. He was looking forward to proudly show it off to his parents.

“Oh, this is good.” Yori beamed up at the paper. “I did not do well on my test, can I take this?”

“No, Yori,” Yamaguchi said, voice trembling. “you-you can’t. I-it’s mine.” He started stuttering and felt a rock in his stomach.

“Nah-ah, I’m going to need this. Oka-san will be upset with me if she sees mine.” Yori said and started to fold the paper to put it in his pocket.

Yamaguchi got up quickly and tried to get the paper back. They were about the same height and build, but Yori always had the upper hand on him. He pushed him away immediately. Laughing loudly at Yamaguchi as he stumbled into the shoe lockers. 

Yamaguchi looked at him, both afraid and angry at him. Yori made his way out, leaving Yamaguchi in his dust. 

Tadashi snapped out of it and quickly made his way out too, one shoe still untied. 

“Hey, wait, Yori.” Yamaguchi called and reached for his shoulder. Yori whipped around the second his fingers brushed against his jacket. 

“What!” Yori yelled in his face, grabbing his wrist. “Are you going to whine just because I took your paper.”

Yamauchi’s voice quivered. The rain was roaring around them, overpowering the bypassing traffic and other students shuffling past them. The only thing Yamaguchi could hear was Yori’s breathing. 

“Don’t ever touch me!” Yori pushed him and Yamaguchi fell to the ground. His untied shoe came off and Tadashi felt water soak his sock in a mere few seconds. The rain was like needles picking at his skin and the ground was so cold and unwelcoming. 

Yori hovered over him, casting a shadow over Yamaguchi's scrawny body. His backpack had been open and his bento and school books had spilled out of it. They would surely be ruined and the papers would curl up and be unreadable after the water had dried up.

Yori looked up at the darkening sky, and then at him. “You know, you can take your stupid test.” He took the english test and formed it to a small ball and threw it at Yamaguchi. It landed right beside his fingertips, in a small poodle. “I don't want your dirty writing anyway, it’s disgusting.” 

Yori then left him in the rain poodle he was so unfortunately to land in . 

Yamaguchi sat there for a few seconds and waited until Yori was by the entrance of the school yard before he picked up his test and books. All of his stuff were wet and he would be lucky if his test paper were salvageable. His right shoe were lying on its side and it was cold when he put it on. He cringed at the wetness of it, it felt like his shoe carried a whole pool inside of it.

He rushed home, not wanting to meet any other students or teachers. The rain blended with his tears as he made his way into the house. There were no one home and his parents wouldn't be; not until a few hours. 

He packed out his things. He straightened out his paper. It was a little ripped and some of the pencil had bled out. He could still read most of it. Even the 100% score had bled a little. Yamaguchi teared up as he looked it over. His books had survived! He was lucky they hadn’t opened up. Some of the pages were a little wet and would probably curl up when they dried. However, as he flipped through them, the ink had held through. 

He set them all out on his floor to dry and turned up the heat in his room. Yamaguchi then changed clothes and threw them all in a basket, ready to be washed. 

When his parents came home, he cried and told them what Yori did to him. His father patted him on the back, but it looked like they had started to get tired of this. Yamaguchi showed them his test result and they were happy about his development in the english course. The episode with Yori forgotten. 

That weekend, they got a visit from his aunt and uncle, and his favorite cousin. Haku and him stayed in his room while the parents stressed over their big dinner. 

“Hey, Tadashi, are you thinking about joining any sports?” Haku asked. They looked through his pokemon cards. Haku had been so kind and had given him his old ones to Tadashi today. There were even some rare ones in there too. They were putting them into an album. “I joined the baseball club in third grade, same age as you're now.”

“I don't know , Haku-niisan.” Tadashi said, looking up from the pile of cards. “I am not good at baseball.” 

Haku had tried to to teach him the basics when they played in the park, but Tadashi was useless. He couldn’t get the control of the bat and just swung it and hoped for the best. It was a hard sport and nothing about Yamaguchi screamed athletic. 

“Well, you don’t need to play baseball, Dashi.” Haku smiled at him. They shared the similar colour in hair. Haku’s hair was a little darker and less mossy brown, but their eyes were almost the same shade of brown. They had been taken for brothers before, which made Haku light and Tadashi blush. They didn't share the freckles, Tadashi was secretly jealous about Haku's lack of them. His was certain his life would be easier if he didn't have them. “Or a club like chess or something.”

Yamaguchi gave his cousin a grimace and the older boy laughed at him. Haku always managed to make a small smile appear on his face. Haku never failed to brighten his day. 

Maybe he should try to join a sport. That would be good for him. Haku always spoke about his friends that played with him. How they sometimes got a little bit of extra money to buy snacks and have club nights. Haku had started Junior High a year ago, but in his last ear of elementary, he had even been the captain. 

Perhaps he should try to apply for a sport. 

“But what sport, Haku-niisan, I don’t know what I am going to be good at.” 

Haku chuckled at him and ruffled his hair. “The sport you start right now is going to be the same, since you start from scratch. I did that, but now I am better. Even if you start with one, you can change it for another. I just happened to like my first try.” 

Tadashi nodded to him. He already knew that football and basketball were out of the question. His bullies were football players and basketball players, but there were still a lot of mean guys in baseball. There were a volleyball club, swimming club and a track club. 

“I don’t want to play baseball, Haku-niisan, sorry.” Yamaguchi told him and looked down at his cards. 

“That’s okay,” Haku told him. “but do you know what you want to join?”

Tadashi shook his head. “Maybe, um, maybe I could join the track team or the swimming team...or, there is also a volleyball team.”

Haku nodded. “Well, I be sure to come to every competition I can.” And beamed down at his younger cousin. 

A few days later, Yamaguchi replied for the volleyball club. His whole body had trembled as he gave the paper to the captain, but he had hope in his eyes. 

Volleyball proved to be a lot of fun too. He met a lot of boys and some girls from different grades of the school. The oldest ones kept more to himself, but Yamaguchi was too scared to talk to them anyway. Tadashi had yet to make real friends here, but he had aquantiases here and people to talk to. They also, sometimes, spent their lunch time together. He didn't speak a lot during those times, but the kind company was nice. 

He had yet to make it to the roosters, but just being a part of the club was cool. His parents had bought him volleyball shoes and knee pads for him and he had proudly showed off his uniform when he had gotten it. It was fun to do something else, and even his mother commented that he had started to fill out a little bit as his appetite had returned somewhat. 

It didn't mean that his bullies feared him, but Yamaguchi did feel a little more secure being a part of something bigger than him. Somewhere where there were older people. 

There were becoming more good days. Tadashi was looking forward to practice each day and even spent some time practicing in the backyard. Time he usually used watching tv or playing with his toys. When Haku was over, he would help any way he could. They would help each other a lot. 

After the spring tournament, Yamaguchi was buzzling. He had even been pulled on the court after a player had sprained an ankle and managed to score a point. He had smiled so much his cheeks had started to hurt. A lot of his teammates were happy for him and smiled just as big to him. His mother and father both had planted big kisses on his cheek and Haku gave him a piggyback ride to the car. They didn’t win, but none though they would. So it was almost okay. The most important thing was that they all progressed forwards. 

They were entering the last week before summer vacation in fourth grade when Tadashi got rounded again. They had left him be for a couple of months now and he really thought they were going to leave him alone for now. For _forever._

“Heard you got put on the court, Tadashi?” Noboru bumped into him, making him jump in his place. He didn't hear them approach him. 

“Did they have to clean the court extra good because you stepped on it?”

“What do you mean?” Tadashi asked, looking between them. 

They both smiled at him after sharing a look. “Well, since you’re all dirty and spotty, they had to clean the court really good to get all of your filth off.” 

They started laughing at their own joke. Yamaguchi held a straight face through it all as he walked through the hallway. It was becoming more clastrohonbic by each step. Each step would lead him closer to the door, but it felt like he had shoes made of lead. 

“You should just stop, Tadashi?”

“Stop with what?” He looked up at Shino. 

“Stop playing volleyball, duh, idiot.” Shino said and pushed him in his right shoulder. “You don’t fit in with the team and you look weird playing. Save the school the humiliation.”

“I-I like playing it. And my teammates like me.” Tadashi said, looking straight ahead. He wouldn't let them win this time. 

“Only because they have too.” Noburo yelled. A teacher that passed them hushed at him, but the boy only rolled his eyes when the lector walked further away from them. “They have to, but they don’t really like you there. What do you do anyway?”

“I’m, uh, I’m a aiming to be a middle blocker, but they have us all do basics because we are young and all.”

“It’s just something the coach says.” Shino added. “To make you feel better.”

“Maybe they actually had won if you didn't play.” Noboru said. “We watched it, Tadashi.”

“You’re a lot shorter than the other players.” 

“I am still growing, Shino.” Yamaguchi said back.

They reached the entrance doors. Yamaguchi stiffly changed his shoes and stood up like an old robot. His body didn't work like he wanted and all because of two boys the same age as him. 

Surprisingly, they just left him. Both walking away after they too had changed shoes.  _Well, that was a first_. They were clearly laughing and talking about him, but Yamaguchi was happy they left him alone for now. 

Back home, he realised how shitty it was to actually be happy that they didn't beat him up and only resolved to tease him. He cried into his mother’s apron. Scrunching up the tight fabric around his fists, making it wrinkled and wet with tears. 

His mother sighed, tired of this. How many times since the principle meeting and before had he ran up to her or his father to cry. He wasn't a cry baby, He knew he wasn't; but what else was he supposed to do when the school wouldn't do anything to help him. 

"Ka-chan, I don't want to go to school anymore." Tadashi said and rubbed his teary eyes at hers apron. A wast attempt to dry them away. "Take me off!"

"You can't quit school, Tadashi."

"Haku-niisan said people could take school over the internet." 

"That is only for adults." She sighed, her whole body shaking with it. Tadashi held her tighter. 

"What should I do, Ka-chan?"

“Tadashi, I can’t help you in this.” Sumi said, pushing her only son off her waist. She grabbed a paper towel and gave it to Tadashi. He wiped his tears and a little bit of snot away. Sumi nodded to her son and Tadashi went to dispose of the used paper. He sniffed wetly, trying to contain himself. It was slowly starting to feel like his parents really didn't care about his problems anymore. They were getting tired of him. 

He stayed in the kitchen with his mother. She had resumed her dinner making and was already ignoring him. It was like he had invaded her space and free time by coming to her for help. Tadashi started to twiddle with his his fingers. His stomach turning uncomfortable by the thought of that his own mother couldn't be bothered anymore.

He didn't believe that. Because his mother had always cared. She always cared, so did his father. 

“Tadashi,” He looked up at her. She was setting on the rice cooker on. “maybe you should try making friends with them.”

“F-friends?” 

She looked down at him, but still stood in front of the oven, all the ingredients displayed put for her. Giving them her attention. “Yeah, maybe they just want to be friends with you.”

Tadashi shook his head. He didn't know a lot about friends. However, he knew that friends wasn’t supposed to make each other cry. Haku never made him cry, but Shino, Yori and Noboru did.

“I don’t think they want to be friend with me, Ka-chan.” He said it quietly. “They push me around and call me names. Mean names and laugh at me when I am not laughing with them. Are friends supposed to be like that?”

She looked at him, again.  “Sometimes people don't know how to act in front of people they admire. Maybe they’re like that. They tease you a little bit, but really they just want to be friends with you, hmmm?”

“I can try, but I don-” 

“That is the spirit, now; run along, Tadashi.” she gave him a gentle push to the kitchen door and when Tadashi closed the door. He could see her shoulder unclench and she looked so much more relaxed. 

The next day, Tadashi walked with high shoulders into school. The whole day was spent thinking about how he would ask Shino, Yori and Noboru to become friends. Should he had made them chocolate. He had heard Haku speaking to his parents that he got home-made chocolate from people that wanted to be with him. 

Or maybe that wasn't what friends did. He didn't know, but the first step would be asking. 

After practice, he caught them in the school yard. They had bikes this time. Summer were only days away and perhaps getting three new friends to spend time with would be better. His mother could be right. 

“Sino, Yori and Noboru, can I talk to you?” He felt tiny and little as he stood in front of them. Noboru had a lollipop in his mouth. He must have snuck it in, Tadashi though. They weren't allowed to have candies in the school yard. “I was thinking that maybe we- the four of us could be friends. So, will you guys please accept me as your friend?” He bowed low for them, staring at the ground. The only indication that they had heard him was their moving shadows on the ground. 

A laughter that Tadashi was sure could cut through glass roared from the boys. He stood up slowly and looked at them all. It looked like the question he asked were the funniest thing they had heard. Yori was clutching his stomach while Shino wiped tears away. Noboru was had even taken out his lillipop to laugh loudly at him. 

They just laughed at him. Did nothing else. Didn't speak to him, didn't touch him. They just laughed. Shaking their heads at him and laughing. Just laughing like he just told them the funniest joke in the world. 

After a couple of minutes, they all picked up their bikes and backpacks and left him in the school yard. 

Actually, being beaten up was better than this. 

Year five went by. He had good grades, played volleyball. He still enjoyed the sport, but they were still picking on him and laughing at any given chance. His parents seemed a lot happier when he didn't mention the things that went on in school except for his grades and good marks he got from the teachers.

He smiled and powered through it all. Like the good child, student and boy he was. 

“Tadashi, what do you think of my game.” Haku asked him. He had just finished his last game for the season. Winter break was appearing fast and Tadashi would start Junior High after winter break. 

The snow was scrunching around them as the two of them made their way towards the bus stop. None of their parents could attend to the game, but Tadashi could make it. Seeing his cousin play was a lot of fun since he was so good at it. He wasn't captain this year, but perhaps he would be when he was in her last year of High School. Tadashi believed so. 

“You played really well, Haku-niisan.” Tadashi smiled to him. Haku had grown so much since Junior High and Tadashi crossed his fingers that he would hit his growth spurt soon. “It looked so cool and you even hit those home runs!” Tadashi said and beamed a big smile up at him. 

Haku smiled back and thanked him for his kind words. 

Haku threw an arm around him and pulled him into a hair noogie. Tadashi laughed with joy as he struggled out of the grip. His brother let him go and Tadashi still laughed when they passed a window and he got a look at his messy hair. 

“Haku-nissan, now I look weird.” Tadashi whined, a smile still crossing his face. He tried to straighten it out. 

“You always look weird, Dashi.” Haku smiled to him. Tadashi deflate a little. “But so do I, a proof that we are in the same family.”

They walked for a bit. Talking about volleyball and school and family stuff. Tadashi filled him up on his life. That he still wasn't a regular, but sometimes would be pulled out as a pinch server in tough times. It was hard scoring points using only sevres, but it was cool that his coach choose him out of the six benched players. Haku nodded and listened to every word. When Tadashi said that he managed to score two service aces in a row, Haku had whooped at him, throwing a fist in the air for him. Tadashi had blushed deeply, but he secretly wished he could get cheered on like that every day. 

“Shoot, there is the bus, Tadashi,” Haku said. Their bus stop was in front of them, a crosswalk away from the corner they just rounded. It was a short running distance and they might just make it. “time to pick up the pace, Little brother.” 

They started running towards the bus. Haku waved his hands in front of the bus, trying to alert the driver. 

Just when Tadashi stepped out of the sidewalk to cross the road, his ankle twisted and he fell into the ground with a huff. 

“Ite, ite, ite.” Tadahis muttered as he tried to get up quickly. His ankle would be fine, it wasn't like he had broken it or something. But twisted ankles hurt a lot, even though the injure was minimum. 

“Tadashi! Dashi, are you alright?” Haku had turned around and was running back for him. In the distance, the bus had already taken off and it would be another 30 minutes until the next one would come-if it was on time. “Did you sprain your ankle?”

Haku dropped to his knees and helped him gett of the road and back onto the sidewalk. He looked over his rolled ankle with care and gentleness Tadashi hadn't felt in a long time. It still hurt, and it would hurt walking right on it; but he could bite his teeth together and get home. He didn't have any other choice. 

“It will hurt for some time, but tomorrow you will be able to walk just fine. “ Haku siad and set his foot carefully on the ground again. “Maybe you have pulled some muscles, but I think you will be fine.” 

“Thank you, Niisan.” Tadashi said, he shook the dust of his trousers and hands, and got up with Haku’s help. He supported him. “Sorry that I made us miss the bus.” 

“Don't worry about that. We would have missed it anyway.”

Haku then turned around and crouched down again. His hands were reached back and it looked like he waited for something to happen.

“Um, Haku, what are you doing?” Tadashi asked and looked around at the pedestrians that passed them, getting a little bit of second hand embarrassment.

“I am going to give you a piggyback ride, dummy.” Haku laughed. 

“That is not really necessary.” Tadashi said timidly, a bush creeping up his cheeks. The thought were enough to give him the strength to walk home or wait for the next bus. 

“I am not going to let you walk on that sprained ankle. It could make it worse.” Haku said sternly back. “Now hop on. The Haku-train his leaving, choo, choo.” Tadashi laughed loudly as he got on his back and Haku used the a few seconds to adjust him and they were on their merry way home.

To say that their parents were upset with then, were an undertenant. Haku was strong and Tadashi was light, but it took longer time since he had to walk for them both. And since they missed the bus, it took even longer. The didn't want to wait for the next one. It was getting dark and getting home by foot would be quicker if they could walk the distance normally, but Haku talked to both set of parents out of their stupor and said that they had to take it slow since Tadashi rolled his ankle. 

_Haku was the coolest._  

A week before the graduation of Tadashi class, his bullies had pushed  him around so much during recess that he had lost his bento and iced tea all over himself. Making a mess on the floor and himself. He was soaked with green tea and rice grains all over him and he got scolded by his teacher for not being presentable for class. 

He was honestly sick of this. Sick of them using every chance they got to bully him and punch him and ruin his lunch breaks. Teachers didn't care, his parents tried to ignore his problems and said that he needed to change his attitude or whatever. And those three guys would continue this torture if Tadashi didn't do anything.

Two days before the graduation ceremony of class six, he rounded them after school. He was going to end this madness in one afternoon. And then, then finally he would be free. Free to play volleyball and enjoy it a 100%, free to make friends without them spreading any rumors about him and drawing people away. 

He had grown a backbone, and has was going to use it. 

“Shino, Yori and Noboru,” They were hanging buy their lockers and this was it. “I want to talk to you guys.”

“What is it, muddy, here to proclaim your love for us again?” Noboru snickered at him. 

Yamaguchi set his mouth in a straight line. He made fist with his hands and they trembled. And for once, It was not anxiety. It was anger and he was so tired of them doing all this to him. 

“No, I want you guys to stop picking on me and leave me alone.” Yamaguchi didn’t stutter a word and was high on the adrenaline that started to rush though his veins. 

“And what if we don't” Shino raised an eyebrow at him.

“Well, if you don't, then I have to, have to get more serious with you.” Yamaguchi said, voice wearing a little bit. He was not going to lose this. This would be the end of an era of bullying and tears and fights. Junior High would be better and he would not be known as the guy that got beaten up regauly by his classmates.

“Seriously? Yamaguchi, you are honesty a laugh sometimes.” Yori laughed at him and threw his book in the locker. Yamaguchi flinched at the sound. 

Yamaguchi wasn't an angry person. He knew he was well tempered, but five years of this was getting on his nerves and he was done. 

He launched at Yori and tackled him to the ground. The second he did it, he regretted it. 

Three against one could only end one way. Shini grabbed him and hauled him of Yori and threw him onto the ground. Yamaguchi hit his head on the pristine white floor of the school. His ear rung for a second and he looked up just to see Noboru kick him in the stomach. 

They cursed at him, called him names and kicked and punched. 

Yamaguchi wheezed for breath after Yori or Noboru kicked him in the stomach. 

He curled inwards, trying to protect his face and his middle, but he wasn't strong enough against all of them.

Shino held him down and Yori finished with he last hit, Hitting him straight in the nose.

It hurt, it hurt a lot. He started bleeding the second the impact hit. His cheek bones hurt a lot to and his eyes watered when blood was oozing out of his nostrils. He choked on the blood in the back of his throat and spit it out. 

One of them gave him the last shove and they dumped their water bottle on him. He was wet and bleeding. The three of them yelled curse words after him while their made their way towards class. 

Yamaguchi sat there for a seconds, pressing a hand to his nose. It hurt. It hurt. _It hurt so much._

A teacher spotted him and before Yamaguchi could muster a word, he was guided to the nurse office. 

They checked him for a concussion, which he did not have. That was perhaps the only miracle he would have in this life. His head hurt a lot and he was slightly dizzy. That could be the adrenaline leaving him in a painful state. 

They asked him what happened. Since none of them saw it, he came up with a lame excuse that he was dizzy and probably just passed out and hit his nose on the floor. He said that he was drinking a water bottle and it probably spilled on him, although this was too much water for just one bottle. This was almost a small bucket worth of water. But in conclusion, he hadn't eaten enough and was tired and just had low blood sugar. They bought it and didn't think about the dirty clothes and the bruise forming on his face. His backpack had been located 10 meters from where he had ‘passed out’ and there was not a water bottle to be found near him.

He was sent home to rest and to eat and missed the last practice with his volleyball team. His parents didn't seemed convinced, but Yamaguchi just told his mother that he was tried and went to bed. He stayed in the bed the rest of the day. When his father came home, he tried to press some rice porridge into his son, but Tadashi declied. Saying that the just wanted to rest. His face hurt and even chewing hurt. Moving every muscle was painful. 

A bruise had formed over his nose and cheekbones. It was worse on the left cheek. Graduation sure would be a lot of fun now. 

The next day was spent in bed. His bruises had swollen and he was sore and stiff all over. How hadn't they broken a rib or anything when they were at it.

Even his parents let him stay curled up in his bed. His mother made him some miso soup before she went to work and he had the whole house to himself . 

He tried eating. The food didn't stay down and just past noon, he was hurling down into the toilet. He tried to shower, but even standing was just too tiresome. He just hated looking at his bruised body, the way the three of them marked him in disgust and used him as a punching bag when all he wanted was piece. 

He crawled back to bed and lied awake, staring at the ceiling. His heart was beating fast despite lying still. His breath came fast and shallow. No matter how much air he got in, it wasn't enough. His fingers shook so much they were blurry to look at and he couldn’t move. He knew something was wrong with him. He had never behaved like this. Never been this restless, but still lying on his bed. Squeeziness came like waves, and if he could get up. He probably would've gone back to the bathroom. 

A part of him though that maybe he was dying. Maybe he was bleeding on the insides and he would simply just die in his bed. It was agony just lying there, and not for the first time in his life; had he wished that- maybe- he could just die. Or more cease to exits. Everybody could just forget about him and the earth would still continue to spin. 

He came out of it, minutes or hours later. It left him tired and breathless, but he couldn’t sleep. He didn't have the energy to check the clock and focused mainly getting control over his body again. He was still jumpy and anxious the rest of the day. Scared that the same thing would happen again.

Years later, he knew that this was the first panic attack he had ever experienced. Yamaguchi didn't tell his parents, and resolved to pretend that he was asleep when his mother checked on him after she was off work that evening. 

The graduation day was awful. His parents were there, aunt, uncle and Haku, plus his grandparents from his father side. Him, he wasn't hungry, he wasn't enjoying himself. He had taken a few painkillers before they all went to the school, but after a few hours; they lost their effect on him. A diploma was given and the principal held a speech that went in one ear and out the other. 

His bruises hurt and he did not look the slightest presentable for a sermoni like this. His grandmother had commented that it looked like he had been in a fight. Yamaguchi almost laughed when she touched the tender skin under his eyes. _If you knew, Obaa-chan._

Around him students and families were hugging goodbye, crying for their loved ones and taking pictures with big smiles on their faces. His parents snapped a few pictures of him, but they could tell he wasn't enjoying himself. Haku gave him a hug. Gentle and caring on his side and needy and tight on Yamaguchi's side. 

His parents, and maybe the greater spirits, must have felt sorry for him, because they enjoyed a quick dinner at a small family restaurant, before his father called it a night and guided Yamaguchi back to the car. 

He went to bed early that night with no hope for the future. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Bullying, emotional and physical. There is blood, not graphic.  
> Warning: Vomiting, not graphic  
> Warning: Panic attack, not graphic
> 
> Hope you all can still enjoy the chapter regardless of the warnings.
> 
> Also, Haku means older brother :)
> 
> Please tell me if I need to adjust the warnings, I don't think they are too graphic, but please tell me and I will correct them for you guys :)
> 
> NB! We just reached 200 kudos, so thanks to all of you that have supported me through these...15 weeks!
> 
> EDITED: 03.07.2019
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments and Kudos are always appreciated :D


	15. A greyscale heart. Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Junior High is filled with nail polishes, work at Shimada Mart and the start of Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe, late again. I think I am just going to try to get my uploading schedule on Friday again. I know we will lose one update, but maybe this is my time to actually try to get into the same uploading schedule I had when the first week of this fic. So next update will be on Friday. Finally. 
> 
> This chapter also have almost 8000 words \\(OoO)/
> 
> I did have some trouble writing this. I knew how I wanted the chapter to be, but didn't know how to write it. So I struggled a lot with that. I also found out these throwback fics will be a four part, instead of a three part. Mostly because this chapter got so long. I also wanted to get Shimada into the story somehow, since his part in Haikyuu and in Yama's development is important. I love him too <3 
> 
> Warning: Bullying, emotional and physical. There is blood, not graphic.  
> Warning: Vomiting, not graphic  
> Warning: Panic attack, not graphic  
> Warning: Description of mental illness (GAD) and bad coping mechanism, like picking on the skin etc. May be triggering for some. 
> 
> Hope you all can still enjoy the chapter regardless of the warnings.
> 
> ALSO! On August 30th, I wont be uploading. I have a wedding to attend to. I need to travel that weekend and wont be getting home until late on Sunday. So I'll just save me the stress. If I get some chapter pre written, they might come up late on Sunday. But look at that as a small bonus.

The first time Yamaguchi got the word ‘fag’ thrown after him was one month into Junior High. Looked like his bullies had learned some new words after winter break. Their words didn't really affect him that much, he just wished they didn't call him that in the hallways where his classmates and other student could hear it too. 

It was a while since they had beaten him. A couple of months. However, they still held onto calling him names whenever he passed, pushing him around in his classroom to make him do their homework and even push him out of the cafeteria line so he lost his place. They had to take one bus to school, and unfortunately; they took the same bus to and from school. 

It was also the first time he expercinecd with nail polish. 

His parents had been on a date night and he was alone on a saturday night. He didn't plan on trying it on, but he spotted his mother’s pale, pink nail polish on the bathroom counter and just got curious. 

He took it into his room with some toilet paper and found his mother nail polish remover. He sat on his bed and tried to paint his nails. It proved to be a bigger task than he anticipated. The work needed to be delicate. Too much pressure would get nails polish on the skin and to light; he barely got any color then. It took some time and the drying process took even longer, but he got it done. 

Looking at his left hand, he was a little stunned by his work. It looked pretty. _Just pretty_. There were some nail polish on the skin around his nails, but other than that, it looked nice. He knew that this was considered a girly thing, The girls in his class also wore a lot of pink, and red was a popular colour too. He had been indifferent to the colours then, but that didn't really bother him so much. Because it felt kind of empowering to wear colours on his nails. The colour was wrong. This baby pink was not his match, but maybe something darker. Like blue, red or even black would suit him more. He wondered if his school banned guys wearing nail polish.

He didn't feel like a particularly attractive young man, but this nice accessorize just made him feel a little more confident...and a little more pretty. 

He removed it and took the polish and the remover back before his parents came home. Not wanting theirs opinions on them. He felt the reaction wouldn't be so positive. But it was nice too, that this was something only he knew about himself. He could always hide some polishes in his drawer or something.

One day when he was minding his own business during lunch, Noboru came into his view. He banged his knees up in his deck out of suportise. 

“Hey, this paper needs to be done by tomorrow.”

Yamaguchi didn't say anything back, but looked down at the paper. Oh, it was an assignment instruction in english. His worst class.

Noboru kept staring at him, challenging him to decline or say anything against him. 

“That-that is no problem, Noboru.” Yamaguchi said and relaxed slightly when Noburo wasn't hovering over him anymore. 

“Just write it and put it in my locker before school starts tomorrow.” Noboru said as he left, without looking back at Yamaguchi. 

Tadashi took the instruction paper and saw that the due date was tomorrow, which meant that Noboru’s class most likely got the assignment last week. He could at least have come earlier if he wanted it done. Yamaguchi sighed and folded the paper in his backpack. He was lucky he had already done his english paper and even gotten a good mark on it.

The same evening, he was sitting up writing Noburos paper. He rubbed at his eyes, tired. Training had been extra hard. His coach wanted to whip them all into shape before summer and their training camp and Yamaguchi was suffering through each diving drill they had to do. 

A knock on his door startled him.

He looked up and saw his mother in the doorway, carrying a plate of apple-boats and a glass of chocolate milk. She was smiling gently towards him. 

“Are you still studying, you’re usually done with your homework by now?” Sumi asked while she sat down the snacks on his desk. She looked curiously over his work. 

“This is just some extra, so I can get a little ahead of class.” Yamaguchi lied. 

His mother nodded and kissed his head. “Don’t stay up too late You’ll better be in bed when I come check on you later.”

“Hai.” Yamaguchi yawned as she closed the door after herself. He rubbed at his eyes and adjusted his table lamp. It was the only source of light he chose to have. He might not get a night full of sleep, but his room would be dark like he had it when he actually slept.

He downed the chocolate milk in one go and burped afterwards. It even made him chuckle at himself. He didn't eat the apple slices, he threw them in the trash bin right before he went to bed, after his mother had checked on him. 

He finished the paper before his mother went to bed and lied wild awake for a few hours. Despite being tired to the bone, he couldn’t sleep. 

The next day he managed to deliver the paper to his locker before school. Noboru was apparently happy by the result, announced that he got 60 points. Actually, that was two points better than Yamaguchi got on his own paper. _The irony_ , that he worked harder on his bullies homework than his won. It was really a shame. 

They didn't punch or beat him up or do any of that, _that day_. He didn't even see them looming in the hallway. That was why he needed to work hard. He could use hours helping them with their homework if it meant that he got a few days of piece. 

They did push him out of the bus three days later and he had to wait an hour for the next school bus. His mother wasn't so happy when his uniform was dirty after the fall and he had scratched up his knees and elbows, but he told her he tripped on the way. 

His scrapes had healed in a week, there were only small scars left of them, but even those would fade in a few weeks. Yamaguchi was still nervous about being pushed off the bus after that incident. 

The weeks before summer went by quickly. Junior High was a lot more harder than elementary. Teachers were expecting more of them, coaches were expecting more of them, his parents expected more of him. Even his bullies expected him to be better. The weight was slowly adding up and Yamaguchi was beginning to wonder how much he was able to carry before he would crumble under the weight. 

He bought some nail polish for himself. A cheap one from the kiosk that was five minutes from school. It was a vivid green, like a forest. Green was his favorite colour after all. He wore it when his parents were out and always on his toes too. No one would notice that he had painted his toe nails, not even his volleyball team. It was a little hard, always having to wipe it away before his parents would notice, but the system he had made now worked just fine. 

One day, when he had just jumped off the bus to school; he noticed a small ladybug on the sidewalk. He was surprised he noticed the small, little, red insect, but it sure was pretty. Haku and him used to go to the park a lot before he started elementary school and look for bugs. He had this jar that had holes in them it so the instec wouldn't suffocate. It was especially cool when they managed to catch a butterflies or even, once, a dragonfly.  

He tried to get the small bug on his fingers. 

“Come on, you can do it.” Yamaguchi mumbled to himself and the small bug. He tried to get it in his hand, sticking his tongue as he concentrated.  

He got it in his hand and watched the delicate creature moved about in his palm. The ladybug was so tiny. He wondered if the ladybug's life was more complicated than his. Probably, yes. A ladybug could easily be crushed and eaten. At least his own life wasn't so in danger at the moment. 

He signed thoughtfully at the bug and stood up. School was staring soon, but he was still happy to meet this little feller. Yamaguchi carefully sat the bug down in the way shoulder, hopefully so no birds wouldn’t get it or people wouldn't step on it. 

Maybe they both could get a few good days ahead of them. 

Summer came yet again and it was filled with a five days volleyball training camp, family dinners and meetings, plus what Yamaguchi loved the most, sleeping.

The training camp was tiring in the summer heat. They had to run for 45 minutes every morning before breakfast and then they had volleyball practice and practice matches with diving drills and suicide laps. It was worth it, because all of them improved slowly and got one as the team they should be. Even him. He was still not a regular, not even the first in line on the bench; but at least this new team was still nice and cool.

One evening he was practicing his sevres in the nearby park. Dinner was an hour away and his mother would send him a message when he needed to come home. 

He tried to practice serves, since that was about the only thing he could do when he was alone. His blocking and receives needed work too, but that would wait until practice started again after summer break. 

He was all alone on a sand volleyball court. It looked so much bigger when he was the only one on it. The darkening sky around him made it even feel lonlier. He silently cures his mother for making a late dinner. He was hungry and wanted to kill some free time. He was getting fidgety with only being home trying to entertain himself. His father still had work, but his mother had taken some weeks off, mostly cleaning the house like the president would come and visit. 

He breathed deeply and relaxed. He needed to perfect this, so he could stand a chance on the court. He threw the ball up in the air and hit it was as much accuracy he could gather. It went nicely over the net over to the left side of the court. Before the ball hit the ground it was received. 

Haku had jumped out of nowhere, or maybe just Tadashi didn't notice him, but his cousin reviced the ball and sent it right into the net. 

“Shoot, though I had it.” Haku smiled and stood up. “Guess I’m just better at pitching than volleyball.” He shrugged nonchalantly with his shoulders and chuckled. His body shaking with it.  Yamaguchi's snapped out of his surprise and smiled back. 

“Haku-niisan!” Yamaguchi said. He jogged over the court and ducked under the net over to him, picking up the ball while he was at it. “What are you doing here?”

“Didn’t Obasan tell you?” Haku was smiling when Yamaguchi reached him “We are going to join for diner, but dad didn't get off work until late.”

Yamaguchi shook his head and decided that his mother just had forgotten to mention it to him. 

“Are you practicing serves?” Haku asked. 

Yamaguchi gave a timid smile back. “Trying too, but I don't know...” He trailed off with a small chuckled at himself. 

“I’ll practice with you.” Haku said and got in position. Yamaguchi walked up to the net, but stayed on the same side. They tossed receives, but ended up on just passing the ball between the two of them while they caught up with each other. Haku had also been on a seven days practice week with his baseball team. 

Haku laughed when Yamaguchi told him about how his, sometimes clumsy, yet reliable captain, had stumbled on his own feet and spilled his sport drink all over their coach and advisor. He had gotten as red as an tomato and even the vice captain struggled not to laugh at him while he helped clean up the mess. 

Haku told him about that time he wanted to show off to a girl he found cute in Junior High and accidentally hit his advisor in the sack so much hard had to lie on the ground for a couple of minutes. He got scolded by his old captain and even had to take the rest of the day off to reflect on his actions. Yamaguchi had to stop the small game they played because he was laughing so much. Haku didn’t seem like he appreciated it so much, but the blush on his face told Tadashi that he wasn't upset. 

His mother texted him after half an hour and said that dinner was ready. The two of them made their way back. 

Dinner was filed with good food, too much for only four people. His aunt gushed over how much he had grown these last couple of months and Yamaguchi hoped himself he would reach his growth spurt soon. He took Haku up to his room when the adults conversations was starting to become too adult for the two of them to follow. 

Haku had brought his PSP and they ended up playing on turns until his aunt came up because they needed to drive home. 

When summer vacation was nearing its end, something weird started to happen. Mostly at night when he was about to go to sleep. His hearth would start pumping without reason and just an uncomfortable feeling would grown in his stomach. Yamaguchi would try every position possible to lay in, but none of them seemed to work and he was left in cold sweat in his own bed. He tried drinking water, go to the bathroom. Nothing worked. He tossed and turned, trying to find a position where he could relax and just drift soundly into sleep. 

But sleep never came to him easily now. 

Airing the rom before he went to bed didn't help. 

Doing stretches before he would go to bed, didn't help. 

Yamaguchi searched up the symptoms and found out that it was _just_ insomnia. It could be triggered by stress. 

Unable to relax and calm down. He was always worried and always thinking. Worrying about Shino, Yori and Noboru. Worrying about volleyball and school and the extra homework he sometimes needed to do. Worrying about how his newfound love for nail polish. 

His parents were noticing his tiredness as he moved around the house, especially a lot before night time. He was fidgety and jumpy, and snapped easily at them. They got tired of his mood swings. His mother yelled at him for his behaviour towards them, and his father only sighed tiredly at the two of them when they started to argue back and forth. Seemed like a preteen and a woman turning 40 soon were not good roommates. The arguments ended in him locking himself in his bedroom, his dad talking his mother out of her stupor. And lastly, his mother leaving a snack or something the alike by his bedroom door as an apology. 

He tried to occupy himself with games, books and tv before bed, switching between them. However, he couldn’t do anything more than ten minutes before he got restless again. His dad bought him a PSP, which actually was fun. That was actually all he wanted to do. It was easy playing the few games he had, and easy forgetting the time. It even came to the point when his mother had to tell him he had enough gaming-time for that day. 

A few nights before school start, his mother came into the room. Tadashi had been busy at picking his skin around his nails. He noticed he could sit for a couple of hours, devoured in picking at his lips of fingertips. 

Maybe he was just coming down with a summer cold, although a cold never showed symptoms like this, but a fever could explain the night sweats. 

“Tadashi,” His mother was still wearing her apron. Probably done with making bentos for all of them for the next days. “are you feeling alright?” 

Yamaguchi nodded, more intrigued by his ring finger. 

Sumi sat slowly down beside her son on the bed. They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. “Do you have dry hands, I can give you hand lotion I like. It works really well.” 

Yamaguchi stopped and looked at her. “It’s fine, Ka-chan, I’m just stressed about school.”

Sumi nodded and rubbed his back. “You’ll be fine. You get good grades and even managed to play volleyball through it.” 

They talked for a bit, his mother giving Tadashi lovingly, but yet unhelpful tips in how he could cope with the stress he was experiencing. Tadashi just went along, too tired to say all that was on his mind. His parents didn't know that he still got bullied on a weekly basis and sometimes had four times as more homework. They didn't know that he was beieng called slurs and other curse names. He was working himself to the bone only to make other people happy. So he could be left alone and rest for a bit.

He told himself that all his worries would dispread once school started up again and he was in his routines again with regular sleep patterns. 

He just needed to calm down.

The fall of his first year was as eventful as he expected. His volleyball team didn't manage to win any sets in the tournaments and the third years were going to quit soon. The snow soon covered the ground and he had to pack an extra scarfs in case it got windy or a snowfall would suddenly appear on his way home. 

One day in November, after his birthday, a teammate spoke to him when they were done with practice. 

“Hey, Yamaguchi?”

He looked up and saw a second year. A little bit on the short side, but a great wing spike for his age and height. “Yes?” 

“Are, you,” He seemed in deep hough. Like he was unsure to actually ask the question or not. “are you gay?” 

 _Gay._  

He hadn't really thought about it so much. When Yori yelled fag after him in the school yard, the only thing on his mind was to get away. Sexulaity, gender and things like that wasn't that important to him. He just had never had a reason to think about it. 

He shook his head towards the second year. “Wh-why are you asking?”

The second year looked uncomfortable and looked everywhere, but him. “Um, I just heard some guys yell in the hallway and got curios?” He zipped closed his bag and threw it over his shoulder. “I doesn't mean anything to me if you are, but since you’re straight; I guess it doesn't matter either way. Sorry for asking.”

They bid their goodbyes and Yamaguchi was left alone. 

Later that night. His heart started to beat like a maniac again, without any reasons. Or one reason, was he gay? He knew that he wasn't homosexual, but the thought of being with a man, didn't really bother him. He had never been in love. He did have a crush on a girl in sixth grade. She was smart and calm and didn't squeak like the other girls in his class at that time. 

Not that they ever talked, but she was just the prettiest out of all the girls in his class. At least Yamaguchi thought so. 

The clock had passed midnight a couple of hours ago and he was still lying awake thinking about if he prefered boys or girls. 

He was shopping for christmas gifts when he absently wanted into a clothing store. He needed new pants anyway. His father had sent with him some money, enough to buy a few gifts, plus a little bit for himself. Maybe his father felt sorry for him when he showed up with wet clothes after Shino pushed him off the bus and into the wet snow. It had melted imiediatly and he was wet and cold. He told his parents he slipped on the ice and didn't have to say anything more. The result of this was a cold, not enough to get sick from school, only enough to make his sinuses annoy him to an end. 

He looked at some nail polishes and was reminded that it was a few months since the last time he tried something new. Yamaguchi knew he didn't have time during christmas break. It would be filled with family dinners and more family gatherings. Time to be alone would be impossible. 

He had already found presents for his father and mother. A tie and matching socks for his father and a nice knitted sweater for his mother. He had yet to find something for Haku. That was the most important gif. His parents would like whatever he bough, them but he always put some thought into their gifts.

Yamaguchi wandered between each isle in the clothing store, keeping the lookout for pants in the back of his minds. What he found himself in the girl section.

It was filled with dresses and skirts and nice blouses. It was christmas time and people dressed up. Dark clothes in burgundy red, green and blue, purple and black stood ut, but he spotted white and baby pink too. It was too dressed up for him, but he found a plain black skirt he liked. 

Yamaguchi new it wasn't normal to look for clothes in the girl section. And it was not normal to go for a black skirts instead of black pants. He was just curious on how it would look on him. Sometimes he would flip through his mothers magazines when he was bored, and always thought their clothes was somewhat prettier than the striped polos, or denim coloured collared shirt and black pants that was always frontoed for men’s choice. 

He put the skirt back and went out of the store with nothing in hand. 

“Tadashi, why don’t you set the table?” His grandma asked. His mother, aunt and grandmother was busy making dinner. It was three days after christmas eve and they had one of their many family dinners they would have through this holiday. His father and uncle was still at work. Haku would come later with his uncle, since he spent the day with his girlfriend. 

Tadashi sighed and left his manga on the coffee table. He got the nice plates and silverware his parents kept in a fancy cabinet. Those who only got used for holidays and other special occasions. 

His grandma pinched his cheeks when he was done, for the billionth time that evening. 

“Tadashi, have you grown or have you lost weight?” She asked. “You looked a little slender, do you eat well?”

“Oka-san,” His mother said from the kitchen where she was mixing something in a bowl. “He is an athlete, they are suppose to look that way.”

Tadashi shrugged. Maybe his appetite wasn't the best, but at least he was growing a little bit. Soon his growth spurt would come and maybe he would reach his father height. 

“Well,” Grandma smiled proudly aa him. “Your uncle got his growth spurt right before high school, but Haku got it a little earlier.” She then turned away from him and to his mother and aunt. “Isn't It funny how that works”

And then they were caught up in a new conversation, not involong him. Tadashi quickly folded the napkins and then went back to the common room, reading and waiting for his favorite guest. 

“I’m sorry that you and your girlfriend broke up, Haku-niisan.” Yamaguchi muttered, one cold february night. They had eaten dinner at their aunts and uncle, and Haku had been noticeable more downtrodden than his usually energetic and joyful personality. Aunty told him that Haku was getting over a breakup with his first girlfriend and just needed time to come over it. 

Tadashi tried not to push him or make him uncomfortable, but he wasn't so good with sad people. Especially when the sad person was Haku. 

Haku shook his head. They were sitting on his bed and Haku hadn’t even dressed up for the evening. He was still in ripped PJ pants and tee that had some old logo on it. 

“It’s okay,” Haku said and looked down. “Or it’s going to be. It was mutual, none of us wanted long distance after high school”

Tadashi nodded. Not really understanding the obligations and sacrifices one needed to give and let go in order to be with the person they wanted to be with, loved, needed even. He had never experienced something like that. Despite being in the same family, Tadashi and Hakus life was different. Haku was the vice captain of his baseball team, he was popular and always busy with friends, practice and girlfriend, at least he used to. They had been dating since the start of his second year in High School. 

Tadashi's life was busy in other ways. He was busy with practice, but also busy with Shino, Yri and Noboru, busy with hiding it from his parents. He was busy practicing volleyball in the park long since the sun had gone down. And was busy calming his night terrors when they came. He wondered if Haku had ever had a panic attack.

Haku shook himself out of his heartache, at least for the night and said that he much rather play mario kart or talk about something else. 

Later in February, he went into practice like normal. They were all looking at him like he burned all of their uniforms to ashes. None of them greeted him and all of them turned their back towards him. 

He walked to his usual place in the club room and started changing clothes. 

He felt their gaze on his neck. 

The same thing that happen at night happened now, heart beating in his ears, stomach rolling with uneasiness and fingers getting fidgety and they soon started trembling. He picked a little a his lips, blaming the shifting winter weather outside. They were just dry. Tadashi tried to focus on getting his knee pads on and tie his shoes. 

He was the last one to go, but managed to get ahold on the second year he talked to so many months ago.

“Hey, is something wrong?” 

The second year looked with him in puzzle and, was it, _disgust_. He yanked his arm away from Tadashi and scowled at him. Yamaguchi felt like he was being looked down at. The second year huffed adjusted his tee and the brace on his right elbow. 

“Queer people have nothing to do here.”

He said it with such disgust and anger thant Yamaguchi was left stunned. 

Their captain was out sick that day and it didn't look like the rumor went to the third years, as they acted about the same to him as they always did. They smiled and complimented him through the practice. 

The next few days were the same. His teammates showed him the cold shoulder, his captains and coach didn't seem like they noticed the change amongst their teammates. He started to wonder where the rumor developed and knew it could only be from three people. 

Yamaguchi marched over to their usual hang out place in recess. 

“Why did you tell them I was gay?” He asked, face set in stone. He was so upset with them. They could call him names all they wanted, beat him up even, but why did they have to jeopardize something he like doing and people he like hanging out with. It was ruined. His teammates clearly didn't want someone that was concidered queer or anything. Anything, but straight. Not that he was, he hadn't told anybody about his thoughts.

“Because you are.” Yori said. He was chewing on a straw from a milk carton while his two friends were still busy with their bentos. 

“I'm not gay or anything like that!” Yamaguchi said. His heart in his throat. His eyes were beginning to sting. They all laughed at him. 

“We have seen you in the store, Tadashi.” Noburo said, his mouth full or rice. Yamaguchi gave them all a grimace. “You were on the girls side, buying make up and clothes.”

“I have never bought any make up or clothes.” Yamaguchi called back. A few student looked his way, but he didn't care of any of them. All he cared about now, was the three guys in front of him. 

“You have bought nail polish. We saw you buy them.” Shino said. “Only queer men use girl clothes and make up.” 

Yamaguchi felt like his life was sand in his hands. Running through his slender fingers and he couldn't do anything to keep it in his palms. They were ruining everything. He was ruined. They ruined him. They made chaos where it shouldn't be. Volleyball practice was supposed to be easy. And they made it impossible to be with his teammates even. 

“Don’t cry, Yamaguchi.” Nobuo said. “It ruines my appetite. Go away.”

Yamaguchi let out a sob and bit down at his under lip. Trying to hold it together. “That-that was so unnecessary, of you guys.” He drew a hand through his hair. “What have I ever done to you.” He was crying, tears running down his cheeks. 

All of them just shook their head back at him. 

Shino stood up and pushed him back. “Go somewhere else, freak show.” 

 Yamaguchi wiped his eyes and stomped away. 

He went to the nurse office, saying that he felt sick, which he did. The nurse believed him and he was ordered to rest for an hour and they would see how his ‘sickness’ was then. 

He lied under the blanket, trying to relax. What if the rest of class heard, or the whole school. He was sure everything would just end there. Everything would just come to an abrupt stop. 

His breathing was getting heavier and heavier, but also faster and faster. Like a suicide sprint, more tiring the longer he ran. He scratched at his fingertips and bit on the skin around his left thumb. He needed to calm down and then he could think. 

“Yamaguchi-kun, are you feeling alright?” 

Yamaguchi knew that the nurse stood somewhere beside him on the bed. He heard her clearly, but still couldn't answer. Still couldn’t breath normally. It was like his lungs just stopped functioning. 

“Do you need a glass of water.”

Perhaps a glass of water would be fine. It would hydrate his dry throat and maybe calm his rebelling stomach. He open his mouth to answer, but instead of words, his lunch came straight up and onto the floor beside him. 

_Well, that just happened._

The nurse didn't hesitate in finding him a bucket. Clearly not surprised by the events. After he had heaved up his lunch and breakfast, he did feel surprisingly lighter. He was humiliated and embarrassed because he just threw up right in front of one the school nurses, but lighter he was. 

He apologized to the nurse. She was kind, gave hima glass of water, a new bucket and went to call his parents. 

Yamaguchi shrunk down on the bed, groaning softly. He was so tired. He was still trembling and cold sweating, but the worst seemed to be over for now. 

His father came and got him home. He was guided to the couch, were he fall asleep within minutes after arriving at home. He had somehow had actually gotten a fever, probably from stress.

He was unexpectedly exhausted after the panic attack. Last time it happened, he didn't feel this worn out or uneasy. But maybe he didn't have to worry about the rumor of him being gay lying on his shoulders. 

It took him two days to get rid of the fever. They all passed it as the yearly stomach bug. He looked better, but still felt worn out and on edge. Going back to school was nerve wracking. He didn't want to meet anybody, see anybody or anybody to see him. He got hold of his captain and said that he wanted to quit the team. His captain gave him a quizcalling look and was even saddened by the news, but couldn't really do anything when it was Tadashi that wanted to quit. 

It ended like that. 

All of  the practices, the mathec the club room shenanigans. It was no more of that. It felt relieved at first, but he missed volleyball. His parents didn't understand why he just quit, but he told them he wanted to focus on school and maybe try out new things. 

School before winter break and change of classes, wasn’t all that exciting. He spent his week before the break, sleeping in the evening, and did his homework late into the night. 

Before summer vacation in his second year in Junior High, his parents recommended that he got a summer job or something like that. 

“Since you’re not playing volleyball anymore, you have more free time” Sumi said as she cleaned the table one Sunday morning. 

Yamaguchi only hummed back. “But what kind of work, Ka-chan, I don't have any experiences.” 

“You could apply for a grocery store. They always need extra hands to help clean and get products out in the store” 

Yamaguchi nodded in response. Over the weekend, his father helped him with making a cv. It felt more like he was bragging about himself. None of it felt completely true about him, but his parents were sure that this was the right way. 

The days before summer break was used to go into random drug stores and ask if they had any positions open. A lot of them declined his offer, saying they wasn't hiring, that he was too young, that they needed someone with more experience. But how was he going to get some experience when he had never worked before. 

He was about to give up, but he saw the store his mother like to buy toilet paper fromm, since it was always cheaper there. 

_Shimada Mart_

Yamaguchi breathed deeply. It was getting late, he was getting tired and hungry. His mother promised dinner would be ready when he got home after his job hunt. And honestly, that was the only thing that kept him going. Yamaguchi thought of just lying to his parents and say that every store he went into were not hiring or he was too young. However, he was a really bad liar and there was still many stores he could still try. He had mostly checked those around his area.

“We are closing in five minutes.” A male voice called to him as he entered the store. It was empty, expect for him and the other male. He was older, maybe by ten years or so. Black hair, divided by a middle part. Brown glasses and average height. 

“Um, eh, I was just wondering if you- or this store- was hiring.” Yamauchi said. Tired and _tired_ of doing this all day long. “I’m looking for a part time job or summer job.” He coughed awkwardly and handed the papers to the other male. “Um, I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi, pleased to meet you and sorry for not representing me sooner.” He bowed politely and waited for a reaction. 

“Hmm,” Yamaguchi looked up at the older male. He was skimming through his cv with a thoughtful expression. “well, we don’t really hire so young as you, but we could actually use some extra hands in the summer.” He gave a kind smile back and Yamaguchi relax. “I’m Shimada Makoto, nice to meet you.” 

“Are you the owner of the store?”

Shimada chuckled and shook his head. “No, it’s my aunt’s, but it’s a family business.”

“Oh.”

“How old are you.”

“I started second year of Junior High a few months ago.” Yamaguchi shifted from foot to foot. “I’m thirteen.”

Shimada nodded. “You know what, Yamaguchi-san, I’ll talk to my mother and aunt, and contact you in a few days about the job. “ 

Yamaguchi nodded back, bowed again for good measurement and bid his farewell to the other male. 

A few days later, he got a phone call. He got the job and would start his training the next weekend. His parents probably got more happy for him than he did himself. But a bit of excitement bubbled in his stomach. 

The work was easy. It was a little scary talking to customers and showing the right asile and the right product they were looking for. He got used to it quickly and soon enough; he knew the store like the back of his hands. He was too young to stand behind the counter, since the store sold alcohol and he was under the legal age limit. However, the work was fine. 

Shimada was talkative and welcoming, could be rather immature from time to time, but Yamaguchi liked his shift the most when he was working with his mentor. His mother also sometimes came into the store when he worked and gushed over how nice he looked in the aporon and the alike. Yamaguchi always turned bright red and went two aisles away from her, not wanting to hear the woman staring to talk about him and her bragging. 

It was also nice to earn a little bit of money. He didn't like shopping that much, but his money combined with the allowance he got from his parents were a good point on starting to save. He saved his paycheck and only used his allowance to buy the things he wanted. 

Summer also meant a lot of ice cream. Yamaguchi was sure he had ate at least one every day since vacation started. Now, he and Haku was eating ice cream in the park. They had played baseball, or Yamagcu had tried to play baseball.

“Say, Dashi,” Haku asked around his ice lolly. “Why did you quit volleyball? It seemed like you enjoyed it so much.”

Yamaguchi looked down at his ice cream. Some had dripped down at his finger and even on the ground beside him shoes. He did miss volleyball. About now, his old team would probably be on a training camp three hours away or more from Tome. Maybe they were running suicide sprints, eating watermelon in the heat, or having practice matches. 

“I think I was just done with it. Volleyball is fun, but I didn't really dream of going to nationals. Like...um...it just wasn't so important for me as it was for the others.” 

“I didn't want to drag them down.”

Haku looked at him with big eyes. “I think every member of a team is priceless. There will always be someone better, but having people behind your back reassuring.” He had gotten a tan from a small vacation to the south with a few buddies of him. He looked a little sad for him. “Well, I suppose, if that is what you wanted.” He gave a look towards Yamaguchi, wondering and questioning. 

Yamaguchi gave him a smile and hope it would fool his older cousin.

“So, Yamaguchi-kun,” Shimada asked. 

They both were stacking different coffee brand in the shelfs. Shimada was also busy with taking the cashier if a customer was waiting to pay. 

“You used to play volleyball?”

Yamaguchi nodded. He was standing on a small ladder, while Shimada handed him the more unpopular brands that were higher on the shelves. “Yeah, middel blocker.” He pushed some kind of decaf brand back to get more place. “Did you play?” He looked down at his senpai. 

“Yes I did, still do, actually.” Shimada wore a boyish smile, it was also nostalgic and joyful.Yamaguchi couldn't help give him a half smile back. 

“You still play? Aren't you 23 or something?”

“I am not that old.” Shimada said back, but chuckled at his own childish antics. “A few guys from high school and I have formed a small volleyball team. We have regular practice days, participate in small matches with other teams like ours; for fun and all of us enjoy it and it’s a great way to keep in touch too.” 

“Sounds nice, Shimada-san.” Yamaguchi muttered. 

“It’s its nice,” Shimada agreed and adjusted his glasses. “and, now that we are off school with jobs and all that; it’s a great way to keep the shape.”  He laughed as he patted his stomach. Shimada looked quite thin. It didn't look like he needed to worry about keeping the shape. 

“Excuse me, can I get some help?” They both looked towards the left. It sounded like an old man that needed help with something or the other an aisle over. 

“Coming!” Shimada called. 

Yamaguchi continued to take out coffee from the cardbox on the trolly. He listened to Shimada and the old man’s conversation. Something about a grandchild that wanted cake and the man didn't know which kind of cake mix he should buy. Shimada talked happily to the customer and guided him through it all. He was really a people person. 

“Oi, Tadahsi!”  

He looked down from the ladder and saw Shimada with a energy bar and some pale orange iced tea. Probably peach flavour. He tilted his head to the side. Shimada threw the bar at him and he caught it with both hands. 

He got down from the ladder, still a little confused. His mentor handed hsim the iced tea and Yamaguchi got even more confused. Did he need to put them away?

“Go and take fifteen minutes." Shimada gave him a light push towards the break room. 

“But I only work five hours today.” Tadashi started, but Shimada still guided him towards the back. “We need six hours to get a break.”

“But boss ain’t here, Tadashi.” Shimada said in his ear and clicked with his tongue. 

“Aren't our bosses your aunt and mother?” 

Yamaguchi would have laughed if it didn't feel like he broke the rules. 

“Ah, they can’t fire their own meat and blood.”

“They can fire me.” Tadashi augmented back. 

“They are not going to do it.” Shimada gave him a last push. “Now, thake fifteen and don't come out. You came right after school right?” Shimada asked and Yamaguchi nodded back. “It’s fine, Tadashi.” He winked at him and Tadashi shrugged back, but started to actually walk properly to the break room. 

“I can still pay for this.” If he was so lucky to get a break, he could at least pay for the food Shimada had provided him. 

“My mother would scold me if she knew I charged you for it.” Shimada said back. “She likes you, Obasan too. 

Yamaguchi hummed back, realising he was losing this battle.

“Shimada, you called me Tadashi.” Yamaguchi said. 

“We are work buddies after all.” 

_Work buddies, uh._

School went as normal, boring and tedious. He got good grades in most classes, struggled with english and social study, but other than that; everything seemed fine. He's got bullied from time to time. No more than he did in elementary, no less either. After the volleyball incident, they left him alone for a couple of months, but gave it to him three days after school had started after summer. They didn't know were he worked, and Yamaguchi wanted it to stay that way. 

He lied awake most night, not being able to fall asleep until two or three pm. He thought about a lot, how everything was changing around him, but also how he stayed the same. Haku had moved to Osaka to study engineering and he didn't look so much forward to family dinners. He missed him. 

He thought a lot of himself. Sometimes he got up and stared at reflection of himself in the only mirror he had in his room. He was too skinny. His grandma always pointed out how Haku always was bigger in build. Maybe if he gained some weight, his grandmother would stop pointing it out. 

He hated his hair, but hated it more when it was shorter.

He also figured out he like guys in the end of Junior High. _That he also liked guys._ They had some of the same, but also different qualities that girls had. They could be handsome, they could also be cute like girls. There was something about their being that spoke to Yamaguchi and he just found them attractive as he found girls attractive too. 

He didn't have the courage to talk to either girls or boys, but he didn't have a problem dreaming about a future with both of them. 

He wondered if Shino Yori and Noboru saw it before he did. Maybe that's why they said to his old teammates that he wa gay, because he kind of was. Or at least bisexual. Maybe they just beat him too it. A sour taste grew in his mouth when he thought that the three of them had been right all along. Yamaguchi didn't want them to be. He didn't want to admit it. He wished they were wrong about him. 

It was a relief to actually find out what had troubled him so much during these last three years. Maybe he could get a good night of sleep now, rest up and get his energy back. However, there was still a lot of things to figure out. His school, or at least, his volleyball team didn't appreciate the damned rumour about him being gay. How would the school react to him being bisexual. He didn't plan on coming out, but if they ever find out somehow. He be damned again. 

It wasn't the first time he had wished that his life was a sitcom. Were every obstacle just got solcev and every character got happy in the end. They were thought their differences, and if sign idjt click the way it should; they got rid of those things that hurt them or found new and better people to use their energy on. They easily found their place in the world, and they didn't even have too look.

Seemed like he never fit in anywhere. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did have some trouble writing this. I knew how I wanted the chapter to be, but didn't know how to write it. So I struggled a lot with that. I also found out these throwback fics will be a four part, instead of a three part. Mostly because this chapter got so long. I also wanted to get Shimada into the story somehow, since his part in Haikyuu and in Yama's development is important. I love him too <3
> 
> Warning: Bullying, emotional and physical. There is blood, not graphic.  
> Warning: Vomiting, not graphic  
> Warning: Panic attack, not graphic  
> Warning: Description of mental illness (GAD) and bad coping mechanism, like picking on the skin etc. May be triggering for some. 
> 
> Hope you all can still enjoy the chapter regardless of the warnings.
> 
> ALSO! On August 30th, I wont be uploading. I have a wedding to attend to. I need to travel that weekend and wont be getting home until late on Sunday. So I'll just save me the stress. If I get some chapter pre written, they might come up late on Sunday. But look at that as a small bonus. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments and Kudos are always appreciated :D


	16. Running on Auto-pilot Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High school was when everything started to fall apart, and Yamaguchi knew what alone truly meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little bit late, hehe, but at least I got it up in the weekend. 
> 
> ALSO! On August 30th, I wont be uploading. I have a wedding to attend to. I need to travel that weekend and wont be getting home until late on Sunday. So I'll just save me the stress. If I get some chapter pre written, they might come up late on Sunday. But look at that as a small bonus.
> 
> Warning: Bullying, emotional and physical. Mentioned  
> Warning: Vomiting. Mentioned

Limbs were heavy, heart were grey and his mind was always racing. Yamaguchi made his way towards his High School. He could choose between taking the bus or walking. He preferred walking the most. It was calm in the mornings, and he used the 20 minute walk to wake himself up and try to make himself mentally ready for the school day. 

School were still tiring and so were his home life. His parents wondered what was wrong with him, but they didn't go out of their way to figure it out. Like they are waiting for Tadashi to make the move, but he didn't want to talk with them. It’s not like it will change anything about him or his life in general. 

He clenched his teeth and powered through. 

Noboru went to a different school than his two friends. Another High School that was known for their basketball team. Without their third part, Shino and Yori are a little less intense towards him. They didn't push him so much or any of that, but what they do to him, always made him want to cry. 

He shuffled through the April’s snow. It’s was slowly starting to melt, making the once crispy, clean and white snow slushy and dirty. It made his shoes wet and even his worn out winter shoes can’t stand a chance. He should buy new ones, or ask him mother to cover it for him. 

The first bell rung when Tadashi entered school grounds. Without the sleep he needed, he did get really tired in the evening. He has even started to skip breakfast for the extra fifteen minutes he can sleep. His dad asked him about it a few days ago and Yamaguchi lied his way out of it. Saying that he always ate on his way to school or right before class started. It worked splendidly and he even got extra money to buy something from the cafeteria that day. 

He changed to his inside shoes, his socks a little wet from the snow, but otherwise dry, got his books and sat down at his desk. He somehow managed to score good enough points on the entrance exams and made it to college prep class. He was going to decline the offer, but his father said it would help him in the long run. Third row and the second line from the windows, is his place. He doesn't necessarily care about the classes, too tired to care. However, getting his mind occupied with something else than his own thoughts were a nice change. He had even started to look forward to class and being away from home. He didn't get so restless and worried when he was doing things like studying, or reading for his classes. 

One day at work, he passed out. 

It was midterms at school and he had been stressed. Shino and Yori had been on his neck about doing their homework because that would apparently help them through mid terms. Yamaguchi went along, not having the gut or the energy to do anything else about it. He hadn't had the healthiest appetite as of late. The stress and the worry ate him up from the inside, leaving his stomach in an acid pit. Too finicky to eat anything.

It was easy skipping meals. His parents leaves early, they have both just a moment to kiss him goodbye before they’re both out of the door. Skipping lunch was easy too. He picks at his bento and throw away what he doesn't eat, and often sits in the town library to study, and that results in him skipping dinner too. His mother saves him a plate, and he does eat some of it before bedtime. And the next day the cycle would start again. 

Also, he doesn't get the regular workout from volleyball since he quit, so he doesn’t need to eat to keep himself in shape. _It’s easy like that._

He had been busy with cleaning the floor, when he suddenly got hit by a wave of dizziness and nausea was rolling in his stomach. He used the broom he was holding to steady himself and trying to ground himself too, but it wasn’t helping. 

He didn't know he had passed out, not until he was shaken awake buy Shimada. When the ringing in his ears had died down, he heard Shimada Fumika, Makoto's aunt, order everybody to wait until they had gotten it under control. 

“Obasan, he's waking up.” Shimada called towards her. Even with his fuzzy vision, Yamaguchi could see a few other customers relaxes for the sake of him. Sake of a stranger. “Hey, Tadashi, how are you feeling.” Shimada patted his cheeks lightly, and it did make him more coherent. 

He made a animalistic groan from his throat and rubbed uncoordinatedly at his temple with his right hand. Beside him, were the broom and the bucket he used for cleaning. 

“You really took a swan dive there.” Shimada smiled with relief towards him. 

Yamaguchi makes another sound and tried to sit up. Shimada plants his arms under him and helped him. Still woozy, but with the help of Shimadas support, he was able to sit. 

“Oh, dear, how are you feeling, Tadashi-kun?” Fumika asked. 

“Water.” 

She didn't need any more than that. The older lady made her way to the fridges nearby and grabbed a bottle of water. She unscrewed the cap for him and handed it to him with gentleness. 

His hands were trembling and it takes both his hands and her hand to help him hold it steady. He took a generous sip out of the bottle, and it helped a lot. The cold liquid was a blessing. 

“Come on, we should get you to the break room and call your parents.” Shimada said.

“Don’t call them.” Tadashi said, voice horace. He cleared his throat. “It’s only low blood sugar. I haven’t eaten since lunch time.” 

“But, Tadashi-kun, that is over six hours ago.” Fumika expressed with only a worry a mother could posses. She got sup again, and moved and aisle or so away. She came back momentary with a handful of grapes and a banana.

She passed them to him and Yamaguchi took them hesitantly. He ate the grapes, one at the time as Makoto helped him to the break room and sat him down on the chair. Shimada took a seat beside him as Yamaguchi worked his way through his small snacks. 

“Sorry, Senpai.” Yamaguchi muttered around the bottle of water. He didn't want this to happen. 

“Ah, it’s okay.” Shimada's voice still filled with concerns for him. He smiled kindly towards Yamaguchi. Makoto didn't sit too close or too far away, he gave Yamaguchi the space he needed right now, without having a clue on what really happening. Yamaguchi might get up and give him a hug. “I once passed too, you know.” Yamaguchi looked up at him. “I got a heat stroke during one summer and fell down from a stool I was standing on. My mother freaked out...and I broke my glasses.”

Yamaguchi gave him a tried snort back. 

“So, why haven't you been eating?” Shimada asked. Yamaguchi almost flinched. “If you are hungry or tired, you need to tell us. It can be dangerous, you know. What if you had been using the ladder, or you were in the bathroom when it happened and we couldn't get to you?”

“Sorry...” Yamaguchi muttered and looked down at his grapes. 

Shimada gave him another smile. 

“I’m just stressed about school, mid terms and all that.” 

Shimada sighed. He got up and took out some of the bread they always had in the room. On it went just plain cheese and ham. He sat it down in front of Yamaguchi, and said boy did actually starts to feel a little bit of hunger. Perhaps, the first spark of hunger he had gotten in two weeks.

“I’ll get it, I have been a high school student too, but still, tell us next time.” Shimada said, a little bit sterner. 

Yamaguchi ate the sandwich while Shimada watched over him. He did get better. The nausea, dizziness and even the little bit of fatigue faded away. Fumika gave him some hearty scolding while Shimada was ordered to call his parents. Yamaguchi only slumped in his chair, sleepy, but the apologized for the trouble he caused them. The old lady shook her head and told him to get well or tell them if he needed more time off. 

“Tadashi, Dashi-cahn?” His mother burst into the break room. Her hair is a little messy, she probably were cleaning their home while she got the phone. “Oh, sweetheart.” She vacated the seat Shimada used and the two other workers excused themselves out. 

“Hi, Ka-chan.” Yamaguchi said and his mother formed a tight smile towards him. 

While he changed, his mother apologized and bowed deeply to the Shimadas. They brush it off, happy that it wasn't anything serious that needed medical attention. He apologized too, for probably the billionth time,  and thanked them for taking care if him and he gets chocolate bar from Shimada's aunt. With the messege to get better soon. 

In the car, his mother sighed. 

“Tadashi, why aren't you eating?” She asks. She did sound more angry than worried, but maybe that just her way of showing love. Yamaguchi shrunk in the seat. He could fall asleep anywhere at this point. 

“Just stressed, Ka-chan. I’ll do better next time.”

His mother went on about a tangent, saying that he needed to tell them if something is wrong, that he couldn't do this, and that they both got so worried when they received the call. Her words were supposed to help, but it also felt like him passing out was a mildly inconvenience to her and his dad. 

He is lucky it was the weekend and he could sleep off the day. Normally, he would work at the store, but after the events of him paring out; he did get the whole weekend off. His mother and father watched him like hawks the next few days and made sure he ate enough and was constantly asking if he had drunk enough water. It drove him mad,  but it actually did make a difference, he just wished they could relax a little about him. 

He gets really good greats on his midterms, even in english. His parents coos at him and brags about him when his grandparents comes and visit. It does actually make him a little happy. He doesn't feel like he has failed completely. Even his teachers complimented him on his tests answers. 

Summer came yet again, and after that was autumn and winter. He didn't remember a whole lot of his first year in High School, but it did not make him any less happy. If he didn't remember much of it; it probably wasn't that important either. He is too occupied with moving automatically through the days and months. He and his parents were a little better. He and Sumi didn't fight as much and he started to eat dinner with them again when he didn't have a shifts at the store. Shimada had also started to keep a fruit basket on the break room table, and Tadashi did not dare not to eat at least one fruit through his shift. 

Second years started, and Yamaguchi counted the days until High School would end. 

He is still in college prep class, this time he got a seat beside the window. A silent win for him. It was a nice distraction, especially since second graders were at the third floor and he could see out over the whole school yard and a little more of the suburbs. 

This day, when he came to school, _‘fag’_ was written on his desk in bold letters. Tadashi was lucky, the writer had use a pencil and not permanent marker. He erased it immediately, getting eraser-dust all over his gakuran when he wiped it off the table. 

It could be Shino or Yori, or someone else. It didn't make a difference. 

When he walked to his locker after class, he met Yori and a couple of his friends. 

“Got my message, mud-face?” 

Yamaguchi shifted his glance from his shoes to the brunet beside him. His look must have given him away because Yori laughed loudly and his friends snickered with him. Yori had probably told them about his little act.  The group of friends pushed themselves away from the wall and started to walk in the opposite direction. When Yori passed Yamaguchi, he got a hit in the back of his head. It didn't hurt, since the angle Yori probably his in was a little awkward, even for him. But the action spoke loud and clear.

One night in the summer, he just left home without telling his parents. They were busy with dinner anyway because his grandparents and aunt and uncle were coming over. They didn't notice him leaving. Despite the summer weather, the nights got chilly and he purposely forgot a jacket. 

Yamaguchi sat down at the old swing set he was sure got built before he even was born. He can’t help himself, but he swung back and forth. Small, harmonic gestures on the swing. It was easy to just sit here and make himself move over the sandbox. 

He started crying, silently tears slid down his face and onto his hands that were folded nicely in his lap. Yamaguchi didn’t know why he choked up right now. He hasn’t cried since he quit the volleyball team. At least, back then he had a reason to cry. Now he didn't, but he just cries and he when tried to wipe the tears away- they just kept coming. 

He felt an immense unsettling feeling in his gut, but couldn't even figure out what the feeling was. He knows, that this is not a panic attack. They are unsettling in other ways. 

He sobbed loudly in the darkening park. The stars would soon be visible. One by one they would light up the night sky and he would most likely still be sitting here, _alone_. 

He bit down on the skin between his thumb and finger, hard. It started bleeding and his teeth left small bruises and marks.

He did not notice another brunet joining him.

A hand touched his shoulder and back, rubbing small circles. 

“Tadashi, what’s wrong?” Haku’s voice broke through his sobs, and Yamaguchi jumped on the swingset. His breath hitched and he choked on air. Haku pats his back lightly through his coughing fit. “Breath, Tadashi.”

He shook his head, unable to stop his sobs. 

“Why are you out here in only a t-shirt and shorts?” Haku fussed over him with light chiding, and Tadashi soon felt a jacket being draped over his shoulders. It was at least a size too big on him, but the bagginess was comfy. Haku moved in front of him. “Hey, look at me...come on.”

Tadashi looked up at his older cousin. He looked so worried over him. Haku was 21 years now. He had gotten a stronger chin, filled out a little bit since he didn't play baseball on a daily basis and even had a thin stubble over his cheeks and chin. He looked so grown up. A contrast to how little Tadashi was feeling. 

“Haku-niisan.” Tadashi hiccuped. He threw out his arms and reached for his cousin in a childish fashion. Haku didn't hesitate in hugging him. Grabbing onto him with gentle, but strong arms. The swing moved a little bit with the force, but otherwise they were still.

He cried into his cousins chest, clinging to him like his life depended on it. 

Haku held him strongly through his fit, offering comfort and reassuring words as Yamaguchi worked himself out of it. 

“Tadashi, it's okay.” Haku said, while rubbing his back and keeping a palm in his hair, keeping Tadashi were he was safe. “Whatever that is troubling you- we- are going to work our way through it, I’m going to help you. So don't fear.”

He did eventually stop, his voice scratchy and throat dry. His eyes itched and they were swollen, plus he would have a hell of a time hiding it from this parents and the rest of the family.  

Haku used his sleeves and dabbed the last tears dry. He used his thumb to rub gently at his cheeks. “Want to tell me what wrong, Dashi?” And he gave him a concerned look. Like Tadashi crying had literally hurt him and it somehow made him feel guilty, even though when he knew his cousin were only worried about him. 

Yamaguchi shook his head. He didn't even know what was wrong with him. So many things felt wrong about him. 

Haku’s worry deepened, but he didn't press at it any further. That was one of the few things Tadashi really loved about Haku. That he never pushed him when it was clear he would get more uncomfortable if he did so. He always waited for Tadashi to get ready and tell it all himself.

Yamaguchi stood up on unstable feet. His crying fit had also caused him a light headache. He wondered if he would get dehydrated of it too. 

Haku grabbed him and he was crushed against him in another hug. It was warm and protecting and, even sometimes, when Tadashi didn't feel like his own home were a  _ home _ to him; he always found his place with Haku by his side. 

Haku still rubbed his back a few times and gave him a kiss on the head. He didn't say anything this time around, but before he released him; Tadashi got squeezed extra hard. 

“If you don't want to tell me what’s wrong, that’s okay, but” Haku started, a smile forming at his lips. His eyes still showed that it almost killed him not to know what was wrong, but Haku was patient. “-but, know that if you ever need one to talk, I’m always here for you.” 

Yamaguchi gave a small nod. He rubbed at his eyes again, but he already knew his parents would see the redness and slowness. 

Haku got him home, keeping a steady arm around his shoulder. They didn't talk much. When they arrived  at his home, his mother was a little upset with him for just leaving, but Haku got him to the guest bathroom before any of the adults noticed. He cleaned his face with cold water and during dinner, Haku made sure the attention was on him. Talking about everything from his studies to his new girlfriend. 

Tadashi was grateful for it. Grateful for Haku.

The rest of the summer went fairly well. He worked all summer long, except for one week, were they all drove south and rented an apartment by the coast. The small vacation was nice and he even got along quite well with his parents. There were no arguments or disagreement. He even stayed up late with them to play cards and talk with them. It seemed like they appreciated it. 

He though about liking boys and girls and the relief he felt when he actually figured out he was like that. Was _bisexual_. Maybe if he told his parents, the weight on his shoulders would lessen slightly and he would be able to relax some more. 

His dad celebrated his birthday two weeks after summer vacation. They went out to a fancy dinner and ate. It was nice. He got him some new leather gloves, since his old ones were worn out. His mother bought him a new coat, from the ‘both’ of them, and his dad enjoyed himself a lot. 

His mind was drowning in thoughts and ideas on how he should tell them. It didn't help that Yori and Shino was on his back about annoying him to death with their antics. He searched on the internet, on ideas on he could do it. Each of them just seemed wrong. Some of them meant that he should practice saying he was proud to be bisexual and that he was proud of who he was. Which he was not, he was just bisexual and if he ever came home with a guy instead of a girl, his parents deserved a heads up. 

He sighed as he reached his home one day after school. He didn't have work today and it honestly felt good. Like the right time to do it. 

“Tadaima.” He sat down and got his shoes off. Grateful to feel the weight of his backpack off his shoulders. He rolled his ankles, they were a little swollen from work and he had pressure-pains too. A day off would be great

“Okaeri, Dashi.” Came the voice of his father. It sounded like he was in the living room. Probably sitting in his spot on the sofa, reading the rest of the newspaper, the part he didn't get to during his breakfast. The kitchen was filled with noises of dinner being made. It smelled good, something with kimchi. 

Everything was as it should be, and Yamaguchi almost thought of just dropping telling them and spare them all the trouble. His parents could be a little conservative in their thinking. 

He sat in the halway for one extra minute. 

Yamaguchi stood up and did the usual greeting with both his parents. They asked him how his day was, how school was and all that stuff. He answered them all and excused himself to his room. They looked happy, he noted. Or they looked normal, like they always did when he came home. 

He spent the time before dinner staring at his ceiling and watching videos on youtube on his phone. Trying to distract him and not think too much about how dinner would be and how his news would be received. 

He went down to dinner and ate it quietly as his parents chatted about their day at work. Yamaguchi observed them, their mood. How their tone was. If there were any indication he needed it. 

Everything seemed normal. 

“Ka-chan, Tou-chan, I need to tell you something.” Tadashi spoke up. They both looked at him in mild surprise. It wasn't unusual for him to speak during dinner, but it was unusual for him to seek out attention like that. 

“Yes, Dashi, what is is?” Sumi asked, voice fine and steady. The dinner was still on the table. They just needed to put away the leftovers away, and dinner would be done. 

He trembled in his place, his hands losing the warmth they carried just a seconds ago. He could feel his heart speeding up. He would have this under control. He would not have a panic attack in front of his parents. 

“I’ve been thinking- thinking about, um, a lot of stuff these last couple of years.” Yamachi started, fumbling over his words as he always did when he got nervous. “Since Junior High actually.” 

Both of them shared glances. It looked concerned. 

“What’s wrong, Tadashi, you’re starting to worry me? Sumi said. She looked at her husband again, like he would know the answers. 

“I-um, I figured out, that I like boys.” Yamaguchi didn't look at them. He still had some rice grains left in his bowl. His parents didn't move or make any sound. Didn't sound like they didn't even breathe. “...that I like boys too. I like them too. Both-both girls and boys.” Yamaguchi said, feeling his dry throat. He breathed deeply and looked up at them. 

His father had big eyes. Surprise written all over him. It did look like he had run over him with a truck. His dad wasn't trembling or anything like that. Still as a statue. 

His mother wore the same face as his father, but she did break the silence first. 

“Tadashi,” her voice was trembling, and a look of disbelief crossed her. “this must be wrong.” Tadashi looked at her. She both looked angry and upset.  “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“What?”

“Well,” His mother glanced at his dad and the room become twice as uncomfortable. “you- you must be unsure.” Yamaguchi shook his head. He can't speak, can’t breathe and can't move. _Frozen._ Sumi’s eyes bore their way into Yamaguchi’s and he was reminded that his mother actually did have a spine, unlike him. She would never waver. “Are you getting bullied again, Tadashi?” 

He looked at his dad first. He had his eyes trained on his mother. His chops sticks wee still clenched in his fist. “That has nothing to do with this, Ka-chan.” He can’t help, but let the frustration show in his voice. He had been so tense these past weeks and now it felt like he had to vomit.

His mother stood absurdly up from the table. She took her plate and her husband’s to the sink and practically threw them in. It clatters and Yamaguchi was sure at least one glass must have broken. She came back and carried the rice cooker with such anger that it might start to fry the rice grains again. 

“Tadashi, do you need help?” His mother turned around, rice bowl still in hand. “We can get you t a meeting with the school therapist or counseling.”

“H-help?” He chokes out. He can’t read her, all he knows it’s just that she is extremely upset. “There is nothing wrong with me.” He defends himself, but his mother only huffs.

“Tadashi, there must be. I think you should think about this. Is this the way you want to live your life? People don't like you if you are- if you’re…”

“Bisexual?” He raised his eyebrow at her. 

His mother and father stiffens at the word. She looked at him like he had killed a puppy. She huffed again and turned around to get rid of the rice bowl and Tadashi stood up. 

“Ka-cahn, please understand!” He reached for her, in desperation and he did get hold of her shoulder before she spun around. 

The sound of skin against skin is deafening. The rice bowl broke immediately when it touched the floor and Tadashi found himself on the ground. His right cheek was throbbing and his eyes watered. He looked frightened up at his mother. 

She actually just hit him.  

He touched his cheek and it feel hot. It hurt a lot. A lot more what Shino, Yori and Noboru ever had done to him. Maybe the force wasn't as strong, but the impact hit him greater and he felt pain he never had before.

His father actually decided to intervene. He stood up and went to his mother. “Hey, hey, calm down.” He took his mother’s hands and just held them. “No need to get violent with each other.” 

“But, Hiro,” Sumi started, pleading for her son. “What will my clinic say, or your office? We can’t have a son like that. There must be something wrong with him. We raised him well. There is no reason for him to rebel like this towards us.” 

Yamaguchi felt the ringing in ears tenfold, but he could still hear every word she said. He will remember them til the day he dies. 

“He needs therapy, it’s probably from the time he was bullied, maybe even the school fault.” She looked at him, with cold eyes. 

_ "Why did you have to turn out this way. My only son, too? " _

Sumi started crying, pinching the bridge of her nose. It was the first time he had ever seen her cry, and he did genuinely want to calm her down. It felt awful knowing that he made all this mess on a Thursday afternoon. 

He tried to talk, to at least get some say in this. “Go to your room, Tadashi.” His dad barked at him and Yamaguchi scrambled up and ran to his room. He closed the door behind him and could still hear his mother crying and dad talk to her. 

He cried for hours that night, until there were no more tears to shed. He sat in the corner of his bed and made himself as small as he could. It wasn't the first time in his life he wished he was never born. He doesn’t actually have a panic attack, but he wasn't able to sleep or rest that night. His parents went to bed and he was still awake. 

The next few days, he moved on autopilot. His parents leaves without checking on him and he stopped coming home for dinner. It wasn't like he was wanted by them. He checked his phone periodically every hour, hoping for a message from his mother, but  it was always empty. He didn’t eat much either. Yamaguchi didn't dare go into the kitchen or living room. Scared that he’ll meet one of them. He did have money, and bought himself some granola bars and ate those to every meal for a few days. He has never been a fan of those, but anything was better than to be home. 

On the fourth day, when he was trying to keep himself busy with his homework at home, his father actually knocked in his door. It started him, he expected to be yelled at or even slapped again.  

“Come down for a minute.” Hiro left the door open and Tadashi tiredly, yet stiff, made his way downstairs. His mother was already waiting by the dinner table and he sat down opposite of her. He knew he looked like hell. He was dehydrated from all the crying The rings around his eyes, had reached the panda-sate and he just felt awful. He licked his lips self consciously, feeling her eyes on him again. He could still feel the slap and even hear it. 

Nausea fills his stomach and maybe of he was eating properly, he might have thrown up. 

“We have been thinking.” Sumi said, and gestured to Hiro, who sat down beside her. “You can live here until you are done with High School, then you have to go.” 

“You two are kicking me out?” He choked on the words. He can’t believe it. They are really throwing him out. He doesn't have anyone he can turn to. 

“We can’t have you in the house when you're like this, so until you change your mind from this frivolous mindset of yours, you can't be here. What would the neighbours think!” His mother stared him down. They share the same colours of the eyes and he have never felt that colour like that. So unwelcoming. “You haven’t told anyone about this, have you?” 

She couldn't even say it.

Tadashi shook his head. 

“Well, we support you, but only through high school.”

“I’m your son.” Yamaguchi said, desperate. He wanted to turn back. He regretted telling them. Had they told his grandparents, Haku or the rest of the family? Rejection was worst when it came from them.  _ His parents.  _

“As long as you are this way, you are not our son.” Sumi screamed back. 

Tadalis teared up, fists clenched and nails digging into his palms. It made small, red moon shaped marks in them. They lasted for a few days.

“Please leave.” She said and Yamaguchi didn’t need to be told twice. 

His parents and him barely talked after that. He took extra shift at Shimada Mart, only so he could avoid home as much as possible. The pay checks are nice, but he didn’t have anything to actually use the money on, except for food. He spends his days at school as long as he can and then in the library as long as he is allowed. When he gets home, no one greets him and he stopped to call that he had arrived home. Sometimes his pratnes would save him a plate of food, he never ate those. 

He can’t take kindness from strangers.

He did well in school, despite his mind always thinking about his parents. He needed to do well. If he get's top grades, he can show it to them and they’ll take him back. Maybe...

They don't wish him a happy birthday on his day. Haku sent him a message and sent over some money as a gift since he couldn’t be there. He told Haku that he got the evening shift and wouldn’t be able much other than that. It easy with his cousin being in Osaka and not at his aunt and uncle's They do congratulate him, but his parents doesn’t. He didn't get a cake and didn’t get a song. The three of them all just pretend that he didn't have a birthday today. It was just the 10th of November and it was nothing special about that day. 

Before christmas break in his second year, he presented a few of his grades to his mother. 

“Ka-chan, see, I, um, got full scores on my recent tests. Even in english.” Yamaguchi laid the papers in front of her. She didn't look at it, but did take a sip of her green tea. 

“And what do you want me to do with that?”

Tadashi startled at the coldness in her voice. It cut through him like a knife. His mother glanced at him, and Yamaguchi took his paper and went to his room. 

Shimada gave him the whole christmas break off, normally he would be happy for a little bit of free time. But not working, ment being home. There was no school, the library was still open, but closed early since it was the holidays. He spent a lot of time at the mall, just walking through the same stores. It wasn't that exciting.

He bought his first item of feminine clothing. 

It was a grey sweater, that could go as a unisex, really. The sleeves were baggy and and the torso fit him like he wanted it too. It was warm and fuzzy, something he really needed right now. And sides, he was already on the wrong side of his parents; so it couldn’t get worse than this. 

The man that got him through the checkout, didn't bat an eye on him. He told him that it was a gift and asked to get it wrapped, because he was still afraid on how it would be received if he bought girl clothes for himself. 

The holiday went without much fanfare. Haku and his parents were visiting the mother's side of the family, and wouldn't be joining them this year. He supposed it was for the best, considering that he and his presents wasn't on talking terms. 

He wore the sweater a lot home. And at christmas eve. His parents went out for dinner, probably just the two of them and he stayed in his room. Yamaguchi didn't cry. He felt kind of numb Sleeping away the day wasn't a particular a bad day. It was just that it was christmas, and he had no one that wanted or could celebrate it with him. Tadashi did get gifts, his grandparents and the rest of the family didn't know about their situation right now. They got delivered a few weeks before the date and his father or mother had just put them in his room. He didn't open them until three days later. He thanked for the gifts like the polite boy he was raised to be, but didn't wished more he could celebrate the day with the rest of the family. 

“Tadashi-kun, you have been working a lot lately?” Shimada said as they were cleaning up some spilled soda. A three year old boy had managed to opened one without his parent looking and pretty much emptied it over the whole floor. “Saving up for something special.” He wiggled his eyebrows, immaturely. 

Yamaguchi shrugged. “I don’t think so,” He squeezed his towel over the bucked and soaked it again in the soapy water. "I just save most of it."

Shimada nodded back and they cleaned up the floor. 

They carried the buckets to the back room and Yamaguchi was happy to get the sticky substance off him. 

“Take your break now.” Shimada told him and Yamaguchi nodded and just sat down. He didn't have a bento with him. It didn't really matter, since he wasn't hungry. He did plan in drinking a tea cup. 

“You look so tense and grown up.” Shimada mused. He stood by the coffee pot and was pouring himself some and probably his mother one too. “You’re only in your second year of High School.

Yamaguchi looked back at him and then smiled sheepishly at him. 

Shimada set the pot away after he had made the cups ready, he stopped by Tadashi and set one cup down on the table. “Hey, make sure you have some fun before it’s too late.” Makoto ruffled Tadashi’s hair as he spoke. His usual playful voice switched out with something that sounded more kind and worried. Kind of like how Haku sometimes talked to him. “You’re still young, so make sure you’ll enjoy yourself while you can.” He gave the younger boy a gentle smile and left before Yamaguchi could reply. 

The rest for the school year went without much excitement. He did well, was one of the top of the class. Shino and Yori was busy with their own tournaments and he was left alone for a few weeks. Football was much more important than making it hell for Tadashi and he was glad it was like that. As sickly it made him feel, he did miss the attention it gave him. His parents negelection of him, was effecting him in new ways. He shook his head. He did not miss Shino and Yori. All he wished for, was that his parents could look at him without those hateful expressions.  

He got beat up again after winter break. Two weeks after the start, actually. Shino wasn't happy with the history assignment Tadashi had done for him and he got pushed into the cold, dirty sloshy snow and even got a few kicks to set the cherry on the top. It wasn't anything new, they just did it before school and he had to wear the cold and wet uniform throughout the school day. 

He got a nasty cold and Shimada sent him home when he noticed the small fever he had already been carrying throughout the week. 

“So, Yamaguchi-kun, do you have any idea on what kind of university you want to attend to?” 

Yamaguchi looked away from his homeroom teacher. He shrugged helplessly. 

“Hmm,” His teacher started again. “you do have good grades, really good ones too. You can go to any university with this.” 

“I did think of,” Yamaguchi muttered the first words he had spoken since he was called into the office. “going into veterinary…” He thought of that for years now. He remembered when he was little and always would write ‘puppy’ on his christmas wishes and beg them to ends wits about getting a dog or a cat. And how he always loved biology and learning about the process of nature, anatomy and how he could use it to help sick and wounded animals. 

His teacher nodded and dug through some papers he had. “Well, it’s a hard course, six years plus internships. A doctorate. You will be well into your twenties when you’re done.” He smiled, almost proudly at Tadashi and he felt himself shrink in the wooden chair. “But, it’s calming to know that such bright boys takes these hard classes too. You do have the grades for it.” Yamaguchi nodded back and he was handed a few papers, probably about the different options he had. “Have you thought about what university you want to apply to?” 

“I have thought about Tokyo, but-but I looked through it and their bar is pretty high.” Tadashi said and his teacher only nodded back. 

“It’s true that the bar is high, but it’s a good university. If you come in and continue, you will have a great start on your resume.” He smiled warmly towards Tadashi, but the younger boy didn’t share the enjoyment.

“Do you think I’ll get in, Sensei?” Yamaguchi asked shyly. 

His teacher doesn't even wait a beat to nod. “Yes, yes I do.” He typed something on the laptop in front of him. “You have the greased and the mindset, all you need to do is apply. I can’t say anything about early entrances, but hopefully they’ll take you anyway.”

Yamaguchi gave a timid nod. 

He had been unsure for a long time. After his parents started to pretend they didn't have a son, he started to think about ways he could actually move and find a sustainable living anywhere else, but Tome. Even though he was always kind of set on becoming a vet, he was unsure if he could do it without his parents support. He thought about asking Haku, but that man explaining why he needed to live with him and Tadashi didn't want that. Too scared to think that maybe his cousin would also turn his back at him. 

The printer let of a small ‘beep’ and his teacher stood up to collect the papers. 

“Yamagcu, I think if you want to go into an education in medicine, do it.” Tadashi were handed the papers. “I believe in you, Yamaguchi-kun, you should too.” 

He could have hugged his teacher, but resigned himself for a genuinely smile and a respectful bow to the man. It was a long time since anyone had believed in him and talked so kindly to him. 

He took the papers and read through every one of them. It was general info about universities that he could apply for and one bigger pamphlet for Tokyo. It was a lot of information, but at least he had a plan. He might go back and talk about help to apply for an apartment he could afford and how to arrange that, but at least now; He had a plan. 

Summer went away in a seconds. His parents decided to travel more this time around and just left him alone. It was fine, he had spent weekends alone before. And, it was great to have the house for himself, it did make his tense shoulder lessen ever so slightly. Haku came and visited him for a week and they hung around his house when he didn't have work. It was actually a lot nicer than he had expected. Especially since he could easily shove his dark thoughts in the drawer for the visit. 

Once back at school in the autumn, Yori slapped his schoolbook out of his hands as he reached the top of the stairs on his floor. A few students whipped around to see what the racket was about and only turned back around when they found out that it was just him that had lost his books on the floor. 

He bent down to pick them up and was surprised when another pair of arms handed him his papers.  

It was Nakamura-san, from the same class as him. She even had the number one place of their class, and Yamaguchi fell a few steps behind her. She was a well behaved and polite tennis ball manager. She didn't gossip as much as the other girls and was just kind in general. Still popular though, and Tadashi always blushed around her. They had been assigned a few group projects together over their high school years, and even with Yamaguchi’s awkwardness, they did work pretty well together. 

“Are you okay, Yamaguchi-kun?” She asked concerned. She gave him his pencil case. "Yori-kun can be so mean sometimes." She huffed lightly at the mention of the name. 

Yamaguchi gave a nod. “Ah, it’s nothing. You don’t have to, you know; but thank you, Nakamura-san.”

She gave a light shook of her head and smiled to him. “I want to, side it look like you could use some help.” Her smile diminished  and a concerned look crossed her face. It didn't suit her at all. And Yamaguchi was sorry that he was the cause of that frown. “You look tired, working hard?”

“Ah, yes, you know,” Yamaguchi said, feeling a blush cover his cheeks. “Good grades means a good university and all that adult stuff.” She chuckled with him. 

They both stood up after Yamaguchi was done stuffing his belongings into his bag. It was probably a few papers that would crumble and rip, but it didn't really matter to him.

“Have you decided what you want to do?” Nakamura asked with a small tilt of her head. 

“I think Tokyo, going into veterinary school or something like that.” He drew a hand at his bangs and looked away briefly at the passing students. “Have-have you decided.” 

“Ah, that must be hard.” She mused, astonished. “Ah, I know I have the grades to go to university, but I really want to take over my mother's flower shop, maybe botanic or something.” She laughed. 

“Sounds nice.” Yamaguchi hummed back. “Thank you for helping me.” 

She gave a shake with their hand and they were on their differents paths again. 

Funny how some people cross your path for a brief moments, but others seem to be stuck by your side for ears, even if you want it or not. Shino, Yori and Noboru was the three people that had stayed in his life the longest, except for family, ironically enough. If the change was offered, he could easily get rid of them.

He moved like slug through water in the autumn. There was nothing bright or colourful about him. He did the things he need to do, to get one step away from the hell hole he called home. Used to call home. Now it just was a house. The teachers and counselling were great. They did actually help him with his application for the university he wanted to try an get into and they did help him, or moreso, show him which websites he should haunt down apartments or dorms in. It did make him hopeful. 

It still didn't make a diffrence that no matter how many great testresult he came home with his mother only sneered at him and his father always looked so sorry towards him, whenever they passed in the hallway. He was getting used to their absence, and eating dinner alone and almost paying for all the food he ate himself. He was getting used and getting the hang of washing his clothes and ironing his uniform. It was tiresome at times, but asking his mother for help was  huge ‘no, no’. Yamaguchi hoped this would at least prepare him for his life in Tokyo. 

“See, Ka-chan, I got accepted for early enrollment.” Tadashi muttered from where he stood by the entrance to the kitchen. His mother was busy with chopping vegetables. It smelled like kimchi in the kitchen and Tadashi would consider himself lucky of one of his parents decided to spare him a plate. “My grades were really good, top marks in all of them.” He laughed nervously. "Or-or I did fall a little short in english, but I have gotten top marks in that class too." 

Despite knowing he should be proud of himself, he just wanted her, them, to be it for him too. Maybe, just maybe then, he could feel a little happy himself. 

His mother sighed, annoyed and upset. He knew her well enough to read off her body language. 

“Yamaguchi,” He looked at her, with wide eyes. That was the first time she had addressed her with his surname. He might crumble on the spot. He had never hated being called by his family name.  He feels so neglected, forgotten and ignored. Maybe if he was braver, he would have stood his ground. But there were no one to back him up. “I can’t be associated with someone like you. Stop calling me ‘mom’, I have no son until you have changed your way of life.”

Tadashi made an grimace and instead of going into his room, he went out in the cold evening. 

One day when he was reading his manga in the bed, his mother's burst open his door without knocking. He jumped, dropping the manage on the floor. 

“You have to get your own set of suitcases before you leave.” Sumi barked at him before she slammed his door shut and her feet was heard stomping down the stairs. 

Yamaguchi sighed, yet again reminded that he needed to get out when he finished school in less than two months. 

He did as his mother told him. He bought two big suitcases and one extra big gym bag. He had talked with his landlord over the last couple of months, with the help of his teachers and he even traveled down for one weekend to look at the place. He felt grown up in a way he didn't wish he had to be. But he had gotten an apartment. Tadashi said to the landlord that he could cover the whole rent by himself even if getting a roommate would be cheaper. If he worked shifts like he did now, he could make it work. 

A week before school ended, he sent down the things he didn't need or couldn't pack, like his boardcames and even a small nightstand and another small set of things he wanted. He packed most of his clothes and decided those who were left, his mother could do whatever she wanted with and was ready to set out on his new life. 

He wished his parents at least would say something, anything to him.

On the day of graduation, he went alone. He didn't bother showing the invitation paper to his parents. Neither his grandparent, aunts and uncles could make it. Haku said he wanted to come, but he had work and a big assignment that needed to be done and couldn't take off his studies. 

It was okay. He got his diploma, and after the ceremony, he did go to a small diner and even treated himself to a cake lice as dessert. 

Two days later, he left for Tokyo. His mother shut the door on him so hard the whole neighbourhood must have heard. It was a struggle to balance two big suitcases and his bag, but he managed once he was set on the train. He cried his eyes out, and were lucky no one sat beside him since the train wasn't packed. He wore his nice, grey sweater. It ddi bring him warmth, but not the kind he wanted or needed right there and then. 

Tokyo was big in all the way Tome was not. There was people everywhere, tourists everywhere and Yamaguchi immensely missed his small suburban neighbourhood. It was strange, but then again, he just couldn't stay with his parents that wanted him to be something else for their own sake and status.

He dropped his bag outside his complex, tired after the long hours of traveling. It was a tall building, four stories. beside him was a small playground and he wondered if the building was packed with children. The landlord said that there was a lot of students in the area. 

Tadashi noticed with a jolt in his body, that he was completely alone. He didn’t tell anyone except his teachers that he was going to move. Haku didn't know and Yamaguchi was already set on changing his phone number. If they didn't want him, well, they could get their way. 

Despite the realisation, he did feel a little bit of calmness spark in him.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Bullying, emotional and physical. Mentioned  
> Warning: Vomiting. Mentioned
> 
> ALSO! On August 30th, I wont be uploading. I have a wedding to attend to. I need to travel that weekend and wont be getting home until late on Sunday. So I'll just save me the stress. If I get some chapter pre written, they might come up late on Sunday. But look at that as a small bonus.
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments and Kudos are always appreciated :D


	17. A home without a heart Part IV

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His new life in Tokyo is becoming a challenge Tadashi is unsure he can overcome. However, he had no one to turn to if he fails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update is late. Like super, duper late. And I am sorry. I fell a little ill the week I wanted to get it up, and between working, I didn't have the energy to write or edit. And than came the week I was already set on not updating, but I did try to get it up on the 30th since I skipped the week before. I unfortunately, didn't make it then either. So, so sorry. I was stressing over the chapter and update dates, that writing was becoming more of a task, that just a hobby. So I did take some days off, trying to destress and calm down. I also came halfway through the chapter, when I decided that I didn't like how it was turning out and started again. And finally, I have a chapter to update. So sorry again!!!
> 
> Also, I need to change the age of the characters. Only buy two years down. It wont really have anything to say about the story line, but it's a detail. So that will be changed soon! I also went with a more western semester set up after reading about japanese university, since I went with that since I started writing. I could go in and change every chapter that needed to be change to make it match up to regular japanese semesters, but you know, it's a fic and it wont change the story. Plus it's easier for me to write following a semester that is built up the same way as my own. 
> 
> Warning: Bullying, emotional and physical. Not graphic, (It's more hinted towards and mentioned in this chapter)  
> Warning: Vomiting, not graphic (mentioned)  
> Warning: Panic attack, not graphic  
> Warning: Description of mental illness (GAD) and bad coping mechanism, like picking on the skin etc. May be triggering for some.  
> Warning: Suicidal thoughts. It's more of a suicidal idolisation. He doesn't act on it, just thinks about it. My be triggering for some.
> 
> Anyway, now, the chapter will be shorter and I think I will be able to keep up regular updates. But the new semester kicked me in the but and I have struggled with my new student life and work and just being a young adult. Some of you will hopefully understand. 
> 
> PS! The reason Haku's surname is not Yamaguchi, is becuse his dad and Yama's mother are siblings, which means that Yamaguchi's mother married into Hiro's (yama's dad) family. I know not everyone don't change their surname when they get married (my parents kept their own, so I know all bout that jazz) but in most animes- it's seems like a common trope that the wife changes their surnames when get married, so I went with that too :)

The apartment was cold and dark when he entered. It was nothing like the soft, yellow, lit apartment he had visited a couple of months ago. He pushed his suitcases inside with a grunt and dropped his bag with a thump. Glad to finally have the weight of his shoulders.

He left them there and decided to heat up the small place first and get it a little homey, or as homey as he could get it now. 

It was furnished with a plain grey sofa, a glass table with a black frame, and one tv. No pillows or curtains or pictures. It was like a white canvas-like an ikea catalog, or perhaps, even they looked more personalized than this. Yamaguchi gave a small smile as he put on every lightswitch there was. The floors were cold under his socks and he was reminded that he needed to buy some rugs to keep himself from freezing too much. Maybe slipper too.

He also needed to get some free-time work, maybe at another store, since he already knew the basics of it. 

Yamaguchi slumped down on the couch and breathed deeply. He felt heavy and worn out from the train ride. His eyes were still puffy and swollen. He was dehydrated from the cryin and he hasn't eaten much either. 

Ah, he needed to buy groceries too. And towels, toilet paper, washing stuff and a lot more. Even new cutlery. He was totally unprepared. Yamaguchi rolled over and pressed his face into the cushions. Being grown up was already hard, and he had just been grown up for a day. 

That evening, he didn't do anything of the stuff he needed to do. He fell asleep on the couch. Too tired to move to make dinner or find the closest drug store. The trip had exhausted him. He woke up to use the bathroom and remembered that he didn't even have toilet paper. He groaned in frustration and decided that he did actually need to find a kiosk or one convenience store before the night. 

He yawned as he stepped around his baggage, still by the entrance and went out again. 

The streets were a little calmer now that it was darker. Tadashi felt little as he walked through the small neighbourhood in search of a store. He felt like he was five and he had just lost his mother at the store. He picked up his phone and used google maps to guide him. It didn’t take too long until he found it. 

He picked up the neceries. Cheap towels, both toilet paper and paper he could use in the kitchen, some eggs, bread and iced tea. Tadashi knew there were thousands of things he still needed to get. 

He went to the bathroom, feeling relieved and folded the new towels away. 

Tadashi just decided to go to bed, there was still a lot that needed to be done with his apartment and he didn't stand a chance dong it so late in the evening. 

Once he had dug through his bag for his toothbrush and washed himself clean from the trip, he went to the biggest bedroom and remembered one thing. 

He didn't have any bed sheets or pillowcase and none of that. 

The stores were all closed now and kiosk didn't have bed sheets. He debated if he should just lie down on the naked bed, but that though were unsettling for some reason. He didn't have a futon, either. 

Begrudgingly, he went back to his suitcases and was happy that he packed a blanket. It was a nice fleece one that he got a few christmas back from his aunt. It was fury and brown and so, so soft. Yamaguchi could melt in that. He threw the couch pillows on the ground, so his makeshift bed got a little wider and draped the blanket over him. The apartment had just started to become warm, but it was still nice to feel the warmth the blanket provided him. 

He fell asleep on the couch and slept for a full 11 hours before he woke up the next day. 

The sun was already out when he woke up and Yamaguchi yawed heavily on the cushions. He stretched his long body, his left leg falling outside and he wondered how he didn't end up on the floor. He guessed he was lucky. It was tempting to keep sleeping and resting on the sofa, and forget about the outside world. He felt like he needed it.

But he also needed to get the bare necessities for his apartment and fridge, so he wouldn't starve or freeze to death. 

He washed his face and made herself ready, throwing yesterday's clothes in apile in the middle of the living room; because he could. 

Tokyo was hard to navigate through. He did have a basic knowledge about his own neighbourhood, but anything beyond of that; was deep waters. He walked for a bit, took the wrong subway and needed to figure out how to get back, but did eventually end up at a mall. 

He bought more towles, toiletries and shampoo. Some paper plates, plastic cups and utensils, since he needed to buy that too. He still needed to know where the closest Ikea or any furniture store was. He also bought two pairs of bed clothing and an extra futon in case he ever needed one. 

He went to his apartment, and got it all assembled, before he went out again to do a grocery haul for himself. Yamaguchi found out that he wasn't nearly as hungry as he thought he would be, despite being out for hours already. So he settled and bought noodles, frozen vegetables packs, rice and other foods that didn't go bad so quickly. He might just pop into one of those McDonalds he passed on his way to the station. 

Yamaguchi lied on the floor. He had yet to make his bed and he also needed to put the sofa pillows back. It was just too troublesome right now. The wooden floor beneath him was cold, despite neering summer. He needed to buy a rug sometime.

He need to find a job and save some more money before he started university in the autumn. 

He tried to text his mother and father about his progress, but he never received any answers. His chest always felt tight when he waited for their replay, yet he ignored every texts from Haku. Asking where he was and what he was up to and why he wasn't at home anymore.

Surley, he must know about his sexuality. 

He managed to land a job at a bookstore with a cheesy name. He didn't ask about the name during the interwiev or his first work days there, but at least the owner didn't chose the title. Shimada had promised to get in a good word for him since Yamaguchi chose to have him at his resume. It even hurt to change the cv is father helped him with a few years ago. But he needed to work to make money; to be able to live in the capital. He worked full time during summer, saving away most of his paycheck. Or at least what he could. He did have an apartment to take care for. 

He slept a lot during his freetime or the few days he got to rest. He had already visited the nearby park that got used by a lot of students. It was crowded, but yet beautiful. He took some pictures with his camera. They were nice, but those small moments of happiness didn't last long. 

Summer was uneventful that year, lonely too. He didn't know anyone and those he spoke to were the customers at work.  

The autumn semester would start up soon. It would be great coming into familiar routines again and not work himself to back and pressure pains. When he didn’t work, he was bored out of his mind. The park and the soap dramas was only vaguely entertaining.

University ment meeting new people, going to study groups and eating pizzas. At least, that was what his old teacher told them all through every information they got about university and further education. 

Yamaguchi wiped his brow with the back of hand. It must have been one of the hottest days in Tokyo, and he was sweating. His collared shirt stuck uncomfortably to his back. He supposed he was lucky not many people came into the store during mid day. It didn't even help that they had air condition on full blast. Carrying heavy books and wiping floors was hard work. 

“Excuse me, can I get some help?” A timid voice spoke up from behind him. 

Yamaguchi turned around and saw a petite girl with curly blonde hair. He put on his best smile and nodded. “Hai, what can I do for you?”

The girl needed help finding a suitable book for her stubborn dad that liked to read, and Yamaguchi offered three ones. He honestly didn't care about the books that much, but the small lady went happily out of the store even though she didn't buy anything. 

He stretched his back and it snapped. He was really becoming an old man, he though.

It become autumn once again, and studies would start in a beat. He was getting used to working full time at the bookstore. His feet and back hurt from all the walking and lifting, but at least it was an easy life.

The first day of university was filled with a lot of confusion. He didn't know where to go first, even though he came half an hour earlier than they should have. He had checked their website to get the information for first years students, but even that help was forgotten the second he set his feet on campus grounds. There were so many new students, and old ones too. There was so many signs he needed to follow and look through. Yamaguchi got a headache pretty quickly, it didn't help that it was so, so hot out too. He was sweating by the time he found his group veterinary students. 

“Hey, are you a veterinary student?” 

Yamaguchi looked up from his pamphlet and to a boy wearing a yellow t-shirt. 

“H-hai.” Yamaguchi said, glad that he finally found the right spot. He bowed to the older student and muttered a ‘good morning’. 

They listened to a few speeches from the principal and the staff before they got a quick tour around the campus, or at least the facilities they would be at It was exciting and it looked like a few others from his class were completely new too. He made small talk with them, talking about where they were from and where they lived now. They seemed fine, Yamaguchi though. Maybe he could befriend them and have study groups with them.

He went home after a few hours. Tadashi took a long shower and even ate a decent dinner. Wok, because he could  buy those frozen wok packages. Tadashi even bought an ice cream to celebrate the start of the semester.

Books were expensive, even with the discount he got at his store. He made a grimace as he tapped in the pin code when he bought them. His older coworker nodding understandingly on the other side of him. 

The first weeks was going well, until the middle of September.

He was walking towards campus one Wednesday when he bumped into Shino. To say that he was surprised was an understatement. He hadn't paid attention to where they would enroll after high school. He was too caught up in the mess at his home to do so. However, here he was. Standing right in front of him. 

Tadashi stumbled a few steps backwards on pure reflex. He was still carrying the shock on his face. “Shino!” 

“Tadashi...nice to see you.” A deviously smile was returned. 

“Shino…” He muttered again. No, no, no. He was supposed to get away from him. Yamaguchi wondered if his companions also were here. That would be hell. He knew it. Still miles away from Tome, he couldn't get away from them. 

He told himself to not panic and not freak out. Shino would never let that be forgotten. 

The taller boy raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. He stood with a few other students.

“What?” Shino asked, “Aren’t you happy you met me?” 

Yamaguchi was still stunned in silence.The few other students looked at them, but it didn't look like they noticed the stiff air. He wanted to tell Shino to go to hell or tell his friends what Shino did to him through his years of schooling. Shino was awful and yet Yamaguchi couldn't mutter a word about him. 

Shino crossed his arms. He shook his head at Yamaguchi. “You know, Tadashi, I do have to thank you.” Yamaguchi straightened up and looked dumbfounded at the boy in front of him. “Without your help through school, I wouldn't have gotten the grades I needed to get in here.” He laughed, “You’ll help me again, right?” 

Yamaguchi felt bile in the back of his trath. He thought he was free form the people that didn't want him any good. Where Shino was, were Yori and Noboru. This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't what he wanted. He just wanted to be alone and not be bothered by anyone. The year had just started and it was already crumbling under his feet. 

“Well, see you later...Tadashi.” Shino snickered as he left. 

Yamaguchi swallowed hard and excused himself when an older student muttered that he was standing in the way. He felt sick and turned around. Tadashi went to his apartment, dropping that day’s lectures and labs. He could afford to miss one day. He even called sick from work that day. 

He felt awful knowing that they were there too. At the same university too. It wasn't like he could avoid them. He didn't feel angry, and just upset. With himself , he was upset with himself. Since, in the end, he was the only one to blame. If he had actually stood up to them or dropped doing their homework, they wouldn't have gotten the grades, and wouldn't managed to get into Tokyo. The only ones faut this was, was himself. 

He wanted to tell his parents, but didn't have anyone to tell. 

Shino and his two friends didn't spare any time on harassing him. They were on him about assignments they needed to pass to be able to take exams. Yamaguchi tried to say that they needed to do it themselves, so they could actually learn it. And that resulted him being pushed onto a postcard rack in his bookstore. After that, he did most of their work, even when he didn't know shit about the courses they were taking. Thanks to google, he managed to balance their assignments plus his own. 

It was in the start of october he noticed that his pants was so loose on him. Baggy and wrinkly in places they shouldn’t be. He had even started to wear belts to keep them from slipping down. 

Yamaguchi knew he wasn't eating well. Instant soup and ramen wasn't that filling...or good, but he lacked the time and motivation to make something more filling. He did sometimes manage to make a half healthy dinner of frozen wok pages. Mostly in the weekends. Even those meals were rare and he barely ate up the whole plate. His dad would scold him about throwing away so much food if he had seen him now. 

Yamaguchi decided to take matters into his own hands. He stared to buy more chocolate bars and even signed into the campus gym. 

The campus gym was a scary place. Although he was a decent runner, his stamina was gone and the few muscles he did have, had apparently went away with his weight loss. He looked like a sickly 19 year old in the big mirrors that lined the walls of his gym. He hated it. He hated himself. He hated how he let other people do this to him. 

He went regularly, two or three times a week, and trained strength for the most time. He couldn't stand treadmills and would just avoid that section. He also avoided the weight lifting area. The guys, and even girls that stayed in that section was strong and loud and he felt little among them. He stayed with the mats and did push up and sit ups and squats and body weight exercises he learned through his years as a volleyball player. 

After a few weeks, he noticed that he had actually gained a kilogram or so, almost two. If he just ate a little more, maybe he could gain another kilogram.

Sometimes, all he would do was to eat and eat and eat. Eat to feel full and not feel empty. He would get sick sometimes and the food would go to waste. Sometimes he would get stomach aches so bad he was sprawled on the floor for a few hours, curling himself to a ball, wishing that someone was there with him. 

He was alone and he was scared and he didn't know how to deal with it. 

He did get good grades and he did well on his assignments and labs tests. Even his professor commented on their lab groups, saying how well reached everything was. 

He knew he wasn't taking care of himself, but he didn't care. There was no one to live for except his doctorate that was still six years away.

Yamaguchi knew he wasn't suicidal, but sometimes he imagined that if a truck was driving towards, him, he wouldn’t flinch or jump away. He would let it happen. It wasn't his fault then. A life was a heavy burden to bear, and Yamaguchi was becoming more and more unsure if he could live a happy life. Because when was the time he was truly happy and felt oy. 

Haku didn't give him a happy life, but he did give him happy days and happy moments that was worth living for. But Haku didn't need him like Tadashi needed his cousin. 

Maybe the time he truly happy, was when he was young. Too young for school or responsibility and he still had his innocence. 

Happiness felt more like a privilege than a right; and Yamaguchi had yet to earn his. 

One cold october night, he was walking out of campus. He had stayed a few extra hours in the library to study alone. He needed a caffeine fix before he would collapse. It was too late to make dinner, not really, but too late for him to put the minimum effort for it.

He looked to his left and saw the sign like a calling. 

_ The crows.  _

Funny name, but the cafe was pretty. It was like those ones he found on pintrest and in catalongs. He couldn't understand how he hadn't noticed it before or heard of it, but perhaps he just didn't pay any mind to it before now. 

He was already set on a regular joe. Nothing fancy and it would be gone by the time he arrived home. 

“Hey, what can I get you?” 

Yamaguchi almost flinched by the cherry voice. It was shooting and soft, and if voices could have colour, this would be like pink cotton candy. In front of him stood a grey haired man with a beauty mark under his left eye. He was shorter than him, but a little bigger in size, not by much. His smile was affectionate.

“Um, just a regular black coffee.” Yamaguchi muttered down to the counter. It was made of bamboo, he noticed. Even the counter was modern.

“A regular black coffee coming right up” The man almost sang back. “Say, I haven't seen you here before. Are you new?” 

“....I just started veterinary school.” Tadashi said, quietly. 

“Ah, that must be hard.” The barista turned back around, a cup in hand. “I study medicine.” He put the lid on and gave it to him. “Anything else?” 

Yamaguchi used one second to stare at the coffee cup. Maybe it was the smell of ground up coffee beans and pastries, but he felt a small pang of hunger. He had eaten a granola bar that day, but if he ate now; he at least didn't have to worry about dinner. 

“Just, um, just a mochi with sweet red bean filling.”

The med student nodded and went over to the mochi buns. He bagged it and gave it with a cherry smile to Tadashi. 

Tadashi thanked for his service and turned around to walk. He opened the bag and noticed that it was two buns in it.

“Huh?” he tilted his head to the side, still holding the coffee and the bag.

“We always get left overs, so we are allowed to give a discount to the late customers.” The barista smiled back. 

“Ok, I’ll pay for it.” 

The boy shook his head. “I said you get a discount on it.” 

“Don't I still have to pay at least some percentage of the full price.” 

“100% off, no discussion.” He folded his arms over his chest and set his face. “And, um, it does look like you need it.”

Yamaguchi looked up at him, startled. The kindness was unexpected. “Oh, well then, thank you,....uhh,-”

“Sugawara Kōshi, and you are?” 

“Yamaguchi Tadashi.” 

“Nice to meet you, Yamaguchi-san.” 

Yamaguchi gave a small nod back and left hurriedly. It wasn’t like he didn't appreciate the act of kindness, he just didn't expect it. And he didn't expect the barista to be so friendly and open. He went home and when he looked himself in the mirror, he knew what the barista had been right. He had dark rings under his eyes, his cheekbone stood out more and more for each day. His hands was pale and even had a greyish tone to them. Nothing like the small tan he usually had. He looked sick and tired. 

It proved to not be a one time thing though. Every time he would come into the Crows for a cup of coffee or a bento, Sugawara greeted him with a wide smile and some small talk. Always so interested in knowing more about Tadashi. It felt weird at first, but the first time Sugawara wasn't working, the little coffee visit felt rather empty. It was nice, Tadashi even begun to look forward to it. Hoping that the barista he liked the most was working. 

When his birthday came in november, he tried to call his parents.

It was a normal weekday and he had been on and off the phone, hoping that a message from them would be there, congratulating him on his day. There were none, but he still checked periodically. Haku had sent him one, a long one; asking were he was and why he wasn't answering his phone. He didn't answer that one. It ate him up from the inside, but he just couldn’t. The only one he wanted a message from was his parents. 

He called them, tucked into the couch and held his phone with trembling hands. The phone beeped and beeped and he couldn't wait for his mother to pick it up. 

It went to voice mail. 

He called again. 

It went to voice mail. 

He tried again and it went to voicemail. 

Tadashi stared at the phone with tears in his eyes. He hated this, hated how he wasn't connected to anyone anymore. 

He was just a person with no attachment. No bridges or stings to tie him to anyone. He was just anyone in Tokyo. 

He tried one last time, and it went to voicemail immediately. It meant that his mother just declined the call. Or maybe she was talking to someone else. He threw his phone at the other and of the couch. 

His own parents didn't even want to talk to him. 

That night, Yamaguchi didn't bother with celebrating himself. He had bought a small cupcake for himself, but just threw it away. He didn't want to be reminded of the day he had to spend alone just because he didn't have anyone that wanted to share it with him. 

He didn't eat dinner that day. And despite being tired from his crying fit, he couldn't sleep that night. 

He decided that after that would just change his number. It was easier that way. He bought a news phone and still kept his old phone in a drawer, hidden under a lot of papers and test results. It took some time, but after awhile, he did actually forget about it most of the time. He blocked them on Facebook and it felt ok. Yamaguchi only thought about the phone when he thought about his hometown. 

That christmas, he came down with the worst stomach flu had had ever gotten. Or it felt like it since he was all alone and needed to clean up after he accidentally vomited from his bed the first day of his break. It was like the second he relaxed, the fever and nausea came over him like a blanket. He had to call off work, and even Itō-sensei gave him the holiday off without much hesitation, and a message to take care and get well. He must have sounded sick on the phone too, despite trying to downplay it. 

Yamaguchi did gave a great effort of trying to nurse himself back into health. But he wasn't able to eat, everything would just come back up or the south end. And he just pulled his spare futon to the bathroom and slept there through christmas eve. It was less mess to clean up then. 

He was able to keep down some miso soup on the third day of the Boxing Week. He was still a little feverish, but nothing he couldn’t handle. All of his holidays spirit had went into the toilet with the rest of his meals. The apartment looked like shit too. It was dark and cold and not homey at all. He was sure it smelled of waste, but that could also just be him. He hadn’t done any laundry since he fell ill and had a load of bed sheets and towels and PJ’s that needed to be washed throughly. He should just wash the whole place. 

When he was coherent enough to think without being erupted by his fever or an upset stomach, he even debated on sending his exams results back home, but restrained himself. That didn't meant he didn't check his personal email to see if he had gotten any messages from his mother, father or the rest fo the family. 

Yamaguchi was met with spam and more spam. 

He sleep through New Years eve too and was not able to clean his apartment until afterwards.

Yamaguchi woke up one day and noticed that it had been a couple of months since he last went to a workout. He stopped when he saw Yori and Noboru at the gym. They didn't notice him or didn't care about him. But he stopped going, scared that they humiliate him there too. It was better for him to just remove himself from the scene than wait for them to make a move.

He could always run outside. Not that he was so enthusiastic for road runs. He didn't have the energy and lacked the stamina. The little amount of weight he gained had already left him.

Yamaguchi smiled towards his wall. He had gotten four pictures up, all of dogs and one of a small seagull baby he noticed. They were so cute. He should buy frames or maybe a magnet board. It was starting to feel like this place was his and this place was his home. He had even gotten some potted cactuses and one aloe vera plant. The sales clerk said that those were low maintenance and an easy starter plant for beginners. 

For the first time since he moved in, he went into the spare bedroom. There was already a bed there, a nice one too. The landlord said he bought new stuff for the apartment a few years ago. He had just thrown in his suitcases and bag plus the packages he sent before he actually moved. It was a mess on the floor. 

He started to unpack his winter clothes. It was a few jackets, some mittens and scarfs and hats. He hated wearing hats, since he was little, but liked to wear scarf and sometimes mittens too. He should have pulled these out much earlier, but it was nothing he could do about that now. 

He took all of  his clothes in the small drawer and wardrobe that was there. Folding it nicely and hanging it in the closet. His room was bigger and even his bed was bigger than this one, but there was still plenty of space to use. He set the boardgames away too and tucked the suitsces under the bed. It looked like someone else is occupying the room, and Yamaguchi wished that it was true.

The semester went slowly. He moved like a snail through the rest year. Waking up tired and moving heavy through the campus. He knew he looked like shit. He wasn't eating right or as much as he needed to. He wasn't sleeping as much as he needed to, or some times, he slept too much. He loved to nap and to sleep in, but sometimes he could crash for 12 hours and it just made him more tired. Tadashi used his little energy on work and on his grades. It wasn't the life he imagine he would have in Tokyo, but it was the life he had created for himself. 

Shino, Yori and Noboru still pushed him around. Sometimes he got away with doing their assignments. It was hard since he didn't share their courses, but he wished he could use the little spare time for himself and not for them. They still mocked him, but they had stopped yelling curses after him and Yamaguchi was glad for it. 

Summer came yet again, and Yamaguchi winced as he stood up. He was busy organizing the storage room at work. Yori had pushed him into  a light pole a few days earlier and he had ended up with some sore muscles and a bruises on his lower back. It hurt whenever he moved or lifted things up. However, work needed to be done so he could pay his rent. 

“Oi, Yamaguchi-kun, hurry.” His co-worker yelled. They were closing up soon. Usually they wouldn't do storage stuff this late, but the people that had been on during the day had ignored their order and just left it for them. Their manager was out of town and they were left to themselves.

“Hai!” He yelled back to his senpai. 

He placed the last box were it belonged and smiled almost proudly at himself. He did it, almost all by himself. 

“Um, senpai, where do you want these?” Yamaguchi waved som papers. They were just list of products they have gotten. It needed to be checked out before they could throw it way. Usually, they had all that stuff done before he stated his late evening shifts. 

“Just put them in the office, I’ll take care of them tomorrow.” 

Tadashi nodded back and did as he was told. 

They closed together. His senpai taking in the sing and adjusting the racks and posters while Yamaguchi finished up with the counter and took the money to the safe they had. 

He missed working at Shimada Marts and how easily they became work-friends. Shimada was funny and even managed to make him laugh multiple times during the shifts that they shared. Now, with his fellow workers, it felt like they were just that,  _ co-workers _ . He was nearing the one year anniversary since moving and getting this job, and he had yet to make any friends. 

His lab partners were great and educated, but he struggled to talk with them. Anything except the weather was impossible. He heard his classmates talk about parties from the weekend and where they would eat dinner. What kind of rice flour they should buy for their dangos and that they should go to the mall soon. Yamaguchi wished they would invite him, or maybe that he had big enough guts to invite them.  

Sugawara shared a coffee with him when Yamaguchi was at the Crows last week and that was probably the most scoaliation he had had in years now. Outside school and university, even. As lonely as it sounded, he had yet to add the email address or phone number to anyone, but it was the truth. 

It did also feel better to not stress recently about his parents. When he didn't think about them, he was able to think and had more energy than usual. He didn't worry about them when he wore his grey sweater for the girl section, when he wore nail polish outside of his apartment, he didn't worry as much about other judgement. 

He moved slowly through the months leading up to christmas. He did his work, he did his assignments, he sometimes did Shino, Yori and Noboru’s assignments. He bought a few new plants for his apartments. More cactus and succulents. They were also pretty and made his apartment look alive. He went to the park when the weather was nice and when he had some extra energy to take some pictures of the dogs and birds and cats. Sometimes he even packed some bread and fed the ducks or the swans.

He imagined they all being his friends. 

The study he chose were hard and the bar for the exam was harder. He did well, it seemed like it at least, but he felt empty and raw. It felt like all his work went to vain sometimes. He wanted more to his life than this monotone circle he was living in. He wanted to get his appetite back and wanted to make friend in his classes and invite them over for monopoly-night full of snack and laughter. He was sick of the soap dramas.

He just wanted more of the life he was living now. 

His birthday came, and he still wasn't excited for it. His boss noticed and gave him the day off. The closets Yamaguchi came to celebrating, was his visit to the Crows. 

“Hello, Yamaguchi-kun, another coffee?” Sugawara chuckled at himself, and Tadashi gave him a small smile to return. 

Yamaguchi nodded back, “Hai, um, can I also get a,” he looked at the cakes and buns all lines perfectly for the customers to choose at. He liked mochi buns, but he had ate them so regularly that the taste was becoming bland to him and needed something else. It was his birthday after all. “-um, can I get a mocha swiss roll cake too?” 

Sugawara looked a little surprised by his new order, Tadashi couldn’t blame him. He had, afterall, stuck to coffee and a mochi this year out of habit. “Of course you can!” Sugawara beamed back. “Is there a special occasion, you never buy cake, Mochi-guy.” He teased. 

"Um, uh," Yamaguchi started, stopping Sugawara in his tracks. "It's my birthday today, so I though I treat myself to a piece of cake."

Sugawara lit up, he smiled widely towards him. "Congratulation, Yamaguchi-kun!" Yamaguchi nodded his tanks and tried to ignore the few customers that glanced their way. "Are you going to celebrate?" He asked, hopeful. 

Yamaguchi stiffened by the question. No one had asked him about that, barley anybody knew he had his birthday today. “I don’t think so. Exams period are coming up and there is a lot of work.” He rubbed the back of his neck self consciously. 

Sugawara nodded, understanding where he was coming from. He, surprisingly, went to the back too, muttering something about needing to get some more paper bags. It took a couple of minutes before he was back again. 

The cake slice was put in a small cardboard box. He was given his coffee and cake in a small to-go bag. 

“Yamaguchi-kun, happy birthday, hope you’ll enjoy yourself. ” Sugawara smiled kindly at him. Yamaguchi blushed back, hard. He stuttered out a ‘good buy’ with a sincere smile back. 

He walked straight home, enjoying half of his coffee on the way. It was dark and cold, and the streets were filled with rain poodles. It had been raining so much lately. 

Tadashi sat heavily down at his sofa. He turned on the tv immidlety, not being able to stand the quiet in his home. He took his cake box out of the bag and decided that he could just use the box as a plate. As he fished out the small box, he saw a small card attached to the cardboard. 

He opened the small card, and it it was a gift card. The writing looked rushed and even some of the ink had smudged in the end, but he could read it clearly. 

_ ‘Happy Birthday, Yamaguchi-kun, hope your next year is filled with good memories and happy moments. Always look forward to your visits :) _

_ From Sugawara.’ _

Yamaguchi read it four more times and looked at the small gift card that came with it too. Sugawara needed to stop being so kind to him, especially when he hadn’t given anything back. He choked down some tears. 

His first birthday gift since he moved. 

He ate the cake, feeling both happy and sad at the same time, trying to figure out how to pay Sugawara back. 

In the end, he didn’t come up with a way to thank him. But he did thank Sugawara directly to him with a low bow. The older male just brushed it off with a wave and a smile. Saying that it was nothing, since he was a regular and all that. That gift card was used up in two weeks. 

Christmas came and his boss let him have the holiday off. Since he only worked 30%, his bosses boss would be on the stores ass if they let any of their workers pass the percentage their contract said, and he didn't have a choice. He decided that he wouldn't sleep away this holiday, like he did last time. 

He bought a small cheap christmas santa and put it on the counter in the hallway. Yeah, and that was his decoration. He did have a small balcony, and he could buy some christmas lights to it, but he couldn't find his motivation for another visit to the packed mall. His mother and father had always liked their house decorated more minimalisticially. Not too many pictures, not so many colours. They like the clean look and Yamaguchi guessed it grew on him too. Although he liked more photos and a little more vibrant colours. 

He also bought in a whole chicken and watched ten different youtube videos on how to prepare it. He did find one he he could do and he marinade it and stuffed it. Tadashi ate french fries to the chicken, just because he could and no one was stopping him. He even bought in some boxed ice cream and made a brownie out of a cake mix. 

It felt nice once he got the dinner on the table and lit some light. He put on the tv and just let it run on low sounds. It felt good that he made dinner, and he made a great dinner for himself. Tadashi felt a pang of pride for himself for doing as little as making a hearty meal. Maybe for others, it didn't look so much, but he actually made a whole dinner. He needed to live for himself and that meant creating good memories for himself. Even if he had to do them alone. 

He ate a lot that night, a lot more than he usually would. Even his stomach even stuck out and he changed from his pants to his PJ pants. Bless elastic bands. 

He ate the ice cream and brownie and watched youtube videos until he felt sleepy enough to actually sleep. His stomach was full with food and soda, and Yamaguchi felt oddly happy about his achievement to eat a christmas dinner. 

He did of for himself because he needed to do it. 

That nNw Years eve, he decided to go out. There had been poster up in december about a little fireworks get-together at the campus. Someone would make food and cacao for them  and they could come and enjoy themselves. They had to pay a fee for 2000 yen. 

Yamaguchi put on a nice winter coat he recently bought. It was warm and it felt like a sleeping bag. He went alone and ate the small buffet, sitting on the end of the table and didn't entirely mind the other subnets that showed up too. 

It reminded him of his old traditional christmas and new years celebration he used to have at home with his parents and family. The nice dinners, the crowded dining table and all the good food. The visits to the shrine,. which he hadn’t done since their fallout, but perhaps he could to it in the next few days. He should have went today, but he completely forgot. 

There was scheduled two sets of fireworks. One at 10:00 p.m and one at midnight. The first one was for those who was going to leave the campus for other parties or turn in early. Yamaguchi was set on the first one. People were already starting to becoming more than tipsy. They were getting drunker by the second. The music was louder and people was getting louder and it was becoming a little too much. But Tadashi wanted to see the fireworks, he didn't get to do it last year and he was enjoying himself. Even when he was sober. The firework was beautiful. It wasn't as big or spectacular as those he had seen on tv and on the posters from last year's event, but they were beautiful. It was a small show set up for them and Tadashi did enjoy it. 

But it would be nicer to share the evening with someone else. 

He went home after the fireworks, and after some smalltalk with some classmates he met there too. They all had rosy blushes from the alcohol that sloshed around in their plastic cups. Tadashi was amazed by the slurrign of their words and that none of them had toppled over with their lack of coordination. But it was nice, nonetheless. 

He went to sleep before midnight that day. His neighbourhood, despite being filled with students and young people, was quiet and didn't make a ruckus. He did hear the faints sounds of fireworks and some choirs from the people that watched, but it all turned into background noises and he slept with a full stomach that night. 

He woke up well rested, still feeling kind of full since last meal. He showered, drank a cup of matcha green tea and went out. He went to the shrine, the closest in his area. There were already a lot of people there when he came, and it looked like a lot of people had already been there

He prayed for better grades, 

For that Shino, Yori and Noboru wouldn’t be bothersome this next year. 

That he maybe could enjoy his next year a little bit more than what he had did up until now

That his appetite would return before he was forced to actually buy new clothes.

For new friends. 

He still prayed that his family in Tome and that Haku was doing well. Yamaguchi though they didn't deserve prayers from him, but he couldn’t help himself.  

He also prayed that his parents would wish to contact him again, even if it was futile.  

Studies started again all too quickly, but it was good to get into his old routines again. He went a lot more to the Crows this year than the last, always grabbing a coffee to go and sometimes even a bento box or a mochi bun. He was after all, he was the mochi guy.

“Hey, Punk!” 

Yamaguchi shivered as he he heard Yori call after him. Or scream at him. He was busy dusting the entrance of the store free for sakura petals one early spring morning and Yori was suddenly behind him. 

“Hai, Yori?” Yamaguchi turned slowly around, clenching the broom between his hands. 

Yori sneered at him, he looked pissed. Yamaguchi couldn't recall if he was pissed because of him. He hadn't done their homework or assignment for a few weeks now, so it couldn't be it. 

But they never needed a reason to pick on him before, so it didn't really matter. 

“Hey, I need you to do an assignment for me. It needs to be done by the day after tomorrow.” Yori said. Yamaguchi was sure he could see his black aura radiating from him. It sent a shiver down his spine. 

“I can’t do-do that, Yori.” Yamaguchi said anxiously. He hated doing their stuff, but he hated it more when he couldn’t. They didn't take no for an answer. “I have work and my own...um...studies that needs to be done first.” 

Yamaguchi gripped the broom together. Feeling the wood under his fingers. Yori visibly trembled with anger. All directed to him. 

“You will do it, mud-face!” 

Yamaguchi stirred when his lovely nickname was yelled out. Yori grabbed at his shirt and pressed him onto the windows with force. Yamauchi were worried they might have cracked the glass. 

“You will do it, or I’ll beat you!” 

“I really can’t make the time.” Yamaguchi felt a lump in his throat. He could burst out crying at any second. Yori made out of his way to visit this small bookshop on a Sunday morning, Tadashi should almost feel honored. “I am sorry, Yori.” His voice trembled and he looked like a deer in headlights. 

Yori pressed him further into the glass, and Tadashi felt his chest tighten. It was getting harder to breath and focus on Yori’s shouting voice. 

“What I am going to do now then, Tadashi?” Yori gotten. Tadashi almost felt bad for him, but quickly reminded himself that Yori had himself to thank to, since he was the one that got himself in the mess he was now in. 

“You could-could just do it yourself.”

“Don’t throw any wisecracks at me.” Yori slammed him into the window again and Tadashi hit the back of his head. It didn’t hurt that much, but he might get a bump or soreness in the spot. “You know you’re useless, right, muddy.” 

Yamaguchi didn't say anything back. 

He got off easy, with a punch to the gut that made him double over. Yori left him with some cursing words. He breathed heavily and decided to just keep himself in the store for the rest of his shift. 

When he came in, clutching his stomach, his coworker gave him a look. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” She asked from where she was prizing books. 

“Nothing,” yamaguchi breathed deeply, trying to calm himself. “Just need to bathroom.”

The girl shrugged back and Yamaguchi made his way to the staffs bathrooms. He sat down on the toilet, lid closed and bit down on his left wrist. Hard. He tried not to make too much sound, scared that the rest of the store would know. 

Yori could tell the others and a punch to the gut would seem like the best cenario. He had never stood a chance to them, and he doubt he would ever get the courage to do so. 

He scratched at his thighs and bit his wrist until he heard the other worker call after him. Yamaguchi splashed some cold water into his face, and hoped his red rimmed eyes lessened in colour. His coworker barely glanced at him when he came back out, too occupied with a customer. 

They didn't beat him up or call slurs after him in the following days. Yamaguchi only encountered them once, and Noboru slapped him in the back of his head, but that was it. 

He was let of easy, probably because there was so many people around them at all times. 

Exams period came once again and Yamaguchi stressed through them with little sleep and little food. He was always worried about them. If he failed, he only had two more chances; and of he didn't pass on those- he was done for it. He couldn’t fail, that wasn't an option. 

He didn't have anything to return too.

For almost a whole month, he was caught up in his apartment, reading from dawn until dusk. Living off coffee and instant soup. Those freeze dried pack he only needed to add hot water to. They weren't really that good, but the bland taste was bearable. 

Yamaguchi rubbed frustrated at his eyes. They were stinging from the laptop’s screen. It was like the PDF-paged was burning into his irises as he wrote paragraph after paragraph. It was one in the morning on a Tuesday and he would have to wake up early in the morning to go to some exams preparatory classes. 08.00 a.m classes should be illegal. 

Tadashi took a sip of his coffee and almost spit it out. That was right, the last time he took a caffeine break, was four hours ago and the rest of his coffee was cold and weird tasting. 

Just a little more, and he will go to bed. 

His heart speed up as he gripped his pencil with trembling fingers. 

He wished his mother would come with apple slices and a glass of chocolate milk. 

He startled when he saw a teardrop land on his paper. He didn't even notice that he was crying.

Tadashi gripped around his stomach, and awful stomach had came over him suddenly. 

He put his head on the table, gritting his teeth. Yamaguchi felt bile in the back of his throat. 

“Come on, just breathe normal.” He choked out and swallowed hard. 

He let out a sob into the dark kitchen, clutching his midsection tighter if it was possible. 

He was alone and scared and if he didn't pass all of his exams, he might as well just die. He didn't want to die, he just needed to stop feeling like this all of the time. 

Tadashi fell asleep after his panic attack, on the table. He woke up a few hours later with a stiff neck and some stomach pains. Not nauseated, but kind of queasy. He was tired and Yamaguchi already felt a headache coming. He took a quick shower and went to his class, pretending that everything was perfectly fine.  

When he was supposed to sleep, he stayed up staring at the ceiling or the wall. Sometimes he thought about home and Haku, Yori and the others, or his empty life here in Tokyo and wondered if it was all worth it.

If it was worth losing the contact with his parents and the rest of the family. Tadashi wondered of they missed him and much as he missed them. He could just return home, saying that it all was a stupid, rebellious phase he had. But could he live like that for the rest of his life? Probably not, Yamaguchi decided, he was never happy in Tome, and he wasn't happy in Tokyo. But he could suck it up for now and finish his exams. 

He did ok on his exams. Last year was better, but he also knew that his head had barely been clear this semester. He should be happy that he passed and proud of his effort, because that was clearly an A’s effort, but he didn't really find any happiness in it. Tadashi was just glad that summer was starting. 

He didn't have to work full time at the store, since his manager had hired more people. Tadashi bough ice lollies to fight the heat and even ate those to dinner sometimes. 

He went to the park, and regretted it. 

When summer came, he was covered in freckles. Especially around his knees and elbows. His face would prout with freckles and it didn't just cover his cheeks. His whole face was covered. Over his forehead, over his lips and around his chin. He hated them. And he hated his moles and birthmarks too. 

He got self conscious of them pretty quickly and was scared that Shino and the others would make everyone aware of them too, but he reminded himself that they were in Tome, most likely. 

He bought a cheap plastic chair and had it on his small balcony. It was only room for one, with one table from the same brand. He slept in on those days he didn't have work and sat on the balcony late into the night, reading his books. Sometimes he re-organised his pictures and even framed some of them.

One weekend he felt weirdly motivated to clean his home. He vacuumed, cleaned the pantries and threw out old papers and documents he didn't need, and things he didn't need anymore. He even looked through the drawers in the guest bedroom, since he had started a habit of just throwing in this he didn't need into that room.

It was well into the late evening when he came over it. He had forgotten about his old phone. A spark of hope burt in his chest. Maybe his parents had tried to call or message him on his old number, and he never checked. 

Yamaguchi found the old charger too and had to wait a few minutes until he could turn it on. 

When he opened it, it was flooded with messages. All from his older cousin. 

**Matsumoto Haku, sent Tuesday 03. December 2017, 10.17 p.m.**   
_ Hey, where are you? Are you okay. I went to visit Obasan and Ojisan, but they looked so upset when I asked, please call back. I am worried. _

**Matsumoto Haku, sent Wednesday 16. December 2017, 04.05 p.m.**   
_ Hey, you didn't answer my last message, but are you okay. Okaasan and Otosan won’t answer me when I ask about you. But where the heck are you??? Please just call or text me back. You’re making me really worried.  _

**Matsumoto Haku, sent Thursday 17. December 2017, 09.43 a.m.**   
_ Tadashi, where the hell are you?! Are you angry at me? Just call me back and we can talk ok? I miss you, and you’re not even in Tome anymore. Please, just tell me you are alright. _

**Matsumoto Haku, sent Thursday 24. December 2017, 01.00 p.m.** **  
** _ Merry christmas, I hope you are doing well. Please contact me when you have time.  _

**Matsumoto Haku, sent Thursday 31. December 2017, 06.15 p.m.** **  
** _ Happy new years.  I don’t know if you care, but I spent my christmas with my girlfriend here in Osaka. It’s boring in Tome without you, you know. We have already been to the shrine, I prayed for you. I hope you are doing well, but can you please stop ignoring me! _

**Matsumoto Haku, sent Monday 12. January 2018, 12.03 p.m.** **  
** _ They’re all pretending that you don’t exist. I haven't really been home a lot since winter break. But no one tells me anything, and even you ignore me now. But, I beg you to just tell me where you are.  _

Yamaguchi's hand shook as he read message after massage. There was multiple of messages for him. Haku worrying over him and telling him about his parents and the rest fo the family. He hated himself for worrying his cousins so much. Haku didn't devere it. Not one bit of it. 

Tadashi cried as he read through every single one, sobs wacking his body, and making it hard to breath. But he needed to know what what Haku had sent him. He had been such a bad cousins and he needed to at least suffer through each text and voicemail left for him. 

**Matsumoto Haku, called Monday 30. January 2018, 12.03 p.m.** **  
** _ I went home for the weekend, but I didn't visit your parents. Hung out with some old friends. Okaasan and Otosan didn’t really mention you, and neither did grandma or grandpa. I kind of already know that you won't reply. But I still worry over you, Dashi. You are like a brother to me, and you know that. I love you. Call me anytime, I miss you. _

Tadashi could hear how Haku’s voice trembled, only a little, but enough to notice it. Haku sounded like he was about to cry and it was all because his himself pathetic little self. Yamaguchi almost threw up by the thought of Haku crying because of him. 

**Matsumoto Haku, sent Monday 07. March 2018, 05.57 p.m.** **  
** _ Hi, it’s almost a year since I last saw you. I wonder what drove you away, but I do really hope you are doing well and taking care of yourself wherever you are. I love you, feel free to text me anytime. I answer it, I promise! _

There were more, Haku telling him shortly about his life in Osaka, or how the family was doing. Never mention the fact the he was bisexual; which most likely meat he didn't know. His parents didn't even care enough to tell Haku. The last message was sent in the summer of 2018. right before his second semester started. 

**Matsumoto Haku, sent Saturday 21. July 2018, 03.12 p.m.** **  
** _ Hey, again. You must become sick of me sending you so many messages, right? But, I still worry a lot over you and our family. Something shifted when you left. It’s not as warm anymore and I don’t really like visiting them anymore, so I don’t. Okaasan and Otosan was here last week and it went fine, actually. I still pray for you, and I hope you are doing well for yourself. I still tried to find out were you are, but your old address in Tome is the one that pops up. I am honesty lost about the case, and even more lost about our family. I still find it relaxing to text you and call you, even if you're not answering me. I always like talking to you, it’s a little weird that I still try to contact you when you haven’t answer me since your graduation day. I love you, Tadashi, I love you no matter what happened you that was enough to drive you away from Tome <3 I just hope we’ll meet again soon.  _

Tadashi was sobbing when he was done. It was night time and he should be in bed and sleeping. But Haku had tried to contact him for almost one and a half year and he had never given up. 

He left his phone in the draver again and stomped to his room. He screamed into his pillow in frustration and sadness. His family back home should have felt relieved to get rid of him, but Haku was suffering though it all. Tadashi would do anything to help his cousin and explain why it was all so messed up. However, the thought of explaining that he was messed up, that he was the reason his family had grown cold and distant towards Haku, he couldn't do it. he didn't want Haku to hate him like his parents did. 

He needed to change this, that was all he needed. He felt worn out and scraped raw though each day in Tokyo. Tadashi wasn't enjoying himself, wasn't enjoying his college life and hated it. He hated himself for being like he was and hated himself that he was the only one to blame through all this mess 

Tadashi cried that night, probably the the worst crying fit he had had since he moved. Worst than when he cried on the train and worst when he cried over his parents on his birthday. He didn't want this life, all he wanted was to change everything he had created for himself.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This update is late. Like super, duper late. And I am sorry. I fell a little ill the week I wanted to get it up, and between working, I didn't have the energy to write or edit. And than came the week I was already set on not updating, but I did try to get it up on the 30th since I skipped the week before. I unfortunately, didn't make it then either. So, so sorry. I was stressing over the chapter and update dates, that writing was becoming more of a task, that just a hobby. So I did take some days off, trying to destress and calm down. I also came halfway through the chapter, when I decided that I didn't like how it was turning out and started again. And finally, I have a chapter to update. So sorry again!!!
> 
> Warning: Bullying, emotional and physical. Not graphic, (It's more hinted towards and mentioned in this chapter)  
> Warning: Vomiting, not graphic (mentioned)  
> Warning: Panic attack, not graphic  
> Warning: Description of mental illness (GAD) and bad coping mechanism, like picking on the skin etc. May be triggering for some.  
> Warning: Suicidal thoughts. It's more of a suicidal idolisation. He doesn't act on it, just thinks about it. My be triggering for some. 
> 
> Anyway, now, the chapter will be shorter and I think I will be able to keep up regular updates. But the new semester kicked me in the but and I have struggled with my new student life and work and just being a young adult. Some of you will hopefully understand. 
> 
> PS! The reason Haku's surname is not Yamaguchi, is becuse his dad and Yama's mother are siblings, which means that Yamaguchi's mother married into Hiro's (yama's dad) family. I know not everyone don't change their surname when they get married (my parents kept their own, so I know all bout that jazz) but in most animes- it's seems like a common trope that the wife changes their surnames when get married, so I went with that too :)
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments and Kudos are always appreciated :D


	18. Some heroes wear capes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys celebrate Halloween at a party and Yamaguchi is about to spend the night alone in a storage closet. Luckily for him, there is a blond guy in a cape to his rescue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One week late..hehe. I post this Thursday night, I couldn't wait until tomorrow :) But I was a lot more relaxed this time around. I actually had the halloween chapter in my mind since the very start. Especially the scene were they are in the storage closet. I thought it was funny ;) This chapter is a lot more fluffier and funnier (i hope so) than the last four. The angst isn't over, but there will be a round with more fluff than angst now. This was a lot of fun to write and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it :D
> 
> Warning: Alcohol consumption (mild)  
> Warning: Hinting towards sexual 'activity' (it's only hinted towards sexual stuff)

“Come on, Tsukki, everyone would have a costume; you need one too!” Kuroo said, almost annoyed at his friend. 

“It’s lame, I don’t want to.” Tsukishima grunted back. 

Yamaguchi sat on the couch in Kuroo’s and Tsukishima’s apartment. He arrived 20 minutes ago and they were all waiting for Bokuto and Akaashi to arrive. He had been nibbling at the candy that was set out on their table. It was filled with butterscotch and small confects wrapped in colourful papers. 

“But it’s halloween,” Kuroo sang and threw an arm around the blond, squeezing the taller one to his sides. Tsukishima side-eyed him, hard. Yamaguchi gave a small chuckle because of their ramblings. “I even have a costume for you, because I knew you would be stick in the mud about this.”

Tsukishima gave a grimace back, but Kuroo still stood up and went to his room. He was gone only a minute or two, before he walked happily out. Tsukishima slumped in his place on the couch. When Kuroo returned,he was carrying a black cloak, or a cape. It was red on the inside. 

“See here, glasses-kun, you can wear this and it would look like a costume.” Kuroo practically hefted Tsukishima on his feet. The taller boy looked like he could kill his roommate, but reminded still as a statue, Yamaguchi was impressed. It was quite funny to watch them too. “And sides, it will make Bo happy."

Kuroo tied the cape around his friend and smiled triumphantly back at Tsukishima. 

“You know, Kuroo, just wearing a cape isn’t a costume.” Tsukishima muttered back and sat down, cape still tied around him. 

Kuroo shrugged back slumped down too. “Well, you look like some kind of vampire since you are already dressed in all black. So it works, but I do have some cat ears if you want to be cute little kitty-cat for halloween.”

Yamaguchi put a hand over his mouth as he snickered. Tsukishima looked so bothered by the mentioned of him in cat ears. The blond sighed back and distracted himself with the candy bowl. Kuroo chuckled too.

The oldest of them was dressed in a simple pirate costume. He had the most stereotypical pirate hat and a striped sweater too, with a back west over. It was a good costume. Yamaguchi himself had settled as an actual cat. The second Kuroo sent the text about the halloween party that would be held in the halloween-week and prompted that they all dressed up for the party- he was set on finding a simple costume. 

He went to the store and found out that it was just too expensive to go all out on a costume, but settled as a cat when he saw some  black cat ears at some random store he passed. He also bought black face paint and used it to make a little nose and whiskers. He was also dressed in all black, but both Kuroo and Kenma had commented that it looked nice. 

Kenma came out of his room. He had a backpack over his shoulder and was even smiling slightly. The blond had his phone in hand, and it seemed to 'ping' from multiple notification. It didn't look like he would celebrate halloween, because he lacked the costume. It looked more like he was going to stay in, resting. It was Kenma, so it could probably be true. 

Kenma walked over to the sofa and sat beside his boyfriend and started to, probably, answer all his notification. 

“Where are you going, Kenma?” Yamaguchi asked. It would be nice if Kenma was actually joining them, but it wasn't very Kenma-like. 

Kenma smiled back. “Some friends from my programming class are meeting. We are going to play VR-games, horror games and things like that. We have always do it each Halloween, since none of us really likes parties.”

“That sounds fun, hope you enjoy yourself” Yamaguchi said, glad that Kenma wouldn’t be alone through the night. It wouldn't hurt Kenma, since he was fairly introverted, but it was nice that he got along with his other study mates. 

“Thank you,” Kenma smiled. “I do enjoy our game nights too” 

Yamaguchi smile back to him. “Tsukishima-san, um you look great, even though you didn't want to dress up.”

Tsukishima motioned that he needed to chew his caramel before he could answer. There were already five wrappers at his side of the table. Halloween must be one of the best evenings for a person with a sweet tooth, Yamaguchi though. 

“Thank you.” Tsukishima answered, a small smile growing on his lips. “It’s just a hassle to dress up, but Kuroo and Bokuto like it so _apparently_ all of us have to do it too.” He threw a glance at the older boy. 

“Stop pretending that you hate it, Tsukki.” Kuroo said with his signature smile. 

“Touché.” Tsukishima smirked back, and Kuroo chuckled.

They talked for a while, until the bell rung and Bokuto invited himself in.

“Hey, ready for some party?!” Bokuto yelled out to the apartment. Kuroo called a ‘hell yeah’ back. It was almost incredible how Kuroo could be so calm and collected when Bokuto was absent. But, the second the silver haired man was in the same space, he became so energised and loud. Maybe Bokuto just brought out that side of him. Yamaguchi watched the two friend with amazement. 

Akaashi sat down too, dressed in a pantomime outfit. Or a simpler version of it. He just wore a striped sweater, a red kerchief around his neck and a beret. He had dropped the face makeup, but that was understanding. “Sorry, we met some friends on the way over and forgot the time.”

“It’s fine,” Tsukishima answered around some candy. “Kuroo was late anyway and he wanted to walk with Kenma too.”

Akaashi nodded and took off his beret. “God, this thing is hot!” 

Yamaguchi gave a light laugh. It wasn't often he saw Akaashi with such strong emotions. 

“Wow, you actually got him in a costume,” Bokuto yelled out and tilted his head towards Tsukishima. “Nice, Kuroo.” He patted his best friend on the back, like he did with all of them when he was happy. “What are you? A vampire, or dracula?”

“Isn’t dracula a vampire?” Yamaguchi asked with a small tilt of his head. Bokuto laughed back. 

“I think he is just a guy in a cape?” Kuroo answered, rather stupidly and clueless. Tsukishima had a cape, but he was actually just a guy in a cape. The cat slumped slightly with a dorky smile crossing his face. “I tired at least.”

“Well, anyway,, look at my costume. Akaashi and I made it together.” 

Bokuto turned around, arms outstretched as he moved with a big smile. He was dressed in a lot of colours, mainly of red and green. He had actually painted his face. Orange around his nose, but otherwise his face was a little blue, but still held a lot of greens too. He wore some yellow-orange boots and even had some feathers that were either glued or taped to a bandana. 

He was a parrot. 

And kuroo was a pirate.

“Hey, Bokuto-san, Kuroo-san, did you plan this?” Yamaguchi asked. 

“Hell yeah we did! Bokut said. Kuroo wrapped an arm around him. They cheered on themselves for some time. "Akaashi wont do couple costumes and Kenma-kun is never with us; so me and Kuroo have to have matching costumes."

Kuroo laughed back and side hugged his friend too. "Yeah, it would just be weird if we didn't match." He said, and Yamaguchi didn't know if he used irony or not. "How would people know we came from the same pack?!"  

“Are you a couple?” Tsukishima teased.

Akaashi laughed. Bokuto and Kuroo just became the ultimate friendship goal. Yamaguchi smiled, it did look that the two rowdy boys did enjoy themselves, and they did look great in their matching costumes.

* * *

They left the apartment after Bokuto insisted that they had to take pictures, because he was sure they wouldn't make the time when they came to the party. They did take a lot of photos. Kenma was the camera-man most of the time, but they also managed to balance Kuroo’s phone on the table as a stand. It was funny, because Kuroo and Bokuto kept whining about that they needed to do poses, which Yamaguchi didn't really have any problem with. Kenma, Tsukishima and Akaashi had problems with it and just left the two boys to do whatever they wanted. 

They did manage to get going, fifteen minutes later than they planned on, but Bokuto said that they would be fashionably late- so it didn't matter. 

Kenma parted for them, giving a quick kiss to his boyfriend and bid them all a goodnight. Yamaguchi was surprised when Kenma told Kuroo to send him a text message when he would be going home. Kenma always seemed like he left Kuroo to his own devices most of the time. Kuroo was rather rambunctious and Kenma kept him in place with his no-shit-intolerance. 

They walked for a while and took a 15 minutes bus ride to another neighbourhood.

Yamaguchi instantly though that the party were more like those he had seen on tv. It wasn't as wild or loud, but it definitely was of the same kind. There was a lot of people, everywhere. Most of them seemed to be in the kitchen or living room; but some hovered in the hallway with drinks in their hands. The music was some party pop song Yamaguchi had never heard. Rhythmic beats and not a lout of singing. He expected it to be decorated in pumpkins and spider webs, but there were none actually. There were some people in costumes and some without. Yamaguchi felt a little overwhelmed instantly and unconsciously shuffled closer to Akaashi and Tsukishima. Kuroo yelled out a name the moment they entered the common room. A guy with tanned skin and full lips turned around, and Kuroo was gone. Yamaguchi did understand more of what Bokuto said earlier, they would most likely not get any more group photos. 

“Yamaguchi, did you buy alcohol?” Tsukishima asked and threw two pillows onto a love chair to make place for the both of them.

Yamaguchi did in fact buy alcohol, all on his own too this time. He bought apple cider. The store had been empty for most liquors when he bought them. It wasn't a problem, since he had only tasted lemon flavoured cider and whatever the heck Kuroo and Bokuto gave him on Tsukishima's birthday party. 

“Y-yes,” Yamaguchi figured out quickly that he had to speak a lot louder to Tsukishima. People were roaring their laughter and that combined with the music made it almost impossible to use their normal inside voices. He took up his drinks to answer the other boy. Tsukishima had already grabbed a few cups for them. It was plastic cups. Tsukishima filled his own with wine. _Classy._

Akaashi had already taken a seat beside Yamaguchi. He was chatting away with another girl Yamaguchi though he had seen in their biology class. 

“Um, Tshinskhima-san, do you know anyone here?” Yamaguchi asked. His friend had already snached the cady bowl and was digging through it after his favorites. 

“A few. There is a few from my classes, but I also just know of Kuroo’s and Bokuors friends since they are regularly at our apartment.” 

“Oh, I don’t see anyone I know here.” Yamaguchi said more to himself than to Tsukishima. He was a little scared that both Tsukishima and Akaashi would be occupied with their own friends and leave him alone. They probably wouldn’t, but seeing Kuroo and Bokuto being swept away in seconds just made him anxious about the thought. 

Tsukishima hummed back. Yamaguchi decided to leave the thought for now, he had plenty of time to worry about it. He stretched over the table and snatched the bottle opener. He took off the cap and hummed silently as he took his first sip of the cider. It was sweeter than the lemon one, but still good. 

“It was nice of you coming out with us, Yamaguchi.” Akaashi said. He was sipping on a beer can and had already thrown away his beret. “You looked so stressed a few days ago.”

He had an assignment that he had kept procrastinating and almost forgotten until last minute. The med student had approached him when he was working on it his lab research, engulfed in stress and tired from the lack of sleep. Yamaguchi also felt sorry for him, because he wasn't in the best mood and even Akaashi left him alone after briefly checking on him. 

He laughed, guilty. “Sorry, Akaashi-san, I was just really stressed.” He kept his head down and could hear Tsukishima click with his tongue. 

“It’s okay, did you managed to get it in?”

Yamaguchi nodded back. He got it sent in with under half an hour to spare. “Yeah, I did. I had to skip dinner though.” 

Tsukishima looked at him, squinting a little bit. He stopped himself from pooping another candy in his mouth. “You can just come to us if you don't have time to make dinner, we always have leftovers.” 

Yamaguchi looked at him. His small frown was replaced with a more gentler smile and eyes that held a little bit of concern. “I can’t do that, you guys eat that for lunch.” Yamaguchi said back. He would love to not always have to make himself dinner, especially those days he was so stressed or had work and he ended up just skipping it. But just taking and taking from his friends felt wrong when he didn't even have time to repay them back. 

“We always have leftovers despite packing some for our bentos. You would do us a favour.” Tsukishima said and filled his cup with more wine. "I you are at the library, you can just pop into our apartment."

“You can come to Bokuto too, he always makes too much. Especially if he makes dinner just for himself.” Akaashi said and nodded towards the boy that stood in the mouth of the kitchen. Talking loudly to a guy with greyish blond hair with a bangs. “I would now.” Akaashi said and motioned for Tsukishima to pass the bowl. The law student did so, but took a handful of sweets for himself too. 

Yamaguchi smiled at it. “Thanks, but I still think I should-”

“Just text us when you are on your way and we'll have it heated up until you’ll come.” Tsukishima cut him off. He took the candy bown back and munched on it some more. 

Yamaguchi nodded back, only because he didn't want to be frowned at by Tsukishima again. The boy had some way of showing his emotions. He did beam back at him as to satisfy both boys. 

They talked for awhile, until Akaashi was swept away by Bokuto. The owl wanted to play some beer game with him and it looked like Akaashi did want to mingle around for some time too. Akaashi was also really competitive. It didn't show often, but Yamaguchi had caught a glimpse in his eyes. 

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi stayed on the sofa. They chatted, and the brown eyed boy felt more and more of the alcohol he consumed for each minute that passed. Tsukishima had also gotten a nice, red beer glow over his cheeks. He looked even more relaxed as he sipped on his wine. 

Kuroo and Bokuto actually showed their faces. They sat down on the couch, still energized and high on party-adrenalin. Kuroo gave them all a shot from a bottle he carried. It tasted strong, like last time, just more of a sweet licorice taste this time. Too sweet for him and in the long run, Yamaguchi knew it would make him nauseous. Bokuto laughed at his grimace, but patted his back in support and understanding. They were also gone in a second. Ready to endure more of the party. 

Tsukishima stayed with him. He looked happy as they talked, and sometimes even talked to other guests. There was one pratparticualr tipsy girl that had draped herself over the sofa on front of them. Yelling after her girlfriend to come. It was rather amusing to see, Tsukishima though it was annoying. Yamaguchi could tell by the face he pulled. When he told Tsukishima after the girl had left, he earned a 'shut up, Yamaguchi'

Yamaguchi had asked her if she was okay, but her lover had showed up and swept her away. Tadashi though this halloween party was wild. It was unpredictable and random. He honestly didn’t know what to expect. He ignored it as long as he sat with his friend, he would be fine. 

Another friend of Tsukishima showed up and talked to him. It was hard keeping up the conversation on Yamaguchi's part and he didn't really come any further than the small talk. Tsukishima and him seemed to talk about a professor they had in one of their shared classes. 

Yamaguchi quilted down and looked down at his hands. They were a little pale from the drinks probably, and he also had tingly fingertips and lips. The room was tilting a little bit and if Yamaguchi wasn't mistaken, the music had been turned up at least ten levels. _It was loud._

He was starting to feel a little overwhelmed. And he didn't know where Kuroo, Bokuto or Akaashi were. He didn't want to keep Tsukishima from having a great time, so Yamaguchi settled for just keeping mouth shut and kept looking at his hands. 

A group of three really loud guys and one girl squished themselves beside him. They had clearly had a lot to drink. They were slurring with every syllable, their coordination was off by a mile and the girl kept giggling and hiccuping- and they all smelled of tobacco. It was uncomfortable sitting with them. 

Yamaguchi got up and stood still for a couple of seconds. He didn't really know what he was going to do, but he just couldn't sit in that couch anymore. This whole living room was getting too much.

“Everything alright?” Tsukishima asked, turned away from his friend. 

Yamaguchi nodded. “Just need the bathroom.” He then walked to the short hallway, where he had seen a lot of people go whenever they shouted that they needed to use to loo. He was sure it was somewhere behind some of these doors. 

He dodged every person on his way, and when he arrived in front of the door, it was locked. He didn't hear anything on the other side, expect some talking, but the music was too loud and people that were walking past him were bumping into him. It honestly got on his nerves. 

He left bathroom door and walked a little further down the hall out of pure curiosity. He found a storage closet and looked inside of it, not any reason to it. A few people did raise their eyebrows at him and some nodded understandingly. Yamaguchi didn't entirely mind them. There was a rack filled with a few towles, washing supplies and nick nacks in boxes. 

Yamaguchi looked around himself and saw that all of the vistosiours were either leaving the hallways or had their backs turned away from him. 

He breathed deeply, leaving the last of his pride behind and went into the strange closet and shutting the door behind him. It was dark, there was only a small line of light from under the door, but not enough to light up the small room. He turned on his phone and sat on on the ground, knees tucked in under his chin. 

Yamaguchi breathed deeply, he put a hand on his hart and counted each beat. He wasn't particularly stressed, but it was at faster than his resting pulse. The music was muffled by the doors and that the source was further away from him helped too. The same with the loud people. He was feeling his head clearing up and maybe he would be able to go out in a few minutes. 

He unblocked his phone and turned on pinterest, his safety app when he was stressed or just needed to pass time. Lately, had been interested in interior. He already had a pinterest board up with a few hundreds of pins. _He really needed to get out more._

A guy opened the door and jumped when he saw him sitting on the ground. Yamaguchi looked up at him, scared that he was going to get yelled at. The guy looked puzzled and looked around himself. 

“Are you all right, Bud?” he asked. 

Yamaguchi nodded. 

“Are you waiting for someone?” 

He shrugged back. 

The boy thought for a moment, and and then sly smile grew on his face. “Ah, I understand.” he winked at him. “Good luck there, Champ, don't disappoint her.” He then closed the door and seemed to leave Yamaguchi alone. 

Yamaguchi flushed in embarrassment. No one saw it, and no one would know about their conversation. However, that boy had some wild ideas about the activity that would take place in this dirty closet. The only plan Yamaguchi had was to calm down and relax, away from the party. 

Yamaguchi didn't know how long he sat there in the dark, but he forgot about the time, the party and his own tipsy friends. 

Until a message pooped in right before midnight. 

**Tsukishima Kei, sent Saturday 02. November 2018, 11:49 p.m** **  
**_Hey, where did you go? Are you alright?_

Yamaguchi suddenly realized that he had been in the closet for almost 45 minutes. A hint of guilt grew in him, since he just left Tsukishima on the sofa. Not that the guy couldn't take care of himself, but it was still an unnecessary move from Yamaguchi. 

**Yamaguchi Tadashi, send Saturday 02. November 2018, 11:50 p.m** **  
** _I’m in the storage closet down the hallway_

He didn't receive an answer. A minute later Tsukishima opened the door. He had a puzzling expression and brows kept low and in a frown. Yamaguchi smiled sheepishly up at him, feeling little. 

“Wait here.” Tsukishima said and then closed the doors, leaving Yamaguchi in his own darkness. 

He didn't wait for long. Tsukishima returned momentarily with a bowl of candy, a bag of paprika flavoured chips, a wine bottle and some pink coloured ciders. Tsukishima grunted as he sat down, legs stretched out around Yamaguchi. The area was small, and felt smaller becuse there were two above average tall guys sitting in it. Tsukishima sat the snacks and drinks down in the the middle and turned on his own phone light too. 

“Are you okay?” Tsukishima asked. Even in the dark, Yamaguchi could see the worry in his eyes. 

“Y-yes, I just...um, it just got a little overwhelming.” Yamaguchi started down at the snacks instead of meeting the honey coloured eyes. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Kei said back and smiled gently back. “I got worried when not even Akaashi didn’t know where you escaped to.” Tsukishima opened his bottle of wine and filled his own cup with it. “You should have told one of us.”

“Didn't want to ruin your fun.” Yamaguchi told him. He reached for the cidres and turned it around. It was peach flavoured. Not his, since he had drunk his own up a while ago. “This isn't ours, is it?”

“You wouldn’t have bothered us, Yamaguchi.” Tsukishima told him. “No, I just took them,” Yamaguchi looked at him in surprise. He was drinking stolen alcohol. He felt rather rebellious. “don’t worry. The person will probably not miss them. There were plenty to choose from.” Tsukishima paused for a moment. “Tell us next time you feel overwhelmed, since this your second time drinking?”

Yamaguchi needed. “Yeah, I have never been at a party like this?” 

“Well, I have never spent my Saturday night in a storage room before, so this will be a first for the both of us.” He smiled towards the freckled boy and held up his plastic cup. Yamaguchi shifted his gaze from the cup towards the blond and then back at the cup again. He smiled back, feeling all the tenseness leaving him. “Cheers?”

He raised his can and lightly bumped it with Tsukishima’s cup, “Cheers.” He echoed after him with a toothy smile. 

* * *

They stayed in the closet. Tsukishima got actually very talkative. Maybe it was the alcohol, or that the room was almost dark or that he was away from the other people too; but he talked more freely. They split the candy and the chips between them. Chips for himself and candies for Tsukishima. He asked why he picked both cadies and chips. 

“Because you seem to like chips with paprika flavour a lot more than sweets and candies.” Tsukishima said. Even in the poor light, Yamaguchi could see the small beer glow. “You picked it up the last time you came over, remember?”

Yamaguchi noddeed and giggled too. Maybe the alcohol was getting to him, again. “Yeah, I do like chips more than sweets. Never had a sweet tooth, actually.”

“Weirdo.” Tsukishima teased, but snickered right after. Yamaguchi couldn't help, but chuckle back too. 

He burped, and quickly covered his mouth with his hand. He flushed scarlet  and looked down and away from his friend. 

Tsukishima looked at him, amused. 

“Gomenasai, the ciders are really carbonated.”

Tsukishima laughed back. Throwing his head a little back, eyes closed. 

Yamaguchi blushed and shifted his gaze too. Tsukishima was still wearing his cape, tied loosely around his neck. It looked like he had spilled something on the inside, but it was old. So it could even be Kuroo. 

Yamaguchi had completely forgotten about the party outside. The music and the laugher and the yelling had died down to background noises and he actually didn't care. It was like Tsukishima and him hand created their own little planet in that small storage room, filled with dust bunnies. 

It was perfect. 

They ended up chatting a long time. Forgetting everything else. Yamaguchi laughed loudly in the small room, filling it up. It was another kind of warmth he had never felt before. And Tsukishima was the source of it. Just the thought of that made his stomach flutter with a few butterflies. 

Their conversation was cut when Tsukishima  received a message. The golden haired dracula took out his phone and seemed to read through his new message. 

“Kuroo are leaving the party, or he already left to pick up Kenma.” Tsukishima informed him. 

Yamaguchi looked at his own phone, and saw that the clock had passed two already. He had almost been sitting here for three hours. Impressive, to say at least. The party outside was still going on with enthusiasm. 

“Hey, Yamaguchi, wanna buy some food.” Tsukishima asked. 

Yamaguchi looked at the candy bowl, which was empty now. It had been almost empty when Tsukishima brought it in, so he didn't eat the whole thing. The chips bag was also empty by now  and they had drunk all of their drinks up. 

“Food?” Yamaguchi tilted his head to the side. 

“Yeah,” Tsukishima then smiled. “I don't know if you know, but every takeaway dish tastes a lot better when you are drunk.” 

Yamaguchi smiled back. “Okay, don’t disappoint me.” 

Tsukishima got up first and then helped Yamaguchi up. He got his with a small wave of dizziness and needed a moment to gain his balance. Sitting with alcohol his body was a lot different than standing with alcohol in his body. Tsukishima steadied him with a light grasp around his elbow. They cleaned the closet and closed it. Just then, Yamaguchi noticed a light switch that was connected to a small light bulb in the ceiling. He laughed, at that, and so did Tsukishima when he noticed it too. 

It was apparently _very_ funny, because they both burst out laughing in the middle of the hallway. A few looked their way, but Yamaguchi didn't care. Not one bit. 

They spotted Akaashi and Bokuto playing beer pong over the dining table, against each other and a few guys with was them. Akaashi nodded towards them and gave them a small goodbye wave. Bokuto didn't noticed them. Yamaguchi was glad that they seemed to have fun. 

Tsukishima led him to the entrance and they put on their coats and shoes and then as on their merry way. Before going to the subway, Tsukishima led him though a small neighborhood filled with small kiosks and a few food vendors. There was a lot of students that roamed around with takeaways in their hands. Clearly drunk, like them. 

“There is a McDonald’s in the end of the streets.” Tsukishima explained. Tilting his head towards the right direction. 

The night was cold, and there was even a small layer of frost on the ground. Making the grass crunchy and the pavement a little bit slippery. It was around 03:00 a.m in the morning and Yamaguchi felt so energized. He almost slipped sometimes on the ice, but Tsukishima had quick reflexes and always grabbed at his arm and supported him. There was even a lot of people in costumes. He wished some of the girls had brought a longer coats or a sweaters, but it didn't look like anyone cared. 

“Careful.” Tsukishima said, as he stumbled on an uneven brick in the pavements in front of the burger joint. 

“Thanks, Tsukishima-san.” 

McDonalds was even more crazy than when it was rush hour. There was along line a long line. A lot of people stood around the tables that were filled with people that was done with their partying and ready for a the night to end. Probably. Some of them had fallen asleep on the table. There was also a long toilet line. Poor workers, it looked like they had hit the wall a few hours ago. 

They stood in line for almost 15 minutes. Tsukishima ordered a burger menu with soda and Yamaguchi took chilli cheese with a small french fry. He also bought a small sprite to drink it with the meal. 

“Let’s eat it on the way to the station. It’s too crowded here.” Tsukishima said and guided him out. 

He was right. _Tsukishima was right._  

Food tasted a lot better when he was intoxicated by the alcohol. He ate more messily, getting it spilled sometimes or in his cheeks or fingers. But it was good. It was heavenly. 

“You’re right. This is pretty good!” Yamaguchi looked at Tsukishima. He took a big drink from his soda. “This might be the best thing I have ever tasted!” Yamaguchi said with his mouth full, all of his manners forgotten.

Tsukishima nodded. Occupied with taking a bite from his burger. 

Just when they arrived at the subway station ground, a drunk girl wobbled into his sides. Yamaguchi lost his balance for a moment, but regained it quickly. What he did lose, was his small serving of french fries. It spilled all over the ground and the girl didn't even turn around. 

Yamaguchi didn't find it in himself to be upset with the lady, but he was saddened that his favorite food was lost. _Forever_.

“My french fries!” He whined. He just really wanted them and he saved them for after he was done with his chilli cheese balls. And now he couldn't even eat them. He was a little tempted to  bend down and eat them from the ground, but that though also made him a little squeezy. 

“Here,” Tsukishima said and trusted his own bag of french fries over to him. “take mine.” 

“I can’t, that is yours, Tsushima-san.” Yamaguchi said back and shook his head. He did a lot for french fries, but he would not take his friend’s food from him. 

“I don’t need them, and it wasn't your fault you lost them.” Tsukishima said and smiled back. Yamaguchi took the bag and held it securely. He got rid of his cheese ball wrapper and was lucky he just had a bag of french fries, a soda cup and himself to take care of. He ate his serving on the subway ride to their campus. 

Yamaguchi even received a text message from Akashi, saying that him and Bokuto was leaving the party for Akaashi apartment. He was surprised. 

“Hey, why did Akaashi text me, saying he was leaving?” 

Tsukishima looked at him. He looked little more tired and worn out now. His eyelid were heavy and his glasses were dirty from the party. He needed to wipe them clean.

“Well, we just do that, you know. Text each other to know that everything is well. It’s like when Kuroo texted me to say that he was leaving to pick up Kenma. Just so we now everyone is safe.” Tsukishima shrugged back like the was the most normal thing. 

“Is that normal practice between you guys.” he fumbled over his words and tried not to slur so much. The food had helped with sobering him up, but it wasn't enough. 

“If you are with the right kind of friends, it is.” 

Yamaguchi answered Akaashi, saying that he and Tsukishima was on their way home. He got a thumbs up back. 

Yamaguchi walked back to his apartment, only to realise halfway that Tsukishima was walking beside him. Or he did realise it, he just didn't think about that this was the opposite direction of his friends home. 

“Hey, you don't need to follow me home, Tsukishima-san.” Yamaguchi took off his cat ears. He was surprised he kept them on for the whole night. And even more surprised Tsukishima kept his cape on. 

“It’s no trouble. Sides, I wanted to make sure you arrived soundly.” Tsukishima said and smiled. His beer glow got a little deeper, but Yamaguchi didn't comment on it. He smiled thankfully back. ”Kuroo will also yell at me if I don't anyway because he will somehow figure it out if I don't Akaashi too.”

“Never pegged Kuroo as the mother-friend of the group. Seemed to me like he is the friend everyone needs to watch out for and _of_ sometimes.”

“He is both or none at the same time.” Tsukishima joked. “Bokuto is the drama-queen-friend and the big baby of the group. No matter what happens.”

“Akaashi, then?” 

“Akaashi is the mom-friend, but also the dad-friend that doesn't care at all or care too much.”

“And what are you Tsukishima-san?”

“I am the wine-aunt” Tsukishima clicked with his tongue as Yamaguchi laughed out loud. It did suit him. 

“Kenma?”

Tsukishima thought for a few seconds. “I don't even think Kenma wants to be in the family sometimes.” They were thrown into another laughing fit. Despite the cold weather, Yamaguchi was warm in his chest.

They reached the apartment complex and they both sobered up. Or at least a tiny bit. Yamaguchi felt the weight of the party and his almost sensory overload, he felt tired and worn out and dizzy. He needed the bathroom badly and his body just wanted to sleep late into the next morning. He also felt relaxed from this time with Tsukishima and that despite his panicky mood in the start of the night, he was able to enjoy himself and have a lot of fun. It was a night with a lot of firsts. He was grateful that he was able to share it with Tsukishima, and he hope the taller boy also enjoyed himself 

“Thanks for the night, Tsukishima-san.” Yamaguchi beamed. “I had a really great time.”

“I'm happy.” Tsukishima said. “And please stop calling me ‘san’. We are friends, you know?” 

Yamaguchi nodded back. “Okay, _Tsukishima_. I still had a great time.”

“I did too.”

Yamaguchi shifted from one foot to another. Unsure if the conversion was done and he needed to turn for his door; or if  Tsukishima wanted to continue to talk. 

“Oi, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima adjusted his glasses, stadily. His coordination still off from the intoxication. “You are the the just the the good-friend,” Yamaguchi formed a small ‘o’ with his mouth. He was just a friend, a good one. He did know that those silly labels were just...silly labels. It didn't mean anything to read about them. And the reason their small group dynamic worked, was not because of their labels, but he did wish he had gotten one of those funny labels to laugh of. Tsukishima scratched the back of his neck. “I don't think it’s anything wrong with just being the good friend. The others are great too, they are just more into the party life and all that socializing than I am but, I really liked hanging out with you tonight.”

Yamaguchi stood almost in shock. He didn't know if he heard right or if he is already passed out in his bed and dreaming, but did stoic Tsukishima just say that! He felt his heart beat faster. In a good way and not a panic attack way. Tsukishima's flush spread to his ears and neck and he muttered a quick goodbye and then trotted down the street. 

“Go inside Yamaguchi!” Tsukishima yelled without turning to look at him. “I’ll check on you tomorrow!”

“Okay, good night.” Yamauchi yelled back and watched even though Tsukishima said he needed to go inside.  

He opened his front door and heard his friend wish him a good night too. 

The stairs had never been so tilted, wobbly and uneven when he walked them before. He had to rely heavily on the railing as he made his way to his own floor. 

He got his lock up and outer clothes of by his entrance. Yamaguchi almost forgot to lock the door, but remembered it in the last second. He did his business on the toilet. The only thing bad with drinking was that he always had to pee so much. He filled a water bottle and went to bed. 

When he closed his eyes, the whole room psun and and his ears had a ringing sound to them. Kind of like those he got right before he passed out. He laid like a star in his own bed. Arms and legs outstretched. He had thrown every piece of clothing expect his boxers on the floor somewhere in his apartment and didn't really care. He was cold, though. Really cold 

So he got up and got the throw-blanket from the couch and put it on the bed before he got his fluffy blanket on on top of him. He was starting to warm up. 

Yamaguchi fell asleep before he knew it. Head spinning and ears ringing, but a warm feeling growing inside of him. It was going towards darker times, but his life felt more lit up than ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One week late...hehe. I post this Thursday night, I couldn't wait until tomorrow :) But I was a lot more relaxed this time around. I actually had the halloween chapter in my mind since the very start. Especially the scene were they are in the storage closet. I thought it was funny ;) This chapter is a lot more fluffier and funnier (i hope so) than the last four. The angst isn't over, but there will be a round with more fluff, than angst now. This was a lot of fun to write and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it :D
> 
> Warning: Alcohol consumption (mild)  
> Warning: Hinting towards sexual 'activity' (it's only hinted towards sexual stuff)
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments and Kudos are always appreciated :D


	19. Inside the closet yesterday, outside tomorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi and the gang eats dinner together and Tadashi tells them a 'little' secret about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little late again, but maybe updates will come two weeks apart. It seems like it is the update schedule I can mange right now :)
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated :D

Yamaguchi rolled over in his bed. He felt so heavy and tired from last night, but despite being sleepy; it didn't look like he would get much more sleep. The sunlight in his room bothered him. he prayed his eyes open and flinched at his window. It must be around noon or something, he briefly though. 

Sitting up wasn't hard, but the headache he thought he escaped came and the brundet had to take a few seconds to rub his temples. He reached for his water bottle and drank it slowly. He wasn't that nauseous or squeezy; he just didn't want to test his luck. 

With a huff he stood up and noticed that he really needed to use the loo. Something he also noticed, was that he smelled rather interesting. Sweaty and clammy and while the odour wasn't strong, it just wasn't pleasantly. Looking at himself in the mirror, he got surprised. He still had remnants from the face paint. His small black kitty-nose was still intact, mostly, but his whiskers had smudged and rubbed off. _Wow, he looked like a mess._ He took a quick shower, scrubbing his face free from any paint. he noticed for bruises along his legs. And lastly, braided his hair despite knowing that it would take hours for it to dry then. His hair was quite thick too. 

All his energy was gone by the time he had changed to a new set of PJ’s. He wasn't hungry and decided to just flop down on his couch like a noodle. He should have gotten a cold cloth while he was up, and he didn't even feel motivated to get up again. Yamaguchi remembered that he did feel more sickly last time. Maybe that was because he and Tsukishima went out to eat in the middle of the night, he was still feeling full from that meal. Impressive. 

He spent a few hours lazily watching tv. Tadashi dozed off sometimes, but woke up after just a few minutes. He didn't really eat, but he drunk a can of coke to help settle his stomach and remembered Tsukishima's last lesson for him to eat something salty. So he made a bowl of chips and nibbled on it. 

The hours seemed to pass by fast. And before Yamaguchi knew it, the clock had ticked six in the afternoon. He was debating making ramen for dinner when his doorbell rang. He almost jumped out of his skin, not used to the sound at all. He also kept himself from groaning and went to open the door. Tadashi did notice that his floor was cold and that he should have heated up his apartment a little more. Colder nights meant a colder apartment. 

He opened the door and saw Bokuto, Akaashi and Tsukishima waiting for him. They were carrying bags from a drugstore and two bags from a ramen take-out place Yamaguchi knew he had walked past a few times. They all looked hopeful at him, but they also looked rather tired too. More tired than they did after Tsukishima's birthday. He thought it was because it got much later for them this time around and that they had to actually take a subway ride home instead of just crashing on Kuroo’s coach. 

“Hello.” Yamaguchi answered surprised, yet happy for the small interruption.

Tsukishima nodded back, while Akaashi answered “Hello, Yamaguchi-kun, you want to eat dinner at Bokuto’s. We have pizza.” 

Yamaguchi looked surprised for a second before he smiled and gave a happy nod back. It did sound much better than store bought instant ramen noodles. “Yes, I just need to change.” 

He quickly went to his bedroom and threw his pj’s somewhere beside the bed and changed to a t-shirt and some loose track pants that he sometimes wore when he didn't feel like wearing jeans. This was one of those kind of days. He also threw in a sweater in case he got cold. 

They were on their way pretty quickly. Bokuto made a comment about that his apartment look nice, despite only standing in the entrance. He couldn't see much from that part, only a short hallway that lead to his common rooms. Yamaguchi laughed,but thanked him anyways.

The air was crisp and cold and Yamaguchi knew he actually needed mittens to fight the cold air. He put his hands in in his pockets and hoped it was enough to fight off the elements. 

“Hey, where is Kuroo and Kenma?” It was unusual for Kuroo to drop out for take-outs. Kenma, not so much. 

“Kenma got a fever and Kuroo is home with him.” Tsukishima explained. The blond look ed more uncomfortable than him in the cold. Tsukishima looked the most uncomfortable out of all of them. He was wearing knitted mittens and his hands was stuffed in his winter jacket. He had also wrapped a scarf around his neck and was hiding half of his face behind the fabrick. It looked like he could hide in it. Yamaguchi looked at him, worried. Kenma looked fine yesterday when they parted, but if it was the flu; it could act quickly. “Don’t worry, Kenma sometimes get stress fevers when he excites himself too much. It’s nothing new.” 

“Doesn’t keep Kuroo from fussing over him, tough.” Akaashi commented. 

Tsukishima snickered with the black haired boy.

Yamaguchi looked confused at the two of them. 

“Kuroo becomes a big annoying mother-hen when Kenma is sick and yells at me whenever I make a sound” Tsukishima told him. He groanded out the last words. “Which is why we are eating at Bokuto’s place today.” 

“I think it’s quite cute of him.” Bokuto commented absently. Yamaguchi nodded with him, because it does sound nice to have someone that watched over him. And if Kenma wasn't feeling well, what better person was there to fuss over him that his own boyfriend. 

“That is because you are of the same kind, Bokuto.” Tsukishima called him out. “Have you met yourself when Akaashi is sick? Surprised you haven’t gotten a heart attack yet.” He smirked at the older man. Bokuto reacted with locking Tsukishima in a headlock and giving him a noogie, which the blond did not aparicate. Akaashi didn't care. 

“I hope they are okay. “Yamaguchi though out loud.

“Don’t worry, Kenma gets out of it in a couple of days, max. Kuroo is just dramatic over it while Kenma just sleep it off.” Akaashi offered, hopefully to calm Yamaguchi’s nerves down.  

They reached Bokuto's apartment rather quickly. it was just a seven minutes walk from his own home. Yamaguchi had never been inside, but he had waited outside of his complex those days Bokuto and him shared their walk to campus.

Bokuto lived at the first floor and even had a small patio and a garden.

“Sorry for the intrusion” Yamaguchi said out quietly, a tad bit of shyness growing inside of him. This was the first time he had been here. The four of them struggled to take of their coats and shoes in the small entrance. Bokuto just walked inside with his own jacket still on and shouted back that they could just drop their outside wear wherever there was space and not in the way. 

Yamaguchi didn't know what he expected when he walked into the living room, he just didn't expect it to be so clean. Bokuto was wild and could go from a 0 to 100 in a milliseconds. Tadashi had his suspicion, and he honestly though that Bokuto was kind of a messy-pessy; but he was pleasantly surprised when his living room was clean and tidy. The only thing that didn't belong was his own jacket that was thrown over the back of his small autumn orange couch. 

His apartment was actually very modern. He an orange couch and two bean bags throw around a light brown coffee table. The bean bags were a vivid blue and a strong teal colour. he did have a light grey carpet in the living room and another one that lined the hallway. Bokuto had offered them all slippers, which Yamaguchi accepted gladly. The room was cold. 

One wall was painted a strong deep blue and had a big round mirror on it. It made the room look bigger and Yamaguchi instantly wanted one of those mirrors. Not that it matched his rather pain spamtitan, but he could dream. His kitchen was lined with white walls and black cabinets. He had a half-kitchen island  with brown leather bar chairs and it somehow just fit in. There was a few pictures here and there. Some of Akaashi and him, some looked like it were of his family and some were looked like it was Bokuto’s others friends.He even had a shelf with some medals and trophies. Wow, Bokuto was so cool.

He looked over and saw that Akaashi and Bokuto was busy with putting the soda in the fridge, while Tsukishima set the pizzas in the oven.

“Need some help?” Yamaguchi smiled. He should at least help them, since he was the guest.

“You can set the table Yama-chan.” Bokuto said and opened the cabinets where the plates were. Yamaguchi set to work and took out four plates and glasses for all of them. He did notice that Bokuto didn’t have any dining table. He stood clueless and lost for a few seconds. Should they eat on the floor?

“Ah,” Akaashi smiled. The setter must have noticed his confusion. “We just eat around the coffee table since Bokuto doesn’t have a dining table.” 

“Oh , I see.” Yamaguchi said and set the coffee table. He even arranged the coasters he spotted too. He secretly hoped he would get the bean bag to sit in. 

The pizza would be down after it was reheated again. They bought it from a pizzeria, but it had gone lukewarm against the weather. And pizza needed to be either hot from the oven or cold as the fridge.

They sat down, and Yamaguchi got the bean bag. Tsukishima and Akaashi vacated the sofa. Bokuto melted into the bean bag with a sigh. It looked like he could die there and die happily. Yamaguchi needed one of these. 

“When did you leave, Akaashi and Bokuto-san?” Yamaguchi asked. He took a slice of the pizza. 

“Right after you guys did. Or a little after.” Bokuto answered.

“We had to take a friend of ours home to his dorm, he had a little too much.” Akaashi answered too. Maybe that was the reason they looked so tired. “He’s okay, I checked on him a few hours ago.”

Bokuto turned on the tv and they watched some comedy show. It was funnier to watch tv with them than just himself. Tsukishima kept saying that all of them were idiots for the stuff they did, wile Bokuto rooted for the protagonist. Akaashi didn't comment much, but he did laugh a lot. 

Yamaguchi startled when the front door opened and closes in a beat. There were some shuffling of movements and then Kuroo came storming into the living room. He collapsed beside the beanbag Yamaguchi was occupying. He led flat n his stomach and pressed his face into the rug. 

“Kuroo?” Yamaguchi asked, without actually having any questions. 

“Nobody loves me.”

Tsukishima might have given the biggest eye roll Yamaguchi had ever witnesses. Akaashi sighed and Bokuto just went up to get him a plate for the food. 

“Kuroo, are you alright?” Yamaguchi asked, confused. “How’s Kenma?”

Kuroo grunted. “Kenma doesn't need me, nobody does.” 

“Right on that.” Tsukishima said. Akaashi slapped him back, but was struggling not to snicker. 

Kuroo sat up and stuck out his tongue. Yamaguchi was still lost about the situation. The cat took a pizza piece and chewed with an upset aura. “Look at them, Yamaguchi-kun, nobody loves me.”

“I-I’m sure you are very much loved Kuroo.” Yamaguchi said, and hoped it would help. “I like you.”

Kuroo smiled. “That’s all I need to continue” he winked to. 

“Huh?!”

Kuroo started laughing and so did Bokuto. Akaashi just shook his head while Tsukishima was busy with the tv show again. 

“I don't understand.”

“Kenma said I was fussing and said I should go out to get some air.” Kuroo explained. “Not even my own man wants me around.” Kuroo took a bite from his pizza. “I came over here, because Kenma said if I was going to have mood about it-I might as well enjoy some food while I was at it.” Kuroo laughed and Tsukishima just shook his head. 

Yamaguchi didn't know what to think. Kuroo seemed fine, and if he was here and not with Kenma; Kenma must be feeling better too. Being a friend was really confusing sometimes.

The atmosphere was picked up again after Kuroo’s little scene. Bokuto grabbed some snack he had and they all ate it while joking around and just talking. Yamaguchi had almost forgotten his hungover and felt a lot better than when he did when he woke up.  

“I have, like, four blue marks I don’t know were came from.” Yamaguchi said while they were talking about the party.

“I lost my beret at the party.” Akaashi said, a little downtrodden. It wasn't a surprise since he barely was seen with the hat. “I hated that hat, but I want it back too.”

Yamaguchi couldn’t help but snicker a little bit. It started a small ripple effect, because Tsukishima snorted, and Bokuto laughed with him. Kuroo chuckled too, shaking his head. it wasn't that funny, really. However, something must have just clicked with all of them. Maybe they all were just tired. 

“Anyway,” Kuroo said, wiping a small tear from his eye. “Where did you escape to, yamaguchi-kun. Tsukki disappeared too when I came to check on you two.” 

Yamaguchi stopped laughing. It warmed him that Kuroo actually came back to check on the both of them. he seemed so into the party yesterday. 

“I-um-his in the storage closet, Tsukishima came after a while.” Yamaguchi said and flushed quickly. 

“Why.” Kuroo looked at him queationgly. “Though you were out of the closet, Tsukki.” 

Yamaguchi snapped up in alert. Bokuto and Kuroo roared with their laughter. Actually Bokuto rolled of his beanbag. 

Akaashi did not appreciate the joke, either Tsukishima. Akaashi leaned over the side of the table and wiped Kuroo on the back of his head with a magazine. 

“Ite, Akaashi.” Kuroo rubbed the impact spot. 

“I did that because Kenma isn’t here.” Akaashi said with a smirk crossing his face. Tsukishima laughed too. 

Yamaguchi looked between all of them. He wasn't the best at jokes and joking around. And he knew he did have a tendency to not get the actual joke. Tadashi was pretty sure that this was one of those times.

“If you didn't know, Yamaguchi-kun,” Kuroo said as he relaxed. “Tsukki here, identifys as a homesexual.”

Yamaguchi looked from Kuroo to Tsukishima, he offered a small smile; hopit it was supportive. Tsukishima sighed and shook his head. 

“He is right, I am gay.” Tsukishima akswered. 

“Wow, that makes everyone of us...um..not straight at least.” Yamaguchi muttered more to himself than to the other. 

Kuroo tilted his head, confused. So did Bokuto. Akashi smiled and nodded, engouringly.

“I didn't tell you, but um, I am-” Yamaguchi could cry. His parents hated him because he was the way he were. Shino, Yori and Noburo didn't really know a lot about his sexuality; but it didn't keep them from calling him names and disrespecting him. Haku didn't know didn't know, because Yamaguchi was too afraid to be himself with the person he might love the most. 

“-I am bisexual.” 

Yamaguchi looked at his half eaten pizza slice. He wasn't that hungry anomere. What if they thought he was a disgusting too. Which was a stupid thought, since they all were not-that-straight too. 

“Awww, Yamaguchi-kun,” Kuroo said as he crawled over to his beanbag. “Please wipe that sad face of your face.” Yamaguchi felt a pair of arms wrap around him and the weight of Kuroo on the bean bag. 

“Did you think we would disown you from the group?” Bokuto asked. He too joined them on the hugging pile. “Tsukki, Akaashi, come on! Yama-chan needs love.” Bokuto hummed as he rested his head on Yamaguchi’s. He hummed into the hug and Yamaguchi couldn’t escape if he even wanted to. 

“They’re right, we wouldn’t turn our back on you just because other might do it.” Akaashi said. he sat himself beside his boyfriend, one arm wrapped around Bokuto’s back while the other reached around Yamaguchi’s. “Thank you for telling us, Yamaguchi.”

“Tsukki! Stop being constipated and get in here.” Kuroo barked. “We’ll disown you if you don’t.”

Yamaguchi felt himself snicker at the joke. He felt another weight on the bag and wondered if it could hold four grown men. If not, they would have an explosion of small, white polystyrene balls. 

“You should relax more, Yamaguchi.” He heard Tsukishima say. He was squished into Bokuto’s side, his right cheek pressed against his Bokuto’s shoulder. 

“I am really glad I told you guys too.” Yamaguchi said, and yes, he was truly happy he did tell them. “I really am.” 

And he could feel all of their smiles blend together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little late again, but maybe updates will come two weeks apart. It seems like it is the update schedule I can mange right now :)
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated :D


	20. Daydreams, romcoms and reality.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kuroo helps Yamaguchi out in a dire situation and takes him home to Kenma and him. Yamaguchi is busy with planning his birthday weekend and wants to invite everyone over for a celebration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think this would come up this weekend! But here I am...posting haha :D. This chapter is a little sad and grey. I have some plans for the next chapters. I won't spoils much, but our dear Sugawara will have an important role in it... ;)
> 
> Warning for violence.  
> Warning for panic attack (not graphic)
> 
> Edited: 29.10.2019
> 
> I have edited this, and there was quite the few mistakes, sorry. And sorry that is took me so long to go back and change my mistakes. Stress and life and the usual. But i also changed the title of the chapter, since I needed that chapter-title for a later part :D

Yamaguchi smiled to himself as he walked to campus. He choose to walk on the grass instead of the sidewalk, just because he wanted to hear the crisp and frozen grass under his shoes. He secretly loved that sound. 

Tadashi had already been to the Crows. With a coffee in hand and books in the other, he made his way towards his afternoon classes. He sipped it carefully, for once he choose to have sweetener in it. He would’ve taken a hot chocolate, but there was the lack of caffeine that was a dire need for him. He should really cut off some of the caffeine. 

“Hey, Yamaguchi!”  

Yamaguchi shivered at the voice. They had actually left him alone for some time now. 

Noboru tugged at his ponytail, stopping his in his tracks. Yamaguchi felt his head being dragged backwards and fought to resits. That would only make it hurt more. 

“Noboru.” Yamaguchi said once the other male released him. Shino and Yori was trailing behind with some of their classmates, at least it looked like that. 

“Who is this?” One of the strangers said. 

Yamaguchi shifted his gaze from Noboru to the stranger. Shino snickered with him. Yamaguchi didn't answer, he didn't want to give his name to them. 

“This is Yamaguchi, he is so kind to do our homework.” Yori answered. He threw an arm around Yamaguchi’s shoulders. Yamaguchi flinched under the weight. He felt like a mouse that just was caught under a trap. His stomach rolled in discomfort. 

Yamaguchi was surprised that none of them seemed to catch on that something was wrong. But...birds of a feather, flock together. 

“So, Tadashi,” Shino said and also threw an arm around him. The taller boy might have smiled towards Tadashi, but the freckled boy could see through it. He knew what was coming and didn't like it. “I have some assignments I need you to do.”

Yamaguchi looked around himself. On the outside, it probably looked like a group of friends were chatting up before their lectures started. 

The others waited patiently for him to answer. Some of they where smirking, waiting for him to waver and crumble.

He was stronger now. At least he thought so. Over a decade with bullying and hardship must have harden him in some ways. Yamaguchi wasn't strong by a change, but at least he had a good brain..he thought so. He could solve this in a non-violent way.

“I can’t do it all, but if you-you need any help-I am happy to help...you...guys.” He stammered over the words and his sentence died out in the end. Shino looked like a dark cloud had overcome him and he was ready let the thunders and lightings loose on him. 

A vicious smile grew on Shino and Noboru followed suit. 

“You know, Tadashi-kun,” Noboru started, smiling at him. Yamaguchi felt little, so little under all of their gazes. They must have a tracker on him or something, for them to always find  him on and off campus grounds. It was just a second before they baraged into his home. “you have so little credit; you can’t really say no.”

“But I really don’t have the time, guys.” Yamaguchi didn't look at any of them. “But, if you need help with studying- we can do that; I have time to help you guys if you need it.” 

There was a few seconds of dead silence. Yamaguchi could pretty much hear the other side of the campus. He breathed deeply to calm himself, still feeling all of the suspension like a rope around his chest. 

“You will do our homework, Yamaguchi, since we are friends and all that jazz.” 

He stood there, with school books in hand, a coffee in his other; and more than three bigger guys around him. He quickly looked at the people around him again. He could be anybody, anybody in the world. And he became exactly him. In this body and mind that were constantly on edge, in this body that wasn't good for anything and this mind that just didn't work right. He could’ve been born as anybody in the world, and he bamce exactly him. _Pitiful._

“Ever since you got those friends of your, you have become so cocky.”  Noboru growled at him. 

“Look,” Yamaguchi heaved and exasperated sigh. He needed to get to his damned lecture. He did have almost twenty minutes, but better early, than late. “I can’t do the whole assignments for you, but if you need help; I am happy to-”

Shino slapped the books and coffee out of his hands. Yamaguchi looked stunned at him, surprised covering his whole body. 

“Hey!” Yamaguchi yelled back. He didn't raise voice at peeple, but that was on pure reflexes. 

The next thing he felt was that Noboru or some other guy grabbed his shoulders. He didn't catch who it was, but he felt someone knee him in the stomach. 

The breath left him immediately and he felt to the ground. Clutching his stomach. Yamaguchi heaved for breath. That really hurt.

“What the hell.” Yamaguchi looked up and saw Kuroo grab the collars of Shino jacket. He managed to take a deep breath, and coughed and sputtered and tried to talk Kuroo to calm down. If they continued, the campus police might get involved. And if so, they all were in much bigger trouble. 

“Get away from me!” Shino yelled back and wretched himself away from Kuroo’s grasp.

Another short blond came to the aid too. Yamaguchi didn't know if he was on Shino’s team or Kuroo’s. However, when the short boy practically hissed at the taller boys; Yamaguchi knew it must have been some friend of Kuroo. The short boy had a handful of colourful curse words to throw after them too as they left. He vaguely heard some of them kick his school books and papers across the grass and pavement. 

“Yamaguchi-kun, are you alright?!” Kuroo yelled after him despite only standing a couple of meters apart. The raven haired boy went over to Yamaguchi and crouched down. Tadashi felt two arms grab him once again, but this time he didn't feel any pain. 

Kuroo lifted him up to a seating position. Yamaguchi took another deep breath. His hands trembled and no, he would not have a panic attack in the middle of campus. 

“Are you okay?” Kuroo asked, bewleired. He almost looked as stressed as him. Were did that sly cat go. “Was that them?” 

_Them._

Ah, Yamaguchi was reminded to the brief, drunken expansion he gave them at Tsukishima's party. He nodded, not meeting his eyes. Kuroo cursed under his breath. Yamaguchi used a few seconds to try and gain his his own. The adrenaline left him him and he felt more fidgety than before. Around him, that short blond guy was busy picking up his books and papers. Another guy, taller, had joined in. He had tanned pallet and full lips, Yamaguchi was sure he saw him at the halloween party. 

The short blond boy crouched down beside them. “Here, I don’t think anything got dagemed, beside some papers.” He offered a small smile. Yamaguchi gave a small movement of the corners of the lips back. “I’ll punch them next time.” The shorted boy had such a strong gaze and set eyes that Tadashi could only nodded. 

“Umm..tha-thanks..um.” Yamaguchi looked at the short blond and the tanned guy.  

“Yaku Morisuke.” The boys smiled and pointed to himself with a thumb. 

“Kai Nobuyuki.” The other boy bowed a little. He set the other books down. “Who the hell was that?” He too looked so angry, although much more clam than Kuroo and Yaku.  

Yamaguchi breathed deeply. 

“Are you alright, Yamaguchi-kun?” Kuroo aksed concerned. Ignoring the question. Yamaguchi gave a timid nod and swallowed. He felt sick. He clenched his fist and hoped it helped slowing down the trembling. He also didn't think he could talk without stuttering. The two other boys kept a comfortable distance between them and Yamaguchi appreciated it. “Do you think you can stand up? The ground is kind of cold.”

Yamaguchi nodded and Kuroo raised to his feet first and then pulled him up in a light movement. The math student brushed his clothes for him while Yamaguchi got his footing. 

Yaku and Kai took his backpack and packed it with the books and papers that was lost.

“Time?” Yamaguchi managed to force out. They all looked at him with three pairs of upset eyes. “What time is it?” He couldn't ignore the way his voice trembled and got a little bit high pitched. 

“It 13.10 p.m,” Yaku answered, checking his wrist watch. “13.12 to be precise.”

“Thanks, Yaku-san and Kai-san.” He bowed to them, feeling dizzy as he did. “Thanks, Kuroo” He didn't meet their eyes. As he raised, the ground tilted a little. Yaku reached for him, but Kuroo was the one that steadied him. 

“You need to breathe Tadashi.” Kuroo said and looked him on the eyes. It was just now, that he noticed that Kuroo was wearing glasses. The words was full of firsts today. 

“I-I am.” Yamaguchi stressed back. 

Kuroo looked even more concerned. It was unlike Tsukishima, who just looked pissed the first time he witnessed Shino and Yori. Kuroo turned halfway around and reached for the bag Kai held. He talked to his friends gently. “You two got ahead, I’m gonna take care of him.” Kuroo threw an arm around him. 

“Ok, Kuroo, get well, Yamaguchi-kun.” Kai said back. His voice was gentle and calm, Yamaguchi noticed. 

“Yeah, next time we’ll kick ‘em down.” Yaku gave a light wave. Kuroo snickered as they left. 

Kuroo dragged him away. “It looks like Yakkun might be joking, but he will literally kick them down.” Kuroo started. Yamaguchi couldn’t really focus on it, but the weight of Kuroo’s arm around him was grounding. “He used to be the demon-senpai you know. Lev, you met him, well that airhead always got on Yakkun’s nerves and he basically gave it to Lev everyday.” 

Yamaguchi looked from his hands and met Kuroo’s eyes. “You and Yaku-san went to the same school?”

Kuroo laughed, getting a nostalgic smile on his lips. “Yeah, we all played volleyball. Yakkun was the libero and Kai was the vice-captain in our third year.”

Yamaguchi nodded. They walked for quite a bit. Kuroo kept talking about everything and nothing. Most of it went on deaf ears. It was calming to hear his voice and focus on that instead of the recent happening. Yamaguchi didn't look were he was going, he had his eyes on his shoes and dirty pants. Kuroo guided him through the campus. Yamaguchi was wondering were Kuoo led him, since he didn't tell him were his lectures would be. 

“Here sit down.” Kuroo said and motioned to an empty bench. They were in the science building. Yamauchi had his statistic classes here his secnd semester. Kuroo dug through his bag and gave him his water bottle. He even unscrewed the cap for him. 

Yamaguchi nodded his thanks. He took a few sips of the water. Some of it got in the wrong pipe, most because of his ratty breathing. He coughed as he tried to clear his throat. Kuroo patted his back gently. 

“Take it easy, kiddo.” Kuroo rubbed his back 

For all of Kuroo’s tendency to get everyone's nerves at times, bad-timed jokes and dramatics, he was quite good at all of this. He was actually really mindful. 

“I’m sorry.” Tadashi said. He felt that his voice wasn't that shaky anymore, but he also knew that the train to catch his classes were gone. 

“Don’t apologise, it's not your fault.” Kuroo dared him to disagree and Yamaguchi felt too tired to argue back.

He breathed deeply and rested his head back on the wall. He closed his eyes again and tilted his head up to the ceiling. Yamaguchi breathed out and opened his eyes. Even when he didn't have a full blown panic attack he still felt restless and tired after. 

“So, you are in no shape to continue classes for today.” Kuroo cut in. Yamauchi looked at him and Kuroo had still that concerned look on his face. “Don't disagree with me. Hey, you look like you could use a nap or some rest.” He managed to sound like a strict dad and a worried mother at the same time. 

“Sleep?” Actually, he thought that he could sleep for the next three days if he had the chance. 

“You can crash at our place...on the couch.” Kuroo said. Yamaguchi gave him a look. Because he could walk home to himself. The first lecture had started and he would not go into it now. He was even in the wrong building. “You have done it before, remember?” Kuroo smiled and bumped his shoulder with him, a little playfully. “Kenma is the only one that is home right now. Tsukki will be gone most of the day, he has a group assignment to do. And I will be home for dinner.” 

Yamaguchi gave a small nod, because he honestly didn't care where he slept. It could be on the grass for all that he cared, but Kenma’s and Kuroo’s couch sounded so inviting. 

“Come on, Yamaguchi-kun.” Kuroo said with a small smile. 

They made their way towards the apartment where Kuroo and co. lived. Kuroo was texting, probably Kenma, since when they arrived- Kuroo got him set on the couch, while Kenma made him a plate of small snacks with some water, and then Kuroo was on his way out again. Kenma didn't say much, but he told him to just tell him if he needed anything. Yamaguchi was sleeping in minutes, falling asleep to Kenma’s tapping on his laptop.

He didn't wake up until he heard Kuroo announce that he was home. Kenma did a lazy greeting, and Yamaguchi opened his eyes just when he saw the two of them share a light kiss on the lips. 

Tadashi sat up with a grunt and rubbed his eyes. “Morning…” He didn't really know what time it was, but that was the only word his brain managed to process. It definitely was not morning by watching the darkening sky. 

“Morning,” Kuroo chuckled and Kenma snorted. “Nice bed hair, Yamaguchi-kun.” 

Yamaguchi looked up at his bangs. His hair always kind of did its own thing, and sleeping on a couch mustn’t have helped his problem. He snickered back. “Thanks, Kuroo.” He stretched and let out another grunt. 

“How are you feeling, Yamaguchi.” Kenma asked sincerely. He had a hair band that kept his bangs away from his face, for once, and wore lose track pants and a t-shirt Yamaguchi knew he had seen Kuroo wear. 

“I am better now, thanks.” He stood up and bowed towards them. 

Kenma gave him a small smile back. “I’m glad.” Yamaguchi smiled back. He decided that he wouldn't let the other ruin his day. Not now. And he wouldn't ruin Kenma’s and Kuroo's mood.

Kuroo had two bags of groceries and was busy putting them away. It looked like he had just been at the gym. 

Yamaguchi looked around. It was clean, as usual. However, there were bags lining the hallway. Like someone had been traveling or would be. He wondered what that was for. Kuroo looked he was in cheary mood. He was humming silently as he put away the groceries. Kenma put away his laptop and stretched. 

Kuroo declared that he would shower before dinner and Kenma got up and went to the kitchen. Yamaguchi watched them and wondered what he should do. Probably help. That was the right thing to do. Help Kenma make dinner. He took a sip from his water and nibbled on the saltine crackers Kenma had set out for him, idly remembering that he hadn't eaten since breakfast. Which only was a granola bar because he found on in his backpack. 

He stood up and went to Kenma. “Need some help?” 

Kenma nodded. “Start cutting up the carrots and cucumbers. We’ll have sushi today.”

Yamaguchi looked at the counter. The rice was pulled out of the fridge, cooled down and ready to fold into the rolls. The salmon was brought, already marinated, and the vegetables they would need was sprawled out on the counter. There was even some ginger and wasabi too with the seaweed and sesame seeds. 

“Wow, you make it from scratch?” Yamaguchi said, stunned. Never in his life had he actually made sushi from scratch. Sushi was okay in his mind. It was something he only ate once in a while, if he had been at  the mall and didn't feel like making dinner or something like that. Their campus, despite being big, didn't have any real sushi joints. Some of the cafes did sell packed sushi bentos and even some had small sushi menus, but other than that- the options were limited. “That’s-that is impressive, Kenma!” 

Kenma gave a small smile. “Kuroo loves fish, so we eat it pretty regularly. We'll also try to eat it when Tsukishima is not home, becuse he doesn't like fish too much.” Kenma said and found a rice spoon and put in the the rice bowl. “We try to make everything from scratch, but something it’s just too expensive to make it at home. There aren't any good sushi places nearby that we like, so we just have to make it ourself.” 

Yamaguchi nodded, still impressed. Maybe it just was easier to make dinner when there were more people at the dining table. Yamaguchi had to make himself dinner since he moved out, and most of the time, it was boring. And he didn't see the effort as he did so.

He stated to cut the carrots in long slim strips as Kenma spread the rice over the nori sheets.

“I’m sorry you had a bad day and that those jerks bullied you.” Kenma said after a few minutes. A gram of anger in his voice. Yamaguchi was surprised, Kenma barely showed feeling like that. Of course he laughed when he was happy and used his 'voice' when he was annoyed. Yamaguchi had never seen him with second-hand anger for another person. He never imagine it feeling a little good, to know that he wasn't the only one that stood in it.

Yamaguchi tried to ot let it get to him now. “Thanks.” He mumbled  and looked on to his cutting board. It was wooden board and really worn out too.  

“I’m glad that Kuroo, Yaku and Kai found you, though.” Kenma said. 

“Kuroo was surprisingly- um, you know, mindful.” Yamaguchi said, unsure. He didn't feel like Kuroo was inconsiderate, since he had went on to lengths to include him in the group from the first day since he apologized after Yamaguchi yelled at him. It was just he kind of supposed that the rowdy math student couldn’t be so caring, calm and protective. Or, he was clam after he got the bad guys away at least. It was just a side he had never guessed Kuroo had. “Not that he isn't, he just- I just never guessed he could be so not-rowdy.”

Kenma gave a light chuckle. A smile spreading on his face as he continued to arrange the nori papers. “Kuroo have actually always been mindful and observant of others. That doesn't mean he have always been rowady, but he is pretty good at reading other people and is actually very understanding when you need him to be.” Kenma had a light blush over his cheeks in the end of the sentence. Yamaguchi decided not to comment on it. They were together after all. He took it as a good sign. “He is ready to goad into stupid things and arguments, but he is actually grown up most of the time.”

Yamaguchi nodded in understanding. “He actually just straight out grabbed one of the guys and cursed in their face. I thought he would punch him!” Yamaguchi told Kenma.

Kenma got big eyes and looked at him. He squinted slightly and seemed to think. “He must have been stressed. Kuroo barely cures and gets angry.” 

“I am sorry I made so much trouble for you all.” Yamaguchi said and gave Kenma the chopped carrots. 

“Don’t worry. You are always welcome here.”

Yamaguchi smiled back and decided that he didn't need to talk about it now. He had his birthday on Sunday and wanted to invite them all over on Saturday to celebrate.

For the first time in years he was going to celebrate with a party that held other guests than his parents and family members. He was going to celebrate it with friends, bake a cake and buy in too much snacks for all of them. That was the plan, he just needed to ask them and invite them over. Which was the scary part. Yamaguchi felt anxiety gnaw at the back of his mind. What if they refused and didn't show up, though he wasn't worth it. They could have better thing to do. There was thousands of reasons he could get from each one of them and Yamaguchi was scared that they all agreed that he was too much of a hassle to deal with and just drop him after he invited them. 

Kuroo came out of the shower and set the table. He filled them on on that Kai, Yaku and he had been at the gym together and that Yaku was actually studying the same as him. It was relaxing to hear about his day rather than focusing on his own. It was relaxing that he didn't have any shift at the bookstore and didn't have to stress about that. It was relaxing that he was here with two of his friends than home alone with his own dead plants and thoughts. 

“Hmm, it’s good.” Yamaguchi hummed as he tasted the first piece of sushi. There were some plain, regular ones and some with avocado. _Fancy_ , he thought. 

“We buy a salmon that is already marinated, so it adds to the flavour.” Kuroo said and pointed his chop sticks to the sushi, the ones with just the salmon and not avocados. “Auntie showed us which ones to buy a few years ago.” 

It took a moment for Tadashi to understand that _Auntie_ was probably Kenma's mother. Yamaguchi didn't really know a lot about the others pasts, like they didn't know a lot about his, but Kenma slipped that he and Kuroo knew each other from when Kuroo was eight and moved to their neighbourhood. The two of them was forced to play together by their parents. That was how Kenma put it, not that lovey-dovey version Yamaguchi had imagines in his head. Again, he should stop imagine how is life is from watching soap dramas and rom-coms. 

They ate, cleaned up and they all sat on the couch and just talked. Yamaguchi was still putting off asking them about his invitation. Maybe he should open a facebook group and just add everyone there. That way, he just had to say it one time. The downside was that group settings made him anxious, even when they were digital. So that was a big _no_ and out of question. He could wait until Tsukshima came home and ask all three. And perhaps, if he did so, Kuroo or Tsukishima would slip it to Akaashi and Bokuto before he actually did it himself and he just had to remind the two others. 

Tsukishima came home with a huff and some grunts. His bag was dropped on the floor and he collapsed at his normal spot on the sofa. Yamaguchi smiled to him, even though Tsukishima had a scowl and frowning eyebrows. He looked tired. 

“Hello, Tsukki.” Kuroo said and looked over. “Leftover in the fridge.” 

“Thanks, but I ate out.”  Tsukishima sat properly up and gave a small smile to all of them. 

“How was you day Tsukishima?” Yamaguchi aksed and fiddled with his coke can. 

Tsukishima took off his glasses and tried to wipe them clean with his sweater. He squinted over at Yamaguchi and the other boy wondered how bad his sight was. Kuroo had apparently bad sight too. They had know each other for almost three months and he never knew. 

“I have worked all day. We have yet another assignment to hand in. It’s due in a couple of days, but it’s a big one.” Tsukishima breathed heavily. He did look tired and night full of sleep was well deserved, Yamaguchi thought. He was happy that Tsukishima was home for the night and hopefully would be able to rest up properly. “When did you arrive? Didn't know you would come over.” The blond mused. 

Yamaguchi did try very well not to stiffen up and get nervous. Of course Kuroo wouldn't tell him, and neither would Kenma. “Ah, I arrived after 01:00 p.m or something.” He explained and forced a smile. Tsukishima quirked an eyebrow and looked at Kuroo for answers. “I was tried, so I took a nap on your couch.”

Tsukishima didn't look all that conceived, but he nodded anyway. Maybe he was used to Kuroo taking home distressed boys from campus. 

Kenma seemed to read him all to well. Maybe because he knew it all. “Tsukishima sometimes call our apartment a motel because so many guests sleep over. Kai and Yaku are regulars and Bokuto and Akaashi are probably the ones that have camped here most out of all.” Kenma looked up from his phone. “We should start to charge them of the stay.” Kuroo chuckled and Tsukishima snorted and Yamaguchi couldn’t really tell if Kenma was joking or not.

He did give a rather usure chuckle, just to not seem completely lost. 

“Ah,” Tsukishima hummed after he sat down again. He had gotten himself a drink and was nibbling on some strawberry candy he dug out for a cabinet. He did offer some, but Yamaguchi didn't really like sweet candies. He was on the sour side. “I can’t wait to get home for the weekend.” 

Yamaguchi looked at him with big eyes. _Home_ “Are you traveling?” He asked rather innocent. 

“Yeah,” Tsukishima nodded. “I’m traveling home around noon on friday. Exams period are starting and I want to be home for a weekend before the stress starts. Haven’t been since summer. My brother says he has some important news too.” Tsukishima was actually smiling gently. It made Yamaguchi wondered what his home life was like. He was close to his brother, since even his brother seeked him out last time he was wishing. And that he wanted to travel home for a weekend was a good sign that he went along with his parents, or his family. 

“Oh...” Yamaguchi said. “Is all of those bags yours then?” He bobbed his head towards the bags in the hallways. Three bags were a little overkill for one weekend trip. 

Kenma beat Tsukshima. “No, they are ours too. I am also traveling home for the weekend since no one will be at the apartment. 

Yamaguchi looked dumbfounded at them. Were they all going home. 

Kuroo smiled to him. “Yeah, Kai’s father works as a fisherman, and Kai invited Yakkun and me to spend the weekend with him. We are going to sleep on the boat.” Kuroo smield excitedly.

So they all were going home or away this weekend. Yamaguchi thought about his own birthday plans and decided that it wasn't even worth asking them. It wasn't like they would drop or postpone those trips for just a small celebration. It was selfish of him to think like that and he should be excited for them. He was, he just was a little saddened that there would be no birthday party like he imagined it.  Because he did look forward to this year's birthday, for the first time in years. 

“Hey, is Akaashi and Bokuto going to be home? He asked, maybe just the three of them could go out for cake or something. They all had yet to visit him property. He hadn't ivnvited them over and he really did want them to see his small place. He even had set off Friday to clean and tidy up the place. 

Kuroo shook his head. “Nope. they are going to Akaashi’s family. His uncle is turning 60 years.”

Yamaguchi couldn't wipe off the sad epcresison. He nodded and forced a smile and knew he looked constipated. 

“Something wrong?” Tsukishima aksed. 

Yamaguchi laughed a little and shook his head “No, it’s just been a long day. I should actually head home.” 

Tsukishima nodded and Kenma looked at him, reading him like he would find out what was wrong. Really, it was stupid to be upset. Since he hadn't actually told them when his birthday were. He just told them that his was in November the first time they ate lunch together; before they were friends. It was understandable that they had forgotten about it. It wasn't like it was important information. 

He folded the blanket that he had draped over himself and stood up. “Thanks for taking care of me...and thanks for dinner.” He bowed to Kenma and Kuroo. Kuroo gave a nonchalant wave and said that he could sleep at their apartment any time and Kenma nodded along. Tsukishima bid him goodbye and Kuroo followed him to the entrance. He thanked him again and left without mention his birthday wekeed and plans. 

It wasn't like it didn't suck to celebrate alone, he just hope he didn't have to do it this year too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think this would come up this weekend! But here I am...posting haha :D. This chapter is a little sad and grey. I have some plans for the next chapters. I won't spoils much, but our dear Sugawara will have an important role in it... ;)
> 
> Warning for violence.  
> Warning for panic attack (not graphic)
> 
> Edited: 29.10.2019
> 
> I have edited this, and there was quite the few mistakes, sorry. And sorry that is took me so long to go back and change my mistakes. Stress and life and the usual. But i also changed the title of the chapter, since I needed that chapter-title for a later part :D
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments and Kudos are always appreciated :D


	21. November rain (part I)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi spends his birthday alone, but a certain boy with ashy blond hair tries to help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. This is a little late, as always ;). This was originally going to be a one piece, but it will be a two part. The chapter got too long and i didn't want it to be like that. Plus the next chapter might be uploaded on schedule then :) 
> 
> Warning: They talk about mental illness, depression mainly.   
> Warning: Suicidal idealisation.

Yamaguchi sighted and stared down at his mocha swiss roll cake. He was at the Crows, alone, and was not having a good time. It was raining, not much. But the small amount of snow they had gotten was gone and the rain was pissing him off. 

He hadn’t really talked to the other guys since the evening Kuroo brought him over. He spoke to them on campus, never mentioning his own happenings. 

Now it was saturday, they day before his birthday, and he sat alone at a booth at the Crows and tried to celebrate his own day. The cake slice he bought was staring back at him and winning a staring contest he didn't sign up for. He was losing it. He had gotten a few snaps on their group chat on the app. They all were either home, in a birthday party or on a damn boat. It did look like they were having a good time, and Yamaguchi was happy for them- he really was. He just wished they were here with him. They were kind of the only people he had really connected with in years. 

He grabbed the can of cola he also had bought, it was room temperatured and not that good anymore. It had lost all of its carbonation too. Yamaguchi was surprised, he didn't think he had been seated at the cafe for so long. He hadn't eaten, hadn't really did anything beside work at his shift today at the bookstore. Despite feeling tired and worn out, he stubbornly went straight to the Crows when his shift ended and bought a slice of cake and a coke to celebrate his own birthday. Like he did last year and he needed to celebrate by himself. He didn't even remember that he was so miserable last year as he was now. Last year, he didn't have the choice, he was forced to spend the day alone. This year, he actually had the chance, but lost it. And that sucked more. But he needed to celebrate his birthday. It was a promise he made himself. 

If he didn't, who else would. 

He didn't know that he was crying until a teardrop hit his hand. Yamaguchi sniffed wetly to himself and looked around. People were eating dinner, all in groups of two or more. There was a small line, but not like those during rush hours. Some people where only coming into the cafe to grab a take-away and some came only for a cup of joe. The cafe was buzzing with happy laughter and light conversations and he sat alone in the corner booth and tried not to think of the reasons why he was alone on his birthday once again. 

He swallowed down a sob and reached for the paper towels on the table. Tadashi dabbed it under his eyes and tried to make it look like he was wiping his chin and mouth instead. It didn't really matter, no one was bothered with him. 

He stared down at his cake again. It was a nice one too. It had a mocha cream, rich and full of flavour and not too sweet or buttery. The cake itself held a rich chocolate flavour and it was all Yamaguchi usually looked for in a swiss roll cake. Just like he prefered it. Too bad that it might end up in the garbage can. 

He picked up the spoon, but couldn’t even cut out a small bitesize for himself to enjoy. 

He just hated this, hated just how his life always seemed to be so empty despite having more friends than he could ever imagine. 

He stared down at the slice again, spoon in his hand and tears in his eyes. He got completely lost in the swirls, thinking about too much and nothing at all.

“Yamaguchi-kun?” 

He jumped in his seat and looked up and saw Sugawara, accpolined by another boy. 

“Are you alright?” 

Yamaguchi shifted his eyes quickly from Sugawara and eyed the stranger. The boy had dark brown eyes and dark brown hair. His build was strong and his skin was a few shades darker than Sugawara’s pale skin. He stood a little taller than Sugawara, but still shorter than himself. He had one arm around Sugawara shoulders and the other were supporting a gym bag. He wore a concerned look, and Yamaguchi couldn't tell because he had noticed his tears or because Sugawara looked concerned and he just printed off the look. 

Yamaguchi turned his head away from them and sniffed again. He made a futile attempt to wipe his tears away. “Ye-yeah, what made you, you think that?” He hiccuped uncomfortably. Deep from his chest.

“You are celaty not fine, Yamaguchi-kun.” Sugawara pointed out sternly, but there was nothing than concern radiating from him. 

“It’s my birthday today,” He didn't know why he told the two of them this. Sugawara was just his barista that was too kind to him without any reasons and the other boy didn't even know who he was. “but I have no one to celebrate it with.” 

“Yamaguchi-kun.” Sugawara's soft voice was suddenly beside him in the booth and he felt a pair of arms wrap around him. He sniffed again in Sugawara's shoulder and grabbed onto him. He didn't have anything else that steadied him and right now Sugawara felt like the only one that could help him. “Daichi, just go ahead. I’ll text you.” 

The other man hummed back and excused himself out.

Yamaguchi felt Sugawara rub his back and muttered sweet nothings to him. He couldn't concentrate what he said, but it was comforting. And he even felt a little bit of warmth grow in him. 

“Hey, come on, try to drink something?” Sugawara grabbed the can with one arm, the other still wrapped securely around him. He pushed it towards him and Yamaguchi made a face towards the sugarless, soft drink. 

He shook his head and breathed deeply. A few were looking their way and Yamaguchi grew little conscious. He didn't want to be the center of attention. He rubbed his eyes again, and felt them itch already. They would probably swell up soon too. 

“So sorry, Sugawara-san.” He turned away from the only person that actually wanted to sit with him. “I don’t know what came over me.” He sniffed once more. “Sorry…I'm okay now.”

“Yamaguchi-kun, you are not fine.” Sugawara lightly turned him back to face him. “Tell me what is wrong?” 

Yamaguchi looked at Sugawara and then at the coke can. Where would he start. He was alone everyday and he was alone on his birthday. “I...um...just thought that my friends would be here to celebrate my birthday with them, but they all traveled out of town for the weekend.” Sugawara's eyes seemed to grow bigger. “It’s no problem, really, I didn't tell them and sides, we haven't been friends for so long.” He tried to shrug, but his shoulders still trembled and he just felt tight. _Just tight._

Sugawara smeed to search for words. “So you didn't tell you friends that your birthday was coming up...and you are upset about that?” Yamaguchi lips quivered. Sugawara didn't sound like he wanted to patronise him, it just sounded like he wanted to check if he had gotten it right. 

“It’s not like that.” Yamaguchi choked out, voice small and almost unreadable. “That’s not what I meant.” Yamaguchi didn’t know what he truly ment. He just didn't want to feel like this anymore. 

Sugawara rubbed his back. His hand was warm and Yamaguchi could feel it through his light tee. “Can you try to tell me what you mean?”  

Yamaguchi hiccuped again. “I just-I feel like…” he breathed deeply and tried so hard to calm down. He wasn't used to opening up and sharing what he was feeling. No one had ever listened to him. “I know I should be happy, I am- but when I really think about it. I am not that happy.” 

He had always had a nagging feeling these past months, that something was wrong deep inside of him. And while he was doing better than he had done since he moved; he still didn't feel like he was happy. He had happy moments, and even good days, be he wasn't happy. Sometimes he wondered if he would ever become happy. 

Yamaguchi scrunched up his face again and choked on some tears. 

“No, no, hey, come on.” Sugawara spoke hurriedly, trying to keep him from another crying fit. Yamaguchi was feeling like he had run out of tears. “I got you, I got you.” 

“I know I should be happy, I am!” Yamaguchi started rambling. He didn't want Sugawara to think that he was ungrateful or anything like that. “I have more friends than I have ever asked for, they are nice and caring and we have a lots of fun together. I should be happy because of that, but I am not.” He looked at the med student. “Why not?”

Sugawara looked at him, light brown eyes meeting Yamagishi dark mocha coloured ones. “I think, and I might be wrong- please do correct me; I think it is because your problems didn't origin from not having friends in your younger years.” 

“Than what do you think my problems are-were?” Yamaguchi muttered. He didn't like how he was feeling like he was being analysed. Sugawara didn't know him and he didn't know Sugawara, for that matter. He was just barista that served him coffee and gave him too much free pastries and mochi buns. 

Sugawara drew a hand through his hair. He smiled uneasy and seemed to be in deep thought. “I don’t know what happen to you, but-but by the couple of years I have known you-you have- it’s like you are just so tired all the time. It’s like you are carrying the weight of the world each day. You just, you just look so _tired_. ” 

Yamagcsu squeezed his eye shut and turned his head away. Right on the nail. 

“I don’t think I was too far off…” Sugawara sadly said. He was still rubbing his back and talking so softy towards him. “I think you have been strong for such a long time, but you know, Yamaguchi-kun, strong buildings eventually needs to be strengthened and structured again. If not, they would just collapse and crumble to the ground.”

They stayed silent for some time. Yamaguchi got his breath to calm down and his throat was left scratchy and dry, his eyes hurt and he knew he would get a headache in a while. Sugawara got up and got him just plain water from the fridge. Yamaguchi didn't bother to try to pay for it. He could do that sometime in the future. He took a big sip of the water and knew he should eat something soon too, so he actually had a chance to keep the water instead of just peeing it out. He needed salt in his body. He needed food. 

“I think- and I am in no position to say this, but I am going to do it anyway- that perhaps you have dealt with quite the amount of depression and anxiety.” Yamaguchi stiffened at the words. Saying it out loud, it made it all to real. He started to feel like he would be sick and it would be a shame if he was it here, at the Crows. “Maybe-maybe going to a therapist to get your thoughts sorted out and help with coping mechanisms and such.” Sugawara offered carefully. He was watching him, seeing if he crossed the line or not. 

“I am not some type of person that need that!” Yamaguchi didn't think less of people that sought out professional help. He really didn't mind them. And it wasn't like he knew anyone that had sought out help like that. But he hadn't thought about that. Maybe it was just japanese norms margined to his bones. His people weren't exactly open about mental health and admitting their own faults and what not. However, he was sure he didn't need it. He was function well. He was able to get himself out of bed and dress up and do the thing he needed to do. Sugawara pressed his mouth into a thin line. “I am function like I should be, I mean, I got dressed; didn't I?”

“You can still be depressed and functioning.” Sugawara told him easily, as a matter of fact. “Seeking out help from a therapist or psychiatrist, doesn't mean you are giving up. I think it’s  quite the opposite, I think that you see yourself worth more than the feelings you are experiencing now and you want to do something about it. You want yourself to be better, because you do deserve to be happy, but maybe you don’t know how to do it or to get there. A therapist could help you with that.” 

“Do you feel like I am that crazy?” Yamaguchi aksed and laughed hollowly after. 

Sugawara shook his head. “I think it’s nice that you have gotten friends. It’s Tsukishima-kun, Kuroo-san and the others, right? Friends are great to have, but they don’t make your life magically better and they don't’ make your problems disappear. Maybe some of your problems were tied to not having friends, but some of your feelings are tied to others thing that needs to be addressed and sorted you out.” 

Yamaguchi knew that Sugawara was right and whatever he said would sound like a whiny five year old. Which he was not. “It’s not like it matters, I can’t even afford sessions. It is not like my job at Books and Look will cover it anyway.” 

“Well, I think a private therapy sessions falls between 1000 yen and 2000 yen. Each season is 45 minutes and you will get one a week, unless they feel like you need more or you ask for it.” Sugawara informed him. Yamaguchi's didn’t know where this information came from and he hoped that Sugawara was speaking from second hand information and not first hand experience. 

“That's too expensive, I can’t afford that.” Yamaguchi told him. “Sides, I don’t have any support from family or anything like that.”

“Well, the possibility of suicide or getting a worse case of depression, raises so much when it’s left untreated.” Sugawara said solemnly. "Same with anxieties." He was almost pleading.

“I am not going to kill myself!” Yamaguchi semi yelled. Some turned towards them, and Yamaguchi looked back down at the table. “If you are scared of me being suicidal, you should have talked to me a few years ago. Maybe then, maybe then, I could have done it...or wouldn’t care if something happened.” Sugawara tensed at his words. And Yamaguchi felt himself starting to cry again. He also felt like he should say something, Sugawara didn't deserve to be a makeshift counsellor for him “For a few years, I felt like I was better off dead. I didn't have much to live for and sometimes I still struggle with those thoughts, but I am better now. Or I should be better.” Yamaguchi whispered the words to Sugawara and the older male had to lean in to hear. “I know I am bad at taking care of myself. I know I should eat more and sleep more and not stress about every little thing, but it’s like I can't get out of this circle I have created for myself. There is a higher possibility that I might starve to death than killing myself, anyway. I don't have much money and I don't have support from my family. I am all alone in this.”

Sugawara hummed back. “The university offer free therapy sessions, actually. You can send them a email and it might take a few weeks for you to get a meeting, but it’s free and definitely something to look into. The Therapist are psychology students taking their major and are really educated despite not being done with their degree. I know a few of them and it’s worth a try. You never know.” 

Yamaguchi nodded back. “I am tired, Sugawara-san.”

“You can talk to me.” Sugawara hastily and Yamaguchi looked up at him. “Talk to me, or text me or call me. I always have my phone on me and we are facebook friends, so it’s easier. I know I can’t give you what an educated person can, but sometimes even just ranting to a friend  can help you get some of it off your chest. Even if it’s the middle of the night, just call me. I’ll answer, I promise you that.”

Yamaguchi shrugged back. 

“I think I want to go home...I want to go home now” 

Sugawara nodded and got up. He took his plate with the cake and went behind the counter. Yamaguchi didn't really know what he was doing with it, he could throw it away for all of cared. Sugawara came back, with a to go-bag and Yamaguchi somewhat knew that more pastries and food was pressed in the small bag. 

Yamaguchi took his jacket on and threw away his coke can that he barely had taken two sips of. Right before he was about to say goodbye to the barista, Sugawara spoke up.

“I’ll walk you.” Sugawara said hastily and left no room for discussion, but Yamaguchi pressed further. 

“You don’t need to, I have already ruined your night. “

“No, I’ll walk you.” Sugawara said. Yamaguchi sighed and left the lonesome booth. Too tired to argue and stand his ground. Sugawara followed him and popped up an umbrella as they excited. 

They had been walking for a few minutes in silence until Yamaguchi felt like he needed to speak of something. 

“So-so, that guy you were with,” Yamaguchi started and looked down to meet the blonds eyes. “was he your friend? I hope I didn't ruin your night.”

Sugawara smiled and even blushed. That was the first time! “Daichi is my boyfriend. We live together and sometimes he comes to pick me up after my shift.” They stopped at a cross section and waited for a green man. Yamaguchi hummed in response. “We have been together since the end of high school, or- we kind of just became lovers without actually confessing to each other...haha.” Sugawara gave a small snicker. “He was actually the volleyball captain in out third year and I were the vice-captain.” Sugawara pointed to himself with his left thumb.” 

Yamaguchi looked at him. Sugawara had passed to him that he used to play volleyball in high school. “What position did you play again, I think you have told me, but I can't remember?” 

“I played setter, but I didn't stand much on the court though.” Sugawara rubbed the back of his head with the other, the one that was not holding the umbrella. 

Yamaguchi didn't judge him for that, he was never a regular; but he did have a knack for serving. At least that was what his junior High school coach told him before he quitted. 

“So, you-you know Tsukishima and the others?” Yamaguchi mumbled quietly, throat still tight. He thought about how Sugawara commented that he had seen them all hang out and he probably knew of them since he knew their names. Or at least, knew of them. 

Sugawara laughed easily and nodded. “Yes, you know, Tsukishima-kun was my kohai suding my last year in high school? And Kuroo-san, Akaashi-san and Bokuto-san was out arch-enemies. We had a lot of training match that last year of high school” A faint smile had grown on the shorter boy and he talking to light and easy. 

“Wow, why does everybody play volleyball. “ Yamaguchi was starting to believe it was some kind of curse over him to know getting to know people that had been volleyball players. Or maybe it was just pure coincidence. “Does that mean you also know Hinata-san?”

Sugawara nodded once again “You have met him?” Yamaguchi affirmed back. “Hinata-kun is a fairly easy guy to get along with, you know. “ 

Yamaguchi gave a small smile back. At least, from the volleyball game they played a few weeks back together; he looked like a pretty easy going guy. 

“Hey, this is my block.” Yamaguchi bobbed his head towards the grey building. “Thanks for following me home and taking the time to talk to me. You didn't have too, but thank anyway.” Yamaguchi bowed to him. “I’ll just turn in for the night now.”

It was around seven p.m and he didn’t have any reason to keep being awake. Tomorrow was his real birthday and maybe he mamahegd to eat some cake then. He hoped so at least. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is. This is a little late, as always ;). This was originally going to be a one piece, but it will be a two part. The chapter got too long and i didn't want it to be like that. Plus the next chapter might be uploaded on schedule then :) 
> 
> Warning: They talk about mental illness, depression mainly.   
> Warning: Suicidal idealisation. 
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated :D


	22. Hug me so hard you put all of me together again (part II)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi gets sung to on his birthday celebration for the first time in years...and honestly, that was the best gift he could ever receive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here some sweet fluff, make sure you brush your teeth afterwards :P
> 
> PS! That chocolate cake is inspired by my favourite cake of all times. It's a cake my mom always makes me for my birthday. It's from an old recipe and I call it 'old fashioned chocolate cake'. And It's basically a rich chocolate cake sliced in half with vanilla cream in it and chocolate ganache on t top of it. The secret are a couple of table spoons of coffee in the cake batter. It enriches the flavour ;) I don't think either of you cared about that part, but I just felt like telling about it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> (can we also appreciate that this was actually posten on Yama's birthday :3 )

“Hmmm, I can-I can come with you!” Sugawara hurriedly said. “To celebrate with you.” 

Yamaguchi grew big eyes and he didn't really know how to respond. It was kind of uncomfortable, actually. Because he was set on spending the rest of the night alone in his dark apartment. “You don’t have to.” He shifted from one foot to the other. 

“Come on, it's your birthday and I want to celebrate it with you. Have you eaten?” Yamaguchi cocked his head to the side. For all Sugawara niceness, he was quite stubborn and pushy. “Say, I’ll call Daichi and he can pick up food for the three of us and some dessert and we can just chill at yours.” Sugawara was already picking up his phone and Yamaguchi didn't have any other choice than lead the blond into his home.  

Yamaguchi led him up and was so conscious. It was like he felt every cm of his own home and wondered if it was too dusty and too messy. He was good at keeping his home clean. His mother always stressed the importance of having a clean room and it just grew on him. However, he had periods were he was messy and clothes and dishes was thrown everywhere. 

“Come in.” Yamaguchi said as he unlocked the door and let Sugawara inside. It was dark and cold and Yamaguchi hadn't been here since he left for his job in the morning. 

“Sorry for the intrusion.” Sugawara smiled and took of his coat and shoes. His umbrella was already folded in. Yamaguchi pushed a set of slippers to him and put on his own. They definitely needed those if they were to walk in socked feet. Sugawara thanked him and slipped his feet inside the slipper and Yamaguchi lead the way further in. “This place is nice.” He said in ave and looked around as he entered Yamaguchi’s living room. “Do you live here alone?”

“Thanks um...thanks.” Yamaguchi said, not really knowing what to do with himself. “Yes, I do. I um…never really got a roommate and now I’m just used to it.” He shagged and tried to seem nonchalant about it.

It was a little different to have Sugawara here than Tsukishima. Maybe because the circumstances were different. Sugawara sat quietly on the couch...that was his spot. Or the place on the sofa he usually sat on. Yamaguchi almost told him to sit somewhere else. Maybe he was a little too comfortable with his own routines. He went to the kitchen and took out two cans of cola. He did like the cans better than bottles. Since, after a he opened the bottles, the drink got flat after short while.

He brought them over and sat down beside Sugawara. He had no idea what he should do or say. Sugawara was texting on his phone and Yamaguchi anxiously played with his hands. 

“Thanks Yamaguchi-kun.” Sugawara said and smiled towards him. It took a second for Tadashi to understand that he thanked for the cola. “Daichi is on his way now, I just texted him the address.” Yamaguchi nodded again, feeling weird to have another person here with him. He had only had Tsukishima here before. And Bokuto and Akaashi standing in the hallway didn't count. He was having double the amount of visitors he had ever had, even though it was only two people. It was weird how he had always wanted to invite people over, but now that he would have two friends… or acquaintances over, it felt so unnatural for him. 

He thought that he should offer some food, but that would be stupid; since their were going to eat. He really didn't know what he was doing or what he should be doing.

“It’s nice that you live so close to campus.” Sugawara told him, putting away his phone and reaching for the drink. “Daichi and I have to take the subway. It’s fine, since its goes pretty regularly, but it’s packet at all times and transportation gets expensive.”

“Where do you two live?” 

“Daichi’s aunt have an apartment that is divided into two sections, so we live in the smaller part. It’s kind of too small- only one room, but it’s fine since we are together and all that. Plus it was cheaper than renting something closer to the university.” Sugawara informed him. 

“Well, it does sound nice that you can live with family.” Yamaguchi commented. He’ll take family any day over this place. 

“It is, actually. She sometimes makes us dinner when she doesn't have to work late and we always get leftovers.” Sugawara told him. “Daichi has a really big appetite, he actually gained weight our first semester.” Sugawara laughed loudly and Yamaguchi had to snicker too. “Since Daichi is working now, we have been looking at other places to live, but it’s hard, since I need to be close to the university and hospital; so guess we’ll just have to wait.” 

Just then the doorbell rang. Yamaguchi got up and almost hesitated to open the door, even though he knew who it was on the other side. It was borderline scary. 

He was met with a kind smile and wet hair that dripped onto his cheap welcoming mat. 

“Hello,” The man said and gave a little bow to him. He was holding two bags full of stuff Yamaguchi didn't know what is was and if it was food, it was probably more than he would ever pick up for himself during one shopping trip. “sorry for the intrusion.”

“No-no problem, please come in.” The man was drenched in water and Yamaguchi did hear the faint sound of the rain hitting his window. He had completely forgotten about the weather. It felt kind of bad that he was the reason that this man had to go shopping in the bad weather.  “Umm, I’m gonna get you a towel.” Yamaguchi said as the other tried not to get his whole entrance wet.

Yamaguchi quickly went to his bathroom and pulled out a small towel. It was starting to get old and he should really buy some new stuff. He gave it wordlessly to Daichi plus pushing the last pair of slippers he owned towards him and then just stood there; waiting. 

Sugawara joined him. “Hello, Daichi, hope you didn't have any trouble.” Sugawara asked in a light tone. . 

“No, no, I just went into the wrong block first. A very old lady wanted to show me the pictures the 40 grandchildren.” He sighed, but smiled once he had sobered up. He dried his hair and Yamaguchi wordlessly took it back when he was done. At least the older male wouldn’t be too prone to the flu. 

“Guess you didn't have the heart to say that you were in a hurry.” Sugawara raised a teasing eyebrow at him. Daichi snorted back.

Daichi shook his head, huffing out some air. He stood up and shifted his gaze from Sugawara and turned to Yamaguchi. “Hi, I am Sawamura Daichi, nice to meet you.” He gave a bow again.

“I-I’m Yamaguchi Tadashi, nice-nice to meet you too.” He bowed back. He motioned for them all to follow him back, but not before he reached for one of the bags. He was the host after all and his guests shouldn’t have to go through the small trouble. 

“I got it,” Dachi smiled widely. “Sides, it’s your day today, Yamaguchi-kun.” Yamaguchi blushed back. He quickly went to the living room, threw the towel into the laundry basket in his bathroom as he heard the two other boys chuckled lightly at him. It was warmth in it. “So, I bought a lot of stuff, you two. Kōshi told me to just buy some good food, so I did.” Daichi declared and set the bags on the rug. 

Yamaguchi looked back at him. He had started to pull out the take away first. Different packages of dumplings, pork buns and something that looked like different types of wok. He also pulled out a six pack of coca cola. There was a cake too, chocolate and Yamaguchi knew that Sugawara must have texted him the instructions. Yamaguchi also noted a pack of candles for the cake and even a small pack of balloons. 

Yamaguchi briefly thought that this must been what heaven looked like for Tsukishima, with so much sweet stuff in front of him. 

“Wow, you didn't spare on anything.” Yamaguchi said in awe, eyes getting big. That was so much. “This is too much, Sawamura-san, I’ll paypal you.” 

“No, you are not paying.” Daichi told him sternly, face set, but the smile and the kind eyes reminded. “It’s your birthday, so you shouldn't have to pay for it.” Yamaguchi made a face. He felt like he should pay for it. People shouldn't have to go out of their way for him. Birthdays wasn't an excuse. “See it as a gift from me to you.” Sawamura clapped him on the shoulder and beamed at him.

“Congratulation, Yamaguchi-kun.” 

He bowed and yelled out a ‘thank you’, and f his voice cracked; no one commented on it. 

They all set the coffee table together. His small dining table was...small. It worked well with only two, but with more it would get crammed. So coffee table it was. Yamaguchi put the six-pack in the fridge and offered Daichi a colder one. They removed the plastic lids to the different dishes and made some kind of makeshift tapas-tabel with the takeaways. 

True to his world; Sawamura did have an appetite. He was quite big...in a good way. He was muscular, like Bokuto. Just shorter.

They talked about their studies and work, Yamaguchi learned that Daichi was working as a starter firefighter-  and was working towards becoming a smoke diver. He had to workout a lot to keep his body in shape and do multiple of stress tests each year to see if he was both mentally and physically fit for the job. He had been on calls, easy stuff- as he put it. Forgotten pizzas in the oven and burning dinners, once a disaster of a chemistry experiment on a high school, but hopefully he would be able to do more dire stuff soon. Or not hopefully, not like anyone of them hoped that a fire would bursts out, but Sawamura looked forward to the experience. 

Yamaguchi told him briefly of his own course and Daichi made comment that he was outnumbered by biology students. Sugawara was the center of the conversation. He easily started the conversation away when he noticed that Yamaguchi didn't know what to say and just spoke himself when the conversation seemed to grow more awkward. They were kind of just strangers around a table. 

It was good company, though. 

“Um, we can play some board games or something.” Yamaguchi told them as they were cleaning up the plates and putting away the leftovers. “I don’t have a lot to do here, but I do have some board games.” 

Sugawara perked up. “Yes, let's do that!” 

“Suga loves games, or,” Dachi filled in with a shrug and a boyish grin. “he loves winning.” 

Sugawara laughed and declared that he was going to win every single game in a playful voice. Yamaguchi had to laugh at him. Sugawara always seemed so calm and soft when he met him at the Crows, but he was intense. Quite intense. Not in the same way Bokuto and Kuroo could be, but another kind of intense. 

“Are you guys sure you don't want the food, you bought it?” Yamaguchi aksed, again after the hundredth time of asking. 

Sawamura crossed his arms and shook his head. “No, you need it more than we do. Sides, we bought it just for you, so it only makes sense that you keep it.” 

“Yeah,” Sugawara nodded along. “you should take it, make it a bento or just have it for leftovers.” 

“Okay, if you two are sure.” Yamaguchi mumbled, drying his hands on the kitchen towel. All the food was packed away and the plates were either washed or put in the dishwasher. They had quite the feast, actually. Or it was a feast for Yamaguchi.  Maybe it was normal for the two of them. “I’m going dig out the board games, I’ll be out in a second.” He waved to them and left them to be. They could handle themselves. 

He went to the guest room and crouched down. He had placed the board cames under the bed, in the suitcases he bought with him when he first moved. He honestly never knew why he did choose to take them with him, but back then; it was probably important for him to leave with as much material belongings as possible. Since he arrived at Tokyo with nothing. 

He dug up monopolyo, charades and a regular quiz game. He also found an old card stock plus his old PSP. He completely forgot he took that with gim. He needed to find the charger, so he could start playing again. Maybe Kenma had something that could help him. 

“Hey, I found few games we could play.” Yamaguchi started as he balanced all of the boxes on his way out of the small room. “But if we can't find a game, we can watch a movie or something. I have netflix account. So, yeah, you guys just decide and-” 

“Happy Birthday Yamaguchi-kun!” 

Yamaguchi startled and dropped the games on the floor, right on his toes. He winched in a little bit of pain, but it didn't stop his surprised expression. He looked at the two boys with big eyes. His jaw might have hit the floor too, he was honestly not sure at this point. 

They were standing in front of the coffee table and was holding the cake. The cake was decorated with the thick, butter frosting. There was a 21 number on it, plus multiple coloured candles and all of them were lit. It reminded him of the cake Kuroo and Bokuto decorated for Tsukishima and he kind of understood how something not-so-pretty, could be appreciated when it was with the right intentions. It might have been a little overkill with so many candles, because it did give a childish vibe. But heck, it might be the best thing he had ever received in years. 

Sugawara and Sawamura was beaming up at him. Sugawara was even holding another bag. 

They started to sing to him, and Yamaguchi sputtered and blushed. He felt his face heat up. A bubbly feeling grew in his stomach. He hadn’t heard someone sing that song to him, in front of him, since first year of high school. Haku was the last one that sung it to him. Over the phone in his last year of high school. 

He might actually start to cry again. he might actually do that. 

“Come on, Yamaguchi,” Daichi beamed at him. “You have to blow out and make a wish.” 

“Dachi put one extra candles on it, 21 for each year, and one for good luck.” Sugawara explained proudly.

Yamaguchi sobered up and did as he was told. He needed two tries, and actually forgot about the wish part. Sugawara cheered at him when he had blown out the candles. He also cut him the first piece. And Tadashi noticed that it was vanilla cream inside of it. It was a layered cake.

It looks delicious. Almost as good as french fries. And that was saying something. 

“Thanks you guys, you didn't have too, though.” Yamaguchi said as they all dug into their cake. The candy bowl was filled and chips were taken out and they all were on their second can of soda. Sawamura had blown up a few of the balloons and they were spraveld over his grey carpet. Colourful balloon and it looked like rainbow sprinkles. 

“We love celebrating!” Daichi said, “And sidse, we weren't going to do anything special today.” Daichi reached for a second slice. The cake wasn’t that big, but it was more than enough, since the cake was quite ‘heavy’. 

They started playing the game. Charades, which surprisingly worked out with  and odd number. They just took turn on who the guessers was and who the one that needed to do the act was. Those who guessed right, got the point. 

Sugawara was on  _ fire _ . He yelled, he screamed and he jumped up and down. He called Daichi out for his awkward acting. It made Yamaguchi laugh out loud, because it was the total opposite of the barista he first met two year ago. It was even more funny because all Sugawara did was to cheer on him when he was acting. Poor Daichi, he got the short end of the stick. but it looked like the firefighter had a great time. He was too, quite competitive. Yamaguchi hoenslty didn't care if he won or not, he had a great time despite how the weekend started. 

Daichi won the game. He gave a small cheer as Sugawara pouted. It was earned though. Yamaguchi calmed down from his laughter and Sugawara drowned his sadness in another handful of chips, while Daichi celebrated with another slice of cake. 

“Ah, that was a good game.” The blond said, coming out from his small mood. “You earned that fair and square, Bro.” Sugawara fistbumped  his lover on the shoulder. 

“Don’t call me bro when we sleep in the same bed.” Sawamura huffed out a laugh with an amused look. He chuckled right after and Yamaguchi was kind of amazed by their small jokes. He noticed that their way of being lovers were different than Akaashi and Bokuto, and Kenma and Kuroo’s way of being lover. Sugawara was playful and had a little sass to him, but the kindness he always showed him was there. Daichi was also playful, but not by the extent his boyfriend was. He was kind of serious, but also confident and Yamaguchi just felt that he had a safe aura around him. 

“You know, Daichi,” Sugawara started while taking a piece of the cake Sawamura had cut himself. “Yamaguchi-kun used to play volleyball too.”

“You did?” Daichi asked and smiled with wonder towards him. 

“Y-yes I did. Was never any good at it though, stopped in Junior High.” Yamaguchi said. The board game was still strewn across the table. They could clean that up afterwards, unless Sugawara wanted a rematch. “But now, sometimes, I play volleyball with the guys and that is quite fun.”

Daichi smiled to him, but did look confused at Sugawara. Just when Sugawara started to explain, Yamaguchi knew that he should elaborate. 

“He know Tsukishima and the guys. And he even met Hinata.” 

“Wow, how did you meet them?” Daichi looked like he was honestly curios.

“Ah, I met Kuroo-san and Bokuto-san first. They came into the bookstore I work at, and when we met at campus a few days later, they kind of just took me in.” Yamaguchi shrugged. It felt weird saying it outloud like that. It felt like they had know each other for so long, since they had done so much together. Maybe it was like that when they spent almost everyday with each other. However,  it was only a few months they had known each other. “Sugawara-san told me Tsukishima and Hinata-san were your kohais.” 

Daichi tilted his head. “How is he doing, Tsukishima, I haven’t seen him in a couple of months.”

“He often comes into the Crows for a quick snack, and I often bump into Akaashi-kun, since he is my kohai in medicine, we have a lot of our classes in the same building.” Sugawara filled in and took another bite of his boyfriends cake slice. He could cut his own, since there were still a lot of it left, but he didn’t. “I always chat with them for a little bit.”

“I think he is doing fine, he is home now for the weekend.” Yamaguchi filled in. He wasn't really in any position to tell others about his well being, but since Daichi asked, he didn't have any choice. “Akaashi is celebrating an uncle's birthday.” 

“Ah,” Dachi started and crossed his arms. A nostalgic smile grew on his face. “Tsukishima could cause so much trouble sometimes.”

“Ehhh, Tsukishima was a troublemaker? I can't really imagine that.” . 

“Tsukishima wasn't much of a troublemaker, but he sure loved to rile people up, especially Hinata and Kageyama.” Sugawara told him with a sigh. “He is easy to goad into stupid arguments. Most because of his snarky comments.”

“He doesn't like to get yelled at though.” Daichi laughed. Sugawara chuckled a little too and Yamaguchi felt like he didn't know the stoic Tsukishima he got to know in the start of the semester. Of course he has seen Tsukishima tease Kuroo and Bokuto, but they teashed him back too. “He always tried to get away everytime I needed to put them all back into place.” Daichi laughed. 

“He even started to fight fit the guys during matches.” Sugawara snickered. “Daichi had to scream at them  to stop.” 

The older boys laughed, probably of reminiscing their high school days. It wasn't much Yamaguchi remembered from those days and what he did; he was better without. He was happy that they had a past they wanted to remembered. That they shared together. 

They stayed for a few more hours, plating games and talking. It was calm and even though Yamaguchi imagine first that he would celebrate his birthday with a little bit of booze shared with Tsukishima and the others; sharing coke cans and a chocolate cake over charades and yatzy was also a pretty great evening. 

It was more than he had imagined for himself in the start of the week. 

“Oh, I forgot, I got Daichi to buy you a last minute gift.” Sugawara told him  and crawled over to were one of the last bags had fallen over. “It isn’t much, but I’ll hope you’ll enjoy it.”

“Suga, you didn't have to.” Yamaguchi whined. “You two have already given me more than enough already.” He didn't want them to buy stuff for him when he never had done something like that to them. He had to find a way to pay them both back sometimes in the near future. Because he owed them. 

“It’s nothing. Birthdays were created to spoil the jubilee rotten.” Sugawara said and sounded like an old aunt. 

“I don’t think birthdays were created because of that, Suga-san” Yamaguchi snorted back. Daichi laughed. 

“Oh, shush.” Sugawara walked over and sat beside Yamaguchi. “Here, it’s isn’t wrapped, but i’ll hope you’ll get use of it.” Sugawara thrusted the bag to him and Yamaguchi took it carefully. 

It was soft. He peaked curiosity inside of the bag and pulled the item out. 

It was felted slippers, made of grey and a little bit of purple yarn. They were soft, so so soft. He almost believed they were made of cotton instead of wool. He also spotted a scarf in the same colour scheme. It had those fringes in the ends and it looked like it was bought for somewhere quite pricey. What he did wonder, was how Sugawara got a hold of this. It wasn't like he had planned to come here and celebrate his birthday today. 

“Ho-how.” Yamaguchi murmured as he felt the fabric under his fingers. They were so nice and so much better than the slippers he usually wore at home. The scarf was also nice. Timeless and always wearable. Just the right length. 

“My aunt,” Daichi started. “she makes a lot of knitted and crocheted stuff, sometimes she even felts them. She has kind of a small facebook business of it.” Yamaguchi nodded, still examining the gifts. 

Sugawara bumped his shoulder. “When I texted Daich right before we walked up here, I asked if he could ask Obasan to find something suitable and she was happy to help out for the gifts.” Sugawara smiled gently towards him again. The same smile he met two years ago when he first walked into the Crows and the man behind the counter didn't have to give him a discount, but did so anyway. A smile that told him that he didn't understand what was going on, but still understood that a little bit of kindness would make a little bit difference. “These are good too. Daichi and I have our own pairs and they will last you a couple of years if you treat them well. The scarf even longer, a lot longer.”

“Thank you.” Yamaguchi whispered. It was just a pair of slippers and a matching scarf. “Thank you so much, you didn't have to give me anything, but thank you, Sugawara-san.” Yamaguchi hiccuped. He smiled towards the blond and Sugawara smiled towards him. 

The med student gave him a hug that was far more happy and cheery than the one they shared in the coffee shop. 

“Try ‘em on, Yamaguchi-kun.” Daichi broke their hug. He sounds eager. “I had to text one of my friends that are the same height as you and ask him for his shoe size. I hope they fit, but Obasan said that you can just change them and get a more fitting size if they don’t.” Daichi explained. 

Yamaguchi took off his own slippers. He bought them at some furniture store that sold a lot of decoration stuff Yamaguchi couldn’t afford. But he could afford plain slippers that were worn at the seems. 

He put them on, and yeah, they were soft. they didn't itch like normal wool did.

“It’s merino wool.” Sugawara said and wrapped the scarf around him. It tickled his nose and he sneezed. “It’s the softest wool you can get.” 

“So, how do they fit?” Daichi aksed. Yamaguchi wiggled his toes and stretched his ankles. They were quite spacy and he could even fit thicker socks into it. 

“They fit perfectly.” Yamaguchi beamed towards the both of them.  “Thank you so much, both of you.” 

They smiled back at him and sugawara squeezed him to his sides again. It wasn't just fuzzy clothes that could warm him up, people could too. 

The two of them stayed for a while. They didn't start another game, but didn't put on any netflix or tv either. They were just chatting away the late evening. Sugawara and Sugawara had already been there alot of hours, but it felt like only a couple of hours had went buy since he first found him crying in a lonely booth. 

They helped him clean up and Yamaguchi managed to get Daichi to take the rest of the cake with him. Because he was the one that ate the most of it out off them all. Sawamura took it, a little bit grudgingly. Yamaguchi was happy that it wouldn’t get stale and he had to throw it away. He had eaten more than he had done in years. He didn't eat this much at Tsukishima's party or the halloween party. His pants were tight around his waist, an unusual feeling. 

“I hope you manage to catch the train.” Yamaguchi told them as they were putting on their coats. It was late and the three of them had forgotten the time. The last train would soon leave and Sugawara and Daichi hope that they wouldn’t have to call a cab to get them home. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Daichi said. “We’ll always mange.”

“Sides, it has stopped raining.” Sugawara told him. Yamaguchi took note that the faint sound of rain hitting the windows had stopped. At least they wouldn’t get soaked on their way home. Sugawara had an umbrella, but still. 

They hurriedly put on their outside wear. Daichi made sure the cake leftovers were not jostled too much as he carefully picked up the bag. He surprised Yamaguchi with giving him a hug. 

“Congratulation, Yamaguchi-kun. It was fun celebrating with you.” It wasn't as tight and ‘sure’ as Sugawara’s was, but it was comfy and friendly. And kind of protective. 

“It was fun to have you two here. You can come again whenever.” Yamaguchi smiled back. He was tired and hoped he would be able to sleep well with a full stomach. “You made my day a lot better.” 

Sawamura stepped out of the way and gave Sugawara space to hug him farewell too. He hugged him tight and warmly and even hummed into the hug.“Hey, remembered what I told you earlier? Call me, or haunt me down at campus when you need it.” Sugawara whispered to him. Yamauchi only nodded to the hug. It wasn't like he could avoid Sugawara altogether, since the Crows were his favourite coffee place. And he might take him up on the offer, sometime.  “And Yamaguchi? ” 

“Hmmm?” 

“Look in the to-go bag from the Crows, I hid something in there for you.”

“Another gift card.” Yamaguchi groanded back. He pushed Sugawara away from him, but the older boy still held him at an arm's length. He laughed back and Yamaguchi groanded again. 

“You didn't have too. You always gave me a gift, Sugawara-san” 

“What’s done, is done.” Sugawara shrugged and winked. He zipped up his jacket. Behind him, Sawamura shook his head with crossed arms. A smirk crossing his face. 

Yamaguchi pouted back and Sugawara flicked him on the nose. Not hard but enough to make him pull a face. 

“Oi, we need to run, Kōshi.” Sawamura said. Suagawara let him go, still smiling slyly at him. 

“I’ll talk to you, Yamaguchi.” Sugawara said as he started to turn around to leave. 

Yamaguchi nodded. “I’ll pay you back sometime, somehow.”

“That goes against the birthday-playbook.” Sugawara turned around and started to walk down the stairs after his boyfriend. “If you have spoiled the jubilee rotten, you have done it wrong.” 

He could hear Daichi laugh.

And Yamaguchi laughed back. Because this night were beyond imagination. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here some sweet fluff, make sure you brush your teeth afterwards :P
> 
> PS! That chocolate cake is inspired by my favourite cake of all times. It's a cake my mom always makes me for my birthday. It's from an old recipe and I call it 'old fashioned chocolate cake'. And It's basically a rich chocolate cake sliced in half with vanilla cream in it and chocolate ganache on t top of it. The secret is a couple of table spoons of coffee in the cake batter. It enriches the flavour ;) I don't think either of you cared about that part, but I just felt like telling about it ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ 
> 
> (can we also appreciate that this was actually posten on Yama's birthday :3 )
> 
> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated :D


	23. A monotone birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi is having unexpected feelings on his actual birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! This fic is purely from Yamaguchi's point of view, so do not fear! But I thought i twist it up a little with a from Sugawara's pov. It's only a small part, but since he had such a big role in the last chapter, I felt like I couldn't let him go :) But i thought that giving him a little part wouldn't hurt. 
> 
> Also, this chapter is a little shorter. I don't have the capacity or time to make it longer. (plus, i wanted the tone of the chapter to be more flat....if that makes sense?? It matched the title) also wanted to focus on how bad mental health can physically drain one, even if they have a good day. 
> 
> hopefully next update will be longer :P
> 
> Also! I don't know how many of you that reads the comments, but I mentioned that I wanted to make a two parts chapter with Tsukishima is the centre. The main idea is that i will write about his life before he met Yama, and the second part will be how he wives yama after they have become a couple. It's only an idea and i need to know where I have to put those chapters if I ever decide to make them. It's long time until that part, so they will not be made anytime soon. But tell me what you think about the idea and I plan more if you guys are interested :3

When Yamaguchi woke up on Sunday, his actual birthday; he felt surprisingly light. And he knew it was because of the small celebration Sawamura and Sugawara provided for him. In recent years his birthday had just been a date he was trying to forget. And even when he thought now that he just wanted to forget this year’s too, well his two new friends made him want to remember it. 

He spent the majority of the morning in bed, it was his birthday anyway, so there was no stress. His boss was kind enough and considerate enough that he always gave his workers the closest weekend off when they had their birthdays or when they asked to get a weekend off.. He didn't appreciate it before, but now he did understand why his boss did so. Because he didn't feel like working today even if he had to. 

Sunday was reserved to resting up.  

After watching four episode of his series he was currently following, he took a quick shower. Tadashi still had the towel Sawamura used thrown into the corner and decided that after he was done, he could wash some dirty clothes and towels. Although he had reserved the day to doing nothing, he still felt like he needed to do something productive. 

He made a light breakfast, still feeling full from yesterday's meals. But he was feeling a little hungry. It was past noon, so perhaps breakfast wasn't the right term. A late lunch? Food was in need anyway. 

He checked his phone out of auto-pilot and noticed a few icons on his facebook app. He reluctantly clicked on it. Yamaguchi only got a few congratulations, which wasn't that supirsing since he never really used facebook. He didn't even have a profile picture. 

He di get the yearly congratulation from his boss, a few from his classmates and lab partners. He made a note to answer that later, not feeling like he wanted to deal with them now. Yamaguchi was surprised to see one note from Kenma and Akaashi. 

Kenma’s were simple. It only congratulated him with a smiley face attached. Akaashi’s was similar, but he also wished him a well wishes. 

Sugawara had sent him a direct message on Messenger, congratulating him on his actual day and thanking him for the evening priors. It was from both sawamura and Sugawara. He thanked him immediately

He ate some of the leftover wok with a fried egg. He added some green tea, just to feel a little healthy. 

Yamaguchi was carrying a warm feeling. It was a strange feeling, because he did often feel like his limbs were lead weights and his head was often caught in a fuss. But now, now he felt lighter and his head was clearer. He got a night full of sleep. Good rest too. Tadashi supposed all factors helped him feeling a little better than he normally did. He did have a grueling feeling that it wouldn’t last forever, but it was good to know and to feel that not each day were heavy and grim. 

That there was still good days left for him too.

Feeling surprisingly motivated for the day, he decided to take a walk around the neighborhood. Even though Sawamura and Sugawara had filled his fridge with food, he still had some small things he needed to pick up. Like soya sauce and toiletries. 

The rain had flushed out all of the snow. There wasn't much to begin with, but what was; was greatly appreciated. It was sad to see it gone and he hoped they would get another snowfall before christmas. 

He took a walk through the park. There wasn't much people out and those who were, stayed away from picnicking on the cold, wet grass. It seemed like they all enjoyed himself as they were all walking and milling around. 

Yamaguchi bough a hot cacao for himself and enjoyed it through his walk. He chose is warm coat and his new scarf too. It was warm and he secretly felt like he did look rater nice today too. Winter was the excuse to spoil himself with hot beverages and cozy clothes. He’ll do it everyday if he could...and if he could afford it too. 

Although he did feel motivated earlier in the day, his energy zapped quickly. He was still not used to being social, despite hanging out with Kuroo and the others pretty often. But he had had a hard week and a hard weekend too. He needed some days to charge up, especially in the winter. 

Tadashi cut his walk short and walked directly to the nearest sunday-open store. 

He made his way into the small store and picked a basket for himself. He picked up what he needed, plus a bag of chips. It was always great to have those laying around. Plus, it was his birthday, and despite spoiling himself with good food yesterday, he could do that today too. 

Tadashi walked home and once he arrived, he just slumped down and the couch. The bag was still left by the door. The unexpected celebration had tired him out. His crying fit over his self made problems had tired him out.

He didn't want to move from the couch, but he needed a cola. He did really think that he should drink water, but soda was better and he might continue his unhealthy streak. He lazily drank his soda and answered his facebook notifications and didn't think too much about his friends who were out of town and would probably arrive at their apartments in a few hours. He was probably going to meet them in the following week. And he was looking forwards to it. It felt weirdly empty without seeing or chatting to them everyday. 

He stayed in the couch, lazily going through five minutes videos on facebook. The short walk had tried him out quite much and he fell asleep with the coke can in hand, only to wake up half an hour later when he accidentally spilled it in his sleep. He woke when he felt the sugary drink soak into his clothes and couch. 

Yamaguchi groanded loudly into the room. Worst where the accidents that were self inflicted. He could only blame himself. Now he needed to change clothes and figure out a way to clean the sofa. It wasn't the first time he had done something like that, and it wouldn’t be the last. 

He cleaned himself and he cleaned his furniture. 

He yawned and stretched his whole body and thought about the load of clothes he earlier put to wash and those who still needed a round in the wash. It would take him less than five minutes probably to assemble them, but the motivation wasn't there. He could do that later, or tomorrow. 

A perk of living alone was that no one called him out for his bad habits and lazy tendencies. He also needed some dinner, but he was feeling really full from the cacao and coke. His stomach was actually bloated. 

He still finished that his friends were here with him. Kuroo had sent him a snap that he was in the car with Kenma. and Yaku. The three of them were on their way towards the campus. Tsukishima hadn’t really sent any snaps during the time, it wasn't out of characters. He usually only stuck to answering those he got. Bokuto snapped a lot through his weeked. And that was not uncommon. He snapped a lot of the party. They all seemed that they enjoyed himself. And all Yamaguchi wondered was if they were thinking about him too. 

He shook his head. He was interested in their weekend, he was. He really was, but it was sometimes hard to think of others when he wasn't doing that great himself. Because he did think a lot about the conversation Sugawara had with him at the Crows yesterday. 

He looked around himself, at the empty place that still had the board game strewn across his  table, balloons that was thrown around and even a few of the candles that belonged to the cake. It made him smile a little, remembering the night. It was maybe weird to feel so high after just a night with new friends, but he had never had something like that. Yamaguchi had never had anyone doing that for him in years and just the thought of it made him smile again. 

He needed to clean up, wash his clothes and maybe his apartment too. 

Instead of doing those things, he took his laptop, plugged it into the charger and crawled into the bed. He needed to get up right after, because he still needed to take the bag of groceries into the fridge. Once he was done, he crawled back. For once, he didn't have anywhere to be, any schoolwork to do, and could actually lie down without stressing about anything. 

He ate a little of his chips for dinner and watched netflix until he fell asleep. The weekend and knocked him out. 

It was true that he was so unfamiliar with social interaction that it did tire him out.

* * *

Monday morning were always busy with students that tried to get a good start on their week. Sugawara didn't really like working Monday morning. Weekends always made him lose his still bad sleeping habits  and just made it worse. It was his fault, but the only reason he could work mornings was because he didn't have a lecture until 14.00 p.m. 

He was busy wiping tabled and changing candles for new ones when he saw four familiar faces walking in. 

“Ohayō, Tsukishima,” Sugawara smiled lightly to his friends. “Kuroo-san, Kenma and Bokuto-san!” The youngest boy gave a small bow and stifled a yawn with his hand. He was clearly still tired. It made Sugawara chuckle a little. “How’s it going?” 

“Thanks, Sugawara-san, it’s stressful. Exams are coming up. I only have one oral exam though. It’s a big one.” Tsukishima answered with a shrug. he did look a little tired. It was weird how he had spent so much time during his last year of high school getting to know these guys more or less, and now be barely saw them. Maybe that was just a part of growing up. 

They were about to walk towards the counter when Sugawara interrupted them. He needed to talk to them about something…about  _ someone _ . 

They turned around, all of them almost taller than him; except for Kenma. “Hey, I need to ask you about something.”He rubbed the back of his head, searching about the right words and wondering if it was appropriate for him to tell them what he was about to do. “I have noticed that you all have started to hang out with Yamaguchi-kun.” 

“Yes, how do you know him?” Bokuto aksed with curiosity. 

“I started to talk to him when he first came into the cafe a couple of years ago,” Sugawara informed them. They all looked surprised, or more like they were given some new info. “anyway-I spoke to him during the weekend, and he was quite upset. 

“What happened?”

Sugawara breathed deeply. He didn't want to out Yamaguchi. That wasn't his motive, but since they were the ones that hung with him the most, they would probably have a better chance to get him to open up or if not, at least make him feel a little better. Sugawara would try to do more himself, but there was a matter of who Yamaguchi trusted and felt comfortable with. And even if Sugawara had known Yamaguchi longer than then, technically. Yamaguchi had spent more time with the others, so there was that too. 

“Well, he was upset about a lot of things. It was his birthday this weekend- yesterday- but on Saturday i found him here during the end of my shift and I just think that he imagine it being different. Plus, we spoke a little bit more, but I think you have to ask about that himself.” 

“His birthday was this weekend?” Kuroo tilted his head. He looked at the others and Kenma was the only one that nodded. “I have been without connections the whole weekend.” 

“I congratulated him.” Kenma answered. Bokuto had picked up his phone and was probably looking it up. 

“Why didn't you tell us, Kenma?” Tsukishima aksed. 

“I figured out he didn't want to celebrate it since he didn't mention it.” Kenme shrugged, but he did look troubled. 

“We should celebrate him!” Kuroo said with a growing smile. 

“Or not.” Kenma furrowed his brows and calmed his boyfriend down. “If he didn't tell us, he might not like the attention.” 

“Well, I forgot to congratulate him. I have barely been using my phone.” 

“I also forgot to check and congratulate him.” Bokuto admitted. He had an unusual frown crossing his face.

“I didn't either,” Tsukishima accepted that he also forgot. The blond wasn't too easy to read, but Sugawara could see a bothered expression growing. “can’t believe I didn't check the date. He did tell us that his birthday was in November.” 

“Well,” Sugawara got their attention again. “I think you need to talk to him about it.”

“Thanks for telling us, Sugawara.” Kenma nodded to him. Sugawara smiled back, glad that they would find a way to take care of their friend. “I need to get back to work. Good luck and it was nice meeting you all.” he bowed and turned around to continue his task. 

“I feel like a crappy friend now.” Bokuto pouted. 

“Looks like we have some things to pick up with Yamaguchi-kun.” Kuroo said and that was the last thing he heard of the matter. 

He knew they would figure this out, and he dearly hoped it was what Yamaguchi needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! This fic is purely from Yamaguchi's point of view, so do not fear! But I thought i twist it up a little with a from Sugawara's pov. It's only a small part, but since he had such a big role in the last chapter, I felt like I couldn't let him go :) But i thought that giving him a little part wouldn't hurt. 
> 
> Also, this chapter is a little shorter. I don't have the capacity or time to make it longer. (plus, i wanted the tone of the chapter to be more flat....if that makes sense?? It matched the title) also wanted to focus on how bad mental health can physically drain one, even if they have a good day. 
> 
> Sorry, hopefully next update will be longer :P
> 
> Also! I don't know how many of you that reads the comments, but I mentioned that I wanted to make a two parts chapter with Tsukishima is the centre. The main idea is that i will write about his life before he met Yama, and the second part will be how he wives yama after they have become a couple. It's only an idea and i need to know where I have to put those chapters if I ever decide to make them. It's long time until that part, so they will not be made anytime soon. But tell me what you think about the idea and I plan more if you guys are interested :3
> 
> Thanks for reading, comment and kudos are always appreciated :D


	24. White lies only hurt the bearer.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi meets with his friends after his birthday weekend. He learns that he is still new to the whole friendship dynamic, but Tsukishima hit some sense into him, literally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hola, and happy December!
> 
> It's been a month since i last uploaded, but exams came and I decided to put off wring until I was done with all of them. I don't know how many of you that follows my tumblr( I don't expect you to do, i only listed it in the first chapter in the notes) but I announced it there that I would take some time off updating my fic. Don't feel pressured to follow my blog, i only mention it for those who might be interested in checking updates and massges about the fic since i sometimes post it there if i am late with a chapter or not or if I have to suddenly arrange my schedule :D
> 
> Also, have you guys read the manga recently. I wished I had made kenma a youtube, but at least i got the programming part right (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و I love my small kitten 
> 
> anyway, to the point! Here is a new chapter. I actually debated in calling it 'the power of friendship' but that was cheesy and not really me. But I though it was funny :P (but maybe i'll save it for another time)
> 
> Updates will be each week or two weeks apart. It depends on how busy i am. Mostly on fridays or during the weekend. Today I was just excited to upload since it have been so long!

Monday came yet again, his classes started with the Monday lectures and Yamaguchi dreaded it a little. It was actually a long time since he dreaded the start of the week. He didn't hate the classes or lectures or sitting alone in the big auditoriums, but he kind of had an uneasy feelings about meeting the others again. 

But he did also look forward to meet the others again. They met almost every weekend since they started to hang out and it was unusual for him to not be with them at least once during the weekend. Before he met them, he had no problem with being alone and doing things by himself, but now that he had his friends there with him; it felt empty without them. 

But he did walk into campus Monday morning. 

After his biology class, Akaashi caught up with him. They did their usual greeting at the start, Akashi was already seated with his other med classmates and Yamaguchi was seated as his usual spot in front of them all. Tadashi did think that was the end of their interaction for the day, since he did have the closing shift at the bookstore, but Akaashi had chased after him. 

“Yamaguchi, oi, wait!” 

He stopped and turned around. Akashi hadn’t even put on his jacket. It was tucked securely under his arm at his side and his bag was thrown over the opposite shoulder. He looked normal. The kind, bored expression with a small smile. 

“Akashi-san, how was your weekend?” Tadashi smiled, kind of glad that Akaashi went through the trouble to chase him down. It felt like he had won some kind of award or price. 

“It was nice, lots of family members and a lot of good food.” Akash smiled. “Bokuto-san also had a blast, he just played with all of my younger cousins.” 

Bokuto did gave off the vibe that he was quite well adjusted to play with children. He was childish himself and kind of had the charm. “It’s nice to hear that you both enjoyed your weekend.” Tadashi honestly replied. 

“Hey, I knew I sent you a message yesterday, but, congratulations with your birthday that just passed.” Akaashi smiled and trusted his arms up for a hug. 

It took him slightly of guard, but he was getting more familiar with all them hugging each other and the friendly touching they did share like hair ruffles. 

The hug was firm and quick, but warm nonetheless. Akaashi released first and smiled. “You should have told me, I have no gift or anything like that.” 

Yamaguchi blushed and gave a light wave with his hand. “Ah, no, no, you don’t have to worry. I kind of forgot to tell you all anyway.” His sentenced died a little, but he perked up right after. He didn't want to worry his friend like that. Because all of it was his fault anyway. “So, don't worry, Akaashi.” 

They started to walk towards the entrance. Yamaguchi did have the last few hours for study, and he was going to do that since he couldn't be bothered with going home before his shift. And if he wasn't mistaken, Akaashi had another lecture or so. 

“But still, sorry for not noticing before. “Akashi nodded towards him and smiled down at him.

“Don’t worry, as I said; I didn't tell any of you guys so I didn't expect any of you to notice it.” Yamaguchi absently said as they started to part for the day. He thought that Tsukishima and the others might also be somewhere on campus or home at their dorms, and the possibility to run into them too were big. “But um, I’ll talk to you later, hmmm?” 

Akaashi nodded, his smile lessen ever so slightly, but Yamaguchi pretended not to notice.

* * *

Yamaguchi looked over his laptop at Tsukishima. He felt tense, and wondered if Tsukishima also felt the tense air between their laptops. They had accidentally run into each other at the library and it would be weird if they didn't sit together. 

It had been awkward on Yamaguchi's part and his friend was so devoured in his text books that Yamaguchi couldn't read his emotions.

Yamaguchi turned back to his own book when Tsukishima glanced at him. Pretending that he was looking elsewhere. He was holding his pencil with a tight grip, like he didn't want to let it go. He glanced around at the other students and staff that were busy with finding and reading pensum. Exams period were slowly starting and the library got so much packed and busy with the new flow of students wanting to make the last effort in saving their grades. 

The worst was that he knew he was overreacting. It wasn't a secret that he spent the weekend with Sugawara and Sawamura, or that his birthday was yesterday. 

“Yamaguchi, are you alright?” 

Yamaguchi stiffened at the voice, but when he looked up he was surprised by the somewhat worried look in Tsukishima’s face. His voice sounded so indifferent, like he was more annoyed than worried. 

“Hai!” He might have yelled it a little loud. 

Tsukishima raised an eyebrow at him. “Why are you so tense then?”

“Noting, nothing is wrong.” Yamaguchi stressed. He was overthinking. 

Tsukishima sighed, looked slightly away and then at him. “Hey, how was your weekend?” Yamaguchi looked up started at his question. Tsukishima took a deep breath and closed his laptop and Yamaguchi lowered his one as well, giving the blond his full attention. “I mean...I met Sugawara-san this morning at the cafe and he told us he spent Saturday with you. I didn't know you knew him.”

Yamaguchi was at lost. Tsukishima had met with Sugawara. Had the barista told him everything. “Yeah...um, I know him. He’s always so nice to me whenever I come in.” 

Tsukishima nodded. “Yeah, Sugawara-san is nice.” Tsukishima agreed with a small smile. “But, he told us you were upset, were you?” 

Yamaguchi looked down at his notebook. He chewed on his lips and tried not to fiddle so much with his hands. 

“He told us to ask ourselves.” Tsukishima continued. He ran a hand through his curls. “I tried to drop it, but you-you just seemed tense so I thought I might ask.” 

“Thank you,” Yamaguchi spoke quietly. He was still temeibling. Bad at confronting others and bad at being confronted. “I was, but it’s okay now, you know ?” He planted a smile on. “It’s all better now, so don't worry.”

“Come one, spit it out.” Tsusksham pressed. “If you were upset by something, you should be able to tell us, since we are friends and all. Sugawara-san mentioned your birthday and something about that you wanted it to be different.” He spoke slowly and it looked like he tried not to be so brash. “I am sorry I forgot it yesterday, but happy birthday, Yamaguchi.” 

“Thank you.” Yamaguchi echoed. He looked back at Tsukishima and the boy looked straight at him. “I was-” Yamaguchi started and looked away. “ I wanted to invite you guys….and I was thinking of doing so when I was over last...time.” He didn't know why he was saying this Tsukishima, when he could talk to others too. It just felt easier telling his friends. For some reason. Maybe because while Tsukishima was blunt and straight forward, and while his sarcastic humor could be borderline mean; he was all in all- just a guy that tried to care for his friend. “But-but then I heard all of your plans during the weekend and I didnt thinks my plans were that important.” 

Tsukishima looked at him with wide eyes and sat up a little straighter. It looked like he was about to say something. 

However, Yamaguchi spoke up before he said anything. “Don't worry, please! I am used to be by myself so I manage just fine.” Yamaguchi looked at the big honey gold eyes and brushed a hand through his own hair. It was getting long. “Sides, Sugawara-san and Sawamura-san came over and kept me in company.” He put on a smile again, scared that he over shared. When he looked up up at Tsukishima again, he only saw the chair he had vacated just seconds ago were empty. 

_Whack!_

“Ite!” Yamaguchi clutched his head in surprise. “Why did you do that?” He rubbed at the hurt sport. 

“Baka!” Tsukishima said, standing over him and was holding one of the lighter books he had. The law student had just hit him in the head with it. 

Yamaguchi was more surprised that hurt. 

Tsukishima sat beside him and Yamaguchi used a few seconds to calm down. He made an upset face at the blond and the other fired back with an upset look too. 

“You should have told us!” 

“I-I didn't want to be an inconvenience.” Yamaguchi stuttered back. 

“Your birthday isn't an inconvenience.” Tsukishima called back.

“You- all of you- already had plans and bought the tickets.” Yamaguchi tried. Maybe he was just making excuses. 

“We could have planned something for the next weekend or something. Anything!” 

“Don’t judge me, I have never had anyone to celebrate my birthday with anyway!” Yamaguchi looked away from him. There was another girl that was chewing on her hair and that was way more interesting. 

Tsukishima sighed and took his glasses off. He rubbed his eyes and sighed. “You are unbelievable” he chuckled. Tsukishima put a hand in his hair and ruffled it. Yamaguchi laughed too, a little uneasy. 

“So you didn't want us to celebrate you?” Tsukishima asked and put on his glasses again. A somewhat sad expression crossed him. 

Yamaguchi gave a shrug with his shoulders. “I guess I just really just wanted to invite all of you over and my birthday seemed like a good excuse.” 

Tsukishima smiled. “Yeah, birthdays are a good excuse to invite new people over.” He kind of had an nostalgic smile that crossed his face. Like he was remembering something.

“Yeah…” 

“Still, Yamaguchi, you should have just told us.” The brunet nodded. “And you know, you can just invite us over whenever. Kuroo mentioned it a few weeks ago that he had never been at yours. Most because Bokuto kept bragging that he had been.” 

“He was bragging?” Yamaguchi aksed astonished. “He was only in the entryway. “That doesn't count.” He laughed. 

Tsukishima snickered too. “For those idiots it is.” He shook his head. “Still, just send us a message . Most of us are free after after dinner and sometimes we all eat together.” 

Yamaguchi remembered what Akaashi and told him so many weeks ago. 

“Okay, I remember that until next time!”

“You better!” 

They sat silently for a few seconds. Tsukishima was still seated beside him and Yamaguchi didn't know what to talk about. Maybe he should just invite him over since he said he would do it. But would that be dishonest of him, since then Tsukishima would know why he actually did it. Not entirely because he wanted to have them over, but more because he wanted to prove a point. 

He was really just digging a deeper hole for himself. 

“So...so, how was your weekend?” Yamaguchi aksed. He rubbed his hand on his pants. They weren't sweaty, but he felt like they were clammy. “You went home for the weekend, was it nice?”

Tsukishima smiled and nodded. “Yeah, my brother and his wife were also there. Or, they don't live far away from home; but they had some exciting news.” 

“Huh?” 

“Hana-san, his wife, is pregnant. Like four and half months on her way.” 

“Wow, congratulations, Tsukishima.” Yamaguchi spoke maybe a little loudly for a library. “You’re gonna be an uncle! Sugoi.” 

“Yeah” Tsukishima siad kind of absently. 

“How does it feel?” He aksed eagerly. 

Tsukishima shrugged and looked around. “It feel kind if weird. Oka-sand and To-san was really happy. They didn't know either. I am happy too, for them. But it'll be weird that my nii-san will be a father.” He made a small face that made Yamaguchi snicker. It wasn't often Tsukishima showed that he was uncomfortable like that. 

“I guess that would be kind of weird.” Yamaguchi tired to emphasize with him, but he really didn't know how it felt. “But it will be nice, won't it? That he gets the family he wants with the person he wants.” Yamaguchi hoped it wasn't cheesy. “Do you like his wife, Hana-san was it?” 

Tsukishima affirmed right away. “I know it will make my brother happy, but you know, still weird. I have only known him as a brother.” Tsukishima said honesty. “Hana-san is really nice. Calmer than my brother and she keeps him in place...kind of.” 

Yamaguchi smiled back and Tsukishima did so too. 

Maybe he should start to have more faith in himself and his friends.

* * *

After a few hours of studying and a lot of talking between Tsukishima and himself, Yamaguchi parted from campus. He needed to get to his shift in time. He grabbed a coffee to go, a little sad that he didn't catch Sugawara before his shift ended.

He practically downed the coffee. All the stress with his birthday and upcoming assignments had hims spent up and worked up, and he needed the energy boost or a better coping mechanism. 

He caught his boss right before he was done for the day and made the trivial smalltalk while his boss was genuinely interested in his birthday celebration. It was nice that his boss cared so much, really, because his older senpais seemed to be busy with their own things during the shift they always shared. Lucky, today, Yamaguchi had the closing shift alone. 

The good thing about working alone on Mondays, was that is was calm and that no one was watching was he was doing. So he could slack off a little bit. 

He spent the shift just washing the store. They didn't have any new shipment, not until Wednesday, so he just needed to tidy up the place until the next day. 

Yamaguchi hummed to himself as he cleaned each rack and each shelf. There was occasionally customers that needed service, but they didn't neem more than a few notepads or writing utensils. Most of them were nice, a lot of them were in a hurry. He expected as much, but what he didn't expect was that Kuroo and Kenma would pass through the door an hour or so before closing time. His friends sometimes popped in if they needed anything. But they also had the campus bookstores that had much of the same goods, that they preferred just because it was closer. 

Yamaguchi didn't see them at first, to busy cleaning up at the card station beside the counter to notice them. 

“Oi, Yamaguchi-kun.” Kuroo spoke up in the silence. He startled and turned around. 

“Kuroo, Kenma, hello!” Yamaguchi smiled. “How are you doing?” They had shopping bags and Kenma had a backpack too slung over his shoulders. Kenma looked annoyed and Kuroo looked eager. It kind of always was like that between the two of them. 

Kenma put the bags down with a small huff while his boyfriend made his way over.

Kuroo dropped the bags at his sides and placed both hands on his shoulders. He had a different aura around him and Yamaguchi codul feel lit. It wasn't bad meaning, it was just strong. 

“Yamaguchi-kun,” Kuroo started. His bed hair was normal and his sly eyes were still there, but still, it looked like something was not-nortmal. “happy birthday!” The sly smile was replaced with a happy one that beamed down at him. 

Yamaguchi was picked up immediately into a hug and he felt his feet leave the floor. He was astonished when he felt Kuroo squeeze him back and he wrapped his hands around the wider boy too. 

The hug lasted a long time, at least for Yamaguchi; much longer than Akaashi’s. At one point he opened his eyes and looked around, still hanging over the floor. He found Kenma’s eyes and tried to search for a meaning. 

“Kuroo,” Kenma said somewhat tiredly. He patted his boyfriend's back

“Alright, Airtight,” Kuroo said and Yamaguchi was connected to the ground again. "I'm just happy to see him." It felt cold when he was let go. He was still smiling widely towards Yamaguchi, and the receiving boy smiled back. “Sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but the wide open sea didn't have any connection, and I have been busy all day long.” He placed his hands on his hips, somewhat proudly. 

“Weren’t you like, only a few hours away from shore?” Kenma muttered from behind them. 

Kuroo flinched and made a dismissive face at his lover. “Don’t tell him, Kenma.” Kuroo let his shoulders go and wrapped a hand anordn Kenma. “Don’t expose me like this.” Kenma just rolled his eyes. 

Yamaguchi laughed at their antics behind his hand. “Thanks, Kuroo.” Yamaguchi took his bangs out of his eyes. It got messed up when he got hugged. 

They both smiled back at him. 

“So how are you, Yamaguchi? Going to celebrate?” He smiled eagerly at him, waiting for the replay. 

Yamaguchi stiffened and looked at the both of them. 

“I told you not to bring it up, Kuroo.” Kenma siad and gave a light slap with his hand. 

“Hmmm, bring what up?” Yamaguchi tilted his head to the side. He leaned on the counter and put his hands in his pocket so it wouldn't tremble so much. Kenma looked more annoyed at Kuroo and Kuroo slumped. “Guys?”

“Well, we spoke to Tsukki during dinner, and he told us some of what you two talked about Sugawara aksed us to check on you, and I aksed Tsukki if he had met you. I aksed if he could tell us.” Kuroo rubbed his neck uncomfortable. “He just told us that you really just wished to celebrate it wit us and I though I give you the push.” He laughed somewhat absently. “Kenma told me to drop it, since-”

“Since I thought you might not like the attention or that you really didn't want to celebrate it with us.” Kenam filled in. Not that bother at all. 

“Oh, it’s fine. Yamaguchi said and looked down at their feets. Kuroo had dirty Nike shoes while Kenma had black adidas with one knot coming loose. “I wanted to have you all over, but it’s fine now. Tsukishima talked to me, and I understand it all better now.”

“Understand what?” Kuroo asked curiously.

He understood that he couldn't just run away from them when he was upset or uncomfortable. Because then they all would just be upset and unhappy. They were tied together now has friends, like moving clogs and if one didn't do their job, the whole movement would be stopped. _Being a friend was a heavy burden, but easy to carry._

_It was simply a privilege to be a friend._

“Nothing important.” He smiled towards them. Kuroo seemed to relax a little bit, but Kenma reminded a little on the edge. “But next time, I make sure to tell you guys, Okay?”

“Deal?” 

Yamaguchi nodded back. “So, what brings you guys here?”

“We were just shopping for groceries.” Kenma said. “Kuroo wanted to pop in and say hi...I did too.” Yamaguchi felt his stomach tingle a little bit at the explanation. It looked like they were to fill the whole fridge and cupboard with food. “Hey, why don't you come for dinner tomorrow?” 

“Dinner?” Yamaguchi aksed. Kuroo nodded. 

“Yeah, just come over when you are done on camus so we can celebrate you.” Kuroo spoke up. “Do you have work?” 

He shook his head. “But, um, a celebration..?” He shifted from foot to foot. “I don't really need one. so please don't go through the trouble. 

Kuroo slumped with his shoulders again and sighed. It looked like he would start to object, but Kenma stopped him. “I told you so, Kuroo. Yamaguchi, come over if you want. Akkahsi will be there and Bokuto will come later. But we thought we have a little dinner together since its been awhile since all of us have hung out together. Pus exams and the last assignments are coming up before the holiday and it'll be nice to take all of our minds off the loads of study work that will come up.” 

“Come over if you want.” Kuroo said and picked up the bags. “Just send a text message when you’ll be on your way.”

“Don’t worry, there won’t be any surprises.” Kenma grabbed his own two bags. 

“That's nice.” Yamaguchi quietly affirmed. He though first that Kuroo might overdo it or feel obligated to invite him scene he forgot to congratulate him on the day, which was only yesterday, but with Kenma’s reassuring, he believed that they were all just going to hang out together. “I’ll text you guys when I am done tomorrow.”

They both both beamed back at him and said goodbye. 

Sometimes being a friend was hard, but most of the time; it felt safe. Like he had somewhere, _someone_ , to return to. 

And it was a while since Yamaguchi had had a home to return too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, comments and kudos are always appreciated :D
> 
> Hola, and happy December!
> 
> It's been a month since i last uploaded, but exams came and I decided to put off wring until I was done with all of them. I don't know how many of you that follows my tumblr( I don't expect you to do, i only listed it in the first chapter in the notes) but I announced it there that I would take some time off updating my fic. Don't feel pressured to follow my blog, i only mention it for those who might be interested in checking updates and massages about the fic since i sometimes post it there if i am late with a chapter or not or if I have to suddenly arrange my schedule :D
> 
> Also, have you guys read the manga recently. I wished I had made kenma a youtube, but at least i got the programming part right (*•̀ᴗ•́*)و I love my small kitten 
> 
> anyway, to the point! Here is a new chapter. I actually debated in calling it 'the power of friendship' but that was cheesy and not really me. But I though it was funny :P
> 
> Updates will be each week or two weeks apart. It depends on how busy i am. Mostly on fridays or during the weekend. Today I was just excited to upload since it have been so long!

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it. I will try to get a weakly update. The chapters might variate in length, but I hope to get around 2000 words each chapter. Until next time.


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